otp: i'm done with you

  • Cas: DEAN?
  • Dean: yeah?
  • Cas: where is my angel blade?
  • Dean: what?
  • Cas: WHERE. IS. MY. ANGEL BLADE?
  • Dean: I, uh, put it away.
  • Cas: WHERE?
  • Dean: WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?
  • Cas: I NEED IT!
  • Dean: UH UH. DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT RUNNING OFF AND DOING NO-DARING-SHIT. WE'VE BEEN PLANNING THIS DINNER FOR TWO MONTHS!
  • Cas: HEAVEN IS IN DANGER!
  • Dean: MY EVENING IS IN DANGER!
  • Cas: YOU TELL ME WHERE MY ANGEL BLADE IS, HUMAN! WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE GREATER GOOD!
  • Dean: greater good? I am your HUSBAND. I AM THE GREATEST GOOD YOU ARE EVER GONNA GET.

I have nothing better to do than split hairs about sherlolly. Forgive me, it’s just that I’m still rewatching that amazing scene and I can’t really help myself.

So who loves you?

John suggests Irene Adler, because of the obvious attraction. But sex doesn’t equal love, and Sherlock does not associate Irene with love, he associates Molly. And it’s not just the natural ending of his deduction about the victim’s practicality about dead; Irene has lovers but she is a woman full of secrets so she is rather alone, and she’s far from innocent, I wouldn’t put past her amurder or two actually. Irene is a woman that will tell him I want you, like a new pet or a toy, she’s fascinated with him but in her brutal straightforwardness she would never speak of love, nor feel it in the selfless way it’s supposed to be felt. Don’t be ridiculous, he says to John, because John thought of her after the I love you, implying that she does love him, but SHerlock knows that hers is not love. He might be still quite dense on some things but he knows the difference between desire and sentiment.

He doesn’t espect for Irene to come to him when he calls or when he needs it, but he expects Molly to do it. It never occurred to him that she has not the strenght to provide whatever supports he needs because she’s always there, which is why he is upset that she ignores his call - But it’s me calling, and she can ignore someone else but she could never ignore him, and it hurts his pride. In the middle of a crisis, with her apartament less than 3 minutes away from blowing up he is upset that she would, for any reason, consciously decide to pass up on a chance to speak to him. I think ti throws him off his game a bit, later, when she answer his call, because she did something he did not predict. And when she tells him quickly then he still has trouble finding the words, because Sherlock does not want to speak about love with her, in fact Eurus must push him with a tick-tock from Moriarty. Sherlock needs for her to say the words, but at the same time a part of him knows he’s possibly doing something he won’t be able to undo, and doesn’t want to hear her say the words, he is not ready for that. If it was Irene speaking about love he would be  deducing how much of a lie that is and what’s her motive, what plan she has, where is the trick, but with Molly, if she says the words, even out of a script, there will still be love in it, because Molly is always painfully open.

I really loved when he says “No, I know you’re not an experiment. You’re my friend” with that hushing tone, like he wants to soothe her pain, because he’s truly sorry that he’s hurting her, because he knows she never valued her place in his life. He really didn’t give her much reason to, for a long time. Molly thought of herself as the one that doesn’t count, the one that is being John when he’s not around, but now she is important.

You know why - No I don’t know why. Really? He deduced that a long time ago at the Christmas party, and later her fiance was the bad copy of him, he can’t not know, he’s just refusing to see it because it scares him, It’s something bigger than he is, it’s something he doesn’t know how to handle or begin to deserve, so he’d rather not know. If she doesn’t love him he has no choice to make, no other way for him, no pother possible life to consider.

After she said it, he turns the switch and concentrate on the little girl again, interrupting Mycroft that is worried about him. Sherlock, however hard that was- that was a 3 minutes phone call and there’s no reason it should be hard on Sherlock unless Mycroft thinks that there was truth in his words. The fact that Sherlock ignores him and speaks to Eurus and concentrate on the next task is  the equivalent of him trying to hide himself from what has just happened. He’s saved Molly’s life, and maybe he’s hurt her but it’s nothing irreparable, there’s no reason why he should feel like hiding himself away unless what he said was true. I won, I won, was basically him rubbing in Eurus face that he’s fine, that forcing him into that concersation did not upset him, but You didn’t win, you lost. Look what you did to her. Look what you did to yourself, all those complicated little emotions, I lost count. Emotional context, it destroys you, every time. Now please, pull yourself together, I need you at the peek of efficency, the next one isn’t going to be so easy. Today they are soldiers, five people died in front of him and he’s been lucid up to this moment, even while she spoke he stayed immobile and apparently calm but she knows the damage she’s done, the walls she tore down, which is why she says pull yourself together. She had fun pushing the one button that could send Sherlock into a turmoil and then told him to pull yourself together. She kicked someone that was on the ground and then asked them what were they doing crawling on the floor.

And the coffin’s lid it’s been bothering so much, in a good way, because it was such a beautiful scene and I got why he smashed the coffin, but the exact reason for closing the coffin before doing so just escaped me, until I connected the dots too. I know Smith’s words were true and applied perfectly to the phone call but I did not realize it applied to this moment too. You can’t take it back, you can’t un-say it. Once you’ve opened your heart you can’t close it again. That’s what Sherlock is trying to do, he’s trying to get over the inner turmoil, the words she made him say have made come to light things he’d rather not know so he’s trying to phisically close his heart. Mycroft knows that something snapped inside Sherlock, which is why he stands still on the door and just watched him close the coffin without trying to make him follow as John does.

So many days unlived, so many words unspoken, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. So Eurus forced them to say the so many words unspoken, and if one of them should die that day at least they have been honest with each other, said those words that they would have regretted. In a tortuos way it was thoughtful of her, wasn’t it?

This isn’t torture, this is vivisection - Eurus has cut him open to see what there was on the inside. And there was Molly.

2

1x01 // 6x16 

6

Brother, I feel you’ve been down. Tried to raise the rain from the ground, can you hear my voice through the wall of sound? Brother, I feel you’ve been down. (x)

2

Alec cleared his throat. He felt dizzy, but he also felt alive — blood rushing through his veins like traffic at top speed, everything seemingly almost too brightly colored. As he stepped through the door, he turned and looked at Magnus, who was watching him bemusedly.

I'm done.

I’m done with you. 

I’m done thinking you actually give a shit about me, surely if you did you’d make the effort right? You’d make the effort to talk to me, the effort to reply to my messages. Why am I the one doing all the chasing? Why am I the one tearing myself apart over whether you’re thinking about me or not, whether you care about me or not.

If you want to be in my life, make the effort. If you aren’t going to bother, I won’t either. Enjoy yourself, please. Sorry for not being worth your time.

I’m so sick of trying to keep in touch with people who make absolutely no fucking effort to keep in touch with me. It’s bothersome when you try so hard to hold up your side of the friendship bridge, when the other side is always raised. It pisses me off when I see you associate when people you spend so much time complaining about.
I think I need to come to terms with the fact that we’ll never be the as close as we used to be and that you’ve changed for the worst, so if you won’t try.. Neither will I. I need to keep in mind, I’m not 16 anymore and I don’t need to put up with your bullshit, I have people in my life who actually care about me. I’ve had enough of you coming around when you need something. I deserve better. I have people in my life who appreciate me enough to spend time with me.
Fuck you very much.