otp: his and hers sniper rifles

3

How I Met Your Aunt Robin - A Steve Rogers/Maria Hill/Natasha Romanoff Headcanon (No, it’s a BROTP, not an OT3, you pervs! LOL!)

a.  It is patently untrue that Steve Rogers is intimidated by strong women.  He was raised by a single mother and Sarah Rogers was a tough, no-nonsense woman who fought with every breath to make sure her boy grew up as well as his frail health could make him and a proper gentleman.  She kept fighting right up until the TB hit her. 

b.  Steve has a type and it definitely extends to tough, competent brunettes with no-nonsense attitudes.  That said brunettes actually included Bucky Barnes was a secret he initially kept to himself. 

c.  Steve and Maria actually went on a date.  It was really a more of a “test the waters” kind of thing, rather than a “I think I’m falling for you” deal. 

d.  Maria is the reason why Steve can safely say that he has kissed someone since 1945.  However, they end up being Best Buds instead. 

e.  Also, Maria learned about Steve’s unrequited and unspoken love for Bucky and was as equally heartbroken on his behalf. 

f.  It was her idea to tell Nat to help her out with “Operation: Let’s Get Steve Rogers Hooked Up.”

g.  “Natasha, it wasn’t my secret to tell. Yes, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you Steve Rogers has been in love with Bucky Barnes all along. I should have at least hinted that he was bi.  I’m sorry.  I owe you.”

h.  If Maria hadn’t been kept busy back in New York over the whole Tony Stark and Mandarin mess, she would have been with Nat in DC and the two of them would have been happily tag-teaming Steve, giving him shit over everything from his age to his taste in clothes.  

i.  Yes, it took the combined might of Maria and Nat to get Steve out of his “Grandpa” clothes and introduce him to the idea that “Yes, Steve, you can wear jeans now.  Please ignore the fact that we’re ogling how good your rear looks in them.  We are doing the world a service.”  

j.  The Ladies mutually agreed on the tight t-shirts Steve now includes in his wardrobe.  

k.  The Ladies are both very protective of Steve.  When Bucky Barnes, mostly sound of mind and now sporting a brand new arm courtesy of Stark Industries, formally joined the Avengers, Maria took him aside for a little talk.  It was simple and to the point.  You break Steve’s heart, I break your other arm.  You feel me?

l.  Bucky, who’d actually been giving his own version of the Shovel Talk to any potential romantic partner to Steve Rogers since they hit puberty, was nonplussed.   Also, this was the first time he’d heard about Steve being sweet on him.  He’d thought he was imagining things the entire time!

m.  Nat’s reaction was:  “Bozhe moi, you two are MORONS.  He loves you.  You love him.  It’s not platonic.  You are so gone on each other it’s not funny anymore.  Now, do you want us to help you set up your perfect date, or would you like to stew in UST some more?”

n.  Mrs. Barnes didn’t raise any idiots, either.  He accepted the help. 

o.  Mrs. Rogers raised her boy on how to properly show his appreciation.   Nat and Maria both got sweet modified sniper rifles from Stark Industries.  Also, he got his two best girls - the sisters he never had - gift certificates to their favorite shoe stores.