If it’s up and after you What do you suppose that you would do? You’re all whacked out from lack of sleep You blame it on the friends you keep
creepymcpaintsalot asked | “Wetsuit” Will/Helen, Out of the Blue
She doesn’t answer her doorbell and that bothers Will. He knocks, twice in short rapps and then harder again. The door is unlocked he finds as he hastily tries the handle. No one would ever say that Helen Druitt cared about the safety of her household. Then again, no one could ever say much about Helen Druitt at all. She is a glaze to them, a pastel color of one of her landscapes. But then again, Will was always drawn to the pale sky, a soft blue that seemed all engulfing. Helen is like that he thinks. He doesn’t know why. What he does know, is that even someone like Helen wouldn’t just spill paints and leave them on the floor. There is that deep blue poured out like an ocean before him, soaking into the rug. Henry had gotten into it it seemed, cat’s paws trailing around and away. The empty pill bottle resting in the paint however draws his attention and he picks it up, the blues soaking his skin as he wipes away to read the label.
He’s up and running then, shouting for her. “Helen? Helen! Helen, where are you?!” he’s desperate, and she’s not on the first floor, he takes the stairs up two at a time. The door to the master bedroom is ajar and he sees her, crumpled at the foot of her bed. Like she’d not even had the strength to climb all the way up. “Helen!” he says but it sounds strangled. She rolls limply in his arms. His instincts take over then: check for breathing (he can’t quite hear over the rushing in own ears), heart beating (just barely, like it were off in the distance) “Helen, no! You can’t do this!” He links his hands under her arms, lifting and clumsily dragging her into the bathroom. It’s a bruising effort to get her into the shower/tub combonation, turning on warm water, smacking her face lightly. No response. He doesn’t know how many she’s taken. He has to try.
He will not be left in this hell alone. Two fingers are coated in blue, the same blue she used to ruin her paintings. He looks at them and uses the other hand, prying her jaw open and choving them down her throat. If she can vomit them, he can save her. The water has ruined her sweater and pants, his suit will never be the same again. He doesn’t care. “Come on Magnus, you can’t do this to me.”
Will doesn’t even realize what he’d done, just continues to hit the right muscle when–
She makes a gagging, choking noise and Will holds her gingerly as she vaults forward, vomitting up maybe a dozen white pills with what he’s guessed is red wine. It’s a truly humbling noise, and Helen is shivering in his arms, crying though her throat is raw and it doesn’t sound right. He clings tighter and realizes that he is, too. They’re soaked, sitting in her tub clinging to each other.
“You can’t leave me…” he burries his face into her wet hair, appreciating the gentle dampness that smothers. “I don’t know what I would do without you. Don’t leave me. Not like this.”
You know, I always want to write some sort of commentary to go with my fanmixes. I guess it’s the English major in me. I mean, sure, I write goofy tag commentaries, but it’s sort of hard to write an essay that nobody will read there, so instead, I’m gonna write an essay that nobody will read here and not even apologize for filling your dashes with this shit
This fanmix isn’t intended to tell a story or anything, like some of my others are, so they’re not really in any particular order for the most part. Barenaked Ladies made it onto the album… of course. They always do. Mostly because they have a lot of songs about screwed up relationships, and all my famixes are about, you guessed it, screwed up relationships. Sigh. Honestly though, I feel like “Easy” is a perfect Emotional Compass song… romantic or not. Because it’s true that, for some reason, Will will almost always cave to Helen. It’s easy to give in, easy to bend to her will, and easy to feel awful for her when she’s had a shit time of things. I mean, look at the guy in Eulogy. He caves to her over and over again, and she walks all over him every time he denies her, and in the end, it’s all fine. Because she’s Helen, and he’s Will. This obviously changes toward the end of the show, but at the end of Sanctuary for None, look at him… he’s ready to forgive her all over again. So I mean, I basically just have a shitton of feelings about that song and the Will/Helen relationship on a lot of different levels.
Honestly though, the punchline of this fanmix is that Helen Magnus is pretty fucked up, especially as far as romance goes. If you’re following me and you don’t already know that I have an extraordinarily dark view of Helen’s psyche, you haven’t been a very good follower. “Frail” is a song that could almost apply to any Helen relationship, but I honestly feel like it fits here somehow. Like somehow, her longevity and Will’s lack thereof makes things… more real? There’s also a special sort of irony to the line “if I were not so scared of being broken, growing old,” don’t you think? And I think she is afraid of both of those things, if one more than the other. She doesn’t want to be broken, but there a couple of different ways to view the “growing old” bit, and holy shit is Helen tired of outliving everyone. And honestly? Will’s brought her this special friendship, probably one the likes of which she’s never seen before, and she’s gonna outlive him just like she’s outlived almost everyone else.
That’s some serious shit.
“Hopeless Wanderer” and “Either Way, I’ll Break Your Heart Some Day” are both hopeful and also speak to another level of all the shit in Helen’s head to me, lbr. I love “Hopeless Wanderer” as a song for them too. Love doesn’t work out for Helen Magnus, but hey, maybe she can learn to love where she is right now. But at the same time, all my followers should also know that I actually think Magnus is a great big bag of dicks (if you don’t know this, you are also a bad follower, and if you don’t believe this, I will be happy to provide evidence to support this—English major, remember? Wow, can I write an essay about how Magnus is a bag of dicks? I want to go back to college just to find a course that will let me do that). Helen is bound to hurt Will. Which is a small part of why I not-so-secretly hate this ship (omg arwen why are you making a fanmix for a ship you hate??????? BECAUSE I’M AN ENGLISH MAJOR), but I mean omg I just… I can’t even describe my feels about how hard I think the shit would hit the fan in this ship? Like, I can’t even with the ugh. It hurts my soul. I don’t think I can put that into words, but whatever. So basically that’s “Either Way,” I guess. She’s like WELP WE’RE HERE LET’S HAVE A PARTY YOU REALIZE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME MEANS YOU GET FUCKED OVER IN THE END BUT I’MA BE RIGHT HERE AS LONG AS… YOU KNOW. WHATEVER. Because Helen’s an emotionally fucked dickbag. Everyone’s welcome. I love Helen Magnus, you guys. I really do.
Then there’s “Look After You” which is basically just how I see Will being when shit hits the fan for Helen and I imagine if he had romantic feelings for her this would be his song man “WHOOAHAHAA BABAY LEMME TAKE CARE A YEW PLZ ILU I’MA GIVE U ALL MAH LUV I NO UR A BIG GIRL BUT OMG I CAN LUV YEEWWWW”
That just sort of got away from me and I failed to adequately express anything but wow moving on MORE BARENAKED LADIES WHAT A COMPLETE SHOCK
Honestly though, just listen to this song. The music, the words. It’s… ugh, I can’t. Honestly, in my head, I feel like this is so friggin HELEN. It’s this lackadaisical devil-may-care “well… guess I’m dead now,” and I just… I can’t help it. It speaks to that inner sense that she’s going to continue this awful cycle of outliving everything she holds dear for god only knows how long and, while she doesn’t necessarily want to die, she doesn’t exactly want to live either. Not to mention there’s the “you’re the last thing on my mind” line repeated… which isn’t to say that she doesn’t care about Will… she cares really deeply for him (I hold to that in every sense, romantic or otherwise), but do you know how much other shit that woman has on her plate? IT’S A LOT OF SHIT okay? And then there’s a hidden track in this song that’s just a beautiful sort of dreamscape that, while I don’t like it as much as a Helen song, at the same time, it sort of fits. I dunno, man. Will and all his ~emotional compassiness~ being all ~emotional~ and ugh idk man just listen to the song it’s on youtube w/e gdi I have a lot of feelings about everything somebody put me out of my misery please
Slowly but surely things are taking a turn for the better
I’ve finally finished all of my finals so break has officially begun. Since the computer has derped again I’m preoccupying myself by playing Animal Crossing on my DSi and the Wii. My mum told me we’re definitely getting an Xbox 360 Slim for Christmas so in time I’ll be able to play Skyrim. The Slim will come with a 250GB hard drive, Halo: Reach (which we already have), and Fable 3 (which we don’t have so that’s awesome). My dad also got new work with an old friend of his so with that he said I may be able to get the laptop I want before February and a new family computer a while after. And on top of that my grandma is doing a little better. I hope this bit of good fortune lasts a while. Anyway, that’s the update on my life at the moment. I’ll be checking tumblr periodically throughout the break, see you all later!
If you desire something, you can align with it by following your emotions. Your emotions are a compass that tell you how to get what you desire. They either give you positive vibrations when you are moving in a right (light) direction or they give you negative vibrations when you are not following your bliss. You are either raising your frequency or lowering it. There is no in-between. So start paying attention to your feelings so you can effectively create the reality you want.
That lost, but not forgotten part of yourself.