Umbridge: You applied for the defense against the dark arts position and you were unsuccessful?

What snape said: obviously

What snape wanted to say: Well, bitch, considering I’m teaching potions RIGHT FUCKING NOW do you think I got the job? If I was the defense against the dark arts teacher, wouldn’t I be teaching the students about defending themselves against the fucking dark arts instead of how to brew a fucking cure to magic genital diseases with mandrake leaves and slugs?