I’m not good at taking care of myself
but I’d make you baths filled with flowers
and I know I’d treat you well.

I don’t know how to deal with
my own emotions but I’d hold you crying
in my arms, and I’d laugh with you
till the sun rose.

I’m not good with mess,
and I hate uncertainty, but I’d clean
up your dishes and sweep up
your doubts about everything.

Maybe I’m not the best person —
I’m unsure of myself and I often think
living is so cruel that I’m not
sure if I want to keep doing it.

But if you were to grab my hand,
I wouldn’t let it go.
We could do this together.

—  take my hand // r.e.s
let’s pretend, for a
second, that this
is easy. imagine me,
letting you go
and my heart isn’t shaking
and you don’t feel
like home.
let’s pretend that this
is simple. you fall
out of love and I let
you. nothing hurts.
let’s pretend that
my body is the only
home I have, the only
home I need.
I’m not hurting
I’m not hurting
I’m not hurting.
—  pretend // r.e.s

I say, “I’m not a nice person,”
but you just shake your head.
You tell me you never want to
hear me say that again.

You say, “Just because you’re lonely,
it doesn’t mean you’re bad,
and just because you bleed a
little too often, it doesn’t
mean that you’re mad.”

I say, “I’m not a nice person,”
but you tug on my sleeve.
You say, “Then how come you’ve
always been so goddamn
nice to me?”

—  maybe you’re right, and I was too kind // r.e.s

I miss every person I have known
and lost, and I have to remember that
tomorrow, or a week or month
or year from now, I will
meet new people who will make
me forget that there was
ever anyone worth missing.

Until then,
I have to remember that
running back to the people I have lost
has never helped anything.

I may miss you but
I do not need you in my life

—  by r.e.s
and you find yourself crying over
someone you never loved and
probably never could’ve.
and you don’t really believe in a God
above but you wonder if you should’ve.
and you wonder if out of all of the
stars out there, there are
two that will keep you connected somewhere.
you wonder if the moon came
out tonight, just so that it could protect
your heart.
because you don’t usually miss him
when you’re far apart.
and you know you never loved him
and you don’t know if you could’ve.
but maybe when you had the chance,
you should’ve.
—  should you? // r.e.s
you open your eyes
and you’re in love. she’s
your best friend, but now each
hug lasts a little longer
and a kiss is not a kiss, but
‘good morning,’
‘I love you,’
‘I can’t wait to kiss you
again when I get home.’
you open your eyes
and you’re in love. she
is a hand to hold, and
the smell of freshly baked
cookies when you walk through
the door, and the day you
realised comfort was more
than just a warm bed or
a pile of blankets.
you open your eyes
and you are in love. she
keeps you reasonable
and you keep her
kind. she calms your heart
and you soothe her mind.
she opens her eyes and
she is in love.
—  she is in love // r.e.s

1. Don’t.

2. Get away from your room. Remember that it is not a prison cell and there is a world outside of it. Go to the place you feel most at home.

3. Count to ten. Remember that it will be okay. This is just a moment in time, and every moment passes eventually.

4. Breathe. Keep breathing, steady and slow, until you don’t feel like each breath holds a world of its own. Breathe until the air around you feels like nothing more than just air.

5. Pick up the phone, and call the person who you feel most comfortable with. You don’t have to tell them that you’re shaking, or that your bones are so heavy that you wish you could just break them already, but you can if you want. Otherwise, let them distract you until you don’t shiver at the thought of facing the world again. If you have no one to call, come to me. I will love you and remind you that I do not want the world if it doesn’t have you in it.

6. Breathe. Again. And again.

7. Calm down. Pick up a pen and some paper; write, draw, doodle, sketch, paint. Do whatever it is that helps you keep your thoughts at bay. Do whatever it is that makes you feel free, even if it’s only for that moment.

8. Breathe. Keep breathing. Take a deep breath.

9. Go back to your room, breathe again, throw away the pills, the blades, the rope. Throw it away. Throw away each bad thought you have tied to these things.

10. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself cry, or scream, or curl up in a ball and pull the blankets over your head.

11. Pull yourself together, end your sadness. Remember that one day you will be able to get away from the town you have locked yourself in for your whole life so far. Remember that there are corners of the world you have yet to explore.

12. Hold on. If you need to, cry some more, scream some more, let yourself feel sad, it’s okay to feel sad. But let yourself feel happy, too. Hold on for the times you feel happy. Hold on for the good days.

13. Breathe. Don’t you dare give up. Hold on. Always, always hold on.

—  For When You Want To Kill Yourself | (r.e.s)
I’m gonna miss you. Waking you up after you turn off your alarm clock, staying up talking so late that I’m not surprised when you say you want five more minutes. Riding trains, taking photographs, sifting through vinyls in charity shops, telling you how beautiful you are even though your world is far too chaotic. I know you need your space sometimes. I’m gonna miss you and you’re going to convince yourself that this is just an extended holiday we’re taking apart, and I’m going to know that it’s not. I’m sure I’ll see you again someday, and I’ll hug you for as long as possible, and you’ll tell me how much it hurt, and I’ll tell you we don’t need to talk about it. We’re always gonna come back to each other, you and me. We’re gonna bump into each other at a service station or at Hyde Park or somewhere a thousand miles away from here. We’re always gonna love each other, and wish it didn’t have to be this way. But this is how it is. I’m gonna miss you. And you’re not even going to know you lost me.
—  i’m going to miss you // r.e.s
i don’t want to be ugly anymore
my thoughts are all the same shade of
grey and you are making
all these empty promises that
you love me anyway
but all i can think about is
stuff you’ll never hear about
like fights between me & another
devil. i tried to tell you i am not
an angel but you stroked my hair
and called me sweetheart
and i remained ugly on the inside
—  ugly on the inside // r.e.s

“But why do such terrible
things happen to the best people?
I’ve seen some of the kindest
souls get beaten daily,
and the most beautiful minds
are often filled with the most ruthless
monsters. I know people
who give flowers to strangers
and have rocks thrown at them in
return. I know people who
are covered head to toe in honesty
but others just let them burn.
Why do the worst things happen
to such good people?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

—  conversations #1 // r.e.s

i want to be your best friend,
i want to share experiences, i want to be
overwhelmed by nature with you,
i want to buy a house, and live with you,
i want do things that i’m to scared
to do alone, and i want to do them with you,

see, i want to be your best friend,
and listen to all your problems,
be the one you go to when you feel like
the world isn’t just on your shoulders, it’s on
your heart, weighing it down so much
that you feel like it’s in your toes now, and
you’re shrinking, and you’re falling, and i want to
be there when you just don’t know,
when you need advice on how to fucking let go,

i want to be your best friend through
the inevitable heartbreak, i want
to pick up the pieces that fell from your chest
and give them to you
and remind you that you have the power to
put them back together, i want to watch you
put them back together,

see, i wanna make you laugh and smile
and cry tears of joy, only,
i will never once tell you that you owe me
a thing, ‘cause i feel like i owe you the world,
but i hope that a hug will do for now,

see, i want to be your best friend,
but i want to be so much more than that,
i want to be your beginning and your end
because i know that the end is the part where you
finally feel okay, and i want to be that for you,
i want to take away the pain, help you realise
that’s it’s okay to feel again,
i want to be the day you realise that
things can be better, i want to be the day
you watch the sunrise and you swear that you can see
the most beautiful colours in the sky,
i want to be the sky,
i want to be your sky,

i want to be your best friend,
i want to be the way you smile when
you see the words ‘the end’
on your favourite movie, i want you to press
rewind and watch me all over again,
i want to be the good time around the bend,
i want to be there with you, beside you,

but i’m scared, because i think i want to be more
than just your best friend,
but i don’t think i’m even that
to you.

—  Best Friend | (r.e.s)
and even if you’re nothing more
than recycled thoughts,
i want to hear all of them.
you could tell me other people’s dreams,
or carry me with clipped wings,
and i’d trust you’d never let me fall again.
i want to hold you under a broken moon,
even though it hurts to see
the fractured light in your eyes.
all i can hope is that you’ll listen to
my own recycled thoughts,
and carry me through wars,
and hold me when i’m broken, even
if it hurts to see me hurting again.
—  recycled thoughts // r.e.s
you go through it and
it’s hell, and it doesn’t stop hurting
for the longest time. sometimes
you still think about them,
maybe you hear their name,
or you see someone with hair the
exact same colour as theirs
was. and so, sometimes it hurts
still, even though it shouldn’t
you go through it and
it’s worse than anything you’ve
ever been through,
but you survive it. you become
alive. you start to understand
what they meant when they
said that some days you will forget.
you’ll forget what they looked
like and how they sounded
and the jacket they wore every
single day. you’ll forget how
they made you feel. that will finally
feel like freedom. you’ll forget
them on those days, and it’ll feel
like truly living. some days
you won’t. you won’t be able
to get them out of your head and it’ll
feel like hell all over again.
but some days you’ll forget. those
are the days worth living for.
—  those are the days worth living for // r.e.s
i think maybe the worst kind
of heartbreak happens when you
break another’s heart. i’ve
been sitting here wondering how
to tell you i don’t love you back.
and it tears me open inside out to think
that you could’ve kept it in
all this time; a part of you always
hoping i’d want you to be mine.
i know you hate it when i apologise
but i think i really should say,
that i’m sorry out of everything,
the way i feel, i can’t change.
—  an apology // r.e.s