other journal

Daily Drawing 60: deer skull and sunflowers.

I’ve always enjoyed the connection of life being nourished by death


Day #008

Monday, November 20 2017

One night, I was opening my Instagram and checking out one of my friend’s stories. It was 12 in the morning and I was super sleepy. In a few seconds, my screen was filled with her complaints of life. And there she typed a super long lecture about loving ourselves first then loving others. I frowned as my fingers tapped the edge of the screen, digesting all the words silently. Her words preoccupied my thoughts which immediately took my drowsiness away. At first, I disagreed with her point of view. But then, I came to realization that this is what the world is currently experiencing.

Love yourself. I bet you’re familiar with that term, right? Nowadays people often have this love-yourself thing and expects that others will come to respect you when you respect yourself.The world has slowly changes our definition of love and respect—without us realizing it—as it is echoed in songs, films and various articles.

But the reality is that God wants it different. We can never get the respect we want from people whom we are jealous of when we don’t give it to them first. We cannot be loved by those whom we dislike (or even hurt us) like we want to when we don’t give our love first. This is what I John 4:19 says about it: we love because He first loved us. It’s just the same when Christ comes down to the world to redeem our sins, and to mingle with those who are dark and unholy like us.

It is a sad reality because so many people are lost in the dark. That is the reason why people care about themselves so much. No one comes to them first. That’s why they are hurt and unprotected. Imagine if you are lost and cannot find your way back home, then some stranger came to you and took all your things away. Naturally, you will protect yourself first because you have no one by your side—in other words, alone. There is no other choice but to love ourselves when we are alone.

Everything becomes different when we receive Jesus as our personal savior. In him, we experience a new life, a new heart and a new love.

God values us first when we think of ourselves as these ‘self-respecting’ people with mere prides of life (that becomes our own center of universe). God loves us first when we think highly of ourselves and look down on people whom we have issues with. Can you imagine if you deal with the same person with the same issue over and over again? Will you not be bored of him? Of course, yes. When you see his name popping up in your screen notifications, will you not think of something like, “oh man, it’s that person again with the same issue. God, why does he always shows up in my life? I’m tired!” The interesting thing is that Jesus never gets bored with us. He never says, “Sorry, I don’t have time with you now.” God comes for us first, so we have to come to others first before going to ourselves.

People can claim that this is only a matter of subjective and personal opinion, but I say that this is the real concept of lifestyle God wants us to have. Just look around you and see the proof. Employees get promoted when they respect their boss and serve the customers with their humble hearts. A president gets to be loved by the nation when he value and prioritize his people first. That is supposed to be the real definition of respect and love.

What the people and media has been teaching us is the wrong thing all along. God designs us to be the example. The first initiator. The difference among the rest. The light in the dark. When we start to put others first before our lives, we are rewarded with the things we desire in our hearts, either it is respect or love from others. What makes us a great person is not because of what we do towards others, but the cause—based on the conviction of  the ultimate Source of Truth—behind our actions. We are a reflection of what we believe. It’s only a matter of our own choice: who do we want to be?

“Half Spirits”

In another installation in what seems to be slowly becoming a series of “fictional terms with potential real life applicability”, I want to discuss another concept with the potential to describe real world phenomenon. Some of this, to be clear, will be UPG.

Japanese culture is heavily steeped in its belief and involvement with spirits (more often than not referred to as yokai). A concept rooted in both folklore and pop culture media is the idea of a “half spirit” or “hanyo” (also spelled “hanyou”) - that is, an individual born of the union between a spirit/yokai, and a human, or alternatively, a human tampered with by “unnatural means” to become a half-spirit.

With that being said, there are at least two major distinct differences between the half-spirits of Japanese folklore, and those of Japanese pop culture. In folklore, there are many common tales involving children born of the union between a yokai (often, if not always, a woman), and a (often, if not always, male) human. In these stories, their children are indistinguishable from other humans. They possess no abnormal physical or spiritual traits, with only one, arguably two exceptions. Contrary to this, in Japanese pop culture, hanyo children will often display mixed human/spirit traits and characteristics, and possess some degree of spiritual power. Examples would be shows such as Inuyasha, InuxBoku, Otome Youkai Zakuro, etc. The second distinction is that the term “Hanyo” is actually a modern invention, attributed to mangaka Takahashi Rumiko, who coined the neologism by combining the kanji for Han (half) and the kanji for Yo (apparition). Thusly, hanyo is not actually a historically rooted term. 

In the real world, the folklore version is the most probable, obviously, however I’d consider it likely that it be more a combination of the two (within reason). As it’s believed in some circles that those with unusual features (pointy ears, green eyes, etc) may have something like fairy blood in them, it could be posed that the same could be said of hanyo. Additionally, just as I mentioned in my last post about Slay Vegas, it would be fair to assume that a half spirit would possess some character traits or abilities above that of a “normal human”. Within practicality however, these would likely be limited to things like Fairy Sight, healing, and so on, and so forth.

Some may argue that a concept based in Japanese folklore has no business being exported outside of Japan. I would disagree, at least in this particular instance, as there are many similarities between mythologies from around the world, and the concept of humans and ethereal beings marrying and procreating is certainly not something limited to Japan. It is, however, the only culture that has created a specific term for their offspring, as far as I can tell. And considering the term hanyo is a word rooted in pop culture and thus not historically sacrosanct, I believe it can safely be transferred from fiction to the real world. 

Now, I want to expound a bit further on this concept, but please note everything beyond this point is UPG.

One thing worth considering is how, or even more importantly, why, would half-spirits be made. I have a number of theories.

As for the how:

-As suggested through folklore, a spirit and a human would, for whatever reason, procreate, just as a normal human pairing would (this could be a one time interaction, or multiple times as a bonded couple. It could be with the sole desire to simply have a family together, or with purposes more abstract than that (see the “why” section below). It could be a male spirit and female human, or vice versa. (I don’t hold strictly to the idea of the “magical wife” being the only format for hanyo to be born. I think this is simply a trend influenced by male authors coveting “special” brides, and not indicative of female spirits being more likely to seek out human companionship than male spirits.)

-An otherwise normal human pregnancy could be altered, cursed, or blessed, depending on the reason and the spirit involved, to turn the gestating child into a half-spirit. This could likely be done without the knowledge of the biological parents. 

-During conception, a spirit could possess the body of one of the biological parents in order to conceive a half spirit child. 


-A spirit, as stated above, may fall in love with a human and wish to build a family with them, same as any human couple might.

-A spirit may be nearing the end of its life and wish to leave behind an heir (potentially less likely, as I don’t think spirits possess the same kind of ego as humans do in this regard)

-A spirit may wish to procreate but cannot find a spiritual mate, so they take a human one. 

-A human may have won the favor of a spirit, knowingly or unknowingly, or a spirit may have found itself indebted to a human, and thus blesses their future child (or children) as a token of their gratitude or payment of debt, turning it into a half spirit, blessed with unique abilities or traits. This could extend even to a spirit taking pity on a human, and giving them a blessing as an act of kindness.

-On the opposite end of the spectrum, a human may have angered, cheated, or wronged a spirit, and the spirit would curse their offspring in revenge, or as payment for their debts. This kind of half spirit child would likely be erratic and troublesome, and bring misery to their household, or be sickly and weak and sapped of its normal vitality. 

-A spirit could make half-spirit children for its own purposes. Perhaps a guardian of the forest would create half spirit children to increase the number of people willing to protect nature. Perhaps a spirit with a hatred for humans would create half spirits to weaken human bloodlines. Perhaps a large number of half-spirits being born in one area would increase that spirit’s power and influence within the local spiritual hierarchy. The reasons could be many, possibly innumerable. 

In my opinion and experience, spirits are extremely varied. Their reasons and motivations would be as countless as they themselves are. The half-spirits they create, likewise, would also be varied. Some would be for good, some for ill, some benign. There may be tell-tale evidence, or only subtle symptoms. 

Some possible signs include:

-Being born of a one night stand, or a short term relationship which concluded shortly after your conception or birth. Little is known about who your other biological parent is or was.

-Having been marked from an early age by adults in your life as being different, abnormal, unique, “something special”, a “round peg the world tries to fit into a square hole”, or otherwise set apart from other people.

-Being abnormally talented or skilled, especially in areas pertaining to the supernatural, such as magic, healing, insight, foresight, empathy, etc.

-Having been predicted by doctors to be sickly or unwell, but being born healthy. (Or vice versa). 

-Being a Slay Vega

-Being a rainbow baby (a child born after a miscarriage or child death, especially if there were multiple)

-You were born with features considerably or completely different than what you ended up with after a few weeks or months time. (E.g. being born with black hair but ending up with blonde hair).

-Your birth marked the end of some kind of turbulence in your family (or alternatively, marked the beginning of it)

-One of your parents passed away or disappeared shortly after your birth

-Feeling inherently drawn to nature, craving its presence, feeling allied with it. 

-Feeling inhuman or set apart from humans.

-One of your parents is notably different from most people. They are more beautiful, kind, they draw the love of others, people inherently trust them, they have a healing touch, etc.

-Having a history of magic practitioners in your family, or at least one parent involved in magical practices. 

Again, these are only a few possible symptoms.

Once more, if you resonate with the above concept or information, I would encourage you to feel free to use the term hanyo to establish community with other likeminded individuals. However, because the term hanyo is used in reference to several fictional characters, I propose the tags “ #Hanyokai ” and “ #Hanyo Com “ for those who wish to find others like them. 

journal entry 2285

5:48 am

I found a home in a man who’s wild heart lit a flame to mine,but he’s gone now; maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

And I sit here learning once again: there’s nothing poetic about the truth. Its blunt blade cuts deeper than any man made weapon could. And its wounds will be ever present; the truth is I really did love him.

On top of the back pain and constant fear that whatever is causing it is actually terminal, I feel constantly low-level crushed right now. Which. Y’know. Should all add up to confirming this is definitely hormonal. But instead of accepting that, I’m lying here in the dark staring at my phone and the ceiling, wondering why I want to cry when there’s nothing wrong that ibuprofen and the menopause wouldn’t probably fix.

Ugh. It hurts. And I hate everything. And my skin is breaking out along my jaw which, yeah. Is another symptom. Existing feels very overwhelming right now.

Gratitude Journal 11/11/17

1. Kid cuddles.

2. One of my former students, little I, comes and looks for me every week to show me what he learned in his Interactive lesson. I love that I’m still someone he thinks about, even though I’m not his teacher anymore.

3. Getting hopeful and excited about my potential new job. Confident it’s going to work out. I honestly am so lucky when it comes to finding work. Really thankful for that.

4. Got a lot of compliments this past week.

5. Good talks with good friends.

I’ve decided to do a ridiculous overhaul on this story I wrote in high school because it’s too much of an angsty teen vampire story and I can’t seem to just let the damn thing die

So whenever I type papers up I put it in a smaller font so that the length is longer than I think it’s going to be when I’m all done. So I’ve been working on my journal for my infectious and contagious disease class (which is just bulleted paragraphs of important things summarized from the readings & our thoughts)

I decided to check how many pages I was at with it at 12 and double-spaced how it’s supposed to be. Turns out I’m at 7 pages long!! & I still have 4 chapter and a whole book to put bullets for!