otf: not married

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Robert Pattinson’s interview with Entertainment Tonight. 

This video is the SECOND explicit verbal confirmation of his status as a single man. In other words for those of you too dumb to understand, he isn’t dating anyone, living with anyone, married to anyone, or is a father to some hybrid sparkly child you crazies have designed in your head. 

If this STILL doesn’t convince, let me write you some facts;

1. Marriage applications and then licenses are PUBLIC RECORDS which means that in any state here in this United States, you can simply access public record to find evidence of marriage between two individuals. And, according to law, marriages have to be legally recorded. 

2. Not only would this supposed fantasy marriage have to be a matter of public record to be legal, it would also be recorded in a few other agencies like the Internal Revenue Service and Social Security Administration. We have laws for such things.

3. And finally, if these two did get married—they didn’t and they won’t—not only would this sparkly occasion be registered with the state in which in happened and the IRS and SSA, but also with Department of State, Department of Homeland Security, and finally, Immigration and Customs Enforcement. Why? Because he is a fucking British citizen and again we have laws as does his country. 

For arguments against a love child made of vampire kisses and wolf dreams, again, THERE WOULD BE RECORDS. 

So, let’s recap. If this unicorn and diamond encrusted sparkfest had actually happened,  there would be a record. And if you don’t think TMZ, E!, or ET have people who would tip them off or researchers who look for this celebrity gossip HOURLY then really, you are just fucking stupid.

Case in point: TMZ knew Michael Jackson was dead AN HOUR AFTER IT HAPPENED. 

Now, before you crazies start frothing at the mouth, let me assure you that I could care less whom he dates. I don’t live in some fantasy world that has us living in mansion or castle. I like to look at facts. And these, well,these are pretty clear.