otaku weirdo

i don’t know how it happened but somehow i got an idea for a handers AU where Anders is a vampire, and Hawke is a weirdo vampire otaku who follows anders around for days recalling every piece of bizarre vampire lore that’s ever been published, and an increasingly annoyed Anders has to keep explaining that no, that’s a myth, no, I cannot turn into bats, no, I like garlic just fine, no, I AM NOT GOING TO COUNT THIS CARTON OF PASTA YOU JUST UPENDED ALL OVER MY NICE GODDAMN LINOLEUM FLOORS

“okay but are you telling me your saliva doesn’t  have aphrodisiac qualities because i admit i was really banking on that one”

pause

“well…”

And then they fucked.