ot3: play the game

Regarding all the drama surrounding ME:A...

BEFORE YOU COMMENT, LET IT BE KNOWN THAT MY POST HAS OFFENDED PEOPLE. SKIP AND/OR BLOCK IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE. Don’t wanna upset anymore people today

I get it. Your upset. I can sympathize. Honestly, I can. Bioware could have made every character bisexual, they did that it Dragon Age 2! But that’s a little unrealistic?

Like out of all the people that came to andromeda PLUS what’s left of the Angaras, some of the people you get on your squad/crew/whatever aren’t interested in your gender?

Like, Sara Ryder player here, hit on Gil and he was like “umm no thx” ouch that sucked, lemme try another! Lexi “no thx” oh well shucks, that only stings a lot.

I understand that when it comes to m!ryder’s wanting a male love interest, there’s not much to choose from, and that honestly sucks. You have every right to be upset. You can’t be your true self in a game that is like an extension of you.

But straight up harassing developers and voice actors or anyone that has come in contact with the game is not right! They pour their hearts and souls into this game for you, add little things that you like FOR YOU, and you throw it right back at them. “THIS GAME SUCKS BECAUSE I CANT BANG THE SQUID CAT!” That’s not even what the game is about! It’s just an added bonus, an after thought. You can go through this entire game series without screwing a single person!

TL;DR:: I’m not bashing people for wanting representation. I’d want that too. I’m not saying you don’t have the right to be upset. By all means, do. All I’m trying to get at is respect. Respect for the company, for the people working in that company, for the game that is pretty much their baby! Stop the harassment. If a dev gets touchy about it, wouldn’t you if you were jabbed endlessly about it?

Enjoy the game for the story, the lore, the adventure! Romance is great, but I value the friendships I develop. I fall in love with the characters. These are my friends, my family.

I hope you can see it that way too.

Enjoy Andromeda!

(Editx2: sieve-owl made a lot of good points in their replies. I suggest people read them as well)

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One of my favs ♥

Play the Game (USA, 2009)

Predictions: We both vaguely knew that there were old people in this movie, so we predicted that…maybe a grandfather and his grandson would both find love? Whilst playing a game? Sh-shuffleboard?

Plot: Horrible Guy is a typical horrible guy, who thinks that elaborate schemes are the way to a woman’s heart, hence the title of this movie, apparently. He drops by the old-age home to visit his grandfather, Andy Griffith, who is still mourning the death of his wife (Horrible Guy’s grandmother) two years ago and struggling to move on. Horrible Guy says that he will teach Grandpa Andy Griffith how to be “a chick magnet.” Oh, he’s a winner already, ladies! Both of them. But note: Grandpa Andy Griffith is not interested in just banging chicks, Horrible Guy. He can’t get it up anymore – inexplicably not having heard of Viagra?? – so he’s only looking for “companionship.”

To make a long and horrible story short, Horrible Guy falls in love with Almost-As-Horrible Girl, after meeting her at a touch-football game and realizing, omg, she’s NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS. You’re right, Horrible Guy. She’s horrible, that’s how. Anyway, he pretends to become her friend, angling to eventually sleep with her, while Grandpa Andy Griffith tools around the retirement home, looking for a lady of his own, and eventually finds Liz Sheridan. For a while, things are going okay, and it almost seems like Horrible Guy and Horrible Girl are going to make it! and so are Grandpa Andy Griffith and Liz Sheridan. But then, Liz Sheridan introduces Grandpa Andy Griffith to the miracle of uppers, but then she suffers a sex-related health problem, and also, Horrible Guy and Girl sleep together, but she’s not interested in dating him, because she recognizes his horribleness. (Sidebar: Grandpa Andy Griffith is also interested in Horrible Girl’s grandmother, Doris Roberts, but she’s seeing someone else.)

Horrible Guy and Girl stop being friends, because Horrible Guy confesses that he only ever wanted to sleep with her and never actually wanted to be friends (WHAT? WE’RE SHOCKED). Meanwhile, Grandpa Andy Griffith no longer cares about companionship; he cares about doing it. He is hooking up with ladies all over the home, while Horrible Guy is weirdly starting to care about companionship! Whaaaaat. He tries to become a better person, starting with fucking up on purpose at his job at his dad’s car dealership, and, with Grandpa Andy Griffith’s encouragement, re-approaches Horrible Girl, insisting he wishes to be reformed. She says, okay, and they get together. Meanwhile, Grandpa Andy Griffith has started casually dating Grandma Doris Roberts. He claims that they are on the same page, nothing too serious, seeing other people, typical cool retirement-home stuff… Great! Everyone is happy! The old people are casual. The young people are serious. But no – actually, Grandma Doris Roberts confesses to Horrible Girl, she would like something more serious!

WELL. HAS HORRIBLE GIRL GOT THE TWIST ADVICE FOR YOU, GRANDMA. Apparently, the whole time, we thought he was stalking her, but she was actually stalking him first!! You’re playing the game, Horrible Guy? Horrible Girl is playing it even better! So ends this film, with everyone being equally stupid and not having learned anything, and it’s hard to say whether it was worse to think she was being hoodwinked or worse to know she pursued him.

Best Scene: …Maybe near the beginning, when it’s just him and Grandpa Andy Griffith, and Grandpa Andy Griffith pretends that he’s had a stroke, as a prank? Lolol, hilarious prank, Andy Griffith! But yeah. Ummmm, at this point we already hated him, but Grandpa was okay.

Worst Scene: THE REST OF THE FILM. There was the occasional not-unbearable moment, but, honestly, they were few and far between.

Best Line: One of Horrible Guy’s favorite ploys is to suddenly “discover” a gift certificate on his person and offer it to the girl he’s chatting up. “Oh nooooo, this expires on Sunday!” he says, and manipulates her into going out with him. At the end of the film, Horrible Girl says the line back to him, and, if they hadn’t both been so horrible, it would have been pretty cute.

Worst Line: Any line out of Horrible Guy’s mouth, ever. The only thing more horrible than Horrible Guy was everything he had to say for this entire movie.

Highlights of the Watching Experience: We watched this film with Spanish subtitles, because English closed-captioning/subtitles were not available???? Our only options were ESPAÑOL O NADA. ¡Muy extraño! (Don’t worry, hearing-impaired folks. You dodged a bullet.)

How Many POC in the Film: Horrible Guy had a moderately horrible black friend, who was married to a much less horrible black lady. They were the only POC. She was the only non-old character in the film that we did not despise.

Alternate Scenes: The alternate scene of our lives in which we never watched this film. Also, the alternate universe in which famous old people are not reduced to doing films like this, and then dying. THIS WAS THE LAST MOVIE ANDY GRIFFITH EVER DID. ANDY GRIFFITH!!!! We aren’t even older-media buffs, you guys. And we are still horrified. Devastated, really.

Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: BETTER. SURELY BETTER. WHO EVEN NEEDS TO LOOK AT THE POSTER TO DECIDE.

Score: 1.5 out of 10 horrible smooches. We just can’t believe that this movie got funded, you guys. It’s not even visibly low-budget filmmaking, like The Break-Up Artist, or extremely early in the 2000s, like The Wedding Planner! Actual people signed off on this script, highlighting the oh-so-novel concept of “playing the game,” and ANDY GRIFFITH agreed to co-star!!!! Simply from a financial standpoint, we are baffled as to who invested in this garbage fire.

Ranking: 61, out of the 62 movies we’ve seen so far. We hated this movie so much that we ranked it below a movie riddled with vomit and maggots.

PSA
  • There’s more to Lissa than her being Chrom’s prankster sister
  • There’s more to Frederick than his knighthood
  • There’s more to Sully than her wanting to be better than men
  • There’s more to Virion than his philandering
  • There’s more to Stahl than food
  • There’s more to Vaike than his favoring muscle over brains
  • There’s more to Miriel than her rational mind
  • There’s more to Sumia than her clumsiness
  • There’s more to Kellam than his inconspicuousness
  • There’s more to Donnel than his being a farm boy
  • There’s more to Lon’qu than his fear of women
  • There’s more to Ricken than his being young and short
  • There’s more to Maribelle than her nobility
  • There’s more to Panne than her racism towards humans
  • There’s more to Gaius than candy
  • There’s more to Cordelia than her liking Chrom
  • There’s more to Gregor than his older age
  • There’s more to Nowi than her young spirit
  • There’s more to Libra than his commitment to his religion
  • There’s more to Tharja than her being a dark mage
  • There’s more to Olivia than her dances and shyness
  • There’s more to Cherche than Minerva
  • There’s more to Henry than his bad puns and obsession with blood
  • There’s more to Say’ri than her brother
  • There’s more to Tiki than Marth
  • There’s more to Lucina than her being Chrom’s daughter
  • There’s more to Owain than his wanting to be a legend
  • There’s more to Cynthia than her wanting to be a hero
  • There’s more to Inigo than his philandering
  • There’s more to Brady than his looks
  • There’s more to Kjelle than her armor
  • There’s more to Severa than her bitterness
  • There’s more to Gerome than his mask
  • There’s more to Yarne than his survival instincts
  • There’s more to Noire than her shifting personality
  • There’s more to Laurent than his practicality
  • There’s more to Morgan than their parents
  • There’s more to Chrom than his clothes, his having to marry someone for the plot’s sake and his not being in Smash