os in love

andrew getting overwhelmed by how much he loves neil…like…before he Never saw this feeling coming he thought it was just his mind making up things while he was on his meds. he’s long since accepted that this is real neil is real but sometimes it hits him so hard, that he can have this. he wasn’t able to have cass the way he wanted because of drake ruining it, ruining him…but now he has neil, and he is able to keep having him. 

neil, who loves andrew unconditionally for who he is. neil, who accepts all of his sharp edges and dark thoughts. neil, who knows when to back away and when to stay close. neil, who wants to be with him and feels just the same as he does. neil, who can see the good in him when everyone else couldn’t. this all hits andrew like a wave crashing onto the shore and he feels like he’s drowning, but it’s a welcomed feeling. because it’s safety, and it feels like home. neil is home and before, he had this twisted, broken view of what “love” is from all those traumatic experiences that still eat away at him, both of them did, but this is new and different from anything else and too much and sometimes andrew wonders if he is really worthy of this, of what neil gives him and makes him feel. 

and there are still passing fearful thoughts that what if he loses him, but waking up to fluttering eyelashes against cheeks and the way the morning sunlight rests against his skin while he’s in a peaceful sleep, seeing those looks neil sends his way, full of adoration and warmth, late night trips to the grocery store together wearing eachother’s hoodies and sweats and picking up andrew’s fave sweets to dull the nightmares he just had and is still feeling in trembling fingers and a rapid heartbeat— 

it all makes their forever click into place and andrew knows that this is it. neil is it for him and it will always be that way

Se você perguntar o que me fez gostar de você, eu não vou saber responder. Posso até arriscar alguma coisa, elogiando o teu sorriso ou dizendo o quanto eu gosto desse teu jeito. Mas ainda seria pouco. É pouco. Eu posso continuar arriscando, dizendo que foram as tuas mensagens repentinas. Ou que foram as demonstrações de carinho e cuidado que você me deu, mesmo quando eu não merecia. Posso, também, dizer que foram as noites que passamos conversando, coisas importantes e outras nem tanto, e que de tanto ficarmos juntos, peguei algumas manias suas. Posso dizer que foram as vezes que você me chamou para perto, que me jurou e prometeu não ter nada, quando eu me sentisse um pouco insegura em relação a qualquer coisa – ou pessoa – que ameaçasse roubar você de mim. Ou que foram os teus elogios e a tua maneira de me encher de mimo, mesmo quando eu teimo dizendo que não quero, não sou ou não preciso. Posso dizer, ainda, que foram a tua atenção e paciência, quando tudo que eu fiz foi falar e falar e falar sem parar como um desabafo. Que foram todas as vezes que você me enxergou melhor do que eu realmente sou, e me fez querer ser melhor do que eu poderia ser. Que foram todas as vezes que você insistiu em mim e não desistiu de mim. Posso arriscar um pouco mais e dizer que foi quando você me surpreendeu com um “eu te amo” ao invés de um “gosto de você”. E juntando tudo isso, eu tenho você. Inteiro. Completo. Você. Que uma vez chegou a me dizer que estaria longe de ser quem eu esperava ou queria comigo. Você. Que não fazia parte dos meus planos, e por quem eu não poderia me apaixonar. Você. Que conquistou cada pedacinho de mim. E que ganhou meu coração. Você. Que tem o meu amor. E me tem, amor. Mas, o que eu tenho certeza e não quero que você esqueça, é que eu amo você além da vida.
—  Mand.
10 movies to watch when you’re broken

1. Her (2013) dir Spike Jonze

This movie is so great and it’s soooooo tumblr. Spike Jonze is a really fabulous director and his movies are always so beautiful. This movie takes place in a somewhat futuristic version of LA and it is about Theodore, a greeting card writer who falls in love with his operating system. It is silly. Silly movies rule.
You’ve totally seen these pics on tumblr.

2. Lost in Translation (2003) Dir. Sophia Coppola

Lost in Translation is a movie that, if you haven’t seen already, you have to watch like directly after Her because the directors were married and divorced in 2004. This movie is said to be reminiscent of their crumbling relationship, Spike Jonze being Bill Murray’s character and Sophia being Scarlet’s. Her is said to be Spike Jonze’s reaction to this film. ScarJo is such a bae.
“A faded movie star and a neglected young woman form an unlikely bond after crossing paths in Tokyo.”

3. Lars and the Real Girl (2007) Dir. Craig Gillespie

This movie is VERY important because it has Ryan Gosling in his chubbiest, dorkiest form and that’s something everyone has to see. It follows a similar premise to Her, except instead of being in love with an OS he’s in love with a sex doll. Exciting. 

4. Blue Valentine (2010) Dir. Derek Cianfrance

This film also has Ryan Gosling in it so clearly it’s fab. This is the type of movie that leaves you thinking about every relationship in your life forever. It inter-cuts between the beginning of a marriage and the end. “You said for better or for worse. You said that. You said it. It was a promise. Now, this is my worst, okay?”

5. The Place Beyond the Pines (2013) Dir. Derek Cianfrance

OKAY! IT’S ANOTHER RYAN GOSLING FILM! I still don’t really know how I feel about this movie as a whole, but it’s really beautiful and Ryan Gosling is in his prime in this film. It’s essentially a three part movie. It also has Bradley Cooper and Dean DeHaan in it so that’s three reasons you should watch it. The cinematography is A+ also. 


6. Palo Alto (2014) Dir. Gia Coppola

Palo Alto is the type of movie that’s honestly about nothing, but I found that it’s the only film about adolescence that actually captures how it feels to be so heartbroken, confused and lost for no real reason. The cast is stunning! It has that ‘first film’ vibe as well which I think aids the film. 

7. Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012) Dir. Benh Zeitlin

Another first film for the director. Beasts of the Southern Wild is a stunning film. It’s very very emotional as well. Be prepared to cry. 

8. Moonrise Kingdom (2012) Dir Wes Anderson aka King of film

You either love Wes Anderson or you hate him. I personally love him. Moonrise Kingdom is so perfectly awkward. It’s great to watch when you’re sad because it’s funny in a way that’s not too in your face. It’s the perfect relief to your sadness.

9. Clueless (1995) Dir Amy Heckerling

After you’ve watched Moonrise, you’re ready for something light. That something light is Clueless. You can use Cher’s “as if!” attitude to get over whatever has led you to this list or to this blog. 

10. Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) Dir Wes Anderson

Another movie by king Wes. It’s the perfect quirk fest and it features Ralph Fiennes in a really quirky role which is surprising. It’s funny but not a comedy and I love it. Again, Cinematography rules.

OSWALD HAS WATCHED EVERYONE HE LOVES DIE RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM AND AND EVERY SINGLE TIME IT HAS DESTROYED HIM AND HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN SO HE TURNED ED INTO AN ICE CUBE EVEN THOUGH ED HURT HIM AND I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT OS I