orphan black is not as good as tumblr says. it's better

AO3 Phan Chaptered Fics Masterlist

Seeing as I spend half my time on AO3 as it is, I thought I’d help everyone out a bit my making a masterlist of chaptered fics that might otherwise get overlooked.

Many of these are cross-posted works on both Tumblr and AO3. 

These are only the longer one’s, with a word count over 7,000, as otherwise this list would go on forever.

This will not be updated, double check for completion for yourself! Orphaned = Abandoned

List Last Updated as of 1/14/15

Sit back and enjoy!

A Dementor’s KissPhan, kickthestickz and multiple youtubers at hogwarts! Dan Howell, a shy third year slytherin, is befriended by fifth year hufflepuff Phil Lester. Dan is quiet and alone, with little faith in his abilities, but with the comfortable and kind-hearted Phil he will learn to flourish in the wizarding world. This is a chaptered story with each chapter a oneshot in its own right.
No major triggers or warnings. Incomplete

Aging InnocenceDan was just a little child when he met Phil, his protector from the shadows in the trail in the backyard, also known to him as the Big Woods. Phil was his best friend, but when Dan begins Kindergarten, Phil says he has to go, and with a goodbye that was not nearly long enough, Phil leaves Dan alone with only the memory of him, holding on to the hope that his mommy was wrong and that Phil wasn’t imaginary, no matter how much he was told to forget about him. But down the road when Dan goes to high school, will he have forgotten? Will he do anything as Phil makes a reappearance in his life? Complete

A Thousand WordsDan joins an art class because he fancies a girl in it, but then he meets Phil, who he finds out started drawing for a very different reason. Slowly he begins to realise that the girl is not the only thing keeping him there, and he learns a lot from the strange boy.

Edit: I’ve decided to not finish this, I’m really sorry but I’m no longer comfortable with writing about this pairing, I’m sorry if you liked this story! Complete

A Maze of Thoughts: Dan’s oblivious to Phil’s feelings towards him. His own feelings -and maybe even his world- are thrown out of control once Phil brings home a boyfriend. Rated T(+) for triggers. (self-harm). Orphaned/Incomplete

And the Walls Kept Tumbling Down: Starting where ‘Confession’ left off will have a few chapters. Dan realises he’s made the worst mistake of his life and is desperate to try and talk to Phil, to somehow make it up to him. Phil wants Dan so much it’s almost destroying him, but it’s too soon, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forgive the shock and pain he’s been through. Can their relationship be saved. Complete

Anything But AstoundingBeing ordinary is boring when everyone around you is amazing. Incomplete

ArmsDan draws, Phil doesn’t. Phil wears black shirts, speaks loudly, and glares at everyone. Dan wears grey jumpers, doesn’t talk, and tries to stay invisible. Phil’s reckless, Dan’s not. 

This is as story about two polar opposites who mange to have a string of first times together, and maybe even a cute love story.

Rating/ Warnings: M (mature readers). This story may contain topics of depression and smut. Trigger warnings. Also may contain gay slurs.

Copyright © 2014. likephanyounot
All Rights Reserved. Incomplete

Behind Closed Doors: Based very loosely on ‘A Little Princess’ and ‘David Copperfield’

14 year old Dan Howell is sent away to boarding school leaving behind his abusive stepfather and incredibly ill mother. 17 year old Phil Lester is the school’s jack-of-all-trades who works his hardest under harsh circumstances to avoid the workhouse. The two boys meet and become close friends knowing they have to stick together if they are to survive the trials that lay ahead of them. Complete

The Best Kind Of HighDan’s in his final year of school and his life hasn’t been exactly ideal. Can his guardian angel save him from the demons in his head and make things even a little bit better?
Angst, highschool!AU, getting together, a little bit of fluff.
Trigger warnings for: depression/mental illness, suicide and character death, and alcohol.
Originally posted on Tumblr for the Phandom Big Bang 2014 Orphaned/Incomplete

Black and WhiteIn a perfect city, with a perfect wife, Phil can say without any doubt that he has the perfect life. And then a brown-eyed boy in a tuxedo shows up in his life and Phil finds himself craving imperfection. He doesn’t know how far things will fall…
(Dystopian future AU) Incomplete

BreadlineDan and Phil live in poverty - on the breadline. In a world where most people are disposable and poor, and where the government chooses everything, a war is brewing. Incomplete

breathing in snowflakesEverything seemed so simple at first. Unfortunately, things are never as simple as they may seem. [tw: eating disorders; bulimia, vomiting, depression. title a work in progress.] Incomplete

Broken Without YouPhil decides to move away to live with his girlfriend Cat Valdes and her dog Beta. This leaves Dan alone in London. Complete

Call It HomeAll he wanted was to be alone for a few hours with his guitar. All he wanted was to get away from everything, to temporarily cease to have all the baggage that comes with the name Phil Lester. Phil Lester: failed musician, crappy cashier, crappier human being. He never expects to find the escape that he really doesn’t need: Dan Howell. Based on Panic! At The Disco’s Northern Downpour. Incomplete

Camp Old PineThe Fantastic Foursome go to camp! Dan is being forced to go by his parents, Phil just wants to go on adventures, Pj is videotaping his camp experience for a college application, and Chris is also being forced to go by his dad who is a camp counselor. Each of them have a secret they don’t want the others to know about. But the truth can only be hidden for so long. Its up to each of them to help the other get over their problems. Incomplete

Can’t Contain My Heartbeat: Phil Lester is blind. Always has been. He was born that way. But he’s always managed to take it into his stride, and he’s always been fine. Well, with a friend like Carrie, how could he not have done? But he’s about to find that things can get complicated when you can’t see, with the arrival of new student Dan Howell, the boy with the soft voice and kind words who changes Phil’s life in a way that he could never even imagine. Incomplete

Charlotte: When Dan’s little sister needs a home, he and Phil offer a place to stay. Complete

Chase Your Dreams AwayWhen Phil shrugs out of his jacket Dan gets some suspicions of his own, but Phil just lies it over is shoulders. Which is. Oh.

The lining is soft and really, really warm and it smells really, really good. Dan’s not quite sure what it is, exactly, but it’s a lingering scent of vanilla or something equally as sweet mixed with the most divine aftershave Dan has ever had the courtesy of smelling, oh my God.

Phil’s eyes are warm as he says, “put it on properly, you’re gonna get a cold.” Dan shrugs and pushes his arms through the sleeves, and he can’t quite help but notice that Phil is closer than he was before. Incomplete

Come Back, Be HereWhat happens when everything you thought was meant to last forever is torn apart overnight? Dan is gone and Phil doesn’t know what’s going on, but is there more at play here than he suspects? Incomplete

Come What MayPhil Lester usualy wasn’t one to go to strip clubs. But after being coaxed into it by a couple of his friends he meets the ever hypnotizing Greyson Bear(Dan Howell). Easily falling in love with him Phil works to save Dan from the underworld of prostitution. Incomplete

Concrete AngelDan moves to Manchester with his Mum where he meets his neighbour and future best friend, Phil. Little does he know that Phil could be the one that changes everything. Incomplete

Dancing on IvoryDan’s fingers danced across the keys, playing notes nobody really paid any attention to, except, it would seem, a raven haired boy at the back of the room. Incomplete

Dear DanPhil Lester is a writer-slash-barista who works ridiculous hours in a small coffee shop just around the corner. Dan Howell is an aspiring pianist with a keen interest - it’s not a crush - on a certain cute barista working at a coffee shop just around the corner, who also turns out to be the hottest one-night stand that he never intends to see again except in his fantasies.

But then again Fate is cruel and the million dollar question is whether love can transcend Dan’s past into something much bigger. Complete

Dear Diary…Dan Howell has an abusive step-father. These are his diary entries. Dan’s POV Incomplete

Discovering LoveDan is a firm believer that love doesn’t exist. Not in adults, and definitely not in high school. He detests silly love stories and petty relationships, posing as ‘love’, and nothing could possibly change his mind in that. But when new student Phil takes an intrest in Dan, he can’t deny that he’s interested in the boy. His bubbly personality and hopeless romantic ways draw Dan in…..and might just change his mind in the thoughts of love Incomplete

Doin’ DirtA series of one-shots following Dan and Phil’s sex life. All the sex takes place within the same universe and is referenced to eachother but there is not a plot. Incomplete

Du and IchAU - Dan belongs to a rich, British-German family who only recently moved back to the UK. He’s sent to a private sixth form boarding school where he meets Phil. Unfortunately, Dan doesn’t speak much English so Phil decides to teach Dan English. It’s a bit odd, but I’ve had writer’s block so I’m treating this as though it’s genius. Bear with me. Dan was going to be Spanish but I don’t speak Spanish…

Also known as ‘The One Where Dan’s German’ Incomplete

Early Sunsets of MonroevilleArtists often struggle financially but one patronage casts Gerard into a new league. Here he meets Frank and both lives are turned upside down forever. Incomplete

Eight One Fivespy AU: Dan’s an underage intelligence operative and he’s on a mission. It’s pretty routine; befriend the bad guy’s kid, collect enough information for a conviction and beat some people up. Move on out and abandon the identity assumed. Things get complicated when Dan turns out to be a little too good at befriending Phil Lester. Sometimes good and evil isn’t black and white, and Dan has to decide which lives he can allow himself to ruin.
Badass!phan, updated every wednesday (ish) Incomplete

The ElementsVery long ago that was a gift - to control one of the four elements, to have powers. Now that is what makes you a misfit, making you hide and survive. Unsatisfied with their postion, the benders start a rebel and a war that would change their life. Complete

Ethereal: AU- Super powers. Dan’s not normal. In fact, he’s never met a single person exactly like him. No one else can move objects with their mind, just by a simple thought. He lives life carefully, limited interactions and semi-non-existent social life. That is, until a pair of sapphire eyes change everything. Dan Howell/Phil Lester, PJ Liguori/ Chris Kendall. Incomplete

Follow The Music In Your Heart: Dan is one of the most famous Rock Stars in the world, his voice have captured everyone’s hearts, minds and soul and he should be happy as he have everything he ever wished for, but no, he still made a wrong decision and sometimes can’t cope with that, now Dan will try to change every mistake made or leave everything as it is? Incomplete

Forgivable Sins (BETA): Not gonna write too much here right now cause im not sure whats going on with this, i just need to know how its sounding so far, Its gonna be about a master falling in love with his servent, they are gonna get older then they are in this first chapter. Incomplete

FrustrationDan is without use of his hands for a few weeks after having surgery on his wrists. Fortunately his best friend Phil is around to help him out in the meantime.

There were a few things neither of them had considered. Complete

G.B.FDan Howell was just like any other average comic book geek, more than content to fly under the radar and leave the trailblazing to the others. After all, of the many firsts his peers were vying for, one still remained conspicuously up for grabs. Never in the history of North Gateway High had any student admitted out loud to being an honest-to-goodness, card-carrying, proud, or even slightly modest, homosexual. Including himself and his best friend, Phil. Complete

God’s Gift To MenPhil and his girlfriend seem quite happy until one night, his flatmate Dan has a bad experience and everything changes forever.
This is a chaptered work, mixing smut and fluff in equal measures. Complete

Head Down Low: Dan isn’t right. He’s not like most of the others, he’s not genetically pure. He has no destined path, he has nothing going for him in life. He’ll be lucky to get himself a job in a fast food kitchen, and everyone looks down on him like he’s a piece of dirt stuck at the bottom of their shoe. Except one person: Phil Lester. Complete

Here’s Hoping: Phil Lester starts a new school in the hopes that he’ll finally find a friend, but he runs into Mr. Popular Dan Howell, who bullies him while struggling with who he really is. Incomplete

Homewrecker With a Heart of GoldPhil is a happily married man working as a real estate agent with a prank loving office buddy who really likes pizza and another coworker who really likes Phil. He never bothered to check his morals and ideas, he just skated through what he thought he wanted but he was about to have to do some serious fact checking. Incomplete

If Lost, Return to Phil: Dan and Phil are friends with benefits, which always works until it doesn’t. Dan wishes things could be different, and gets more than he bargains for. Complete

If This Ain’t Love, Then What Is?Alternate universe in which Dan and Phil are brothers who fall in love under extreme conditions. After years of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, brothers Dan and Phil have to make a run for it. But, complicated feelings of brotherly love and something more cause separation and Dan finds himself in a brothel and Phil guilt ridden, on a quest to find him. Complete

I save you, you save me: Dan’s father is a dangerous man, he broke out of jail and is planning on ruining Dan’s life. Meanwhile Dan figured he felt more for Phil than in the beginning. While Phil has had a secret crush on Dan for a long time. Phil gets in trouble because of Dan’s dad, who wants Dan to join him. But if he does, he become a sex-slave again. Can they save each other? Rated M. Complete

I Want YouThe love story between Danisnotonfire and amazingPhil. However things don’t go quite as smoothly as you would think. Complete

I won’t give upPhil has a fatal injury in a car accident. Dan has to survive without him. Incomplete (one more chapter)

KidnappedDan is kidnapped by a perverted scientist. He meets Phil, who was kidnapped previously. Incomplete

Late Nights, Early Mornings“I may have accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me.”

“How was it?”

“Fantastic, but that’s not the point.“ Complete

Light Up The Darkness"Dan…” he speaks again, through his own tears and I quickly cut in.
“I`m fine, Phil” I say, my throat tightened.
A moment passes and nothing happens but I then feel his soft hands pulling up my chin, making me to look at him,
“If you are”, he says, his eyes puffy and red as much as mine must be, “then look me straight in the eyes and say it" Incomplete

Lost and RescuedPhil has been kicked out of his home, and is forced to walk the rainy streets of London. Dan finds him, broken and battered, and saves him.
"I had lost feeling in my toes and hands hours ago. I no longer cared though, my mind felt numb too. Blank. Clean. Like an artist had a big plan for a magnificent painting, but left the canvas blank. The artist had given up and moved on." Incomplete

Love is Just An Empty Word You Say: Phil had gotten so used to being single, but that didn’t mean he wanted it that way forever. Insert Leo, who sweeps Phil off of his feet and steals his heart, and it doesn’t take long for Phil to come to the conclusion that his new boyfriend is an angel. But Leo’s halo and wings aren’t a good enough disguise for the devil inside. Complete

Music is the Answer: Incomplete

My Left-Side BrainStaticThere’s something to say about Dan’s knowledge of his own body when it takes him nearly four weeks to actually notice that something is differentThunderPost-baby, Dan faces the challenges of raising Theo, sustaining a career and planning a wedding. He may have underestimated all three of those things. Incomplete

Mystery HouseDan has just moved into a new house. The house is nice and looks expensive, but doesn’t cost as much as it should. He meets some unexpected people that will play a big part in his future. Complete

OutlawedThe year is 2066. All physical contact has been Outlawed. Incomplete

Pacman 300Daniel Howell lives your everyday life in the year 2345, he’s having a decent job, decent friends and a decent apartment. But he misses that extra person everyone seems to have, except for him. Be it friend or lover, Dan doesn’t care, he thinks as he rests in his bath a Friday evening, he just wants someone who would prioritize Dan over others, as he’s always put second or lower down the list.

When there’s a package delivered to him on the 6th of May one morning, Dan’s world is slowly turned upside down. Phil or PHI001LES001ep29 as his name is, knows how to make Dan smile, how to tie and slink his cords and other radioactivity, as Dan proclaims Phil is filled with, into Dan’s mind and makes the evil thoughts go away. As a model of the new generation of Hubots, or pacmans as the resistance calls them, Phil is one of 100, personalized, no one like the other, model of the name 300. Incomplete

Phanfiction i guess???This is kind of a whole bunch of one-shots that all follow some sort of timeline?

PHAN IS NOT REAL IT WILL NEVER BE AND IF IT IS I WILL STILL SUPPORT THEM BUT ITS NOT SOMETHING I ACTIVELY SEEK OUT

you cannot deny that the combinations of their personalities is cute though. But please no Incomplete

PhanshotsThings I think of during class or somewhere else :3 Incomplete

The PossibleDan, Phil, Carrie, Alex, Jack and Dean all go on a vacation to Hawaii. The ocean has other plans.

Inspired by the movie The Impossible which was really great and you should go see it. Complete

Principles of RighteousnessPhil Lester was an enigma, a corrupt and immoral criminal with a sinfully alluring exterior who was hell bent on achieving his plans yet still attempting to lure Agent Dan Howell to his bed. What will become of them - Lester’s plans that could very well destroy the United Kingdom and Howell’s unhealthy obsession with the very man he was sent to stop? Complete

Road To Acceptance Series: Dan never thought alcohol could bring anything but misery into his life, and…well, he was kind of right; the headache was painful and the memories of how he spent his 18th birthday were gone. He manages to break into someone else’s home. But it’s because of the alcohol he meets Phil, who impacts his life in more ways than one. Complete

Roll the Dice and SwearDan has a wet dream while sharing a hotel room with Phil. Complete

Roomates: Phil Lester is the new student at a private, prestigious boarding school. His roommate is the infamous, hot, and rather hostile Dan Howell. This is going to be one interesting year. Incomplete

School DaysDan is the new kid at school. All his life he’s been alone, but soon he finds a home in Manchester with his new group of friends. But nothing is ever as perfect as it seems… Incomplete

SireniaPhil is a marine biologist, called in to work on something unusual found off the coast of Australia. Dan is the last thing he expected to find. [PhandomBigBang2014] Complete

Spit-Roast: Spit Roast-Being fucked from behind whilst being fucked in the mouth, basically. Complete

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too)Ever since Phil Lester was five he had been obsessed with the circus (or the one where Dan and Phil both are static trapeze performers and they don’t each other until they do). Incomplete

Taking Every Chance I’ve Got: All Dan wanted was to get drunk, really. Have a good time, meet a few new people. He didn’t really think about getting involved with someone as dangerous as Phil Lester (someone as cold, as pale and, well, as not alive), and he definitely didn’t think that one trip out to a bar would change his life forever. Complete

Though Kid You’re Not Exatly A Dream Come TrueThe moment Dan is told about his piano lessons, he hates the idea. And the plethora of dread and embarrassment takes the form of Phil Lester; fellow student and, now, arsehole teacher. The fact that Dan can’t control his fingers as they splatter across the keys just gives Phil more reason to spit out insults, and Dan just wants to get it right; maybe that’ll wipe the smirk off his face. And as the music starts to lead, Dan finds himself down paths he never thought possible.  Incomplete

Through the veil of smokePhil has been smoking for ten years. That was both the happiest and the hardest times in his life. Complete

Time Is Running Out: ”So here I was, gripping the cold metal handle of the gun. This was it. Pull the trigger. DO IT. My mind was screaming at me, begging me to shoot. Because I had to. I needed to. This was my last chance before the person in front of me disappeared forever. Come on Phil, pull yourself together. ”

A painful love story stretched over four months of separation, determination and salvation. When Dan is unintentionally kidnapped, Phil fights to get him back again. Little does he know that Dan is already becoming lost in the East London world of crime, violence and unexpected alliances. Complete

The Trains: Complete

The TreehouseDan Howell lives with his Mum, a business woman who has to move around a lot. When Dan starts fifth new High School, he makes friends quickly, but there is one boy that quickly has Dan’s attention - Phil Lester.

Needless to say, he quickly falls for the black haired boy, but will his feelings be returned? Incomplete

What happens nextComplete

You’re DistractingPhil noticed he was staring again.

There was something about Dan’s eyes that was different now and Phil stared back at him trying to figure it out. What was making Dan look at him like that?

"See? Now you’re staring,” Phil whispered.

“Hmm…so are you." Complete

Youtube Collab: Statues in the DarkI am going to try to include as many youtubers into this story as possible - some may be based entirely on them (e.g with the same name… ) and others may just be alike - and have taken some of these ideas from Doctor Who and The Woman in Black (THE BOOK)… Hope you like x NB - This chapter is very long as I wanted to introduce them all, with their names and characters, before I started the main plot x Incomplete

12 Drabbles of ChristmasTwelve (mostly) fluffy drabbles count down to Christmas. Dan and Phil put up a real tree, decorate, do Christmas charity, buy presents for each other, and more! Complete

15 Days of New Year’s Drabbles15 days of Phan Drabbles to celebrate the New Year as requested by you! Individual warnings by chapter. Complete

30 Days of Phan Drabbles30 Phan Drabbles as prompted by you. Major Warning’s in the summaries of each individual chapter/drabble! Complete

#OBspec 101: An Introductory Course

Well, it’s happened, Clone Club! It’s finally here!!!

#OBspec has hit the interwebs, and boy has it been a wild ride so far.

If we haven’t met yet, I’m Jacq (happyjacq to the social media world). Nice to meet you! Nice to know you! You’ll be seeing a lot of me around here. I hope I’ll be seeing a lot of you, too.

First, a little background. #OBspec is my brainchild. I let the idea of it grow inside me for a very long time before I finally decided that there wasn’t anything stopping me from just doing it.

Why? I’m a writer. I write about narrative. I write about structure. I write about writing. And I’ve written, you know, things before (though nothing that’s ever made its way to the internet). But, the truth of the matter is, when you’re just starting out, it’s hard to figure out what you’re good at, and what your process is, and the kinds of people you work well with. And it’s really hard to get people to read your stuff.

When I talk about the kind of tv I’d like to make one day, I talk about Orphan Black. But, Orphan Black isn’t a show that you can really just write a single, stand-alone spec episode of. That’s the beauty of it. That’s why it’s awesome. But, that’s also why it’s infuriating.

Because how was I supposed to practice writing something like that? How was anyone?

Well, I guess if you can’t write just one episode, you’ve gotta write a whole season. Right? Right.

So, I grabbed my sister, partner in crime, and best friend in the entire world, Milena (theleashkid). And we talked about it. We decided I was insane, and then somehow I convinced her that maybe I wasn’t so insane after all.

By sheer dumb luck, I snagged the incomparable Hafsah (thewetcloud), who has been everything I could have ever dreamed of and more as an addition to this writing team. Haf is hilarious and weird and amazingly talented. Honestly, we were barely even friends when I asked her to join this monster project. I don’t know why she agreed, but I’m so thankful and happy she did.

We started prep for #OBspec in the beginning of June this year. That’s more than five months we’ve been at this. We prepped for 14 weeks before we even started writing. There were color-coded post-its all over my apartment. We broke down every episode of Orphan Black minute by minute. We made character charts. We discussed every arc, every plot twist, every possibility. Don’t believe me? We have 200 pages of google docs. Seriously.

But, at some point before we got to 200 pages of prep work, we also realized that maybe we might need someone who knew a little bit about science. I mean, Google is great. Wikipedia’s even better. But, like, man. What I would have given for someone with a PhD in genetics.

Enter Casey (cosima-geekmonkey-niehaus) who just happens to be a PhD student in genetics and just happens to love science almost as much as she loves Orphan Black. I spied her on tumblr. And I said to myself: yes. her. So, I trusted her with my secret, and she said, “OMG YES!!!!! Let’s do it!!!!” (actual quote).

Tumblr is an amazing place, friends. Simply amazing.

So, Casey joined the crew. We threw the most random questions at her and she responded with the most thoughtful and exciting answers. We bombarded her for two straight weeks and then we retreated to our writer cave. Sometime in September, we said, “Hey Casey! Time for read-through!” And I think she almost dropped dead. (We read through every episode as a team, in case you’re wondering. It’s team bonding. There’s usually a lot of sugar involved).

But, what I’m really getting at here is that #OBspec is gonna rock your world. Your team is awesome. They are smart. They are bold. They are dedicated and funny and meticulous and brave. They are the best secret-keepers I have ever encountered. They know what they’re doing. They let me boss them around and still manage to teach me things every single day of this process. I can’t believe I get to call myself their leader. I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

Your team is amazing. Please be kind to them. We’re completing this project working around two full-time jobs and two full-time students. This is a labor of love. One day, we’ll get paid to do this. Today is not that day.

We’re always accessible to you, because I think it’s important that we are. Ask us absolutely anything! We can’t wait to hear what you think.

Because you, Clone Club, are part of this team, too. The analysis and passion and excitement I’ve seen floating around tumblr this week has been humbling. Your ideas and artwork and hilarity have inspired us. You are crazy intelligent. And I say all this without reservation. Wow. You’re incredible.

I hope you love what we’ve got for you. Because you deserve the best. And I hope we can give you something that makes this hiatus fly by.

xo, love always,

Jacq.

On Representation in Orphan Black

The first time I ever saw queer women portrayed in media I was a teenager. I covered my eyes and turned off the television. Because it was wrong. Or I thought it was wrong.  I don’t need to get into my adolescent stuff - but I was so deeply in denial that I now think in a sense was  a sort of self-preservation.  

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I can seen more representation in media. I was addicted to all things scifi - and I don’t think I would have been able to resist getting into a show like Orphan Black. If the kind of representation I saw in the first two seasons would have helped me. I’m active online and I see what it has done for young queer kids. And it was beautiful - but also made me very nervous.

You see, at 18, I finally figured out that I was queer. I then embarked on an adventure to consume as much lesbian/bisexual/queer media as I could. I would see myself reflected in media - albeit rarely.  I could laugh, I could watch characters fall in love with women and delight in it, or angst in it or be absolutely terrified.  I quickly noticed a terrible ongoing pattern : they die. A lot. More frequently than anyone else.

So many queer female characters die. There is a long and ever growing list. So frequently, their love is tragic. There’s a “Bury your lesbians/Bury your gays” trope on TV tropes because of how often these characters die (or go insane). It has been that way from the beginnings of representation - anyone curious about how many can go and look it up.  In earlier movies/books it was probably seen as the perverted woman getting the end she deserved. Death.

I am now 26 years years old. I’ve been out for years. Dated women. Fallen in love. Fallen out of love. Got my heart broken a few times. So much has changed. My parents anticipated nothing but grief for me and are in disbelief when people accept me or just simply don’t care about my sexuality. 

In some ways, I’ve been very lucky. I was born 1989 and I have seen this change. There are LGBTQ characters on television - but not enough of them.  When I was a young queer girl - I saw nothing like this. It existed so far outside of my realm of experience and everything that surrounded me that it didn’t really sink in that that was what I am.

I was hoping representation was changing.  With Orphan Black I never intended to become so invested in Cosima and Delphine. But here were two women, academics, scientists, nerds - falling in love with each other.  And it was beautifully acted and portrayed for two seasons. (And definitely beautifully acted in season 3 - thought I was disappointed at the writing a lot of the season). Instead, I became super invested, I wrote fic, I had the opportunity to collaborate and commiserate with the obfrankenfics crew. I had the amazing experience of bonding with people through this fandom - and for that I am grateful.  The last time I had the chance to do that - I was a teenager who thought she was straight (or…denial…I mean take your pick) and it was for Battlestar Galactica on scifi forums nearly a decade ago.  This time? I was authentically myself.

I had great hopes for Orphan Black. Last night (and this morning) my dashboard, the orphan black tag and the cophine tag have been full of distraught fans. Tears and ranting. 

I don’t think anyone should be brushing off their feelings. The loss is valid. Cry. Rant. Get angry.  Realize that this isn’t an isolated creative choice that exists in a vacuum - this is a part of a larger theme in media that queer women die.  I understand that actors have lives (especially very talented ones like Évelyne Brochu).  I understand that writers love shock value - and sometimes any attention is good attention (transgressive lesbian geek spiral bound to end in tears).  This could have been done better, with respect to the characters.  But I guess in so many ways I felt that this season was falling apart at the seams.

I don’t think this was “always the plan”, if they’d actually had a plan they wouldn’t have had the mess of this season and trying to figure out where they were going.

It hasn’t changed. Tragic love. Kill the queer woman. Make her crazy. 

It isn’t some epic creative choice - it’s the easy trope that has been done so many times already.  And for that I am sad. I honestly expected better from Orphan Black. but in so many ways this third season has been a disappointment to me. And it’s not the cast - it’s the writing, the haphazard what would be funny or what would shock people the most.

It isn’t unique. They’ve ended 3 seasons now with a shooting that *may* be fatal and teased it to death.  The only thing unique I have seen is how disrespectful Graeme and John have been to this fandom. I have never seen a creator attack a fan on twitter and defend their creative choice. I have never seen a show push a new love interest so hard in social media.  Especially when to me (and a fair group of others) it falls flat. Until now.

I don’t know where Orphan Black is going from here - but likely more recycled plot lines and less to keep me guessing and engaged.  I think, for me, that this is the end. My blog existed before Orphan Black, and it will continue to exist after it is gone.

I have said many times before that Clone Club is diverse in its range of opinions, in its individuals and in our perceptions of this show.  To all of you? I want to say that I appreciate how much you put into this fandom and enjoying this show (whether you agree with me or not, whether you think I’m a negative cold bitch canuck or just another sobbing fangirl).  You have made this community so rich, and so amazing, and it’s been a pleasure for me to experience tumblr fandom with you. I discovered Orphan Black through tumblr and - thank you for that. For 2 seasons it was the best thing on television. For the last season? My feelings remain mixed.

To my fellow grieving fans? I’m right there with you.  You are not alone.

Tiff’s Follower Milestone

Hello, friends. I have already posted my “how I got into Arrow/fandom” post and you can find that here, but I wanted to show some love to all of you amazing people who follow me. Never in a million years did I think that this little blog I started (mainly to stalk Olicity stuff) would turn into what it is. I remember having seven followers for the longest time and I was happy with that. Happy because there were seven people out there who enjoyed what I was posting…which was very little at the time. The fact that it has grown so much in such a short period of time is overwhelming. I have “met” and interacted with some of the nicest people and I am thrilled to be a part of the Olicity fandom. I also love that you guys stick with me even though I am so multi-fandom it hurts. From Suits to Orphan Black to Sherlock to Friday Night Lights to Gilmore Girls to Mindy Project to Agents of Shield to The 100 and The Flash. I watch too much tv because these are just a few. The fact that y’all follow and show support and come up with playlists when I ask and write fics that I request means so much!!

From my first ask to my first follower to my first friend to my first meme to my first 100 to my first gif to being part of the start of the olicity playlist and everything in between….this experience just keeps getting better. Each and every one of you is a huge part of that. I thank my lucky stars for all of you. I would have never thought that I would become this obsessed with something and actually develop friendships through this. I have had memes chosen by Stephen for his Meme Monday. Have gone to a Nocking Point Party and met and hugged the man. Am going to my first convention to finally meet some of the coolest people I have gotten to know. And I have only been active since January. I am branching out and loving every minute of it. So since I have hit this major milestone (I have surpassed 1000…how is this even possible?! I am truly floored and amazed and appreciate everything) I want to give a few shout-outs to people who make this experience so freaking awesome.

This will probably be random and all over the place….let’s see how this goes.

First is ah-maa-zing because as previously posted, she is my Tumblr Yoda. She made me feel welcome and helped me find my footing. agirlandhershows thethornyrant chicette20 these ladies just make me happy, they are hilarious and sarcastic and we have lots of fun on twitter. Then there is solicity97 and skcolicity who were the first to champion my meme making skills and 1forall0allfor1 who is a major supporter. redpenandfern charlotte-anne90 sanetsays my twitter bffs who I talk to all day/every day. bklynluv04 and rillacuthbert my twin and soul mate. Twitter/tumblr friends who are awesome and snarky and say what they feel fanmommer callistawolf jbuffyangel tanyak312 iloveyoursoul pidanka thenerddess itsstephyybitch. My Bellarke group eandg81 everogue mindylu32. Just awesome people in general who make me happy jedichick04 mogirl97 aubvi opheliafics sezsaaays sentence-fragments andjustforthismoment florence-bubbles cammienray smoakandarrow hisgirlwednesday447 chiefripley queenpartyoftwo geniewithwifi atom1cflea holysmoaksoliver procrastinatingfan lisabelleoftheball dettiot anthfan madewithcoffeeandbabbling. My fanfic girls who keep me posted and always talk arrows-and-fairytales supersillyanddorky06 olicity-beautiful-dreamer. olicityalways who got me hooked on Arrow 2.5 and is just always upbeat. scu11y22, my music soul mate. mel-loves-all for always blessing my dash with Benedict Cumberbatch and being the sweetest. buttrickardsthirst one of my Orphan Black girls who is super talented. There are just so many and I don’t want to leave anyone out. lifes-a-song-42 for sharing my Straight No Chaser love. itsabeautifulstory95 for loving suits. And a special shout out to my new friend lerayon. jenndoedmc who I have an epic email friendship with. And of course smoakingquiver and smoakingtardis two girls that I cannot live without. Y’all have my heart.

But honestly, so many of y’all cross over into different groups. I have a fantastic little bubble thanks to y’all. You are all amazing and talented….from the reviews, memes, fanfics, amazing art, gifsets, edits, recommendations, theories, metas, etc. You are all truly unique.

If I have missed anyone, oh jeez, I am so super sorry!!!! It was not intentional (I still blame the slight fever).

And to those that follow who I have not spoken to yet, I notice all the likes and reblogs and appreciate them more than you know, feel free to come and chat. I am nice, I promise!! And I am always available to talk. I just can’t believe how much a part of my life this has become. Each and every one of you are special and important.

So again, thank you all for your support, kind words, sticking with me, being there, making me laugh, making me cry (in a good way), making me realize that there are other people out there like me. I have never been anyone but myself and that is not going to change. What you see is what you get. I am not here to impress anyone or be someone that I am not. And I feel like I have surrounded myself with like-minded people. People who know their worth, people who don’t take this too seriously, people who are here to have fun, people who have different opinions and disagree and do so with respect.

And of course…..never forget

I am so happy to have found my people!!!