Sasuke: lol my bad for befriending orochimaru since he did kill the hokage and destroyed the leaf village that one time :// and also my bad for planning a terrorist attack on the leaf village :// and I’m really sorry for not trying to prevent the war since I was associates with the akatsuki :/ anyway, my besties said I’m free to go. K bye 🤪

the rest of team taka: lol and our bad for following him around and being accomplices 😂

Orochimaru: yeah lol and I’m kinda bored of the leaf now anyway :// so no need to worry about me causing any more trouble! ttyl see you around the village 😘

If shikamaru was hokage:

2

“Oi, you wanna fight, you little blond bitch?!”
“Bring it, hm!”

Konan remembers why she keeps the Akatsuki away from each other as much as possible. 

I think it is interesting that Deidara and Kakuzu don’t believe anything lasts forever, but Sasori and Hidan are all about it (although neither of them actually want to live forever). 

Sasuke: *designing his new outfit after training with Orochimaru*

Kabuto: ….is that really wise? Your entire torso is gonna be exposed

Sasuke: I’ve been working out and I need to make sure Naruto definitely notices it

Kabuto: …

Sasuke: BECAUSE HE’S MY RIVAL AND I’VE GROWN STRONGER THAN HIM SO I NEED HIM TO SEE THAT! MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS BEFORE I CHIDORI YOUR UGLY BITCH ASS

Orochimaru: Let Sasuke-kun be gay in peace, Kabuto. Go make me some green tea