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The Bombur Boogie.

The Elrond.

The Legolas Shuffle.

The Kíli Shake.

Thorin: Who are these people?

Thranduil: Okay, you know what? I want these people to get lost in Mirkwood for, oh, I don’t know–ever. I know Legolas is my son, but he did not get that from me so can I just adopt Bard? No one will know the difference.

Bilbo: That is unbelievable.

Bard: Yes it is!

Elrond: Oh, Bard..not you..[laughing some more]

Legolas: Yeah, I’m drinking on the set! Have a problem with that?

Thranduil: That is…well…my, uh…son. [he’s adopted; found him under a tree]

Something is wrong with the ice.

Legolas: We have some seriously disturbed people around here.

Elrond: I know you know who did that, Gandalf.

Gandalf: No idea.

Thorin: Right. Sure you don’t.

Thranduil: [Giggling suspiciously]

Thorin: Okay, PJ. You know Fíli and Kíli are mine right?

PJ: No.

Thorin: Of course you do. You are not about to give my mountain to Thranduil are you?

PJ: Really, Thorin. I know better than that. Everyone one knows he has to get past Smaug.

Bilbo: Smaug ran out on an errand. In the UK for some reason. I have no idea why.

PJ: You get the mountain, Thranduil. You are rather frightening.

Thranduil: I am not frightening. I am your worse nightmare. Give me the mountain and I shall let you live.

PJ: No, problem.

Bard: Thranduil just got an entire mountain as a dressing room. Good thing I’m on his good side.

Legolas: That’s our dad!

TKWR Trilogy hit a milestone yesterday–I was able to convince a male oriented business I was a guy on Instagram. If I convince men I’m a guy writing as Thranduil, I guess I’m doing something right.

This is how we do it…

Thranduil: I do not know any of those people.

Thranduil: You ever wake up one morning and say to yourself, ‘Wow, I am Thranduil, Elvenking of the Woodland Realm’? No? Just me?

Legolas: Dad, stop.

Kíli: You know, he actually did just wake up one morning as the King of the Woodland Realm.

Fíli: That is because he is the King of the Woodland Realm.

Kíli: What does that make Uncle Thorin?

Fíli: Uh…short?

Thorin: What would happen if we just left them in Rivendell? I mean, I can do that, right? No need to take them all the way to Erebor.

Elrond: OH, I don’t even think so…

Kíli: Oh, PJ’s cool. He knows who they are.

Fíli: He just doesn’t know where we are.

Kíli: Shh…

I know where you are, you little brats.

PJ: Where did the short version of Legolas go?

I don’t look like Kíli, do I?

[Giggles]

Thranduil: You have to be this tall to ride this ride.

Google Search: What the hell are they talking about? [Erase] Google Search: Peter Jackson’s Facebook Page. POP-UP: Comment–I want a raise. Signed, Gandalf. P.S.–Now.

Bilbo: Look, I only flip off cameras. I don’t do whatever that is.

Gollum: See, this is why I hang out down here. You’ve seen Bombur, right?

Thorin: Oh, Thranduil? Your son is at it again.

I have no son.

Legolas: Dad, stop it!