When you write me a master’s thesis on some topic, where you have:

1) Answered your own question and simply want me to confirm your “research” which consists of you freaking out over your 2 hour Google session that you did in lieu of your actual schoolwork, where you read random people on the internet and thus proceed to explain to me what “Islam says” supposedly about your particular grievance; and/or

B) Vaguely mention things I’ve written, but not really, and then presume my opinions; and/or

iii) Clearly did not go to my index page (partytilfajr.tumblr.com/index) where the several issues you’ve asked–and my predictable answers what questions exist in your magnum opus–have been addressed ad nauseam; and/or

d) Decided that Islam and what Islam’s dictates are and are not, come from your that mean thing you Uncle said, or what this random person said, which has now suddenly changed your worldview on Islam, meanwhile you continue to consume and enjoy your favorite celebrity (who just clubbed a baby seal) or cheer on your favorite sports team (which represents fascism or exploits children to get new players for their team) or believe in democracy (despite democratic nations waging more war than anyone else–but to critique democracy would be ridiculous because democracy is a normative good and thus unquestionable, or perhaps you’re really cool and call yourself a Marxist, that’s fine, but the unyielding dedication and apologetics you apply to (political/social issue/movements here) pales in comparison to what you offer for Islam–but lo, you will disagree with me and say “Osama, they’re not the same!” to which I retort, “dear (term of endearment [in my head it’s not a term of endearment, I imagine you guys with annoying voices, even when you’re speaking to me]), the reason you are so eager to defend these other things is that you have made a decision to see the good, because there are other issues that you moralize, that you essentialize, and that you hold onto dogma, don’t believe me? Look at the positions you cling to on Tumblr and what you find to be abhorrent, and look at your unflinching dedication to “cause X” or whatever, you do not give your Islam the same level of care and benefit of the doubt, and when you research, you do so without the foundations, and the foundation of this religion, indeed at the start of every Surah (except for the 9th) God reminds of that we must understand these commands in light of His Name, The Most Merciful, The Most Beneficent, and that we must remember that God “is the most Just of Judges,” so no one will be wronged, but you confuse your temporary confusion with some sort of evidence of error, when it is really about your limitations of knowledge, of experience, and of patience, because when you don’t understand something–or you see something weird in another place, what do you do? You give it the benefit of the doubt, but you don’t in Islam, but I know, you’re saying ‘but Osama! I am!’ but you’re not, because you think that’s it’s this issue, but it’s not, it’s because you read something scary, fine, hooray, but you also ignored the vast majority of Islam, and that’s the tough stuff, and I believe that we get into smaller details so that we may avoid the fact that we’re still talking about trash about each other, we’re still not being kind to other people, and we’re still generally not getting even close to our potential; now you’re probably asking, ‘Osama, why are you using such long, run-on sentences?’ My response is, because I do what I want, but also, I am getting frustrated with you all, why you may ask, to which I respond, you need to stop having crises over something you read, but more importantly, you need to realize that reading something weird doesn’t mean you freak out, just put it off to the side, and come back to it later, give Islam the care you give to your own ego, and you’d be amazed at how different things are, and should you actually realize that you give more care to your own interests than that of God, so ask yourself, what kind of relationship do you think you have with God, who serves who?”; and/or

5th) Stop allowing other people to determine your interaction with Islam, it’s annoying. If someone likes those little yellow guys, Minions! Sorry, I forgot the name. People hate Minions. Or they love Pepe. Or they love or hate or whatever. Everyone has to express everything. But no matter what, you’re going to love the things  you like, no matter what people say. When people critique some random celebrity–and not for like racist or other prejudicial things–but look at how much you guys  defend your fandoms or… Oh my Gosh! When I hate on Harry Potter, you guys literally have aneurysms and write me lengthy essays on the glory of Harry Potter, which I don’t read, but look at that zeal! And look at how virulent your defense of Harry is, how no one can push you away from liking this ridiculous story of wizards and whatever, but then, look at how you would allow some random person, some Sheikh, some whoever, to shake your faith in God. You wouldn’t do that for Harry Potter, but you let it happen with Islam? Because you don’t understand something? Because you talk about how important and how jarring this is for you, but you don’t have the patience to search my index page, or go to dar-alifta.org, or search “partytilfajr (issue of concern here)” on Google [it actually works well], and I’m supposed to believe that you’re giving Islam a fair shake when I see you turn around and fight for days on some useless issue? Please.

… if you do these things, then I probably delete your question, but I really only do it when you have not gone to my index page before messaging me. It’s easy, partytilfajr.tumblr.com/index, hit control+F and search keywords, or go to Google, type in partytilfajr, then some issue, and you’ll probably find something I wrote. Also, check out Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi’s The Lawful and the Prohibited, there are translated pdfs all over the internet, and of course, dar-alifta.org has lots of answers, too.