It's not just a job, gang. We're gonna learn a lot from these seniors. Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. [points to Shenshen] Divorced, [points to Fiyero] dated two gay girls, [points to Avaric] divorced twice, [points to Crope and Tibbett] jury's still out on you two, [points to Boq] and Boq, who knows.
I've been happily married for 28 years. We all went to college with my wife Milla.
On this day 22 years ago, across the US and Canada, the first wave of Philes arose from slumber. Unbeknownst to these individuals, their quest was to begin at 9PM EST. By 10PM, the message was clear: They were to build a ship.
At first, these humble builders did not know why they were tasked to construct such a monstrous vessel to house a pair. But they did not question the silent voice telling them to gather, polish and shape the wood. As the year continued on, more Philes joined and a hull began to take shape. Their numbers grew and they became significant enough to band together as a tribe called Shippers. By the end of year two, a solid, stoic ship stood tall in the middle of their land on The Internet.
Over the next six years, the Shippers slaved over their vessel. They defended it from the enemy tribe NoRomos, they repaired holes created by abductions, cancer, and other such horrors by plugging them with fan fiction, art and videos. They knew the rains would come and the ship must float. Sinking was not an option.
Year seven brought the rain and the ensuing flood began to drown NoRomos. They were not able to cause any further damages. The Shippers chained themselves to the vessel, vowing to keep it afloat against all costs. In the eighth and ninth years, Shippers lost many crew to the damages the vessel endured, yet still she floated on. The OTP of all OTPs.
Over the years following, quiet waters led some of the tribe to abandon ship. The days of IWTB repaired of some of the damages, but still more crew was lost. Those that remained chained worked double time to keep the ship afloat.
Finally, the golden age of Netlfix reigned down upon the Shippers and their vessel. At last, new Shippers boarded with new ways to plug the holes: Tumblr and memes and live chats and more. The Shippers rejoiced, happy to share the load.
Those early Philes were unaware they were building the Mother ship: the ship against which all later ships would be judged. Though there are other tribes sailing ships in the waters now, they led the fleet. The first of their kind.
They built the good ship MSR; and, still she floats, with crew new and old alike. Always searching, always repairing, just like the OTP they carry.