original post by me yay

Sexting in Open Court

@barbabangme I am taking a break from smut forever after this omfg.  I hope it’s not too shit babe.
I am so tired rn but I had to post this tonight. I will be back to writing my fluffy stuffs next week guys. 

Lets put this cute gif of Rafi on it cos why not.

His face totally says “Yeah but you can’t send dirty messages like this and still win your case tho can you?” asdfghjkdsghsdjk I need sleep loool bye

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Haylijah Appreciation Week

Day Seven: Free choice.

I had another post planned for this last day, but it was taking so long for me to make it, and this last episode had so much Haylijah content, and I saw some things people were saying (especially regarding Hayley) that I don’t necessarily agree with, so I decided to write a little something about this episode instead - specifically that scene. Yes, you know the one. The one everyone would like to pretend never happened (although, personally, I think the scene where Elijah told Hayley that he’s moving out is more heartbreaking, but that’s neither here nor there). Anyway, here are some of my thoughts on Haylijah in this episode.
It took me a while to understand what Elijah was thinking when he went to see Hayley for that scene, and the conclusion I came to was that even though they had their goodbye time together a couple episodes ago, Elijah never really, truly believed he and Hayley were over. There was some part of him, probably a big part judging by his hopeful, soft, lovey-dovey expressions before that scene (his body language reminded me of their domestic kitchen scene, when Elijah was nervous to be around her), there was some part of him that was convinced there was still hope for them to end up together - that, somehow, the wedding wouldn’t actually happen, that everything would work out.
This confused me at first, because Elijah is so smart, a strategist who can’t breathe without thinking twenty steps into the future, so how could he have missed something as huge as the end of their relationship? Let’s think, for a moment, about the life he’s lived. His family cheats death repeatedly. Someone dies, they come back to life. People jump from body to body. Elijah’s world, from the time his parents invented vampires, has been comprised of endings that aren’t absolute. Someone’s dying? Whatever. Vampire. Problem solved. Someone’s dead? Okay, let’s bring them back, because there are clearly so many ways to do it. The love of your life is getting married? No problem.
Except the love of his life is Hayley, and Hayley didn’t grow up in this magic world. She grew up in a world where if someone died, they stayed dead. If someone became a hybrid, there was no going back to being just a wolf. If someone ended a relationship, that relationship was over. Remember that Hayley is a doer, not a planner like Elijah. She doesn’t spend so much time in her head. She said goodbye to Elijah, and he let her leave, and as far as she was concerned, that was the end of it. There was no going back. In contrast to Elijah’s expressions prior to that scene, look at Hayley’s. She’s accepted their circumstances, braced herself for them, resigned herself to them. She is completely prepared to move on with her life. Look at her smile when she sees Elijah in the doorway. She looks sad, bittersweet, because in her mind Elijah’s already become her lost love. And, in Hayley’s world, lost loves don’t come back from the dead.
But Elijah, in the mindset of someone who grew up in a world where anything is possible, who’s just gone through an emotionally-draining ordeal that left him in less control of his feelings, who’s just spent the night with the woman he loves for the first time and has just begun to envision what it would be like to actually be with her, refuses to give up on them just yet. And it’s heartbreaking. It’s heartbreaking, and tragic, because Elijah walks into that room so open, soul laid bare, willingly wearing his heart on his sleeve. He went into that room the way someone in our world gets ready to propose. All his love was on his face and his tragically sweet googly eyes.
And you can tell that Hayley could see it (and how could she not? he wasn’t even trying to hide how he felt anymore) by how she immediately closes off. What’s important to note here is that she had already said goodbye to him. She had already felt that pain, mourned what could have been, and sealed those feelings away in a box to ignore in willful ignorance for the rest of eternity, like any normal hybrid entering into an arranged marriage would do. What Elijah was about to say (and, let’s be honest, we all know what he was about to say) would just open up that box and bring out all those painful feelings again, for no reason, because there is no going back in Hayley’s world, remember? In her mind, she and Elijah had missed their chance, and him bringing this up to her again, now, when she had already prepared herself to be married to someone else, was completely unfair. And hearing those words he’d never said to her, but she’d always known he felt? That would an equisite kind of torture, and Hayley chose to opt out of that.
So she tells him not to say what he had intended to say. She tells him not to keep living on false hope, to accept what she’s already accepted, not to cause both of them more unnecessary pain. Look at how she’s shaking her head at him. She’s denying the idea of hope, the idea that maybe there’s still a chance for them. She isn’t saying no, I don’t love you, she’s saying no, Hayley, don’t get your hopes up, keep it together, you know that this is not going to happen. Do not let yourself believe in the possibility of a happy ending with Elijah.
Let’s take a minute to look at this from Hayley’s perspective. From the very beginning of their relationship (I’ve said this before and I stand by it), Hayley’s been the one pushing for more. Granted most of the time it ended up being more of a gentle nudge than a push, maybe even just a couple pokes really, but it was always Hayley being the first to dip her toes in the “what if we were more than friends?” water. And what happened? Elijah said no. She went to hold his hand, he pulled away and said it’s not safe, then he held her hand, and then he left. She kissed him first, and he left. She gave him the opportunity to give her a reason to not marry Jackson, and he literally told her to marry someone else. So many of their conversations were basically just Hayley silently daring him to give them a chance, urging him to give her any sign that there was hope for them, and regardless, she did hold out hope for a very, very long time. Despite Elijah’s mixed signals, his backwards way of keeping her safe, his ‘noble’ tendencies, she kept putting herself out there for him, and for what? To have him tell her to marry someone else. He had so many chances to do something about his feelings for her, and he chose not to. It was his decision. And then, after Hayley has finally said goodbye to that relationship, finally committed herself to life without him, finally started to move on, that is when he decides to do something? No. No, it’s not fair of him to do this now. No, it’s too cruel. No, no, no.
The thing is, if we take away all the werewolf army/protecting Hope/ruling New Orleans whatnot, if the choice is simply Elijah or Jackson, period, and if Hayley chooses Jackson, she isn’t really choosing Jackson. She’s choosing easy over hard. She’s choosing stability over uncertainty. Her life was incredibly difficult and lonely, and then miraculously, she found two amazing men at the same time. One was a great love - passionate, intense, painful. Like Hayley said, since the moment she met Elijah, she has felt everything for him. And everything means everything. Love, hate, sadness, anger, everything. He makes her feel so much. But he is also uncertain. He’s spent most of their relationship pulling away from her romantically, setting up boundaries between them. He’s changed his mind now, sure, but who’s to say he won’t change his mind again? Hayley has no way of knowing. Choosing Elijah would be choosing intense feeling, love more intense than she’d ever known, but it would also be risking her heart more than she’d ever risked it. And then there’s Jackson, about whom she cares very much, but he doesn’t make her feel everything. When she told Elijah she thought that Jackson could make her happy, she was telling the truth, but the only happiness she’ll find with Jackson is a calm, peaceful contentment. When Hayley’s heart is on the line, Jackson is safety. Elijah is dangerous. Jackson is to Elijah what a soft breeze is to a hurricane. He’s pleasant, and she’ll always be grateful he’s there, but will she ever hate him? Probably not. Does he have the potential to destroy her? Not so much. But he also doesn’t have the potential to be as exciting, as wild as Elijah is. She’ll never feel as alive with Jackson as she does with Elijah.
And that’s what she wants right now. She’s been through so much pain in her life, choosing the calm summer breeze over the wild storm seems like a smart idea. Keep in mind that Hayley’s number one priority right now is keeping her daughter. All she wants is to spend time with Hope, and that will be so much easier if she’s linked to a man she trusts to be steadfast in his feelings for her.
What we need to keep in mind is that this is very much a right now decision. This is not a lifelong commitment Hayley is making. If Jackson were a hybrid and she were faced with spending an eternity with him, I don’t think she would have gone through with it as easily as she did. But, as it is, there’s an expiration date on this marriage, and when that time comes, she will have spent enough time in that stable relationship to have healed her heart enough to be willing to risk it on that storm again. Not that I think Hayley is planning on getting together with Elijah after Jackson dies. I don’t think she’s thinking that far ahead. She’s just thinking about how to keep her daughter and herself safe, and this is the best way to do it.
But that’s not the reasoning Hayley gave Elijah, is it? No, she told him that it was because he could never tell her how he felt. Like I said, he could never fully make that commitment. She gave him so many opportunities, but he never said the words. She probably thought he’d never say the words, maybe even began to doubt that he felt them at all. And for some of us, it might be hard to understand why it’s so important that Elijah never said “I love you” while Jackson did, freely, without coercion and with no expectation of hearing it in return. It’s even hard for me to understand, because it’s so unlike me, but in trying to understand these two characters, it’s vitally important to realise that it is essential to Hayley that she surround herself with people who show her affection openly, who are honest about their feelings. She needs to know, at all times, where she stands with her family. If I had to guess, I would say that this comes from being so alone throughout her life, from never really feeling as though she belonged anywhere or as though anyone truly valued her. But, regardless of the why, the fact is that Hayley needs the person she ends up with to be able to communicate with her about his feelings. She needs that in her life. She needs the reassurance of someone choosing her above everyone else. She needs to know, absolutely, to hear it in words, that she is loved. And from her experience with Elijah, he is not a man who can do that (and Hayley, as always, respects his character - instead of trying to change him, she tells him that it’s okay for him to be the way he is - which is the truth, because that’s the man with whom she fell in love, after all) no matter what his actions may indicate. Can Elijah become the sort of man who is open about his feelings? I have no doubt. He’s already taken significant strides in that direction, in this episode alone, and I think that in time, he’ll be able to give Hayley what she needs. But, right now? Not quite.
I applaud Mr. Gillies for his wonderful performance here. Since this scene is essentially Hayley rejecting Elijah, his reactions are what make it so heartbreaking, and he did a wonderful job. Stabbing myself in the face might be less painful than literally watching Elijah’s heart break. But I think that Elijah needed this, because he’s been under the assumption that Hayley would always just be there, waiting for him, and all he would have to do is change his mind and voila, they’d be together. No. No, he needs to contribute, too. The thing is that Elijah, like Hayley, has suffered a great amount of pain in his life and, like Hayley, he’s responded by closing himself off. The difference is that loving Hayley is what inspired Elijah to start to open up again - not a lot, just a crack in his armour, but it’s a start. He’ll get there. Hayley, on the other hand, closed off because of Elijah, because saying goodbye to him forever was too painful for her. So while Elijah was just beginning to allow himself to believe in the possibility of another love, Hayley was determinedly shoving that possibility as far out of her mind as possibile, because Elijah never gave her any hint that could see a relationship with her. Hopefully what Elijah learns from this is to seize opportunities, to spend less time weighing options or worrying about consequences. I want to see him evolve, develop, improve. He deserves that. He deserves better than remaining static for eternity. But I digress.
His face when Hayley tells him that he never said those words is so important. That’s his 'I messed up’ face. That’s the face of a man who is realising, in one sickening, horrifying instant, that’s he’s made a horrendous mistake that he may never get the opporunity to rectify. That is the face of Elijah realising that he has lost Hayley, and the worst part is, he could have prevented it. He had every opportunity. He was perfectly capable of preventing this from happening. But he didn’t.
I’ve seen people calling Hayley cruel in this scene, and in a way I agree with them, though I’m not sure there’s a way to break someone’s heart without being cruel. But we have to remember that Hayley has struggled for a long time. And she’s young, probably younger than some of you reading this. She’s been through a lot, and she’s been incredibly unhappy, and been in so much pain. Her life has been so hard. She just wants things to be easy. She just wants to wake up able to hold her daughter and be happy. She deserves that. She deserves to put herself first. And I will never fault her for standing in front of the man she loves and telling him, as kindly as she knows how, that pursuing their relationship at the moment would just be too painful for her. All she wants is to be happy, and all Elijah wants is for her to be happy - or, at least, that was all he wanted. Now he’s open to being a little selfish every once in a while. Now he wants more.
But he’ll settle for giving Hayley any happiness he can, even if it murders his feelings-place in the process, because he too knows that Hayley deserves it.
Do I think this is the end of Haylijah? Not even a little. They’ll live forever, they have time to find their way back to each other. But for right now they need to focus on healing so that, when they can finally be together, they’ll be able to make it last.