Long days and even longer nights. The days are filled with homework and studying and the nights are filled with loneliness. All you do is think about Shawn. The two of you have been dating for about two and a half years and for the past two months Shawn has been on tour. First he began on his Handwritten promotional tour and then he just jumped right into the European leg of the tour.
You sigh as you roll over to look at the wall of your dorm room and gaze over the photos in the multiple collages you had made. Most of the photos are of you and Shawn. You sprinkled a few photos of friends and family, but because you are about an hour and a half away from home, you see most of them very often.
You trace the outline of Shawn’s face from a polaroid you had taken of him about a year ago.
Your phone rings from the only person that you want to talk to right now; Shawn. you unplug it from the charger and quietly step into the dorm hallway to talk.
“Hey baby, I was just thinking about you.” You whisper.
“(Y/N), (Y/N)…” Shawn begins frantically, “(Y/N) I can’t do this anymore.”
“Shawn baby, stay with me.” You plead. “Everything will be all right. Talk to me.”
“I just, the touring and the people and the constant questions and the photos and the judgement…. I just (Y/N), I can’t do this anymore. (Y/N) I need you.” Shawn says, you can tell if he is crying, but you can hear his heavy breathing.
“Shawn I know I haven’t seen you in a while, but you are always on my mind.” You whisper, “I can never be able to know what you are going through, but always remember that there is so much life ahead of you. It won’t slow down, no matter what you do. You are in a busy month right now and you just have to push through. You have to hold on and if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”
You are lying in Shawn’s bed in his home town of Pickering. Your head is resting peacefully on his chest and his arms are wrapped around you. He draws circles on your forearm as the faint sound of John Mayer is playing in the background.
“Can I ask you a question?” Shawn murmurs.
“Always.” You reply as you look up towards him.
“What is your favorite song on the album?” He asks.
“Hmmm…” you think, “That’s a tough one. i have a lot the I love, but I think my favorite would have to be ‘Hold On’.”
“Why?” Shawn asks with a smile on his face.
“I think all of your songs have passion and meaning to some level, but when I listen to 'Hold On’ I just get this feeling that you are telling a true story.” You begin, “And I know that you and I have had a few conversations like that so I could kind of relate I guess.”
“Funny that 'Hold On’ is your favorite.” Shawn says.
“Oh yeah why?” You give him a puzzled look.
“'Hold On’ is about you.” Shawn begins and immediately your eyes well up with tears, “I have had a couple of conversations like that with my dad, but you are always the first person that I call. That conversation is a literal one that I had with you. Do you remember that night last spring that I called you? You say in the hallway with me and we talked for an hour in the phone? Well right after that I new I wouldn’t be able to sleep so I wrote 'Hold On’. Originally the song went ‘and my girl said Shawn stay with me’, but when I played it for the producers they had me change it to my dad.”
“You really did that?” You ask for while tears stream down your cheeks.
“Here,” Shawn says as he reaches into his table side drawer and pulls out a crumpled piece of lined paper. “This is the original lyric sheet. See it still says 'my girl’.”
You look at his hand writing and it’s true, he really did this for you. You knew that Shawn loved you but there was no better way to prove it. He gave you the paper that night and it hung on your wall for years to come, forever actually. Shawn expressed his love in many ways after that, but this was truly a gift and nothing could change it. You would never be able to listen to 'Hold On’ the same again.
Digging through boxes, found a stack of my original lyric sheets from the Opheliac album… This scrap of paper is the first time I wrote down this phrase from Let The Record Show. Before the Asylum, before I ever met you, before everything… But while I breathe..