original badass

evolution of tahu

Original:

Fucking badass. The coolest toy you’ll ever own. I remember when me and my mom were on vacation in New York City and mom came back from Chinatown with a Tahu in her hands and gave it to me. I was the happiest fucking seven year old that ever existed. I love you, classic Tahu.

Nuva:

Holy shit. Holy shit is that a fucking surfboard that comes with the toy? He comes with two fire swords that turn in to a surfboard? and he’s got badass new armor? holy fucking shit dude. I am so on board. the mask is a bit weird but otherwise i’m 100% down to clown with this bad motherfucker 

Mistika:

What in god’s name is this shit? Who is this person? This isn’t Tahu! What the hell happened? He doesn’t even have a fire sword? Who is this? More like “Mistake-a.” What a clownshoes effort. Nobody here tried. I hate this. Get lost.

Stars:

Tahu??? Is that you??? Or is this your son??? What’s going on? I dig the sword and the original mask, but what happened to you??? Why are you so dumpy and short? There’s no meat on you! No meat! Where’d my beautiful strong lavaboy go? 

Master of Fire:

Oh dude, you’re back! You’re all beefed up! You got the lava surfboard and everything! Dude, it’s awesome to see you again! I respect what you’re going for here! 

Uniter of Fire:

Holy shit dude, are you okay? You kinda hulked out there. You look like an angry god now. I’m super down, dude. You look great. Nice pecs. Nice gold. I’m not sure what the fuck those swords are but you do you I guess. 

2

‘Araya Flamefist hails from a monastery deep within jagged and forbidding Spine of the World mountains, where discipline and attaining balance of all four elements is valued above all else. Her eagerness to prove herself in battle and tendency to seek out combat whenever she could was what ultimately saw her sent out into the world to recruit new acolytes for the monastery. Together with her raven Tenzin, her elvenphant Kyoshi and a group of adventurers that are almost family to her, she now battles the Cult of the Dragon… or Dragon Club, as she has taken to calling them.’  

~ This engaging fire genasi Monk was commissioned by the gratuitous Charredlore, for one of his adventurers.


‘Located within the North Ward of Waterdeep, just off to the side of the High Road, lies Lingrim’s Lustrous Loot – a shop that sells magical weaponry, armor and trinkets. It is owned by Grimhildur Goldenshield and Aralinathra Syolkiir: an incredibly enthusiastic Dwarven lass with the most marvelous of crimson beards and her long-suffering, tall and graceful moon Elven wife, respectively. They were all too glad to finally find a group of adventurers that they could sponsor in return for a hefty increase to their revenue. Contracts were signed, garbs and armor enchanted with their insignia, and off into the world Araya and her friends went to foister faintly sparkling pamphlets onto just about everyone.’   

 ~ This fancy shield belongs to the OC’s of Charredlore. A crest design in the distinctive golden ‘Dwarf-Deco’ style in combination with a stylish purple ‘Elf-nouveau’ (or ‘Elvendstil’ if you like) eye, if I may be so bold to label the styles myself ;)…

One day, I’ll be able to introduce myself with a simple hello

When they ask for my name, I’ll be able to say: “You know who I am.”

They’ll frown. They’ll think. Their lips will part. Tiny cogs start turning inside their head.

“So you are,” they will say. “You are - oh.” 

I won’t say anything until their eyes go wide. “Oh,” they will repeat.

“Yes,” I’ll say, amused and impatient, already pushing my sleeves up. “Now close your mouth and pull yourself together. We’ve got work to do.”

It’s so fucking frustrating that the first Jurassic Park was more progressive than the most recent installment.

In the first, Alan’s character arc revolved around taking care of two kids and learning to be more paternal – putting the onus of childcare on a guy instead of a lady for a change – while Ellie’s arc involved calling men out on their bullshit, outrunning cheetah-fast raptors, and getting the power back on so everyone could get their asses off the island.

Meanwhile, Jurassic World was all about society telling Claire she needed to be more maternal, and saddling her with a pair of really shitty nephews to take care of, while Owen got to ride around on a motorcycle with his sweet raptor pack. And even though Claire LITERALLY SAVED EVERYONE’S BACON (luring the Original Badass T-Rex to take out Indominus, shooting off the pteranodon before it could peck Owen to death), the movie ends with the message that Owen was still the big manly hero while Claire finally ~appreciates being maternal~. Because her life – which involved being the head of one of the biggest attractions in the world – wasn’t complete without children in it.

FOR SHAAAAAAME.