origin of writing

i’m alone
and afraid
with no one to hold
and while everyone is loving
im freezing in the dark
i’m not allowed in the warm
because it’s for lovers only
and i have no one to call my own
so as i stand here in the dead of winter
freezing to perfection
the rest of you can just keep warm
and just forget about me


Once upon a time, my dear friend Palak @stylishmuser had a dream. She told me that dream and then, within the same day, this video happened. I’m here to put that dream into words. Please enjoy.

Also, @stylesunchained…I dared. I’m sorry.


Harry was waiting patiently for someone on the other end of the phone to answer his call. He had called exactly when he always did; 6:30 on the dot in London, which was half an hour before his daughter went to bed. The nightly ritual had been the same for the past two weeks; he would call before bedtime, talk to his little girl as soon as she had her pajamas on, say goodnight before you tucked her in, and then call back after she was asleep and talk to you until his eyes started to droop. It wasn’t ideal - he would have much rather been home with the two of you - but it was better than nothing.

The familiar and sweet sound of your voice finally echoed in his ears and he saw your face pop up on the tiny screen.

“Hey you,” you smiled, “How are you?”

“Tired,” he replied, rubbing at his eyes a bit to keep them focused, “Lots of meetings and interviews today. Is she still up?”

“Of course. I’ve just had her run and brush her teeth; she should be out soon, she knows what time it is.”

Another few minutes went by as you and Harry talked about what had been going on, but you knew Harry was getting antsy to talk to someone else. As much as he loved conversations with you, he only had a limited time with his daughter before she fell asleep.

“(Y/D/N)!” you called, turning your head, “Daddy’s on the phone and he’s waiting for you!”

It was only a few seconds before the thumping of tiny feet could be heard running down the hallway. A moment later, Harry saw the wild hair of his three-year-old appear in frame and he chuckled.

“Hi, monkey,” he said, waving.

“Hi daddy!”

“I miss you. How are you?”

“I’m good. I went to Nana’s today and Auntie Gem was there!”

Harry grinned. “Was she? That sounds like fun. Did she let you play salon with her hair again?”

His daughter nodded, excitedly. That was one thing Harry was so thankful for; a sister who didn’t care if her niece wanted to poke, prod, braid or twist her hair within an inch of its life. Gemma was always game for a little ‘toddler spa day’.

“Daddy, guess how many more days!!”

“Hmm,” Harry thought, “I don’t know. Tell me.”

She held up both hands, folding two fingers down.

“Only this many! An’ then you’ll be home, daddy!”

Keep reading


Elijah: No! Invite us in, you have to invite us in!
Y/N: I…
Kol: Come on!
Y/N: Invite…
Klaus: Now!
Y/N: You in…

As soon as the words had been spoken, Elijah hurried towards you, giving you his blood to heal your deadly wounds, while Klaus and Kol went straight to the attacker and killed him. Your three unusual knights in shining armours had saved your life once again.



[in-soo-see-uh nt; French an-soo-syahn

1. free from concern, worry, or anxiety; carefree; nonchalant.

1820-1830; Insouciant entered English from French, based on the French verb soucier meaning “to worry.” Ultimately it finds its roots in the Latin sollicitāre meaning “to disturb.”

“You need to be flagrantly insouciant.
You care way too much.
And because of that you will be paralyzed for life and miss out on everything.”
Wendy Wunder, The Museum of Intangible Things

I Am

“I Am”

I’m a plane without wings
You wouldn’t want to fly
I’m a bird who can’t sing
An unlucky kind of guy
I’m a car without wheels
You wouldn’t want to drive
I’m a drug that can’t heal
Or keep you alive

I’m a boat that can’t float
You wouldn’t want to sail
I’m a ballot you can’t vote
Because the names aren’t unveiled
I’m a train without conductors
Soon to be derailed
I’m a story without structure
Such a boring tale

I’m a poem without form
You wouldn’t want to read
I’m a bed without a dorm
Not comfy enough to sleep
I’m a ghost who can’t scare
Lofting through the breeze
I’m fireworks without flare
That you wouldn’t want to see

I’m a show without an act
That’s not very funny
I’m a race without a track
So don’t waste your money
I’m a shirt without seams
You wouldn’t want to wear
I’m a lost, broken dream
Free from most cares

I’m a tree without leaves
Barren and alone
I’m the pollution in seas
Poisoining your homes
I’m a dog without bark
Who doesn’t have a voice
I’m a shadow in the dark
Never given a choice

I’m disease under skin
Who wants to disappear
I’m a game you cant win
In which the rules aren’t clear
I’m a scar with no pain
Nor a memory attached
I am blood that can’t stain
No matter how much I scratch

I’m valor without vigor
I’m not a driving force
I’m a gun with no trigger
And lacking bullets of course
I’m a map with no direction
But I’ll always point you to hell
I’m a teacher without lessons
Or a wedding without bells

I’m a riddle without answers
You’ll always wonder why
I’m the cells that are cancer
Waiting patiently to die
I’m a question with no solution
Lost every day
I’m a mirror casting confusion
I see myself and look away

I am sorrow without the tears
I am fright without the fears
I am a figure without the eight
I am everything I hate
I am a painting without color
I am the sunlight without summer
I am the ocean without the wet
I am everything you’ll forget

Father II

read part one here

Read the story on ao3 here

“Pomona honey!” Called Poppy out. “Urgent letter from Hogwarts for you!”

Pomona Pomfrey-Sprout smiled when she saw her wife standing in the door of their little cottage. After nearly forty years of marriage she was still very much in love with her. “Coming! I just have one more mandrake to plant!”

She made quick work of the last little bugger, then hurried off towards the house. It was probably Neville again, asking her for tips on how to handle his particularly nasty first year Ravenclaws, who always tried to corner him with complex questions about subjects more fitted for fifth years. It was a clever technique to disturb lessons and avoid homework.

“Here.” Poppy handed her a cup of tea, the letter and a morning kiss. “If it’s Neville again you should tell him to just floo in next time. I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“Will do, will do.” She opened the letter.

Dear Pomona,

I’m sorry to say that Malfoy has fallen ill. It’s nothing serious as far as I know, but he won’t be able to teach for a while. I persuaded Minerva to let Harry take care of him until he’s back on his feet, and I am now taking over the defence classes. I was hoping that you might be willing to replace me in herbology while I do so. It would be greatly appreciated.

Hope to see you soon,


Pomona smiled. “As much as I love to see you in just a bathrobe.” She pulled her wife into a hug that became a kiss. “I’m afraid we have to get going. Hogwarts needs us.”

“I hope those two will finally find each other now. Pomona used to grow Devil’s snare, a plant known for it’s slow pollination, but even they never took more than a year to get together.” Madam Pomfrey crossed her legs and took a sip of tea from the cup Neville had offered her. She had arrived ten minutes ago, and while Pomona had immediately left for the gardens, Poppy had stayed with Neville to catch up a bit.

“Did you just compare Malfoy and Harry with Devil’s Snare?” Asked Neville.

“Maybe…” Poppy took another sip of tea, using the cup to hide her smile. It was about time Harry found some happiness, and Malfoy wasn’t undeserving of it either after everything he’d done for the school.

“I think I’d best be off to the greenhouses now. You never know what those first years will do when faced with a new teacher, and my darling girl isn’t the youngest anymore.”

“I don’t think we have anything to fear in that department. I suspect even in her sleep she’d still be able to teach seventh year Ravenclaws.”

“I know…” Poppy sighed. “But back in the day I made her fall for me when I helped her with a tough class. I wouldn’t mind reliving that moment.” She smiled at the memory.

Neville laughed. “That’s actually really cute.”

“Yeah, Pomona and I are sometimes quite  sappy for each other.”

“You mean sapphic for each other?”

Poppy gave him a sharp, disapproving look. Neville threw his hands up in defence. “I wasn’t going to leave that perfect opportunity unused okay, you know me.”

Poppy rolled with her eyes and got ready to leave.

“I’ll see you during lunch!” Called Neville after her. He knew she secretly loved his puns, even though she would never admit it out loud.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’m here, I’ll get you out of this mess. Don’t you go thinking that I won’t. You’re my friend now and I don’t fail my friends.” Harry was stroking Malfoy’s perfect blond hair. He knew the other man wasn’t listening to his ramblings, he’d fallen asleep some time ago, but Harry needed to say it for himself. Needed to believe it was true.

He actually had no idea how he was going to stop Lucius from retrialing except for marching into the ministry and straight up forcing the minister to refuse Draco’s dad his basic wizarding rights. Not that he had anything against that idea, but he knew Draco would never accept it.

He sighed, and pulled out his wand to sent a patronus to Minerva, telling her that he wasn’t able to teach his classes that day. He didn’t want to think about the consequences of the memory he used to conjure it. How he was getting Malfoy out of this mess was his top priority, not the reasons behind his desire to do so.

Harry tried to relax a bit, and tightened his arms around Malfoy. There was a certain calmth coming from his body pressing on top of him. His weight was somewhat reassuring.

While he stared at the ceiling, his thoughts drifted to that one sentence again. What kind of monster do you have to be, in order to make your own father hate you.

The words had shocked him. Apparently Malfoy blamed himself for what his dad was doing, like after all those years of hard work and good deeds he still somehow hadn’t been good enough. Like all of this was caused by him not trying his best instead of his father being a total shitbag.

Harry didn’t understand how Malfoy could still love his dad, how he could still care about his opinion after everything he’d done. But he also felt out off his debt, because he didn’t know what it was like to have a dad. He had no idea how Malfoy felt and for now he could do nothing more than hold him, tell him it wasn’t his fault, hoping that would somehow be enough.

But deep down he knew it wasn’t.

When the afternoon neared its second half Malfoy slowly started to wake up.

“Hey.” Harry greeted him with a warm smile. Malfoy groaned, and turned his head away.

“Please tell me I didn’t cry myself to sleep in your arms.” He whispered.

Harry tightened said arms around him. It was his way of saying that Malfoy shouldn’t get weird ideas like getting up, because Harry wasn’t letting him go. “You kind of did. But that’s okay. We all have our bad days.”

Malfoy let out a huge sigh. “Fuck.” He readjusted himself on top of Harry, a difficult task because Harry’s arms held him in a deadlock. “You know you can’t solve every problem in the world with a good hug right?”

“I know.” Answered Harry. “But I can try.”

Suddenly he got a broad smile on his face. “Hey Malfoy, you do realise you just called me a good hugger, right?”

“Did I say good?” Malfoy lifted his head from Harry’s chest. His eyes were still red from crying, but the despair that had reflected in them earlier was gone. “I meant terrible. You’re nearly murdering me in your arms, your shoulders are too bony, your…. Ugh.” Harry wrapped his arms around Malfoy even tighter, like he was trying to push all the air out of his lungs.

“What was it you were saying about my hugging qualities?”

Malfoy opened his mouth to answer, but could barely say a word because Harry cranked up his muscle power even more. “Great…” Malfoy gasped for breath. “Greatest hugger…”

“That’s what I thought.” And Harry loosened his grip.



Malfoy let his head rest on Harry’s chest. They lay silently in each other’s arms for a while before Malfoy spoke again. “I suppose there’s no chance…”

“No Malfoy, indeed there isn’t. I am not going to not talk about what happened.” Said Harry with a stubborn tone in his voice.


“But what? Malfoy we’ve worked together for two years now. I consider you to be my friend, no matter how weird that might sound. And friends don’t abandon each other when something like this happens, even if it’s not the easiest subject to talk about.”

Malfoy sighed, defeated, and rolled off of Harry. “Could we postpone talking about it then? I think it still has to sink in a bit.”

“Sounds reasonable.” Answered Harry, whose stomach grumbled loudly.

The sound made Malfoy’s eyes widen, and he pushed himself up to a sitting position. He looked worried. Even though it had been nearly two years since Harry had beaten his depression, his lack of appetite had never really left. Malfoy hadn’t really been lying when he complained about bony shoulders.

“Potter, have you eaten?” Harry was suddenly very busy studying the ceiling.

“You haven’t, have you?” Malfoy checked his watch. “Both breakfast and lunch?” Harry sat up as well now, but still refused to look at Malfoy.

“Dammit Potter. You were doing so well before.”

“But this was to blame on the circumstances!” Said Harry defensively.

“Circumstances my ass, any normal person would have called a house elf for some food.” Malfoy sounded more concerned that angry. Harry would have prefered him angry, he didn’t want anyone worrying about him. Especially not Malfoy, who shouldn’t have anything on his mind but his dad at the moment.

"You and I both know I’m not…”

“No, Potter. You are indeed not a normal person, you’re the boy who lived. But that doesn’t mean you don’t need food in order to stay that way.”

“You haven’t eaten either though.” Harry realised how weak his excuse was, and he cast his eyes down at the duvet. He knew he should have eaten but it had slipped his mind again, like it so often did.

“I was out cold, you were not. You can’t keep skipping meals like this Potter.” Harry slowly looked up, and Malfoy caught and held his gaze.

Malfoy’s eyes were no longer red from crying, instead they contained a spark. A fire.

Harry didn’t think he’d ever seen Malfoy like this before. The life in his grey eyes did something with him. It captured him. It calmed him down. It made him believe Malfoy would never not be there to remind him of the little things.

“You care.” The words were soft, surprised, filled with something Harry had never felt before.

“Of course I do.” Malfoy didn’t cave this time, though he felt more emotions rush through his veins now then he did that morning. Harry only now noticed Malfoy was holding his hand. “Of course I care.”

I really don’t know what to think of this…. I feel like I could have done better but I’ve started over 3 times already so clearly I can’t

but I hope to have come somewhat close to people’s expectations anyway

If you want me to write a part 3 soon then following me will help with that; I post a new piece every time I hit a memorable number of followers, for this piece that’s 350 (OMG that’s a lot!?)

Thank you all so much for your enthuosiasm! Here are the people who wanted to be tagged/were really positive about the previous piece: (Also, shoot me a message if you’re still willing to hear from me when I post again)

@zuzzersten66 @ellabella8185 @mullistus @princess-ikol @dracomightlovespotter @shoshiti @reallyimpossibleartisan @ladyontheave @aelizabethf @blarrrrrrrrrrg @theoriginalshamelessnightmare @miniemcgee @imagine-drarry @alvorota @somethingabouttheway

sometimes quiet is violent

Can a man still be brave if he’s afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave. - GRRM

In other words, Credence set himself out on an impossible search and rescue mission for the real Percival Graves and, to his astonishment, succeeds.

Read Part 1 of 2 on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10723539/chapters/23761023

From Spring To Spring I Smile

March 1985—Separation No.2

In those long, dark months he had waited. He had reached out to nothing and felt only shadows in his grasp, only bitterness; brought from the pain of wanting something he knew he couldn’t have. It hurt like hell. It made him cry and it made him break and it stayed with him always.

But now she was back. She had fallen into his arms like a building on its last legs collapsing to the ground, bringing up dust in its wake.

She was back and she was breathing and she was alive, and it was beautiful. She was beautiful, but she was broken. It wasn’t an easy fix for her like it was for him.

Her smiles were rare, and small, like cracks in stones. They lit up a room as does the sun shining through the boughs of trees on a summer day.

Keep reading

I like it when your teeth

 create patches of violets

 on my body (a touch-starved

 garden)–in the crevice of my neck

where rainwater glistens,

and down the barren

 soil of my


Is there something beyond pure touch

blooming between our bare chests,

or are you just another weed in my heart

that I’ll never bring myself

 to pull?
—  s.j. // violets
For The Love Of Harry, Part One

Okay, everyone! After reading dozens and dozens of Harry fanfics, I’ve decided to throw one of mine into the pot. I’ve been writing Harry stories for a couple of years now, having dozens stored in my database, but not having the confidence to share them with another soul. I’ve been writing for years, but I’m new to the world of fan fiction, so please bear with me. I normally write novel/screenplay stories, so fanfics are a new challenge, and I love a good challenge. I wrote in the narrative of what I like to read personally, placing the reader in the story. This is Part One of my first shared story. I appreciate any feedback from anyone who will offer it, as this will determine if I continue writing them for you, or fall back to writing them only for myself. With a good enough response, I would be happy to share more, and accept prompts and ideas for further writing. As a small note, Part One only contains a hint toward the smut. I tend to like a bit of smut, but my main focus is to offer a good, hopefully believable, story with relatable characters. I struggle with a feeling of guilt concerning smut, feeling that it could be offensive toward Harry personally, sexualizing him and such. That’s my own demon to face. What I know is I love writing stories involving Harry. He’s a fun character to write, and that reflects on what an intriguing person he is in reality. So, here you go! Part One of my first shared writing, For The Love Of Harry.


Hey, mate. You busy?

Harry read the text from his best mate, Alex. He hadn’t talked to him for awhile and decides to call him.

“Hey, H. How’s it going?” his friend asks.

“All is good. What’s up?” Harry replies.

“I was wondering if you’re not busy, if you want to go have a drink? I need to talk to you,” Alex says with a sound of begging in his voice.

Harry, always being a friend, agrees. “Um, sure. I just pulled into the house, so let me run in real quick, then where do you want to meet? Your house?”

“No!” Alex quickly retorted. “No, meet me at O’Leary’s, she has a friend over. Girlie night, you know.”

“Alright,” Harry said. “I’ll meet you there in about….15.”

Alex disconnects the call and walks into the kitchen where his girlfriend and her best friend, Kari, are pouring wine and fixing food. “Sweetheart, I’m going out for a bit,” he states.

You turn and look at him then back at the food. “Oh? Okay, I thought you were going to have dinner with us.”

“No, I’m meeting Harry for a drink. I’ll eat there.”

“Okay,” you offer, a bit irritated at making more food because he had specifically said he was hungry. “Have a good time. Tell Harry I say hi.”

Alex walks to you and kisses your cheek, as you accept it as awkwardly as he gave it. “I will.” He kisses Kari’s cheek then walks to the door, smiling at them. “Don’t have too much fun, ladies.”

“No promises,” you quip.

Alex leaves and Kari looks at you with a strange look. “What the hell is up with that?” she asks.

“Up with what,” you question back, knowing what she means but playing coy.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Kari replies. “Maybe the weird vibes between you and Alex, and the fact that your eyes smiled when he mentioned going to meet Harry.”

You raise your eyebrows. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t fuckin’ lie to your best friend,” Kari admonishes. “You’ll go straight to hell.” You smile. “You will, it’s in the good book.”

“Aw, probably already have a one-way ticket reserved in my name,” you laugh. Kari gives you a look like she isn’t letting it go. “I don’t know, Kar,” you say, looking at your bestie. “I think…I’ve been thinking about…breaking up with Alex.”

“Really?!” Kari asks, shocked. “You’ve been together quite a long time, love. I figured when you let him move in here that you two were in it for good.”

“Two years, yeah,” you say, sadly. “I don’t know, it’s just not working anymore. He used to be…into me, you know? Opened doors for me…did sweet, special things for me…held my hand…kept his arm around me when we were out……he doesn’t do any of that anymore. Hell, we never even go out anymore. The past five times I’ve asked him to take me out, he has an excuse. Either he’s too tired, or he has to work, or he’s busy with a buddy.”

Kari offers hesitantly, “Do you think he’s lying to you?”

You give her a look. “I don’t know. Do you remember the night I called and asked if you wanted to go to the cinema to see that new movie that came out, the one with that cute actor that I told you about but can never remember his name?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kari replies.

“Well,” you say, “When you couldn’t go, and Alex said he was going out with Paul, I decided just to go alone. And who do you think I saw at the cinema?”

“Alex?!” Kari yells.

“No,” you say, “Paul, with his wife. And when I said something about he and Alex having plans that night, he and his wife both started acting all weird and said something about Alex having to go into work or something, but it was the way he acted, like nervous.”

Kari takes a bite of the food you are making. “Did you find out where Alex was?”

“When he got home,” you reply, “he said he had to go into work, but when I questioned him on it, he yelled at me, asking me why I didn’t trust him.”

“No shit?!” Kari says. You nod your head. “Never did trust him.”

“Kari!” You exclaim, shocked at her comment.

“Oh, I’ve never trusted men,” Kari interjects. “Daddy issues, I suppose. Never found a man I could trust. That’s why I love women!” Kari raises her eyebrows up and down with a big smile, making you laugh.


Harry pulls up in front of O’Leary’s Pub and walks inside. He hears a whistle and sees Alex waving him down in a far corner. Harry sits and orders a drink.

“How’s everything, mate?” Alex asks his friend.

Harry smiles and replies. “No complaints, I suppose. You?”

“Oh, I’ve got troubles,” Alex admits, sulking. “Could really use some advice.”

“Not sure I’m one to be asked advice but I’ll help if I can,” Harry answers. “Are you needing money or something?” He has loaned Alex money in the past and he had always been good to pay it back.

“What?” Alex asks. “No, I’m fine that way. That’s not the problem. We’re doing fine.”

“Just asking,” Harry says, apologetically. “She doin’ alright, too? Haven’t seen her in a long time. Been meaning to get together with the two of you, just been busy with work.”

“She’s fine,” Alex assures. “Doing well. You know, stays busy with work and such.”

“Yeah, how’s she liking her new job?” Harry asks.

Alex grins. “She loves it. And she’s good at it, too. You should read her stuff online. It’s good.”

“I’ve read her articles, and yeah, she really is,” Harry agrees. “So what’s going on?”

Alex looks at him seriously. “I want to ask you a favor.”

“Sure,” Harry says.

“For awhile,” Alex continues, “I’ve sensed…she isn’t happy.”

Harry pops his brow questioningly. “What you mean…not happy in her life in general? Not happy with you? What?”

Alex sighs. “I don’t know…with me, I think.”

Harry nods. “Been together a couple of years now, haven’t you?”

Alex makes a confused face. “Eh…something like that, I guess.”

“You don’t know how long you’ve been with your girl that you live with?” Harry questions, surprised.

“Never much been good with dates and such,” Alex admits.

“So,” Harry continues, “What’s the favor, mate? Want me to talk to her, see if I can figure out what’s bothering her?”

“Sort of,” Alex wavers. “Not exactly.”

Harry chuckles. “You’re going to have to be more specific, I think. I’m confused what you’re asking.”

Alex blurts, “I want you to sleep with her.”

Harry chokes on his drink, spewing it from his mouth across the table and coughing. He takes a breath and wipes his face, looking at Alex with a look of shock. “Don’t think I heard that right. Say again?”

“I want you to sleep with her,” Alex repeats.

“Ok, maybe I did hear that right,” Harry exhales loudly. “What the fuck, Alex? She’s your girl!”

“I know,” Alex replies.

“Why would you want another man to sleep with your girl?” Harry questions. “Especially your best mate!”

Alex practically yells, “She’s not happy, Harry!”

“You’ve said!” Harry exclaims. “But what makes you think that me sleeping with her would make her happy? How is that going to fix whatever troubles you’re having with her? And why in hell would you think that she would be okay with sleeping with someone besides you? She doesn’t seem that type.”

“We…um,” Alex stammers. “We have…an open relationship!”

“Open relationship?” Harry asks, unbelieving. “Like…you sleep with other people…and you’re both okay with that?”

“Yeah!” Alex interjects. “Yeah, that’s right!”

“So, if you’re both sleeping with other people,” Harry questions, “Why are you asking me to sleep with her?”

Alex scrambles for a reply. “Um…”

Harry sighs. “Alex, just be honest with me.”

“I don’t think I’m satisfying her sexually,” Alex sighs. “In any respect, honestly. We argue, we don’t spend time together, we rarely have sex anymore, and when we do, she…doesn’t seem like she’s really…having her orgasm. I think she fakes it…for my sake, I’m sure.”

Harry tries to read his friend. “You think she’s getting it somewhere else, which is leaving her unsatisfied with you?” Alex hesitates then nods. “But are you getting it somewhere else, which could be what is leaving her unsatisfied?”

Alex looks at Harry, irritated. “Whose side are you on, friend?”

Harry breathes. “Not on anyone’s side, Alex. Just trying to help you figure it out. If you’re getting sex somewhere besides your girlfriend, then maybe that’s why she isn’t feeling satisfied with you. I’m still amazed you said you and she are in an open relationship. I suppose I can see that with you, but she doesn’t…”

“Fuck,” Alex interrupts. “Glad to know what you think of me, H.”

“No, I just mean,” Harry sighs. “Okay, tell me this. Who are you spending time with…that way?”

Alex looks around then back at Harry. “You remember Karina?”

“Karina?” Harry groans. “The redhead…your cousin?! That’s disgusting, Alex! Your cousin…”

“She’s not my fuckin’ cousin, H!” Alex reveals.

Harry rubs his head and musses his hair. “But…that’s been months, Alex. You’ve been sleeping with Karina for months?” Alex nods. “Did not know that. Weird.”

“Open relationship, remember,” Alex answers, like that explains it well enough.

“So you keep saying,” Harry spews. “So, who is she sleeping with?” Alex stutters, searching for words. “You don’t even know if she’s sleeping with someone, do you?” Alex just looks at Harry guiltily. “Damn it, man. Alex, I don’t know that I should get involved in this.”

Alex pleads. “Come on, mate, you just have to help me out!”

“How the fuck would I be helping by sleeping with your girlfriend?” Harry exclaims.

Alex explains, “Give her what she needs sexually and I think we’ll be happier together.”

“That makes no fuckin’ sense, mate,” Harry barks.

“It does, I swear,” Alex assures. “Don’t want to lose her, do I?”

“I don’t know, do you?” Harry asks, a bit frustrated with his friend. “Steppin’ out with Karina and all.”

“It’s…” Alex stops, not really knowing what else to say.

Harry takes a big gulp of his drink, shaking his head then looking at his friend again. “What does she think about this? You’ve talked to her about it?”

Alex trips over his thoughts again and stammers. “Um, yeah…sure,” he says. “She’s totally cool with it. Think she’s always fancied you a bit, anyway, if I’m being honest.” The thought of that made Harry smirk a bit. He’s always had a bit of a crush on her, but being his best mates girl, he never acted on it. He knew they had both stolen glances at each other at parties and such, and they had always been comfortable with each other.

Harry speaks quietly. “Seriously. She wants me to…?”

“What woman in her right mind doesn’t want to sleep with Harry Styles, right?” his friend asks.

Harry thinks and takes another drink. “I don’t know, mate. Maybe if I just talk to her. We’re friends, after all. She and I have always gotten on well.”

“Listen, just think about it,” Alex insists. “I’ll set the whole thing up. Private hotel room somewhere. Give her what she needs sexually, no skin off your nose or hers. Nothing wrong with it. Who knows? Maybe she’ll want to make it a regular thing with you!”

Harry grew more irritated with his friend. “The fact that you’re okay with that is what is wrong with this.”

“Just think about it?” Alex asks again.

Harry agrees to think about it. Alex invites Harry over to the house, just to say hi to you. He agrees, having not seen you in a long time, and sort of wanting to feel out the vibes between them. As they walk into the house, they hear the girls giggling and talking in the front room. As the boys round the corner and look at them sitting on the sofa, laughing, they realize the girls are in their bras and panties. You glance that direction and see the boys stop in their tracks as Harry’s jaw drops slightly. The girls immediately jump up and you gasp. Kari grabs a throw from the side chair while you grab the one from the sofa and cover yourselves.

“Sorry!” you giggle. “Wasn’t expecting you home so soon, and with company.” Harry continues looking at you. “How are you, Harry?”

Harry jolts out of his stupor at the sound of his name. “Oh, I’m fine, thanks. How are you, love?”

“Bit tipsy, but good,” you giggle again.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Alex asks, teasingly. “Kari, you seducing my girl?”

“Someone needs to,” Kari spews, as you elbow her. “I mean, yes, always.” Kari smiles and Harry giggles at the two of you being cute.

“Could be fun to watch,” Alex teases.

“Alex!” you howl.

Kari quickly intercedes. “You wish, Alex. Not into the guy thing, not even as voyeurs.” The moment becomes quiet with nobody speaking. “I’m just…going to go check…on our clothes.”

Kari leaves the room and Alex begins again. “Why you half-naked in the living room with your lesbian best friend, babe?”

“Stop, Alex,” you order quietly, looking at Harry, embarrassed. “The sink went looney again. You said you fixed it, but I turned it on and water went all over the kitchen. We looked like drowned rats, so we put our clothes in the dryer. I didn’t think you would be home so early. I’m sorry, Harry.”

“No need, love,” Harry assures you.

“Show us then,” Alex spoke.

“What? The sink?” You ask, confused, but before you can react, Alex yanks the blanket away from your body, revealing you again. “Alex!” you yell.

“Mate, don’t!” Harry blurts.

“What?” Alex questions. “You have a beautiful body, princess! No need to hide it just because Harry’s here.”

“Alex, give me the blanket!” you plead, angrily.

“Sexy little undies set you’re wearing,” Alex flirts, as you wrap your arms around yourself. “Don’t you think so, H?”

“Alex, stop being a dick!” Harry shouts. He grabs the blanket from Alex. “You’re a fuckin’ child!” Harry walks to you and wraps the blanket around you.

“Thank you,” you speak, still embarrassed. “I’m going to go see if my clothes are dry. It was good to see you again, Harry. If you’ll excuse me.” You keep your head down and quickly walk out of the room.

“Why were you such a fuckin’ dick to her?!” Harry rails. “That was a horrible thing you just did!”

“She’s sexy, right?” Alex asks, barely bothered. “Don’t you want some of that, H?”

Harry releases his breath, angry with his friend. “You’re an ass. I’m leaving.”

“Come on, H,” Alex groans. “All in good fun. Just wanted you to get a better look at what you could have.”

Harry shakes his head in aggravation and walks out the door. He was angry with Alex and felt bad for you. He knew you were embarrassed by the incident. You did have a beautiful body, he thought…full breasts, an hour-glass figure that curved in beautifully at your waist then jetted back out again at your hips and ass. Harry had to admit to himself, he felt a twitch in his dick when he saw you in your bra and panties.


“What we were talking about earlier?” Kari quizzes you before leaving, “You have my full support.”

“Full support for what?” Alex questions.

Kari snarls at him. “Mind your business. You are a prick. Grow up, you overgrown child!” She looks at you. “Love you,” she says as she kisses your cheek. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything, yeah?” You nod then shut the door behind your friend.

“What did she mean?” Alex asks, perturbed. “What were you talking about earlier?”

“Don’t worry about it,” you speak quietly.

“Keeping secrets from me?” he asks, irritated.

You look directly at him. “What did you talk to Harry about at the pub?” Alex shifts his feet and says nothing. “Who’s keeping secrets?”

Alex huffs out of the room. You clean up your mess then walk upstairs to go to bed. As you pull the sheets back on the bed, Alex walks to you. As he starts to put his arms around you, you push him away, grab his pillow and the blanket you had wrapped up in earlier, and push them against his chest.

“You have got to be kidding!” Alex shouts. You continue fixing the bed as he cusses, walking out of the room, slamming the door on his way out. You climb into bed and lay down, thinking about the events of the evening. You had expected him to try to play on your normally high sex drive to make amends, but after his display of immaturity and rudeness, you knew Kari had more chance of getting into your panties that night than Alex did.

The next morning you wake up early, after tossing and turning all night. You decide to go ahead and get up and fix your morning tea, starting your day. You go downstairs and look toward the sofa, expecting to see Alex still snoring, and are shocked to see the blanket and pillow sitting on the end of the sofa, untouched. You go to the front window and see his car is gone. He had left and hadn’t even said anything. You sigh deeply and go into the kitchen. You begin your morning routine and soon find yourself getting into your car to drive to work. All day long you think about the incident, but just want to put it behind you. As you sit at your desk, typing a story you are working on, you hear the vibration of your phone. A text from Harry.

Good morning, Love. Just checking to make sure you’re alright this morning, after last night.

You think it is sweet that Harry is checking on you, but not terribly surprised. Harry is one of the sweetest, most caring people you have met.

I’m fine. Thank you for caring.

Of course I care. And he’s a dick. I’m glad you’re okay.

You read his text, smile slightly, then set down your phone and continue your work. As you are leaving work that evening, you get into your car and hear your phone ring. You look at the screen and giggle at the photo that is your best friend’s contact pic. Kari had put it into your phone. It was a cartoon drawing Kari had made, being an artist for the magazine you both work for. The drawing was a caricature of herself kissing a caricature of herself, and for some reason it always makes you giggle. You always thought the only person who could probably satisfy Kari sexually was herself.

“Hello, lover,” you say, seductively.

Kari gasps. “Aw! My heart, be still, you’re finally coming over to my side! I knew you couldn’t resist me much longer.”

You laugh. “What’s up?”

“Just wanted to see how things went after I left last night,” your friend probes. “Did you fight?”

“No,” you answer. “I put him out on the sofa. Clod wasn’t getting into my bed after that.”

“Oh, good for you, love!” Kari praises her friend. “With your sex drive, I know that couldn’t have been easy. I think you’d hump a dog if it was the right day of the week.”

“Kari!” you yelp.

“You know I joke,” her friend giggles. “So what happened this morning after you both woke up?”

You sigh. “He wasn’t there. I thought he slept on the sofa, but apparently he left. Probably went to a hotel. Seems to do that when we argue sometimes.”

“So you going to ream him good when you get home?” Kari asks.

“Honestly, Kar, I’m not sure what I’m going to do,” you reply. “I’m so tired of this kind of shit with him, and last night was just the cherry on top of the sundae, you know?”

Kari squeals. “It was fuckin’ uncalled for, what he did to you, and in front of Harry! Not that Harry seemed to mind seeing you in your knickers. Think he was drooling.”

“Stop,” you speak, flushing a bit.

“Apparent to see you both fancy each other,” Kari admits. “How about getting rid of the asshole and going for the rockstar? He’s a right catch!”

“Don’t be silly, Kar,” you scold. “Harry isn’t interested in me. Besides, I date his best friend. He’s loyal to his friends.”

Kari snickers. “Nothing to be loyal to if you aren’t with Alex anymore, is there?”

You think about that for a moment. Would make things less complicated, you thought. You shake the thoughts from your head.

“Hellooo?” Kari prompts. “Am I right?”

“Kar, I’m almost home,” you ignore. “I’ll talk to you, okay?”

Kari replies, “Call me, babe.”

“I will,” you answer.

You pull your car into the drive and park it next to Alex’s car. You take a deep breath and exhale deeply before walking into the house you share, seeing him quickly finish a phone conversation and disconnecting.

“Hey,” you say, sternly.

“Hey,” he answers. “How was your day?”

“Normal, yours?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he replies. “Normal.”

You look at him as he diverts his eyes, looking at his phone as it lights up. “Maybe we should talk about last night?” you suggest.

“What about?” he answers back, not looking away from his phone screen. He finally looks at you and sees the disgruntled look on your face. “No worries. Listen, I have a business dinner tonight so I’ll be out until late. Don’t wait up for me.”

He kisses your cheek and walks out the door. You can’t believe he just blew it all off like nothing happened. You stand in that spot for a long moment in disbelief, then go upstairs, changing out of your business clothes and into something more comfortable. You walk to the kitchen, looking for what sounds good to eat but nothing strikes your fancy. You decide to relax in the front room, turning on some music quietly, and closing your eyes while lying on the sofa.

As you lay in the living room, you think of the events from the night before and it frustrates you. You knew what you probably needed to do was break up with Alex. You knew you weren’t in love with him, and you’re not sure he was ever in love with you. You both probably jumped into living together too quickly, but it just sort of happened. He would stay one night, then one would turn into two, two would become an entire bank holiday weekend, and eventually he just suggested he move in, and you agreed. And although the sex seemed good at first, you realized in time that it was more that you just hadn’t had someone show you affection in awhile prior to the relationship, and was happy to be enjoying it again. Okay sex was better than no sex at all, you had decided.

Relaxed on the sofa, you drift into a light-state of unconsciousness, tired from your day and restless sleep the night before. Your thoughts begin to shift from your unsatisfactory life with Alex, to the temptation of another. You knew you had always been attracted to Harry, but then again, who wasn’t? Women and men alike were attracted to him, not only for his good looks, but his charming and kind personality. You think about the first time you ever met Harry. You and Alex had been dating for a couple of months or so when he decided to go back to Holmes Chapel where Alex had been born and raised, and he asked you to accompany him. One evening Alex had gathered a group of old school friends to a local pub for a few beers, and that’s when you first saw him. He walked in, and to your table, smiling and flashing those dimples, greeting all of his old pals. Alex introduced Harry to you and he always made sure to include you in the conversations.

“So, love,” Harry directed at you, “How did my dear friend manage to find himself with such a beautiful girlfriend?”

Your quick wit kicked in. “1-800-GIRL-NOW.” Everyone who heard laughed and you smiled. “Alex was in the states when I lived there, and literally ran into me in a shopping mall, knocking my bags out of my hands. Guess I was kind of taken by the accent after that.”

“Pardon me for saying,” Harry injected, “But you’re the one with the accent at the moment, love.” He giggled and the others around them cheered and agreed.

“Touché,” you replied. “I’ll accept that.” You smiled and he smiled at you once again. You thought you could surely dive right into those dimples.

You and Harry got along well and you appreciated that he included you and continued talking with you, as not many others that night did, as they chatted about old times and childhood memories. You happily accepted his warm hug at the end of the night and thanked him for making you feel so welcome into the group. From that moment on, you were both comfortable around each other and enjoyed the other’s company.

Lying on the sofa, you thought about those dimples. What a beautiful smile he has! And those green eyes, that you swear must be the exact color of some rare gem at the bottom of the ocean. And the first time you saw his tattoos out in the open, you nearly made a fool of yourself staring. You and Alex had gone to Harry’s house for swimming and food with a few other people he had also invited, and you could barely notice any other people that day, mostly because you were so drawn to Harry, his charm, and his tattoos. You thought about how his laurels sat just above the waist of his swim trunks. You thought about how he looked that day. Good. Very good.

You think about many things. As you do, you slowly reach your hand down your body, as the music in the living room plays softly, until your hand finds its way inside your shorts and panties. You moan lightly as your fingers find your clit and slowly begin to rub. You imagine it is Harry’s hand rubbing you there. You moan again at the thought of it, and feel the growing heat radiating between your legs. You slide your hand a bit further down inside your lace panties, rubbing your swelling, aching lips, as you slip two of your fingers between them and inside of you. You feel the wet heat instantly as you move them in and out slowly, then work them back up to your clit, allowing your wetness to coat it pleasantly. You feel your breathing become a bit faster as you feel heat rushing into your cheeks. You begin to move your other hand into your panties as well, but just as it finds your clit and you start moving your wet hand back down as your hips begin to rock slightly, you hear a noise. Was that seriously the door bell? you ask yourself. Surely not. You continue rubbing and drifting back into your state of near-bliss when you hear knocking on the door. Your eyes shoot open. You quickly pull your hands from your shorts and wipe them on the under side of your top. You lay there another minute, hoping whoever it is would just go away. You want to get back to pleasuring yourself and thinking about Harry. You think they had left when you hear the bell again, then a familiar voice.

“Love? It’s Harry! Are you alright?”

You sit straight up on the sofa and look toward the door. Through the long, narrow glass of the door, you see Harry tapping against the glass, looking at you from behind the sofa. He had seen the top of your head on the sofa arm and worried when you didn’t get up with the first ring of the bell. You feel the heat in your cheeks, knowing they are red, exposing that you had been up to something. You quickly stand, taking a deep breath, and walking to the door, opening it to him.

“You alright?” Harry asks, looking at you with concern.

“Harry,” you answer. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” he continues. “You’re a bit flush. Are you not well?” He places the back of his hand on your forehead and then your cheek.

You look at him, still surprised he’s there, and put your hand on your cheek again, before smiling at him. “I’m fine, thanks. What…what are you doing here, Harry?”

“Um,” he thought, then remembered. “Actually, I was nearby and was on the phone with my dad. I mentioned to him about your sink and he told me a couple of things to try. Thought maybe…” You were still looking at him confused. “If you don’t mind, that is. I’ve become a bit handy since becoming a home owner.” He smiles slightly, still standing outside the threshold of the door.

You finally snap out of it and answer. “Yeah. Yeah, of course! Thank you. I appreciate it. Come in.” You step aside so he can walk in. He gives you a quick hug and kiss to your cheek, then closes the door behind him. You both stand looking at each other for a moment. “Oh, sorry. Come into the kitchen.” You walk into the kitchen with Harry in-tow. “I have some tools there under the sink.”

Harry opens the cabinet doors and pulls out your tool bag, setting it on the counter so he can see what you had for him to work with. You turn and feel your cheeks again, feeling they are still quite warm, but maybe beginning to cool a bit.

“So,” Harry starts, “Let’s see what it’s doing, shall we?”

Before you can stop him, he quickly lifts the handle of the sink.

“Harry, no!”

You yell, but it’s too late. Immediately upon lifting the faucet handle, water quickly and forcefully sprays in every direction of the kitchen. You scream and Harry catches his breath as the water sprays him directly in his face. He pushes the handle back down again to stop the flow of water, then looks at you, both completely soaked and laughing hysterically.

“Now, that could be a problem!” Harry booms. You both laugh as you push your wet hair out of your face, and he leans toward you and hugs you. “I’m sorry, love. I’ve made a right mess of the kitchen, haven’t I?”

“No worries,” you smile. “Mop and towels work fine.”

Harry messes with the sink, tightening things his dad had suggested, then doing the same under the sink. After a bit, he tries again.

“Barely going to raise it this time,” he laughs. “Just in case.”

He lifts the handle slightly as water begins dripping from the faucet head. He lifts it a bit more until it is wide open and no water leaks anywhere. You both cheer as he shuts it back off again.

“Simple enough, I guess,” he grins. “Over time, those connections can become loosened and just need tightened.”

“I’m glad it was that easy,” you comment, wringing water from your clothes. “I’ll have to remember that. Thank you so much!”

“No problem, love,” he smiles, pleased with himself. “I’m glad I could fix it.”

“Yes, if I waited on Alex to fix it, I would be filling my pasta pot in the bathtub until I’m 90!” you joke.

You both laugh and Harry helps you clean up the mess he had made in the kitchen. Soon all of the water was dried from every surface and you offer him a glass of wine, which he turns down as you walk into the living room and sit.

“Harry, can I fix you dinner in appreciation for fixing my sink?” you invite, enjoying the thought of having dinner alone with him.

Harry smiles slightly, disappointed that he couldn’t. “As much as I would enjoy that, sweetheart, I’m actually supposed to go to my sister’s tonight. She’s expecting me soon.”

“Another time, then,” you offer.

Harry smiles. “Definitely. I’ve missed your cooking,” he says, sincerely. “Listen, before I go, I just want to make sure everything is good between you and Alex, after last night.”

“Um,” you hesitate, “He’s…not really been here.”

Harry scowls. “What do you mean?”

You sigh. “I was so angry with him, I made him sleep on the sofa, but I guess he left instead because he was gone when I woke at 5 this morning.”

“So you’ve not seen him?” Harry asks.

“Yes, actually,” you answer. “He was here when I got home from work, but he was leaving. Said he had a business dinner or something.”

“I see,” Harry replies. You were both quiet for a moment. “I’m sorry he did that last night, love. He shouldn’t have.”

“You’re right,” you agree. “He shouldn’t have, and I appreciate your concern, but I’m okay.” You look down for a moment, then back at him, as he looks at you thoughtfully. “Harry…I’ve been thinking about breaking up with Alex.”

“Really?” he questions, not terribly surprised after his conversation the night before with Alex.

“Yeah,” you simply say.

“You mean, because of last night?”

“No,” you answer. “Well, not only because of last night. No, I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now. I think…the love just isn’t there anymore, for either of us. I don’t think he’s happy, and I know I’ve not been happy for a long time. He’s never home, and I would understand that usually, but I’ve been feeling for awhile that he isn’t being honest with me about things.”

“I see,” Harry said, offering nothing more, listening to what you needed to say.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize. “I probably shouldn’t be telling his best friend this, should I?”

“It’s fine, love,” he assures you. “I’m your friend, too, you know.”

“I appreciate that,” you nod. “I’m just tired of feeling like I am a very low priority on his list. Everything seems to come before me. His job…his friends…his time…he doesn’t really make time for…us…anymore. Don’t even remember the last time we had sex.”

Harry felt a bit uncomfortable at the mention of it, but interested all the same. “I’m sorry you’re so unhappy, love. I know you’ve been together for a couple of years now, so it’s probably difficult to let that go, the security of it, or whatever.”

“Two years, yeah,” you say. “Do you know Alex didn’t even remember our anniversary? It was last month, and he never said a word to me about it. No flowers, no dancing, no soft words in my ear, no nasty sex, nothing.” You chuckle but he can see that you had felt hurt by it. “In fact, that night, he said he had to meet a client out of town so he was going to be staying at the hotel they were having dinner at. I was so…hurt, I guess…I just never mentioned it again. I think…maybe it’s just time to…let him go, and move on.”

“I’d still like to be your friend,” Harry adds. “If you do let it go with him. Doesn’t change that I like spending time with you.”

She grins at him. “I’d like that. Thanks.”

You sit, just looking at each other, without saying a word for a moment, then Harry speaks.

“I…guess I should be going to my sister’s now,” he finally says, hesitantly. You both stand and walk to the door.

“Thank you for stopping by, and for fixing my sink. I owe you dinner,” you promise.

“You owe me nothing,” Harry says, and grins, “but I will happily eat your food.” He smiles a huge smile with his tongue between his teeth, dimples shining. You smile and nod your head at him. He leans to you, kisses your cheek, then hugs you tightly, longer than he normally does, then pulls away again. You look at each other for a moment, then Harry opens the door and walks out, waving to you from his car. You wave back, then close the door.

Harry drives to his sister’s house, where they decide to go to a new restaurant. As they are about to sit at their table, Harry glances around the room, and at a far table, he sees Alex, his arm around Karina, kissing on her neck and smiling.


Things stay the same for the remainder of the week, then Alex decides to talk to you about sleeping with Harry.

“I think it would help us!” he yells.

“I cannot believe you are suggesting that I sleep with your best friend! You’re insane!” you bark back.

“Look,” he says, pulling a hotel key card out of his pocket. “Here is the hotel room key. The address and room number are printed on it. Just go and Harry will meet you there. Have a couple bottles of wine, or even better, take a bottle of whiskey with you. That always loosens you up. Go have fun, for God’s sake! How many women can say that their boyfriend is giving them permission to sleep with another man?!”

“You are insane!” she yells again. “I cannot believe you got Harry involved in this! I can’t believe he thinks I want to sleep with him!”

“He wants to sleep with you!” he shouts.

You stop when he says that and think for a minute, before yelling again. “What man in his right mind wants his girlfriend to sleep with another man? You’re an asshole!”

You grab the key card out of his hand, your purse with your other, then storm out of the house. You drive quickly out of the driveway and straight to a liquor store. You can sure as hell bet you were going to get drunk off your ass in that hotel room your boyfriend had paid for, then the next day you were going to kick his ass to the curb! You’d had enough! In a matter of time, you were finding your way to the designated hotel room and let yourself inside. You hadn’t packed any clothes, writhing in your anger and leaving abruptly, so you had only a couple of bottles of alcohol and a large bottle of water. You sat them all on the hotel room table, and walked to the window. Nice view, you thought. You turned around and sat on the edge of the bed. How had your life gotten to this point? You were just a simple girl, living a simple life in America, who had become smitten with the first British boy you had met. How dare you pack up your life and move to England? Your first job offer came too easily, causing you to have no argument for staying home, instead of beginning a new adventure in a new country. What were you thinking?!

You stand again and walk to the table, grabbing one of the bottles of liquor and removing the lid, taking a long, steady drink. It burns as it hits the back of your throat and you squint your eyes, swallowing, feeling the burning sensation travel downward inside of you. You take a deep breath, then another big swig of the strong juice. As you swallow it down, you stamp your foot on the ground two or three times from the burn of the liquor on your insides. After consuming a good bit of the drink, you walk to an open area of the wall, leaning your back against it, and slowly easing your way down until you are sitting on the floor, the liquor bottle between your legs. You don’t know how long you sit there quietly, just thinking and drinking, but after awhile you see the light on your phone and reach for it on the table. You look and see it’s Alex, and ignore the call.


“What’s going on?” Harry asks Alex when he calls.

“Hey, she’s at the hotel, ready for you,” Alex says.

“She’s what?!” Harry yells. “Fuck, Alex! What are you doing?”

Alex explains. “She got pissed at me when I showed her the hotel room key card, we fought pretty hard, and she grabbed it and took off. I’m sure that’s where she is.”

Harry hesitated then asks, “Is she okay? What did you do to her?”

“Fuck you!” Alex shouted. “I did nothing to her! She just got pissed when I told her to take the key and go to the hotel and wait for you. I put the other key in your postbox when I was out.”

“I can’t believe you!” Harry yelled.

With that, Harry disconnected the call and went to his postbox, grabbing the key, and rushing to his car. He dials your phone number but it goes to voicemail.

“Hey, love. Please call me. Alex told me what happened. I need to know you’re okay…” then the voicemail beeped and the call disconnected.


You see another call light up your phone, but assuming it is Alex, you throw your phone across the room and hear it hit the wall. You take another drink of the liquor, then realize you need to pee and attempt to stand. You didn’t think it was really affecting you yet until you try standing and fall back to the floor. You crawl to the bed and pull yourself up, holding on to the wall until you make it to the restroom. After you finish you walk back into the room, taking the last drink of that bottle and setting it down on the table, quickly picking up the other and once again making your way to your safe place on the floor next to the wall. You stare at the opposite side of the room, for how long you don’t know. You remember your bottle and open it, taking another drink of the liquor, which is beginning to not taste as good as it had initially. But you don’t care much. You were determined to deaden the anger you felt toward your boyfriend…soon-to-be ex-boyfriend…and the alcohol was the way you planned to do that. You drank until the numbness began to consume you and the room began to disappear.


Harry drove to the hotel shown on the keycard and immediately made his way to the room. He first decided he should knock and he did.

“Love, it’s Harry,” he said, loudly enough for you to hear, but not so loud that a possible fan in a room nearby may have been tempted to search for him. When you didn’t answer, he used the card and opened the door. He saw your legs on the floor on the other side of the tv cabinet and closed the door behind him. “Hey, you alright?” he asks, waiting for a reply. As he walks to where you are, he sees you are slumped over on the floor, an opened bottle of liquor sitting next to you. He quickly kneels down next to you. “Hey, sweetheart! I need you to wake up!” Harry nervously places his fingers on your neck and feels you still have a pulse and sighs, thankfully. “Love, come on,” Harry shakes you a bit, trying to wake you. “I need to know you’re okay.” You still don’t wake. He puts one of his arms under your knees, the other around your waist, and lifts you, carrying you to the bed and laying you across it. “Sweetheart?” He jostles your head a bit, and you barely open your eyes, unable to focus on him. “Hey there, beautiful,” he says to you. “Doin’ alright?” You look at him for a moment then close your eyes again. You think you hear an utterance of ‘Fuck’ then you once again float into darkness.


Harry smooths the hair away from your face with his hand, nervous and concerned, speaking to you any time your eyes seem to slit open a bit. “Hey, sweetheart. I need to know you’re okay. Can you look at me for a moment, please?” You open your eyes slightly, trying to focus on the form a foot or so away from your face, thinking it is Harry but you aren’t sure. Your head is thundering in rhythmic pain as you try to concentrate on the voice. “Babe?” You look again toward the direction of the voice and focus a bit better, seeing a very worried looking Harry in front of you. “Been giving me quite a scare, love. Almost threw you over my shoulder and sped off to the hospital with you. Your breathing seemed almost nonexistent a couple of times through the night.”

“Sorry,” you whisper, holding your pounding head.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Death comes to mind,” you say quietly. You hear him giggle as you realize he’s holding your hand with both of his, squeezing it firmly.

“Think you can sit up yet?” Harry questions. “No rush. Want to make sure you’re okay before we drive back to your house. Appreciate you not puking in my car.”

You look at him, still trying to make sense of everything in your mind. You sit up with his assistance and nearly fall the other direction until you feel his arms keep you steady.

“What happened?” you ask him.

“Think you and Alex had a pretty ugly argument, maybe,” he offers. You suddenly begin remembering the night before. You groan and Harry rubs your arm. “It’ll be okay.” You look at him with a sad face. “How about we get you home, yeah?”

Harry grabs your things, throws the empty bottles in the trash, having already poured the end of the second bottle down the drain, then helps you to the washroom. After another moment he is helping you to his car and securing your safety belt around you.

“Doin’ alright?” he asks, and you nod and close your eyes. You feel him kiss the side of your head, then shut the door. As you try to regain your thoughts, you roll the window down. The cool breeze blowing on your face feels good. Harry watches you almost constantly, still concerned but feeling better that you seem okay. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You look at him and sigh. “He’s an asshole. What’s to talk about?” You look back out the window. Harry is quiet, waiting and ready to lend you his shoulder or allow you to bend his ear if you need a friend to listen. Finally you take a deep breath and speak. “How are you supposed to feel when the person you’ve been in a relationship with for over two years tells you he wants you to sleep with another man?” Harry says nothing and you turn your head and look at him. He sits quietly, glancing at you, then looking back at the road. “He said maybe if I was actually enjoying sex again, I wouldn’t be such a bitch.” Harry set his jaw, angry by that comment. “I’ve never been a bitch to him, Harry.

“I know, love,” he agrees.

You think for a moment then speak again. “Sure as hell going to be one to him now, though. He’s gonna see the difference, I guarantee.” You are both quiet again for a long moment before you talk again. “He told me you’ve been in on it the whole time, too. That it was your idea for you to come to the hotel and sleep with me, but he wanted me to. Had given you a key card, which I guess was true, since you were in the room.” You look at him and his mouth is agape, then he closes it, not sure what to say. You look away again, pursing your lips together, feeling the anger building a bit again deep inside. You don’t even know what to think about Harry’s involvement in it at the moment, and you don’t know that you believe anything that Alex has told you, giving Harry the benefit of the doubt, but you do know he came to the hotel, and was good to you while you were there, so you couldn’t feel angry with him. You close your eyes and lean your head back.

Within what seemed like only minutes, you felt the car come to a stop and hear Harry’s voice again. “Hey, sweetheart, we’re here.” He gets out of the car and walks around to your side, opening your door and helping you with your safety belt. You feel his hand on your arm as he guides you out of the car and up to the house. Alex’s car is gone, which you are very thankful for. You dig your keys out of your purse and open the front door, walking inside. “Love, let’s get you a shower and I’ll fix us some breakfast, yeah?” Harry helps you up the steps to the master bathroom. “You okay? Need me to…help…or something?”

You look at him and chuckle lightly. “No, I’m okay. Thank you, Harry.” He watches for a second as you walk to your closet and dresser, grabbing some clothes, and walking into the washroom. Harry sits in a chair in the corner, not wanting to be out of earshot in case you would need help or be sick. After a bit of time, he hears you open the door and step out. You see him sitting there, still with a bit of a look of worry on his face, and grin slightly at him. “Better?” he asks.

“Yeah, a bit,” you say, not really feeling much better, but a shower always feels good.

“Let’s go downstairs and I’m going to fix us a bite of food,” he orders. You walk down the stairs with him and into the kitchen. He pulls out a chair for you at the table and you sit. He looks into your fridge to see what you have, and pulls out a carton of eggs and some fresh fruit. He finds a loaf of bread and puts slices into the toaster, and begins preparing your breakfast. As he turns to look at you, he sees you slumped over the table, your hands in your lap, and your torso lying nearly flat, your face feeling nice against the cold table top. Harry giggles slightly. “You still doing okay, love?” He hears an “mmhm” come from your direction and smiles. Soon Harry places the food on two plates. “Sweetheart, sit up now and eat. You need some food in you.” You groan slightly and slowly sit up, the room spinning a bit again as you move your hand to your head. “Room will stop spinning in a moment, love. I promise.” You look at him then at the plate of food. Scrambled eggs, toast, and fresh mango slices, with a large bottle of cold water next to your plate. “Be sure and keep drinking, babe. You’re still dehydrated from the alcohol or your head wouldn’t still be as bad, I think.”

You look at the food which looks good to you. “Thank you, Harry. I appreciate you taking care of me.”

“Broke my heart that you were so sad,” he says with a sad look on his face. “Just want to be sure you’re okay now. You were crying in your sleep through the night.”

You look at him, scrunching your brows together. “Was I?” He nods at you. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

“Not your fault, sweetheart,” he says, squeezing your hand under the table, then releasing it to continue eating. You both finish your food and Harry takes your dishes to the sink and washes them. “Why don’t you go lie down on the sofa and I’ll be in shortly.” You feel like you’re being rude, leaving Harry to clean up the mess he had created to take care of you, but your head was still thumping badly, which won the argument inside your mind. You stood and walked into the living room and laid down on the sofa, placing a pillow under your sore head. Within a few minutes, Harry walked in and sat beside you. “Feeling better yet, love?”

“A bit, yeah. The food helped, thank you,” you say honestly.

“You’re very welcome,” he replies. He looks at you, unsure of what to say. He sees the sadness in your eyes.

“I’m so angry at him, Harry, I could just scream,” you say unusually calmly for the content.

“I know, babe,” he nods. “You have every right to be. He’s been an asshole to you.” You sit up as a tear drops from the corner of your eye and he wipes it with his hand.

“I’m sorry he got you involved in this, too, Harry,” you apologize.

“No need for you to apologize, love,” Harry shakes his head. “This is all on him. When he came to me, asking me to…well…to sleep with you…I just couldn’t believe it. Didn’t understand it, honestly. Then he told me about your open relationship, and…I think he just wanted it to ease his own guilty conscious maybe, about sleeping with Karina the past several months. Make him not feel so bad about doing that to you, knowing you were doing it, too.”

“Wait…what?” You start to absorb what he’s saying. You look at him with a new found anger brimming. “Open relationship?” Harry looks at you, his eyes growing wider. “We’re not in an open…that son of a bitch!” He sees your anger building by the look in your eyes and how your body is intensifying before his eyes. “And who the fuck is Karina?!”

“Oh, no,” he realizes what he’s done. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry! He told me you…I’m sorry, I thought it was your agreement with him. It’s what he told me!” He watches as you stand and pace a bit and mumble under your breath.

“Fuckin’ liar…cheating, no-good, bastard…” you mutter.

“Babe…,” he says, trying to calm you. “I know you’re angry, but…”

“Angry?” You look at him with fire in your eyes, literally shaking. “I hit angry when you said ‘open relationship’. I’m at furious now and on my way to ‘going postal on his ass’. How dare he?! I’ve been devoted to him for over two years! I’ve not even been in love with him for some time now, and I still stayed with him, thinking…” you chuckle to yourself unbelieving, “thinking somehow I was the one doing something wrong, that it was my fault I couldn’t get off from him and was ruining our relationship, when all the time, it was his sorry ass!”

“Love,” Harry tries to help, “You have every right to be furious with him. But…”

“No, Harry,” you shout. “Angry doesn’t begin…” You both hear a car pull into the drive. You go to the window and see Alex pulling in.

“Oh, shit,” Harry says under his breath. “Love,…”

Harry watches as you look boiling and about to explode, then sees you quickly run to the front door, throwing it open, storming out and running to where Alex is walking toward you. Harry runs outside to try and help if he can.

“Hello, sweetheart,” Alex says with a smile and open arms. “I hope you’ve had a chance to cool off and come to your senses after last night. You were…” as he tries to finish his words, Harry sees you rear back and throw a hard punch directly against Alex’s jaw, causing him to fall to the ground in shock. “What the fuck?!” he yells at you.

“My question exactly, you unbelievable prick!” you scream back. “Open relationship? Open…Karina, Alex?” Alex looks at her in disbelief, then shoots an angry look at Harry for telling her.

“You dick!” he yells at Harry. “Why did you tell her?!”

“Oh, no you don’t!” You blurt at him as he stands once again. “Don’t you dare try and put the blame of this on Harry, or on me, for that matter! You are the dickhead here! You cheating, lying, bastard!” You yell loudly, sure the neighbors have heard every word but not caring. You ball your fist once again and punch him hard in his gut, and as he bends to hug his middle, you pop him once again in the jaw, this time feeling the pain in your hand and yelling, shaking it as your eyes water. You scream in anger.

“Love, go inside!” Harry gets in your face and tries to calm you a bit. You look at him with tears of anger forming. “Go inside, please.” You look at him for a moment longer, then stomp into the house, slamming the door behind you. Harry turns and looks at Alex. “I think you should go!”

“What the fuck was all of that?!” Alex screamed. “I thought you were my mate? Why the fuck did you tell her about Karina?!”

“No!” Harry yelled back. “You don’t get to put the blame on anyone else! Look at what you’ve done, Alex! I thought you were a stand-up guy, but all I see now is a bloody child…a small, insignificant child, who cares about nobody but himself!”

Harry and Alex look up as they hear an upstairs window open, then see objects and personal belongings begin to fly out to the lawn below.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Alex yells at her. “That’s my stuff!”

“That’s right, you prick! And I’m just opening a window, and giving it a relationship with the ground!” You yell as you throw another armful of his clothes to the ground below. Harry and Alex both stand watching for a second then look at each other. Alex starts to walk toward the door of the house, but Harry stops him, standing in front of him.

“No!” Harry booms. “This is her house. Way I see it, you are now trespassing on private property. I suggest you start putting your things into your vehicle and move along.”

“I thought you were my friend, H!” Alex practically begs.

“No more,” Harry redirects, more calmly. “I can’t be friends with someone who would treat such a great person the way you have treated her.” Alex looks at Harry, saying nothing in defense that time. “She didn’t deserve any of what you’ve done to her. And you don’t deserve her.”

Harry turns and walks toward the house, locking the locks on the door as he re-enters. He walks to the large front picture window and stands, watching Alex begin to pick up his things, which are scattered in a large area over the yard by now. Every now and then over several minutes time, he sees another item fly down from the window above and hit the ground below. Harry doesn’t move from the spot at the front window, wanting to make sure Alex gets the point that he is not welcome there. After several more minutes, you have stopped tossing things from the window, and Alex eventually has all of his things in his car and leaves. Harry walks up the stairs, wanting to see that you are okay. He taps lightly on the bedroom door and it opens slightly. He sees you sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at your hands, your shoulders slightly hunched forward. He thinks you look very small on the large bed, and walks to where you are and sits next to you. He puts his arm around your shoulders as you lean against his chest and sniff. He stays with you until you sit up once again and wipe your face, taking a deep breath and releasing it.

“Your hand alright?” he asks you. You nod, moving the stiff, slightly swollen digits. “How about a drink?” Harry asks. “Hm? Saw a bottle of wine downstairs, and a bit of whiskey, your choice. Hair of the dog, and all that?”

“No,” you reply quietly. “No, I’m okay, thanks.”

“You sure?” Harry squeezes your shoulder. You nod your head.

You take his other hand in yours and squeeze him back. “Thank you. For everything. For…helping me, nursing me…listening…just being here with me. Being a friend.”

Harry smiles at you. “I am your friend. Guess that’s one good thing that came from me being a friend to that ass…I met you!” Harry smiles as you look at him, and you smile a bit. “There’s that beautiful smile.” Harry kisses the top of your head and holds you a moment longer, then you both walk downstairs. “Bloody brilliant punches, love. Remind me to never piss you off,” he jokes. He stays with you the rest of the day, into the evening, until the doorbell rings and you hear Kari’s voice on the other side.

“You better be in there and alive, or I’m going to throw myself in front of a train!” she yells through the door. You giggle slightly as Harry gets up and answers the door for you. When Kari sees him on the other side of the door, she startles. “Oh! Well, hello!”

“Hello, Kari,” Harry smiles. “How are you, love?”

“Worried to death about her,” she says quietly. “Called her phone at least 50 times and she never answers. She okay?”

“She is, yeah,” he grins. “Come in.” Harry closes the door behind her. “Think her phone had a bit of an accident…met a wall or something.”

Kari walks into the living room where she sees you sitting on the sofa with your legs pulled up in front of you. She goes quickly to you, wrapping her arms around you tightly.

“Kar, I’m good, but I can’t breathe,” you joke. She leans away and looks at you.

“What in the hell happened to you?” she boomed. “I’ve been calling and calling!”

You look at her and press your lips into a line. “I broke up with Alex.”

“Did you really?!” Kari questioned, enthusiastically. “Good riddance! He never deserved you anyway.” She looked as you nod slightly. “What happened?”

“Love, I’m going to be going now, if you’re okay,” Harry spoke.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you reply and stand to walk with him to the door. “Thank you for everything, Harry. You don’t know how much it’s meant to me that you’ve been with me.”

“No other place I would have rather been, sweetheart,” he smiles sweetly. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly, your arms around his middle and head against his chest. “I’m glad I could be here for you. Always be here for you, love.” You pull away slightly and look into his eyes, then lean up and kiss his cheek sweetly. His hand moves to the side of your head, as he kisses you gently on the cheek but near to your mouth, then holds your face against his as he speaks quietly into your ear. “I want you to call me if you need anything at all, alright?” He feels you nod. “Everything’s going to be okay now, yeah? New direction now, and you’re not alone in it. I’m here for you.”

“Thank you,” you say quietly into his ear. He holds you a moment longer then pulls away, looking into your eyes for another moment, then turning to Kari.

“Good to see you again, Kari,” he says.

“Always a pleasure, love!” she returns.

Harry places a sweet kiss on the side of your head, then opens the door, walking out to his car. You watch him for a second, then close the door and walk back into the living room.

“Ooooh, but you have a lot of explaining to do, girlfriend!” she smiles.


Let me know if you liked Part One! Sorry I don’t yet know how to format it to shorten and redirect, but I hope you like it. Apologies for any mistakes or oversights. 

You are not a fool for him

don’t give him a metaphor
don’t make it easy to swallow
It doesn’t have to sound beautiful; all kisses and steam and nostalgia.
If you’re going to write about the boy that made you feel like less,
do not give him a poem,
Because poetry forgives.
Write him into a battlefield
Show me that he is unforgivable.
Write all the words he said to you just because he knew you wanted to hear them
Write about the way he left goosebumps on your skin,
because he knew how they distracted you from the part where.he.left.
Write about showers you took that left your skin burnt,
and still covered in his hands.
Write about begging tears to come-
so that you could remember
Rip the page up. You know how to move on, my love. You always knew how.

Why I Can't be Asexual

Why I can’t be ace.
Because asexuals are plants.
Because asexual is for cells and robots.
Because asexual is a choice- aka celibacy.
Because asexual people are broken.
Because asexual people are confused.
Because asexual people are “late bloomers”.
Because asexual people “don’t know what they want”.
Because “everyone wants sex”.
Because “everybody experiences sexual attraction”.
Because I’ve only been kissed once.
Because I sometimes want sex
Because my brother doesn’t believe it exists.
Because people think I haven’t experienced life.
Because I’m scared about my family’s reactions.
Because demisexual is “just how it’s supposed to work”.
Because asexual is wrong.

Why I am ace.
Because I am different.
Because marketing makes me uncomfortable with naked people.
Because I don’t think people are sexually attractive
Because I don’t see the appeal of bare chests in movies
Because I feel uncomfortable talking about sex
Because I cringe when I imagine people I know having sex
Because I like not having that pressure to be sexual
Because I don’t like being a sexual being
Because I don’t see phallic symbols everywhere
Because screw society and it’s expectations of me
Because I don’t choose to be this way
Because it is who I am
Because I am asexual.

promise ❦ elijah mikaelson

request: an elijah x reader where the reader wakes up finding herself in elijah’s erms? she’s glad to have him in her life and tells him that. maybe they talk about their future and she wants to see the world fluffy?

warnings: a swear word lmao, mild alcohol consumption

In all his years on earth, which were many, Elijah had not seen many beautiful things. Sure, flowers were beautiful. Sunsets were beautiful. Rainbows, dewdrops, butterflies, a woman’s smile. All those things were beautiful. But after living for a thousand years, those things seem to lose their wonder. And after seeing as much death and destruction as he had, it seemed that all the ugliness overpowered the beauty in life at times. 

But there was one thing that he could never tire of seeing, something so beautiful, so divine, that it took his breath away every time his eyes fell upon it. That something was a person, and that person was you. No he hadn’t known you long. A few short years. And that, compared to his lifetime, was comparable to mere minutes, really.  

But in those few short years, he had seen more beauty in you than he ever had. Your smile, your contagious laugh, your hair, your eyes that seemed to hold all the secrets, and all the answers, of the universe. Your kind heart, your gentle spirit, your determination and the fire that seemed to course through your veins whenever someone so much as threatened him in front of you. 

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