orca-shrugged

It’s hard not to hate. People, things, institutions. They break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate is the only thing that makes sense. But I know what hate does to a man: tears him apart, turns him into something he’s not– something he promised himself he’d never become. That’s what I need to tell you: I want to let you know how hard I’m trying not to cave under the weight of all the awful things I feel in my heart. Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act; what I feel slamming up against what I should do. Impulsive reactions, racing to solutions, miles ahead of my brain. When I look at my day, I realize that most of it was spent cleaning up the damage of the day before. In that life, I have no future. All I have is distraction and remorse. I buried my best friend three days ago, and as cliché as this sounds, I left a part of me in that box– a part I barely knew, a part I’ll never see again. Every day is a new box, boys. You open it, you take a look at what’s inside. You’re the one who determines if it’s a gift or a coffin.
—  Jax Teller. (Season 5, episode 5– Orca Shrugged)

It’s hard not to hate. People, things, institutions, when they break your spirit and take pleasure in watching you bleed. Hate is the only feeling that makes sense. But I know what hate does to a man. Tears him apart, turns him into something he’s not. Something he promised himself he’d never become. That’s what I need to tell you. To let you know how hard I’m trying not to cave under the weight of all the awful things I feel in my heart. Sometimes my life feels like a deadly balancing act. What I feel slamming up against what I should do. Implusive reactions racing to solutions miles ahead of my brain. When I look at my day, I realize that most of it was spent cleaning up the damage of the day before. In that life I have no future. All I have is distraction and remorse. I buried my best friend three days ago. As cliche as this sounds, I left a part of me in that box. A part I barely knew. A part I’ll never see again. Every day is a new box, boys. You open it, you take a look at what’s inside. You’re the one who determines if it’s a gift or a coffin.

Jax Teller.

Orca Shrugged

@lylaizabella

It had been a busy day. Jax had lain there half the night, unable to sleep. He had just stared at the ceiling, as he tried to sleep. Finally, he’d texted Bobby and Chibs to be at the clubhouse early, and he’d left Lyla a note, so she wouldn’t worry that he wasn’t there, when she woke up. When he got to the clubhouse, he’d written out another journal entry, pouring his heart out. Eventually, they’d gone out and he’d gotten into it with Gaalan, and truth be told, he’d gotten worse than he’d given. But, he still had more to do and they’d met up with the cartel informants, Romeo and Luis. But then they were off to try to secure the property for Diosa Norte and had set us some blackmail information for the mayor. That had been fun and he had to say that Venus hadn’t been bad. He..she..fuck it he knew had been odd, but now they had to get Tig back to the clubhouse, since his flirting with Venus had gotten him bit in the ass, literally.

As Chibs had him laid out on the table, Jax went towards the bar to grab a beer. His face hurt, if he was honest, but he wasn’t going to give that Irish prick the satisfaction of admitting it hurt, even if it did.