DAMN GOOD POEMS. AND HOT
this is Elias (orbsteeb/traversefamilypicnic/thedevouringseason) and I would like to write YOU a poem. fresh from the oven, written to order, just like mama used to make.
my situation is this: having just switched coasts, i am currently vaguely homeless, unemployed, and nearly broke. i am in no immediate danger but my financial situation is getting dire.
as a result, i will write things! for you! whatever you want, more or less, although i reserve the right to turn down commissions that i find morally repugnant. i don’t foresee that being a problem. just throwing it out there. sexual content/erotica is fine as long as it’s, you know, consensual.
here are some things i have written to give you a sense of what you’re getting for your money:
- my collaborations with Eliza Gauger on her Hybrid Vigor series
- a poem about a dog
- a poem about autumn
- a poem about fear
- a poem about evolution or something
- a “love” “poem”
- more examples can be found at thedevouringseason.tumblr.com, although many/most of them are unfinished drafts. i am capable of more polish.
i am charging $2 for a haiku/quatrain/anything similarly short, 5$ for a half-page (12-18 lines), and $10 for a full page. anything longer than that is negotiable. if you’d really like a rhyme scheme or something i may charge you a few dollars more simply because that will take me more time if i’m going to do it properly.
additionally, i am a published journalist, experienced editor and degree-having English Guy and would be delighted to help you edit or research your academic papers/short stories/what have you. my price for this will depend on the length of the piece in question and what you’re prepared to offer. i’m not here to rip off any students or struggling writers, since i’ve sure as hell been there. get in touch and we’ll work something out!
even if somehow, impossibly, you aren’t interested, i would very much appreciate a signal boost. tell your friends! tell your mom! that’s the second time i’ve mentioned your mother, and i’m sorry.
if you are interested please contact me at elias(dot)isaac(dot)b(at)gmail(dot)com with your chosen topic or topics and desired length. you may also say “hi” but NOT “hello” as i will construe this as a grave insult.
thank you for reading this! i love you all