orangewoman

44 Lessons Learned at Syracuse University

Dear Syracuse University, 

Yes, it’s me. An Orangewoman. I will always and forever be one so don’t try to get rid of me so fast. You’ve been trying to get rid of me for four years now. Four years of clobbering me with snow, changing chancellors, avoiding Bird Library, making funny videos, making dumb videos, surviving Juice Jams and Mayfests, sweating in dorms, and finally making it into Chucks. Well, I did it. We all did it. 

This is not the conclusion of this blog because there’s way too much to say. I will wrap up this four year course with a handful of key lesson takeaways: 

1. When in doubt, major in the iSchool. 

2. University Union makes more money than I ever will. 

3. Yogurtland is the best thing to happen to Marshall Street because it isn’t between two slices of bread. 

4. Cafe Kubal is better and you know it. 

5. The architectural dimensions of Faegans are about the same as three fat canoes stuck together. 

6. A photo of Crouse at sunset will get more “likes” than a photo of your first born child. 

7. If you have 7 hours and 18 beers to kill, hit up a SU Football game. 

8. Neverland is where the cars in the Castle parking lot go. 

9. Bird Library is the anti-Adderal. 

10. It’s harder to find a humble person in Newhouse than it is to find Lyman Hall. 

11. Lanyards, SUID’s, Syracuse apparel… freshmen, we wish we were you again. Do your thing. 

12. Whitman will become a Greek letter fraternity in the upcoming year. 

13. Funk N’ Waffles has the best breakfast sandwiches on Marshall Street. 

14. Varsity has shadily good breakfast sandwiches on Marshall Street. 

15. You can rent out books from Bird Library. 

16. In 100 years, someone will find Kent Syverud’s diary and make it into a famous book, play, and movie called the Diary of Chancellor Kent

17. Castle is better when the “sun’s out” because at night, the city of Syracuse is “guns out." 

18. Fire alarms are as common as high fives in Dellplain Hall. 

19. I should’ve talked to that kid on the unicycle. 

20. We all could’ve done a better job at letting Fab Melo cheat off of our tests. It’s our faults. 

21. When Nelly Furtado, the Dailai Lama, Dave Matthews and Cyndi Lauper come to your school, just know that it is NOT going to be that kind of concert. 

22. Crows are usually signs of bad things to come in fables and fairy tales. The same goes for Crow at Syracuse. 

23. An electric gatorade from Harry’s actually takes electrolites out of your body forever. 

24. Nothing says "atmosphere” like four outside tables at Faegan’s for lunch. Caprese panini anyone? Sweet potato fries? 

25. J.Michael’s mocks us as we walk by with only enough money for a medium sized amount of fro yo. 

26. Hoople Hall. Who knew? 

27. Should’ve been Bandier. They make going to concerts a 9-5 job. 

28. If you don’t have a sassy gay friend to give you advice, then just read Jerk Magazine out loud to yourself. 

29. The only way to justify having a broken back while camping outside the Dome is, “Well, it’s an experience!”

30. Syracuse University might not be located near a beach, but that’s why we have SAE. 

31. Calvin Harris, you peaked at our Juice Jam. 

32. 8 AM classes, Shma8 AM schmaclasses. 

33. Good luck getting to your Friday recitation at 9:30AM. 

34. And God said, “Let there be sun on a day before May 1st." 

35. Marshall Square Mall Fitness Center, a Gym for Real Women. 

36. Syrajuice, you are missed everyday. Class of ‘13. 

37. Bleu Monkey…because we didn’t know better. 

38. The Final Four is our first place trophy. 

39. We can all aspire to have salad bars like Ernie Davis Dining Hall in our future kitchens. 

40. Get involved on campus before you join Citrus TV. 

41. Food.com isn’t a website. Oh wait, it is. 

42. Never stop meeting people or saying, "Hey pretty girl!.” It’s bound to work out eventually. 

43. Run the Euclid stairs to prove you’re a human. 

44. Embrace Syracuse as a home. A weird, grey, average, fun, life-changing home. It’ll always be there for you. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

welp so i had a bit of an existencial friendship crisis not too long ago

my friends helped me feel a bit better but i still felt kinda bad so

here you go orangenelly, decided to better up that drawing a bit

here is orangewoman. bit of a lazy design yes but the drawing already was hard enough and it still sucks so I GET A PASS ON THAT

hope you like it and all

(also i guess if you want to read the existencial friendship crisis i had or something i can send it to you, just tell me)

Dear Syracuse’s Twenty and Oh,

      You are two numbers that have made history. Hey Twenty, remember when you were just Nineteen? You used to be a meaningless number of victories. Look at you now. And you, Oh, well you symbolize all the shaking heads, strained vocal chords of coaches, and disappointment by all the losing teams. You should be especially proud of yourself. I hope you guys are very happy and proud with all the hard work you’ve done to become the numbers that you are today. Also, nice hand-eye coordination Dion.

   Fondly,

An Orangewoman

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Dear Tyler Ennis, 

You only had 4 seconds to save the world…and you did it. Your heroic buzzer beater and dramatic peak in life has caused me to think of other things you can do in 4 seconds. Here we go: 

1. Have my children. 

2. Turn down for what.

3. Tell the Pitt head coach that he looks like an evil banker. 

4. Act like an animal inside and outside of Pitt’s “zoo”….do we need a membership? Is there a zoo ranger I could speak with? 

5. Coin yourself your own nickname because you have that kind of power right now, in this moment. Okay.. Enny it is then. 

6. Move a mountain. 

7. Cross the Swiss Alps. 

8. Save a kitten that is stuck in a tree…that is on fire.

9. Be honest with Jerami Grant about the way he spells his name. 

10. Blindfold yourself next time you make a shot like that to try and challenge yourself. 

Way to go Enny!

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman 

Dear Current Syracuse Basketball Team, 

How come you guys don’t take photo shoots anymore where you look like a boy band ready to do a choreographed dance in a music video? Take note of these former boy band/basketball team members for inspiration. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman 

Dear Syracuse University Winter Breakers, 

    Be honest with yourself and how you are feeling right now. Unless you’re going on a vacation, you are DYING to go back to school. The 14 hour sleep cycles, couch days, and couch days at your friend’s house down the street are getting a little monotonous. Here are some of the top reasons you are itching to go back to school:

1) You love learning…ha..

2) You miss reading about the symptoms of alcohol poisoning when you use your bathroom at home. 

3) No one screams, “Hey PRETTY GIRL!” at you when you grab coffee in your kitchen. 

4) Quit denying it, you want to play in some snow. But only long enough to take a few mobile uploads, post a status, and then start complaining about it. 

5) Your mom and dad are constantly present RA’s.

6) You want to wear as much Syracuse and Greek apparel as you want without looking like you’re obsessed. 

7) You miss using your school ID. It turns out they are not accepted at gas stations or malls at home. 

8) You’re starting to forget your roommates names…Kate? No, no. It’s definitely Becca. 

9) All of your friends at home are sick of you talking about how ‘Cuse basketball is #1. 

10) The Syracuse University’s men’s basketball team is ranked #1 and is above everyone else in the first place, numero uno position. (see photo)

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

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Dear Syracuse University Students, 

Meet Peg. She’s a notable alum from the Class of ‘74. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman 

Dear Syracuse University, 

Our recent ranking as #1 party school in the United States is not because of daily visits to Chuck’s when you “happen to be passing through that back alley.” The ranking has nothing to do with Mayfest or Juice Jam. It has nothing to do with our student body’s dependency on the bottle during those harsh winter nights. Syracuse University is the #1 party school because of this guy. Chancellor Kent. 

He throws down (diplomas), makes knock-your-socks-off G rated jokes during events, sends us his diary entries WEEKLY YO and makes sure every one is having a good time. At all times. He turns up for school policies and administration logistics. He turns up for Orange.

Thanks Kent. Finally, something IMPORTANT at our school is #1. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman 

Dear Syracuse University Trashcans, 

      Let me tell you something. You will be getting tons of action this weekend with the arrival of everyone’s parents. Kids will be cleaning up their rooms for the first time, breaking the seal on the books they haven’t used yet, throwing away the clothes that they are too lazy to wash, and discarding all bottles/paraphernalia. Be ready for the rain of unsatisfactory class papers and old Ramen noodles coming your way. 

     Fondly, 

An Orangewoman 

Dear Syracuse Students with Aspirations to Study Abroad, 

     Who needs Florence, London, Santiago or Bollywood?  SU Abroad is now offering a new study abroad location: downtown Syracuse! Explore upstate New York’s cultural explosion of fine dining, history, weather, and people! Looking to discover how to parallel park on a snow bank? Itching to taste delicious foods that are not from Syracuse? Interested in shopping at the one and only (seriously, it’s the only one) Urban Outfitters? Pack your overnight bag, zip up your jacket and fill out an application today. Studying abroad in downtown Syracuse is just around the corner!

   Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse captions: 

“Take me.”

“I can feel your heart beat, baby.”

“Just take my hand, grab my leg, and I’ll be on your shoulders to see the game in seconds.”

“Have we met? I may or may not be the Chancellor…”

“Jay-Z told me if you’re feeling like a pimp, then gon’ brush your shoulders off. I hope you don’t mind I just did that for you.”

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse University Halloween T-shirts from the Bookstore, 

     I’m not sure what’s scarier…the designs you have on yourself or the fact that you exist. Either way, I’m sure sales will be BOOMING once everyone sees how you creatively tie in our orange school color with a holiday color code. I am more than excited to see your holiday SU apparel shirts for Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, Saint Patty’s Day, President’s Day, Arbor Day, Passover, National Hug Your Boss Day and more!

     Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Curious Syracuse Freshmen Who Asked Me Where Frat Row Was Located, 

     Here’s how our conversation went down in case you forgot:

Scene: An innocent Orangewoman stands on the corner of Watson, trying to cross to Ernie Davis. A large crowd of Syracuse University freshmen approach, wide-eyed and smelling like freshmen. It’s 8:30 P.M.

Freshman girl 1: “Guys, like wait, like, frat row is THAT WAY!” (points to what appears to be half sky/half tree in the direction of Walnut)

Freshman guy 1: “No, brahs it’s totes that way over there. Let’s goooo!” (points to what appears to be all the empty frat houses on Comstock because, oh wait, it’s 8:30 P.M.)

Freshman girl 2: “Ugh, it’s the other way! I just want to be in AEPhi because my mom and sister were in it, and like, honestly, I know it’s that way.” (motions for the group to follow her. The group consists of 5 guys and about 12 girls. Not a good enough ratio.)

Orangewoman: “Frat row is that way.” (motions to the library). “Don’t stand there looking at me like that..hurry it’s getting late!!!!”

Just kidding. I told them to wait it out for another 6 hours.

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

Dear Syracuse Freshmen, 

        Shh Shh Shh calm down. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. First off, you can rent refrigerators here, you didn’t need to bring the one from your kitchen at home. Second, you need to tell your mother to let go of your hand. It’s just as uncomfortable for me as it is for you. Third, the Goon Squad is going to help you move everything into your dorm. Don’t let our overwhelming presence, black masks, and intensity intimidate you. We are here to help.

Last word of advice though- get used to getting emails about people in Syracuse wearing black masks and taking your things. The only catch is that those times they don’t give your stuff back. On that note, have a great year!

      Fondly, 

An Orangewoman

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Dear Tyler Ennis, 

I’m glad we talk on the phone sometimes. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman 

'Cuse is #1 in Other Stuff, Too

Dear Syracuse University Basketball Team, 

Congratulations on your HUGE win against Duke this past Saturday. Your game broke attendance records in the Dome and it put you at the #1 spot in the rankings. But don’t think you are the only thing at this school that is #1. I’ve compiled a list of all the “#1” things at Syracuse University for your convenience: 

1. SU is the #1 importer of Patagonia pullovers, Doc Marten boots and infinity scarves. 

2. SU is #1 on this list: “Colleges That Claim to Have a Main Street With Options." 

3. SU is #1 in volleyball from time to time. Who knew? 

4. SU is #1 on this list: "Oh Yeah, We Have Another College That Kind of Shares a Campus With Us." 

5. SU is the #1 importer of Long Islanders, West Chesterians, and Townies. 

6. SU is #1 in instagramming record breaking attendance photos. Literally, just photos of a big number. 

7. SU is #1 in having its communications majors tell other people that they are #1. 

8. SU is #1 in utilizing its MEGA famous alumni- notably- the ONE and ONLY Vanessa Williams. 

9. To build off of #8, SU is #1 because of Taye Diggs. 

10. SU is #1 on this list: "Our Mascot is Vague.”

Let’s celebrate being #1. 

Fondly, 

An Orangewoman