anonymous asked:

I have an idea for a sweet/sad prompt. Reader is a stranger that randomly dials numbers when she's soul achingly lonely and has managed to get the Skelebros on different occasions. She admits somewhere in her call why she's doing it. Maybe they run into each other, as a broherd or individually.

@vivacious-hyena  Sorry this took so long to finish, but I hope you enjoy it! <3  It was a ton of fun to write!


The first time you call Sans, he humors you.  His voice is thick and groggy, like you woke him up, and you feel guilty, but he brushes your concern aside.  "yeah, i jus’ woke up, but hey.  wakin’ up to a pretty voice is almost like wakin’ up next to ya, so i’ll let it slide.“

He flirts with you pretty heavily the entire phone call, and the more alert he gets, the more dirty puns he comes up with.  You’re blushing, but emboldened by the anonymity of the encounter.  You flirt back.

"is this somethin’ you do often?  callin’ random numbers to flirt with strangers?”

“It’s just something I’ve always done when I was feeling especially lonely.”

Sans can relate to that feeling.

The second time you call Sans, he’s drunk at a bar.  You can hear a lot of noise in the background, but he sounds like he’s in a good mood.  He flirts immediately, but then you hear someone else’s voice in the background… and you realize he was flirting with them instead.  You shouldn’t feel an irrational surge of jealousy–of rejection–but you do.  

You hang up.

Months pass before you call Sans again.  You’re not even sure why you saved his number in your phone.  You’re just feeling particularly lonely and want someone to joke around with you, to make you feel like you’re wanted.

You don’t expect Sans to remember you, but he does.  He sounds like you woke him up again, and it makes you wonder if he does anything but sleep and drink.  You actually blurt that out, but instead of feeling insulted, he just chuckles.  The deep sound of mirth does something wonderful (and terrible–you shouldn’t feel this way over a disembodied voice!) to your insides.  

“why don’t'cha join me?”

“For which one?”


You’re in a low enough place that you accept on the spot.  

The next thing you know, you’re all dressed up and at a bar with a purple fire elemental serving up the drinks.  He told you to wear something red, so you’ve got on a vibrant red dress (or a red tie or red shirt–take you pick).  After a few moments of sitting at the bar (and ordering the most delicious monster alcohol you’ve ever tasted; that flamesman is a miracle worker), you feel a hand graze across your back, and you turn to face…

A skeleton monster.  He’s smirking, his teeth sharp and a golden canine glinting in the flamesman’s light, and his crimson eyelights flick up and down your body appraisingly.  From the way his grin widens, you can tell he likes what he sees.

You’re still staring, flabbergasted.  You didn’t expect him to be the living dead.  

“heh, sweetheart…”  His voice trails as he takes a seat on the barstool beside you. “why don’t you take a pitcher?  it’ll last longer.”  He chuckles, and the pun is enough to shock you out of your trance.  "seriously.  let’s get a pitcher of something and chat.  name’s sans.  sans the skeleton.  probably shoulda mentioned that bit on the phone, huh?“

When you shake his hand, he actually gets you with an electric buzzer and then laughs.  "don’t look so shocked!  it’s jus’ a buzzer, doll.”

He’s right.  You’re going to need more alcohol to get through this.

You end up matching Sans shot for shot.  He drinks you under the table.  You tell him all about yourself, why you feel the way you feel, and regale him with other tales of people you’ve called in the past.  You divulge your secrets, and his grin tightens.  He tells you jokes and dirty pick-up lines, and you flirt and flirt.  You get handsy, curious about the feeling of his bone and how his face can seem so animated.  "Bone shouldn’t be this pliable.  It just shouldn’t.  Shit, I’m hitting on a skeleton,“ you slur, your fingers dangerously close to his eyesockets while you explore his face, and his hands loosely grasping your wrists.  "Can.. can you even..?  Do you even have…?”

“why not find out first-hand?” he prompts with a wicked grin and a shrug.

And you do.  Oh, you do.  

(It turns out he does have the goods.)

And by the time a tall, boisterous skeleton runs you off in the morning, while you’re cringing and trying to shhhh him because your head is killing you, you begin to have regrets.  You’re not a one-night stand; you can’t believe you actually think he’s charming, and now that he’s gotten what he wants, he won’t–

But then he calls.


The first time you reached Papyrus, he was annoyed.  How did some stranger get his number?!  He didn’t buy the ‘random coincidence’ bit and thought it was a prank–or someone just trying to rattle him.  


The second time you call him, you’re not entirely sure why.  Maybe you were feeling particularly down and just wanted someone to kick you further into the abyss.  He can hear it in your voice, and even though he’s frustrated (“YOU AGAIN!!”), he doesn’t automatically hang up.  He rattles off a list of people he suspects you to be, and when you deny each one, he starts to believe you.  

“That’s a lot of people that you assume would mess with you,” you remark, and he scoffs.


“How can you be great and terrible at the same time?”

He proceeds to tell you about his exploits in the Royal Guard for the next hour.  He barely even takes a breath.

The third time you call him, you’re having a Bad Day.  "I SHOULD’VE KNOWN YOU WOULD CALL AGAIN!“

You don’t return the greeting.


Papyrus listens to you cry for nearly a half hour.  You only know he’s still there because you can occasionally hear the scrape of the phone against the side of his face.  You didn’t even know he could be that quiet.  

“…Sorry,” you end up murmuring, before you hang up.

A week passes, and you’re too embarrassed to call him again.  You beat yourself up over your moment of weakness–of showing him such an ugly side of yourself.

But that night, he calls you.

You’re shocked to see his number pop up on your phone, but you answer anyway.  Immediately, he blurts, “WHERE ARE YOU?”

“E-excuse me?”


The request seemingly comes out of nowhere.  You end up complying and giving him a location to meet you, and when you do… you immediately recognize him just from his confident stride.  And holy crap, he’s tall and scary-looking.

“I didn’t expect you to be a skeleton monster.”

“I EXPECTED YOU TO BE A WEAK HUMAN, SO AT LEAST ONE OF US WAS CORRECT.”  He glowers down at you, his expression a constant scowl.  You begin to rethink this meeting, but something in your own expression causes his gaze to soften slightly.  "…COME ON. I MADE RESERVATIONS,“ he claims, gesturing for you to follow.

Papyrus treats you to dinner, and throughout the meal, he prods you into talking about yourself.  He even pays for your half, despite your insistence that it’s not necessary.  Afterward, he takes you on a walk through the town, simply meandering along the sidewalks.  You’re bolder now and end up talking the entire time, while he listens in contemplative silence.  


You stare at him, flabbergasted for a full thirty seconds before you stammer, "T-this was a date?!”

He calls you every day after that.  


Sans is beyond excited that you’ve called him.  He instantly wants to know all about you–what’s your favorite food, your favorite color, do you like puzzles, what’s your opinion about glitter?  When you ask him about himself, he informs you that he’s the MAGNIFICENT SANS.  After a while of talking, he declares that he realizes the TRUE INTENT of your call.  


He says it with such genuine sincerity that you grin and agree.

Sans texts you every day after that call, his messages in ALL CAPS followed by several exclamation marks.  His excitement is contagious, and his cheerful messages brighten your day.  If you don’t call him at night, then he calls you.  He always asks about your day, and even the little menial details intrigue him.  You feel as if he really listens to you–that he actually cares about the conversations you had at work or the stupid pictures you laughed at online.  

He sends you pictures of puzzles, followed by selfies of him grinning broadly with a man in an orange hoodie photo-bombing the background of each one.  You’re surprised to discover that he’s a skeleton, but when you send him a selfie back, you find that he thinks humans are fascinating.  You’re given the green light to ask all the questions you want (“Why do your eyes sometimes look like stars?  How do your cheeks puff out?  How do you eat?  What was it like Underground?”) and he asks about your life on the Surface and what you thought when the barrier broke.  

Somewhere along the conversations, you admit to him that you feel less lonely ever since you called him.  He sounds so proud and so excited when he responds with, “THAT’S GREAT, HUMAN!!  I’M A MAGNIFICENT GUY, AFTER ALL, SO OF COURSE I’D BE A MAGNIFICENT FRIEND!  AND YOU KNOW… YOU’RE VERY MAGNIFICENT YOURSELF, SO IT WOULD BE A TRAGEDY FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU TO FEEL LONELY!  IF YOU EVER FEEL THAT WAY, CALL ME IMMEDIATELY SO I CAN FIX IT, OKAY??”

And you do.  Even in the times when you don’t feel like you should bother him, he always seems to call you first.  You get so close to him, that when he invites you to have lunch in the park, you accept without hesitation.  You end up on a picnic with him and his brother–and you even meet Alphys, a reptilian monster with even more spunk than Sans.  She convinces both of you to run laps around the park while her girlfriend Undyne and Sans’s bro Papyrus lie in the shade and watch.  They’re all really accepting of you, and you… don’t feel so alone anymore.  

That night, when Sans walks you home, you slip your hand into his.  Surprisingly, his face lights up a bright blue that glows in the dark, and you laugh and call him a nightlight.  He gets flustered and pulls his hand away, so you end up walking with your arms around his neck, jokingly trying to console him.  Blueberry grabs your arms and swiftly pulls you onto his back, and then grins as he gives you a piggyback ride home.  

When he drops you off, you kiss his glowing cheek and thank him.  His face glows even brighter, and he remarks confidently, “MWEH HEH HEH, FOR SOMEONE AS STRONG AS THE MAGNIFICENT SANS, CARRYING YOU IS A BREEZE!”  

You score a solo-date with him that weekend and exceed all of his standards with your sheer Dating Power.


Stretch realizes you’re a stranger the moment he picks up the phone.  After all, there are very few people that actually know his number, and those that do know that he’s a texter rather than a caller (with the exception of his brother; he’ll always answer his phone calls).  He was expecting you to be a telemarketer he could mess with, so he starts off with his usual “is your refrigerator running?  ok, i’ll bring the brewskis over.”

“Okay, bring 'em over.  I’ll drink with you,” you reply, and he realizes quickly that you’re not attempting to sell him anything.  He chuckles in his surprise and starts chatting with you about drinks–then honey, then sweets, then about how you sound sweet.  His voice is smooth and relaxed, his chuckle rich and amused.  You like his voice, and closing your eyes, you’re able to imagine him lying next to you on your bed in the bed, murmuring into your ear.

You end up falling asleep talking to him.  

The next day, he texts you.  

Smooth like Honey: “if youre feelin phonely tonight call me”

Was that… a crappy phone pun?  You may have mentioned that you called him because you felt lonely and just wanted to talk to someone.

You call him again, and he’s just as nice.  This time, you hear someone boisterous in the background and discover he has a brother.  His brother insists on talking to you.  "HELLO! DO I KNOW YOU?  I DON’T??  ME?  I’M THE MAGNIFICENT SANS!!  DO YOU LIKE TACOS?“

You end up getting invited over for a taco dinner.  You politely decline because you know that meeting strangers at their house for tacos is a good way to get made into ground beef.  Sans seems heart-broken.  

You and Papyrus keep in touch through texting throughout the week.  The next time you call him, you’ve had a bad week, and you’re drunk and want him to bring over those brewskis.  You vaguely remember texting him your address, but he does show up.  He doesn’t have alcohol, and you remember blurting something like "You’re a fucking skeleton!” which he may have countered with “yeah, you’re right, hun.  i’m a skeleton that fucks.”  He’s got a lazy grin and a lollipop between his teeth, and you end up clutching his hoodie on your couch, all of your inhibitions obliterated as you ask him to just talk to you–right by your ear.

“honey, do you like my voice that much?”

And then you may have ripped that sucker out of his mouth and kissed him.  You can’t remember.  You know you wanted to do it, but everything gets fuzzy after that.  All you know if that you wake up throwing up into a trash can with Stretch rubbing your back and looking tired, and you grasp at the bits and pieces of the night before.  He’s really here; he’s a skeleton, but he’s a rather attractive monster with a grin that gives you butterflies and a voice that makes your toes curl, and you just… ruined everything.  

Surprisingly, he stays and takes care of you, watching Netflix on the couch and making sure you drink enough water.  He teases you for becoming a vomit dragon, and asks if kissing him was really that repulsive.  You turn bright red and stammer out apologies, but he shrugs all of them off.  "we’ve all been there.  do you want me to go home?“

"No, but–”

He slips an arm around your shoulders and drags you against his side.  "then i wanna stay  it’s as queasy as that.“  

So, he stays.  He ends up asleep on the couch halfway through NTT re-runs, and you nap against his chest.  The next thing you know, you’re dating and going over for Taco Thursdays with his brother.

These got kinda long, so I’m skipping the SF!bros, but just pretend Blackberry was a jerk at first and then tsundere, and then kinda thirsty and demands you be his because "IT’S OBVIOUS YOU’RE HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH ME! IT’S NO COINCIDENCE THAT YOU CALLED ME!  ALL OF THIS WAS PLANNED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING!  SO FINE! COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND SHOW ME YOUR PASSION IN PERSON!!”

And SF!Paps straight-up talks you into phone sex with him, before coaxing you into meeting him to make your conversations a reality–only you didn’t expect a skeleton monster.

….I actually realllllyyy want to write that as a one-shot now.  

I just got up and my hand slipped. Thats all I’m going to say.

Also! On Tuesday I am uploading a set of four fusions in concurrence to the new Steven Bomb! If you want me to do any fusions (preferably with fusions relevant to the bomb) Comment!

Here’s some good lesbian/gay book i read this year (actually this ended up being just one gay book and the rest lesbian sorry) 

-The Warriors Path and A Journey to The Heart  by Catherine M wilson: Bronze age fantasy set in a matriarchal society. Most of the named characters are lesbians, it’s character and relationship focused, meaning all kinds of relationships and not just romantic. So if you want a character driven fantasy with lesbians look no further. This is a trilogy but I haven’t read the last book yet so I’m not including that. 

- The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson: Classic gothic horror. This isn’t just a haunted house story, it’s The haunted house story. Anyone who tells you that this isn’t at least partially about repressed lesbian sexuality cant read sorry. It’s about as clear in the text as Jackson could get away with in 1960. 

-Carry On by Rainbow Rowell - gay not-harry potter, i expected this to be bad but it was really good and cute with an interesting magic system that I wish had more focus, but only so much you can do with only one book. It’s actually not that much like harry potter beyond the whole magic school thing (the bulk of the book isn’t even set within the school or school year). I’ll admit i stayed for the romance but the actual plot was really good too. 

- The Only Way by Jamie Sullivan: Lesbian main character in a very classist dystopian world. after her fathers death in the ring the main character decides the only way to provide for her family is to disguise as a man and fight herself. It’s really good and no one knows of it. 

-Siobhan Quinn series (blood oranges,red delicious,cherry bomb) by Caitlin R. Kiernan writing as Kathleen Tierney: dark urban fantasy that parodies paranormal romance genre and doesn’t take itself too seriously. Has a dark sense of humor and a lesbian unreliable narrator. (I’d say skip the last book on this as it’s much darker and doesn’t really feel like the previous books. Book 2 gives more closure than 3 anyway).  

- The Drowning Girl by Caitlín R. Kiernan: horror-ish main character is a schizophrenic lesbian who is trying to make sense of some conflicting and altogether impossible memories by writing them down. I loooved this book and I’m recommending it to everyone. Also a major character is a trans woman. 

- Ask the Passengers by A.S. King: contemporary YA which is like my least favorite genre but this was really good. This is kind of your run of the mill coming out novel i couldn’t tell you why this worked for me while all the others didn’t. I just really liked the main character I guess. (note that this book has an annoying case of Bisexual Don’t Exist though) 

- Santa Olivia by Jacqueline Carey: mostly realistic dystopian with a super powered lesbian main character living in a town under strict military rule. It spans from before she was born to her late teens and has a sequel i haven’t read yet. The story is pretty self contained though, and from what I heard the sequel is more of a extended epilogue.