or-so-I-tell-myself

Being kind to myself is hella hard. It is so much easier to tell myself I am a piece of shit and feel defeated, rather than place my hands over my heart and listen to what the sadness is saying. But I refuse to continue to give life to a voice in my head that never fucking belonged to me. The voice that wants to tell me I’m a piece of shit is not my own and I cast that shit out. Now. It might be difficult, but I am determined. Painful and uncomfortable as it is, I’m going to love myself. 

when the world’s on fire you kiss me

n/leo, ~15k, nc17 // anon asked for an age gap fic where hakyeon is a few years older than taekwoon + first time with lots of i love yous and thigh kissing. this wasn’t supposed to get this long but i hope you still like it!

Taekwoon has a penchant for getting in trouble, but something good comes out of it in the end.

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Evanescence {Sentence Starters}
  • "You don't remember me, but I remember you."
  • "And in the end, I guess I had to fall."
  • "So, I don't know what's real and what's not!"
  • "I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone."
  • "Hello, hello, remember me?"
  • "Call my name and save me from the dark."
  • "Must be exhausting to lose your own game."
  • "Here in the darkness, I know myself."
  • "I can't go on living this way, and I can't go back the way I came."
  • "You don't have to lay your life down."
  • "Save me from the nothing I've become."
  • "I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you."
  • "Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself!"
  • "You never call me when you're sober."
  • "Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone."
  • "There's just too much that time cannot erase."
  • "I have to be with you to live, to breathe."
  • "Still can't find what keeps me here."
  • "Have you forgotten all I know and all we had?"
  • "I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears."
  • "Wanna see you try to take a swing at me."
  • "I've been believing in something so distant, as if I was human."
  • "Why are you trying to make fun of me?"
  • "Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me!"
  • "You believed in me, but I'm broken."
  • "I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming."
  • "One day we won't feel this pain anymore."
  • "I wish that you would just leave!"
  • "All of my hate cannot be bound."
  • "I've been sleeping a thousand years, it seems."
  • "I'm just as scared as you!"
  • "But, I didn't mean to hurt you."
  • "Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams."
  • "I have nothing left, and all I feel is this cruel wanting."
2

“Growing up, I wish I hadn’t tried so hard to fit in. I’d tell myself to just embrace what you were born with because it’s beautiful and you were made like that for a reason. It’s tough being a girl. I think we need all of the support we can get.” — Shay Mitchell

how do you tell jehovah’s witnesses to go away and stop coming back without being mean about it

A few weeks I decided I’m going to quit one of my jobs and I’m going to tell them tomorrow or on thursday and I am sooooo nervous I always feel like I have to explain/justify myself and that I’m responsible for them since we’re a team of entrepreneurs so I really need to tell myself I owe them nothing but it’s also very scary for me bc I’m slowly learning again that I can control my own life and that I can cut something out of my life if it’s not good for my mental well being bc this job and these people are rly poisonous but I’m so scared of telling them bc I’m afraid I can’t stand my ground + makes choices in general is scary to me bc whenever I just let fate decide everything kind of went alright so I’m scared to make a decision and see things go wrong bc I shouldn’t take charge of my life

Catch up

〰 Started the second trimester today and it’s full of nausea and exhaustion. Also my boobs still hurt and one leaks. I know that’s not necessarily bad that ones not but it still makes me nervous since I had them pierced I worry about scar tissue making breastfeeding hard.
〰 In two weeks when I’m 16 weeks I’m going to go do the gender ultrasound. I think I really want a girl now.
〰 Griffin is off the pacifier completely now! Which is great but his attitude has just gotten so bad. I just keep telling myself he doesn’t have his comfort item anymore and it’ll get better.
〰 I need to work on my patience with him, we both have been overwhelmed lately.
〰 Last but not least someone come teach me to drive. Actually I know how to drive but my anxiety when I get behind the wheel is ridiculous so it never happens. Oh and we have a manual car and I don’t know how to drive stick.

The Dream

[I just got off rotation. Came home, ate then showered. My head had been a mess lately but I was starting to remember the things Vishous said to me when we had that talk. Laying flat in bed I stare at the ceiling above me. I could feel the soft tail of the black cat curl around my throat as he laid close to me. He gave up on me trying to pet him ten minutes ago. Hearing his soft snores as he slept soundlessly I felt jealous. Why couldn’t I just curl up and fall asleep. Sleep soundly through the night. Rolling onto my side I stare at the corner of the room where my pallet use to lay. The pallet…the skull…it was all gone and I didn’t even think twice about it but now…it consumed my thoughts. I didn’t miss either object but more so wondered why I needed them so much back then. Closing my eyes I try to tell myself to get some sleep. It was still early and the shudders haven’t fallen yet which lead me to believe it was still night. Maybe 3 in the morning. Drifting off slightly into a dream like state. I was sitting at a table and across from me was a blonde female. Shit no. How did she find me? She couldn’t still be alive. Be here. Why was she here in this resturant with me. What did she want? To take me away? Slowly I watch as her head turns to face me and to my surprise it wasn’t the mistress. It was that female. The one that I had met recently. Concern was in her eyes and she reached out and touched my arm. I let her. I didn’t stiffen or pull back like I normally did. I watched slowly as her hand dragged down my muscular arm until she splayed her fingers over one of my slave bands. Slowly I watch the ink disappear. Like it was being sucked back into the needle that put them there in the first place. My eyes widen then with a playful smile she looks up at me and lifts her free hand to my face. Her hand over my scar. Letting out a strangled cry I felt a burning sting on my face then quickly I push away from the table and stumbles into a bathroom. Moving over to the mirror I place both hands on the skin and gasps. On my face I bared no scar. No ink marks on my throat, my wrists it was all gone. Blinking rapidly I hear the door open then feels her arms wrap around me. Looking down at my hands I gasp as I see the ink there. Flashing my head up quickly to see it wasn’t showing in the mirror. Frowning I jerk around then without a moments notice I jolt from the bed and awake from my slumber. Panting heavily feeling my shirt sweaty as well as my skull trim head. Looking around the dark room I check the time. It only had been barely an hour since I closed my eyes. Breathing harshly through my nose I check my wrist seeing ink then moves my hand up to trace the length of my scar down my face. Closing my golden eyes for a moment before I throw my legs over the bed. Grabbing my phone I stare at the screen. I had her number. I already had put it in my contacts. Knowing it was probably a bad idea I text her “Hey…it’s Z” Pressing send I dart into the closet and pulls on some leathers followed by a turtleneck. If I left now I would still make it time, but would I make it back? Probably not. Once I was dressed in a hurry with a few weapons on I manage to dematerialize downtown. I had dropped her off at her place that night we spoke in the alley then went for pizza. It was more a ploy to know where she lived more than anything else. She didn’t know that though. She probably thought I was just being nice. Snorting as I take form on the side of her building. Grabbing the staircase from the fire escape I pull it down. My fingers curl around the cool metal before I climb up it. Checking my phone to see she hasn’t replied yet, I peer into the window to see nothing but darkness. It was her bedroom but she wasn’t in there sleeping yet. Looking over at the other window I walk across the catwalk and peers in the other window. There was a light on in the kitchen and the TV was on. My lips twitched as I saw her sprawled out watching some stupid programming. Seeing her reach out to grab her phone when it lights up I sit down slowly then presses my head into the brick wall beside the window and waits as my hand moves out of my pocket with my phone in hand]

2

daughter of Hades|punk|feminist|Slytherin aesthetic

She was the kind of girl who
could make you think your life was
not complete unless she was in it.
— Adi Alsaid 

requested by my-bloody-blog

Iwaizumi Hajime. 4