or-so-I-tell-myself

i feel like a lot of people dont believe me when i say I spent my early teens in some really fucked up corners of the internet and honestly sometimes I forget too because I’m surround by many different, good people now and I’m a better, more independent person who can actually think for myself

But yeah ive seen some shit

People always say that fat people have lower self esteem because they’re fat and it’s funny because I never feel ashamed of my body until people tell me I should be.

tfw u wanna fight someone. u wanna fight them So Bad it almost hurts. and how much u wanna fight them just keeps getting larger and Larger every time ur forced to interact w them. but u also have to hold urself back from ever starting a physical fight w them bc u know w/o a doubt that theyd Win

I’ve been wanting to say this for the last couple of days now, but I keep mulling over the words, trying to figure out how to explain how I feel.

Because the truth is, I can’t hide behind a character here. I can’t have them speak for me. I have to tell you myself.

So, here goes.

The latter part of last year was really rough for me. Really, REALLY rough. I’ve never been so depressed or so confused. And a lot of it was my own doing. But let’s not open that can of worms.

Eventually it did get better. A lot better. But now it’s happening again, for entirely different reasons. And what I really want to say is …

I am incredibly grateful for the Sherlolly fandom.

Reading, and then eventually writing, Sherlolly fanfiction has helped me so much. It’s probably one of the only things that has made me truly happy, and helped me so much. I don’t know what I would have done without you guys.

So … thank you for existing, I love each and every one of you.

Taylor!! I really wanted to tell you something lately, I’m so proud of myself and there’s no one else I’d rather tell than you. I’ve been tutoring/helping in classrooms since the fall and I love it SO much, but lately a few teachers have been referring me to parents to do private tutoring and the teachers are all speaking so highly of me and it just really reassures me that I’ve chosen the right career path. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you. Love you, thank you for believing in me❤️

u know i always get really annoyed when people make the inevitable “haha ur pansexual u like to fuck kitchenware!” joke but i made it, about myself, today so i dont rlly know what to tell anyone anymore man

anonymous asked:

My crush has a gf and it upsets me so much I'm trying to tell myself to stop but I can't he's just so handsome and cute gosh I hate this

boys are frustrating, i feel you girl x

So yesterday I was at a school-board wide poetry slam and read and it was amazing. The poem I wrote focussed on my individual ED recovery. I had individuals come up to me afterwords saying that they too have an ED, are recovering, know someone, etc etc. what really struck me was people calling me brave. I don’t consider myself brave at all so that was new.

The thing that changed me the most was this one younger girl in grade 9 who said in grade EIGHT she was admitted involuntarily for her ED. She would’ve been 14. I saw so much of me in her. She told me not only was I inspiring because of my bravery, but because I was older and experienced the same thing. I tried so hard to tell her what I would’ve told myself if I could go back. And wow, was she appreciative. I also gave her my nonprofits website so she could access the resources. But I’m just so taken aback by her. So young… I’m so happy I could invoke some change in her life. I hope she’ll be ok.

Another thing; so many people were crying during. The amount of people that must know someone is just… Wow. I had a lot of people tell me that too. Their sister, mother, daughter, son… Some even lost them.

This has not only inspired me writing-wise but it’s inspired me career wise. I’m gonna work so hard to become the best I can be so I can help these young individuals with EDS

ahhhh I’m getting emotional thinking about it

ugh i just spent $76 on drawer pulls

i was having a hell of a time finding a drawer pull that would look nice on my dresser that wasn’t also $25/pull, so i ended up looking through vintage drawer pulls on etsy. i found a lot of 12 french provincial style pulls that i’m really hoping will look okay. 

i’m beating myself up over spending so much money but i keep telling myself that this is something that i will be living with and using every day for years, that $6.33/pull really isn’t all that bad, and that it will be worth it just to be able to put my clothes away.

why is it so easy to justify spending a little bit of money on something frivolous but it’s hard to pony up for something responsible? 

I’m stressed and annoyed af with most people but I’m so close to being done with all my work and summer is literally right around the corner and I have so much to look forward to so I just keep telling myself to push through, I’ll be happy before I know it

Here we go

TMI.
TTC related.
Again TMI. Please ignore and scroll on past.

•Woke up this morning to get ready for work at about 530. I went to the bathroom and when I wiped it was kinda pink. I haven’t had any real cramps only like little twinges I guess for a minute or less. I put a liner on and I haven’t checked since.

•So now I’m still waiting to see if I will start my period. I don’t even want to mention the IB word because I’ll be devastated in the long run.
Basically I’m telling myself that I started my period so that I wont be as hurt if/when it actually starts.

•Also trying desperately to ignore the slight come and go ache in my right boob. 👀💅🏽

I really need this. I really want to be pregnant. I want this to be it for me but at the same time I don’t want to spend a second thinking about it until I’m sure sooooo I guess that’s all.

10

Hannibal Lecter meme [4/6 relationships] - Alana Bloom

“The Captain’s Cabin?” 

Emma squinted up at the sign, covering her eyes to keep the morning light from turning her blind. It was a ridiculous name, if she said so herself. (Never mind that this was their first day in town, and she’d been the one to choose the place.)

“I don’t know about this,” she said, sliding her eyes back to the blonde girl at her side. “We could just get back in the car and find a nice, motel-side Arby’s.”

“We just spent five hours in the car, not counting the five minutes it took to find that parking spot, Emma,” Elsa whined, “If I don’t get to eat whatever it is I’m smelling right now, I think I might cry.”

Emma ceded, but only because the smell of fried seafood was calling to her too.

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actually im not that old it’s just that technology has rapidly developed over span of the past 10 years and so a time which wasn’t technically so long ago feels as though it occurred farther back in time due to the vast modernization of the past decade