“Is Bruce in here?” Tim figured he might be— Bruce spent a lot of time in the children’s wing of Wayne Enterprises. There were a dozen or so kids in daycare most weekdays, and Bruce liked to hang out.
Tim liked to hang out too. They had nice snacks, and he’d known most of the kids since they were toddlers. And sometimes naps were mandatory.
“Conference call,” Damian told him. (For someone who claimed to hate naps, snackfood, kids, and humanity in general, Damian also spent a lot of time in the children’s wing.) “I don’t know where.”
He went back to what he was doing, which was arranging a set of pewter soldiers into a complex model of a battlefield, presumably for the benefit of the preschooler sitting next to him.
“The Battle of Issus, 333 BC.”
“Right, obviously.” Tim decided he was curious, so he settled down on the mats to watch. Damian finished his model; he pulled a marker from the art table and used it as a pointer.
“Okay. This is the Macedonian army, outnumbered but in the better tactical position, south of the Pinarus River. Their leader is Alexander the Great. And this—” He pointed to his enemy line. “—is the Achaemenid Empire. They’re about to lose.”
Damian tapped his marker on the Macedonian right. “This is the companion calvary, Alexander’s elite force, and they—” he cut off when he noticed his pupil digging in the toy bin, clearly distracted. The kid came up with a battered Transformer, which he set behind Damian’s lines.
“Elliot. Alexander did not have robots.”
“But,” said Tim, rummaging through the box himself, “did he have wizards?” He pulled a bearded magician out of the tub and held it up for Damian to see.
“You know he didn’t.”
Tim passed the wizard to Elliot. “But what if he did?”
“How would that go?”
“Abracadabra, Alexander!” Elliot yelled, gleefully smashing through Damian’s entire left flank.
“Damn it, Drake.” Damian sighed in frustration— not quite the rise Tim was hoping for, but still something. He dropped Elliot’s discarded robot back into the box.
“I don’t know what you were expecting,” Tim told him. “Elliot’s four. He’s too young for— what is this— military history?”
“He was doing fine before you showed up.” Damian started to re-erect his soldiers, but he gave it up after Elliot came in for a second pass. “Which is typical, isn’t it?”
“Thank you.” Damian crossed his arms. “Fine. I’ll bite. When is he supposed to learn this kind of thing?”
“High school? Maybe never.”
“That can’t be right.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Frequently.” Damian rolled his eyes. “I’m getting a second opinion.”
Damian checked the room for potential allies. “Thomas?” he called over his shoulder, “You learned military strategy as a kid, right?”
Duke looked up from the book he was reading to a pair of kindergardeners. “Just you, man.”
“Told you.” Tim fished a bag of plastic ninja from the toy box and arranged them pointedly into a row. “How are you still surprised by this kind of thing?”
Damian glared at him. “Okay, first of all? I’m not a— hold on a second. Elliot!”
Elliot froze with a large, plastic dinosaur held aloft over the battlefield. He drew it sheepishly back to his chest. “Sorry.”
“Not in the calvary wing,” Damian told him. “You’ll scare the horses.”
“Here?” Elliot pointed to the front of the phalanx.
“Aim for his center.” Damian turned back to Tim. “Anyway. Why are you still talking to me? I thought we had an agreement about unnecessary contact.”
My girl made him wait ‘til the hours of the night Then hit you with the, “You know it’s mid, right?” Can’t be on time for the free rides Can’t be my type, I’m a low life Crammed in some time, now I’m your whole life Can’t make those calls in the low light Are you ready to go? We gon’ be waitin’ in line Yeah you look good, would I fuck? Yeah Did I? Almost Back home with that, almost Back home with that, next time Bags with all that Rally’s in 'em Trades with all the valley (come on!) Top chopped down like blades came through the valley Freeway
Despite our history Somewhere in your nights, you’re stuck when you think of me Despite the life I lead All this life in me Spirits watch me, pants down Can’t be 'barrassed of it I feel their smiles on me (smiles on me) I feel their smiles on me (smile on me) I feel their smiles on me (lens on me right now) Oh yeah, oh yeah
Throw team on back like I tatted the Mariah (know I got some sins on me) Then get the scream mask for the vert ride (ridin’) Weed smoke in the sky, picture what I’m realizin’ (got some sins on me) Ain’t seen rainbows in the sky since college This thing won’t last unless we’re both lyin’ (both lyin’) Fake flowers, no water needed Real life drowned by the weekend No wins, call it timeless No ends 'cause you’re timeless (timeless!)
Despite our history, yeah Somewhere in your nights, you’re stuck when you think of me Despite the life I lead All this life in me (all this life) Spirits watch me, pants down Can’t be 'barrassed of it I feel their smiles on me (on me, on me, on me) I feel their smiles on me I feel their smiles on me
Lionel got a lens, Janet got a lens Matthew got a lens on me right now, yeah Cleve got a lens, Kevin got a lens Know I got some sins on me right now On me On me, on me On me, on me On me, on me On me, on me On me, on me
Ayy roll up this Yeah, cameras, cameras on me, I need tints (watch, tints) Smilin’ but inside I’m feelin’ bent (watch, tints) Come direct, please I can’t take no hints (yah!, yeah) Bicycles and pegs, yeah Ride low, duck the feds, watch Du-rag on my head, yeah Money on my head, yeah Cameras, cameras on me when I’m bent Mix the waterfall right behind the tent (yeah) Backseat, spacious, I pulled up, spaceship, yeah This ain’t Vegas Yeah this here vacant yeah Black skin bastard Tad bit savage Cause a tad bit havoc When I come through, damage Hop out, roll, pop it, pour Planet froze, chain Keisha Cole (froze) Molly help me sleep, yeah, Xannies make her sleep, yeah 93, 93, 93, spot Yeah
Sunwoo: *wanted to feed Baekhyun cucumber* Baekhyun: *suddenly went blank and stopped acting* err I don’t eat cucumber. Director: Cut! All the co-casts started laughing. 😂 Baekhyun: /explains/ I really don’t eat cucumber.
Because of theseposts and my non-existant self control
the nearest real city is Athens and if you think Bitty isn’t there every weekend there’s football you’re wrong
should win the Slowest Walker award. its more an amble or a stroll
would never ever pass anyone on the street and even more so never on the stairs. it’s bad luck.
dirt roads mean washing his truck more than should be humanly possible, but also driving fast down a dirt road so you don’t feel every bump when it’s all washborded out
more on roads- what in the ever loving hell is a snowplow???
even more on roads- why the hell would you ever jaywalk? to where???? the garbage can so you can throw away some stranger’s litter? (Bless their sweet little darlin’ heart!)
is in denial that the Atlanta Thrashers ever left. They’re just on a long off season.
stops to talk to anyone at any time. Had a class together once freshman year before you dropped it three days in? Bitty is gonna ask about your momma and your dog because “Lord honey, that’s just how you do things”
going to Murder Stop n Shop means ‘going into town’
is frankly apalled at the lack of farm stands on the side of the road
Thank The Lord there aren’t half a dozen of those awful ‘southern charm’ boutiques on the square- probably because there’s no square
complains that there are no antebellum homes to decorate at Christmas and make the cold less awful
making friends with history nerds read: Jack Zimmermann and informing him that Madison was the only city spared on Sherman’s March to the Sea because it’s the only Georgia history he knows