Guess who wrote some more Steve/Tony/Bucky/Natasha???? It’s me. Why.
God, this safe house had seen better days.
Steve wrinkled his nose at the tiny cot and moldy-smelling sheets and wondered if he could handle staying awake one more day.
“I need the bathroom right now immediately,” Tony began, and hustled in the direction Natasha had pointed in.
Bucky put his hands on his hips and looked around, frowning. “Would it make you feel better or worse to know that Hydra had worse?”
“Shut up,” Natasha said tiredly, prepared to flop onto the cot, then apparently thought better of it and sat down on the floor.
Steve followed suit. He was quite tired. Who knew that accepting Tony’s offer to go with him on a trip to a public speaking event meant that they’d get chased down by both AIM and Hydra? At least they had been wearing casual clothes and sneakers. Tony had had to ditch his suit jacket and steal a hoodie to try and blend in with the crowd, and he was still wearing his loafers.
“You okay, Tony?” Steve asked after realizing they hadn’t heard him in quite some time.
Both Bucky and Natasha turned toward the bathroom door in concern when no response was forthcoming.
“…Tony?” Steve asked again, getting to his feet.
The doorknob jiggled and then there was a sad-sounding squeak. “Oh no.”
Bucky and Natasha were immediately on their feet as well. “What?!”
“Are you okay?”
“No,” Tony said, honestly sounding like he might cry. “I can’t get out because the doorknob broke.”
“Aw,” Natasha whispered, looking amused and sympathetic all at once. She smacked Steve’s shoulder with the back of her hand. “Help him, Steve.”
Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the knob on their side.
“…You fucking idiot,” Bucky whispered gleefully as he gaped down at the doorknob in his hand.
“Steve?” Tony asked plaintively.
“Just—just a second, honey,” Steve said, turning back to Natasha with wild eyes and motioning at the door.
Natasha rolled her eyes and sighed. “My gear won’t help if there isn’t a lock to pick.”
“What?” Tony’s voice went higher in pitch. “What are you talking about, what do you mean there isn’t a lock—”
“Get in the bathtub, sweetheart,” Bucky sighed.
“What why? What’s going on?”
“Get in the bathtub.”
There was a pause as they listened to him shuffle around, and then, “Why am I in the bathtub?”
Bucky slammed his heel into what was left of the doorknob, causing the wood around it to shatter and the door to burst inward. Tony yelped as it ricocheted off the tub, ducking further into it and covering his head against the splinters.
Bucky stepped into the bathroom and reached down to scoop him up despite the lack of space usually needed to do so. “I gotcha, doll.”
“What a hellish day,” Tony complained, hiding his face against Bucky’s shoulder. “Everyone should cuddle me.”
“We can do that,” Natasha answered immediately, elbowing Steve in the side. “Steve.”
He looked at her in confusion. “Wh—oh,” he whispered, looking around wildly, then hid the doorknob under the cot.
“Gimme,” Natasha said with just a touch of murder.
Bucky held his hands up to allow her to curl around Tony on his lap. “You know you don’t have to use the murder voice, right? You and Tony weigh, like. Five pounds.” He patted the floor beside him for Steve. “Especially when you spread out over both our laps.”
“I weigh at least five pounds all by myself,” Tony grumbled. He plopped his feet into Steve’s lap. “Rub these please.”
Steve gently pulled off one loafer and grimaced. “Aw, honey.”
Natasha and Bucky whipped around to look and let out sympathetic sounds when they saw his bloody sock. And he hadn’t even complained once.
“I think there’s supposed to be a first-aid kit here,” Natasha offered, standing again. “Hold tight, Tony.”
Tony muttered to himself about how he’d been holding her tight, but whatever. Bucky and Steve fought valiantly not to find that adorable and failed. She returned shortly with what was quite possibly the tiniest first-aid kit they’d ever seen. It did have bandages and Neosporin though, so Steve didn’t judge it too harshly, instead delicately peeling off Tony’s sock.
“Ow,” Tony couldn’t help but whimper, hiding his face in Bucky’s shoulder again.
“Shh, honey, I’m sorry,” Steve murmured, grimacing at all the burst blisters on Tony’s foot. “We’ll get this fixed up.”
“What do you mean ‘we,’” Natasha began, because she was disgusted by feet, only to jolt backward. “Jesus Christ.”
Bucky scowled at her, lifting a hand to pat Tony’s back as he tried to pull his foot away so she didn’t have to see it. Luckily Steve had gotten a good grip of his ankle the moment he’d seen Natasha look in his direction.
“I mean. Oh dear,” Natasha said haltingly, opening the Neosporin. “Why didn’t you say anything, Tony?”
“We needed to get to cover.”
Steve smiled sadly. “You did a good job, honey.”
“Gross, gross, gross,” Natasha whispered, squirting Neosporin on all of his blisters. “C’mon, Steve.”
Steve began bandaging his foot carefully. “We’ve got you, Tony.”
“’m sorry,” Tony said softly, shoulders sagging. “This was supposed to be fun. I was gonna take you guys out to dinner. Maybe see a show. Just… do something that wasn’t life-threatening for once.”
“It’s not your fault,” Natasha said immediately. “You can still do that when this blows over, too. We can even go for something exotic and heinously expensive.”
Bucky hurried to agree with her. “Yeah, doll, let’s try something new.”
“Right,” Steve added after Natasha prodded his shoulder impatiently. “I’m trying to concentrate, Natasha.”
Tony choked on a sad laugh. “I must look bad if you’re all agreeing to something heinously expensive.”
“Fine,” Steve sighed, rolling his eyes. “Just ridiculously expensive then. Will you stop moving your foot?”
“You guys are mean. I’m breaking up with you. I’m going to date Sam, Bruce, and Thor instead.”
“You love to dress Natasha up too much to break up with her,” Bucky began.
“Thor would look good in dresses too!” Tony burst out.
While Bucky and Steve were stunned, Natasha just shrugged. “No, it’s true. He’s just sad most Midgardian dresses won’t fit him.”
Bucky and Steve choked.
“What the fuck, Natasha?!” Steve and Bucky shouted the next day as she raced away, carrying Tony on her back.
“You snooze, you lose, suckers!” Natasha called back over Tony’s giggles, grinning when he wrapped his arms around her shoulders tighter and urged her faster.