or we might just eat them

Rromani FAQ

What’s up, fam? For International Rromani Day this year, I thought it would be a good idea to maybe post some basic info. So here is your IRrD cultural crash-course cheat sheet:

  • The word “G*psy” is an ethnic slur. It comes from the misconception that we originated in Egypt (hint: we did not). Basically, white Europeans were like “hey those guys are brown. They must be Egyptians. lol ‘Gyptians. lol ~G*PSIES~”. AKA, they couldn’t be bothered to ask where we actually came from. Some Rroma have opted to reclaim this word and may use it to refer to themselves. That does not mean that it’s okay for just anybody to use it. Friendly tip: do not use this word unless you are actually Rromani.
  • Rromani people trace their roots back to India and some parts of Pakistan (but mostly India?). While many don’t necessarily consider themselves Indian or even South-Asian, we are also not white.
  • We are a diaspora group. That means we were expelled from the country/left nationless.
  • Rroma come in all colours. Some of us are dark-skinned and some are light-skinned. We are all POC. There are certain physical traits that are common in our ethnic group, but that does not mean that we all have these traits. In fact, many of these traits have been used to stereotype us, which isn’t cool.
  • Our culture involves a lot of dancing and music. And food. And our food is generally pretty spicy.
  • We are not Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame). In fact, that book is hella racist and the movie isn’t really much better. In the book, Esmeralda was a gadje (non-Rromani) girl who was kidnapped by Rroma (stereotype) and raised in their community (stereotype). As you will know from the movie, she dressed provocatively (stereotype) and danced for coins (stereotype). Rroma women are often portrayed as sexual objects, which is really gross tbh. Although the cute lil’ goat friend is 110% factual. I mean, not really. But I had a goat friend. Her name was Rochelle. More on that later.
  • Rroma men are often stereotyped as lazy.
  • Other stereotypes include fortune tellers, witches, thieves, beggars, and street performers. I am here to tell you that we are honestly no more likely to do these things than any other cultural group so… yeah? And those that do are often forced into these positions by laws and discrimination in their home countries.
  • Speaking of which, forced eviction, mass deportation, sterilisation, systematic impoverishment and oppression, workplace discrimination, segregated education, and TAKING CHILDREN AWAY FROM THEIR FAMILIES are problems that Rroma are still facing TODAY.
  • Rroma are sometimes known as Travellers because we have historically been a fairly nomadic group (by necessity). Rromani people would (and many still do) travel from place to place, looking for work, only to be chased away by prejudiced locals. Think old man on a porch shouting “Get off my lawn!” at the paper boy. Dumb, right? Right.
  • We do not want your children. For some reason, gadje think we want to steal their children? Some even think we eat them??? We do not do this.
  • Gadje is not a bad word. It literally means “non-Rromani person”.
  • Our language is called Rromanes or Rromani Chib. There are like a gajillion different dialects. Those of us who actually speak our chib might not be able to understand another Rrom because of dialectical differences. It’s complicated.
  • We are not a costume. A G*psy is not something you can just become. You can’t convert. You either are or you are not. Wearing long skirts does not make you a ~*G*pSy*~. Being a hippie does not make you a ~*G*pSy*~. Pracitising witchcraft does not make you a ~*G*pSy*~. We are not mythical creatures. You cannot become Rromani any more than you can become Black or Asian or Hispanic. It is especially concerning when people act like we are a style instead of an ethnicity because a) it makes a mockery of our culture, and b) makes it seem like we do not actually exist.
  • Bread.

Dear future daughter,


I wanted to write this as a sort of time capsule, so that you would know how your mother was at sixteen and what I expect of you as my daughter.

I love music and singing, and I expect I’ll put you for music classes early on, unless you don’t like singing and composing which is completely okay.
You can quit and join karate or anything you want.
I won’t force you, instead I’ll let you find your own path in life, like my mom let me.

You wanna ride horses? Cool. I liked that too.
You wanna go for kickboxing and learn how to defend yourself? Cool.
You wanna do ballet and enthrall the audience with your magnificent coordination? Amazing.

Anything you want to do babe, I am hundred percent right behind you.

I am big on reading as well, and this may sound odd, but unlike dancing or singing, I would very much adore it if you loved reading as much as me.
I will introduce it gently of course, by telling you adventure stories I wrote for you, about bears and fairies, and any thing you like.
Then I would introduce all sorts of new books, the same ones my mom introduced to me,Malory Towers, St. Claires, Tin-Tin’s, Secret Seven and so on.
If you don’t like reading, I understand.
I hope you do, though.

I am really sorry but you may or may not have my acne.
I am so sorry, I know how much you suffer trying to talk to that cute boy who’s the next Zac Efron, or how hard you try to cover it up.
Or how much you cry over something that someone said about your skin.
I wish I could change things in that department but I can’t. You have combination skin just like me, and it only gets better everyday, and soon enough a beautiful sense of maturity and compassion will bloom, like those Violets you adore.

You might deal with a lot of appearance issues, and trust me, even all the way back in 2017, we still have them.
Let me tell you this, your weight is just the relationship you have with gravity.
It doesn’t define your intellect, beauty, the amount of love you can give to the universe around you.
W=m x g
That’s all weight is.
So eat that pizza, gobble that pancake and never starve yourself.
I am not saying don’t be healthy and exercise, oh no, but its okay to be kind to yourself once in a while.

Career.
Tricky.
I am not going to say I am not going to behind your grades, or behind you to keep them up, but I will give you a chance to improve if you mess up, which you will and thats okay.
That’s life.
To me, do what you love.
Do something that keeps you happy, something that keeps you interested.
Do something that makes you excited to walk into work.
I hope I am doing the same honestly.
To me, education is not just about books and grades, and the colleges you get into.
I’ve probably taken you to so many places in the world, and all that you’ve learned, all the food you’ve eaten, all the cultures you’ve experienced, that is what you have truly experienced. Of course, it won’t pay your bills and it sure as hell won’t help you get to college, but it will make you better citizens of this earth, better human beings, more accepting, less judgmental.

Love.
Oh my, honey, you are going to fall so hard.
For a broken boy with broken promises.
With the talented singer.
With the most popular boy in school.
With someone half way across the world.

In the end, after everyone, you will realize you don’t need to settle for someone who makes you feel terrible about yourself, you just need someone who treats you like the princess you are.
Trust me, its not the prettiest or the most popular that gets to be the keeper of your precious heart.

Of course, if you decide you don’t want to be in a relationship, that’s great.
You’re a strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone to tell her how downright amazing she is.
(feminist alert! haha)

Trust me.
They are going to break you, shatter you, make you feel like you can never love again.
You will love again though.
Again and again.

(You can change the genders above to suit you)
I expect by the time you are old enough to realize who you love, who you’re attracted to, it won’t matter.
I hope for Goodness sakes, we live in progressive times.
If we don’t, I will love you no matter what, if you’re bi, demi, gender fluid or anyone.
I will love you the same.
Coming out will be the easiest thing you will ever have to do, I promise.

Religion
Well, I am an agnostic, but if you decide that you want to follow a religion I will allow it.
Preferably Hinduism because that would make my mom and dad, (your grandma and grandpa happy) but if its Buddhism, Christianity or any religion, be my guest.
Explore, decide and tell me.
I will respect you if you decide to believe in a higher power, because I think that takes a certain amount of strength.

I might get mad at you, scream, cry and you have to realize I am not perfect.
Far from it.
I just want you to be a nice, respectful and loving human being.
Your grades and talents are secondary to me.
Sure I might not buy everything you want me to, but I promise I will provide you with everything you need.

I need to leave now, but it’s been great getting to know you,
this is sixteen year old me signing out.

Things I've actually heard college students say
  • “Look how pretty my notes are!! Too bad I’ll never study them”
  • “I might look fine in class but I’m dying inside" 
  • “I’ve never seen frozen and at this point i’m afraid to" 
  • "when the professor shows up I’m just gonna get up, make eye contact, and leave”
  •  ”shut the fuck up and eat your shitty frosted flakes”
  •  ”Is it acceptable to throw myself out the window after we take this exam”
  • “I need more gay people in my life I’m suffocating in straights”
  •  ”I think I’m just gonna sleep outside and let the snow bury me until I die”
  • “why the fuck would i pay 5 dollars for a grilled cheese? oh wait they’re delivering them? ok buy 3”
  • “i feel like a child but i look like an adult and i think it throws a lot of people off”
  • “yo look at this dog! i want this dog. this dog is straight g”
  • “I got super drunk and told everyone I was a lesbian” 
  • “I’VE ONLY DONE ANAL TWICE OKAY”
  • “instead of studying art we should MAKE ART WITH OUR BODIES”

feel free to add anything you’ve heard

important facts & quotes from hidden oracle reread #4 part one

i cited everything from the hardback edition bc im a nerd 

- page one apollo is already making pop culture references (1)

- meg is such a badass oh my g od (14)

- riodan does such a beautiful way of explaining things in this novels. awe-inspiring. mind blowing. example: “Her eyes glinted darkly like a crow’s. (I can make that comparison because I invented crows.)” (14-15) wow. beautiful. 

- so i understand this series is going to be about Apollo’s redemption and ~~~~finding himself~~~~ or w\e but JESUS PLEASE RICK you can’t just say “She [Meg] reminded me of the strays my sister was always adopting: dogs, panthers, homeless maidens, small dragons.” (15) WITHOUT PROVIDING SEVERAL BOOKS AS EXAMPLE FOR SAID SENTENCE all i want is a book focused on artemis and her army of small dragons and lesbians dear gods please 

- omfg can you just imagine sally having to go over to Percy’s room and having to tell him that the greek god of the sun apollo was there to see him omfg. imagine the salt. imagine both of them just groaning. imagine.

-”If I had still been an immortal, I might have flirted with her [Sally Jackson] myself.” (30-31) l o l Sally is a middle aged married woman seven months pregnant and still bringing in the gods you go girl im proud of you

- Sally Jackson is one of the best characters in the entire series. citation: every riodan book ever even the non-pjo it’s a fact 

- i 10000% support the idea that percy gave apollo the led zeppelin shirt as a sneaky joke he’s so smart i love him so much

- “Percy laced his fingers. They were long and nimble.”(35) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

- He [Percy] would have made an excellent musician.” (35) f u ck 

- literally all percy wants is to “stay alive” long enough to go to college, meet his baby sister, and see his mom get her book published my heart is broken for this boy (35-36)

- the return of the seven layer dip fuck me up (40)

- jfc that poor Prius it’s been through so much (52-54)

- page 67 and Percy’s already made two comic book references he’s such a canon nerd 

- “Cops love me almost as much as teachers do.” god Percy Jackson what are you doing to me

- apollo tried to order a pizza to CHB and honestly same (73)

- g o d will solace jfc wow

- we’re to assume Will’s a skier (his Okemo Mountain jacket & skiers tan) (82) and now i have to write the inevitable fic that comes out of this fact

- Will’s mom was a alt.-country singer from Austin, Texas (83) which wow and honestly makes the fact will is a horrible singer 1000% better

- yellow daises grow year-round in the Apollo cabin, and it smells like fresh linens and dried sage. (83)

- kayla is aiming for the olympics and honestly im so proud already 

- fact: any and all solangelo interaction have me crying into my book 

- “Will put his hand on Nico’s shoulder, ‘Nico, we need to have another talk about your people skills.’” lol this implies that they’ve had this talk before and im dying to hear it

- the Hermes kids are big fans of Rocky Horror Picture Show (95) and now i have to write a seperate list of headcanons for this fact

- speaking of, Apollo used to cosplay as Rocky bc why not. (95-96)

- listen i know im solangelo trash BUT - “Will and Nico sat shoulder to shoulder, bantering good-naturedly. They were so cute together it made me feel desolate.” im destroyed (110)

- “but if I sit alone at my table, strange things happen.” “it’s a mood disorder” “i cant control it” stfu nico u nerd u just want to sit with your boyfriend im dead (110)

- Will nodded serenely. “It’s the strangest thing. Not that Nico would ever misuse his powers to get what he wants.” death to goody-two-shoes will solace 2k17

- off topic but CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE CHIRON THO. like. this happens and will and nico are just standing there. in front of him. telling him they have to sit together OR NICO WILL JUST HAPPEN TO PUT CRACKS INTO HIS CAMP. just imagine. him staring at them. sighing. deciding not to fight this one. agreeing & watching them giggle away bc they’re so SNEAKY & now they can EAT TOGETHER WOW 

-   lol when Meg was going to town on the hot dogs and “Julia and Alice watched her with a mixture of fascination and horror.” (111)

- “Will and Nico exchanged a look that might have meant, here we go.” (112) okay im sorry im just sO GONE FOR LITTLE MOMENTS LIKE THIS I JUST WANT NICO TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE IN HIS RELATIONSHIPS OKAY

- apollo refers to the seven as “the A-list” (112) same tho

- Jason, Piper, Coach Hedge, Mellie and baby Chuck are all in LA with Piper’s father like???? (113) THIS IS SOMETHING I NEED TO SEE? What’s the living arrangement? Is Jason living with Piper? OH GOD IS JASON LIVING WITH HEDGE AND MELLIE? DO THEY ALL LIVE IN SOME BIG PLACE PIPER’S DAD RENTED OUT???? do Piper and Jason babysit? do they have family dinners? how’s baby chuck doing??? how are they all adjusting to domestic life?? I NEED TO KNOW THIS IS ALL VERY IMPORTANT TO ME 

- lol nico’s just as pissed as eveRYONE IN THE FANDOM about Leo’s not-death and im living for it (113)

- also nico carries around Leo’s lil ‘IM ALIVE LOL’ letter\hologram\thing? like i get it was completely for the plot but?????? “i look at it whenever i want to get angry” (114) like ok nico u lil bean whatever u say u little emo shit

- apollo’s little ‘lol when u have a headache in olympus hephaestus just cracks open your skull and removes whatever brain god\dess u just birthed up lol it’s so much easier ugh’ (116) w h a t t h e f u c k 

- fact: harley is adorable no citation needed

- also you’re telling me chiron, basically as old as time itself tbh, doesn’t speak portuguese? k (120)

- “i am merely assessing how well paolo’s arms are functioning after surgery” (120) those are some big words william u nervous or something??

- “hmph” - nico di angelo, 2016 (120) 

- this isn’t really important but there’s a satyr named herbert and he’s my new favorite character sorry i dont make the rules (124)

- ok so there’s an unnamed random camper who mutters in Italian (127) and now i’ve got the BIGGEST headcanon that this random girl and Nico (omg maybe a few others????) meet a few times a month just to rant to each other in Italian so none of them get sloppy with the language and u g h im such a bitch for nico di angelo frienships

- “A boy in the crowd gasped, ‘she’s a communist!’” (127) i fucking hate this book omfg

i’ll do more later in order to mentally prepare myself for the dark prophecy but it’s 3 am and im tired  

I read somewhere one time, that the reason we always go back to the person that hurt us. Is that its easier to get back with someone that already knows everything about you, then to start over. It’s natural for us as humans to wanna keep things the same. Such as eating at the same restaurant and ordering the same meal every time. Having to let a new person learn everything about you, even the things you might not want them to know isn’t easy. Having to introduce them to your family, hoping that they will accept them just like they did with your ex, makes that first family gathering stressful. Hoping that he will accept you once he learns all your flaws, and even going through your first fight can be difficult as you don’t know what he does when he’s mad/upset. Even though you know going back to your ex is a bad idea and that things really haven’t changed. It’s what seems like the easiest option so thus that's what you do, knowing, in the end, it’s not going to work. 

Humans are Weird: Spices

Alien: Today in my “Human Studies” book, I’m reading about human foods.

Human: Ooh, cool.

Alien: But I’m not sure this is accurate. It says here that humans purposely ingest a plant high in a pain-causing chemical, capsaicin.

Human: Oh, peppers? Yeah. Spicy.

Alien: But why would you want to eat something that causes you pain?

Human: Some people like the burn. I think it causes the same sort of reaction as drinking alcohol…?

Alien: That activity doesn’t make sense to me either. Can we discuss it after?

Human: Sure.

Alien: So, these “peppers.” Do you enjoy eating them?

Human: Me? Well, not by themselves. But I do like somewhat spicy foods. My brother, though, he likes them much hotter. He’s eaten some really spicy peppers, even ate a ghost pepper by itself.

Alien: Ghost pepper.

Human: Yeah, it’s the spiciest natural pepper. His face got pretty red, and he got the hiccups.

Alien: That… doesn’t sound like a healthy reaction.

Human: It just means that it’s a really spicy pepper. I mean, if I ate one of those, it might kill me, but he was fine.

Alien. Why would it kill you?

Human: Too spicy. You have to have a tolerance for capsaicin or it can literally kill you. And the ghost pepper is so hot that to handle it, you gotta wear gloves.

Alien: Your planet has plants that can KILL people, and which you can’t handle directly, and your brother ATE ONE, by ITSELF??

Human: Yeah.

Alien: …

Human: He says that when he gets desensitized to ghost pepper, he wants a Carolina Reaper.

Alien: I’m almost afraid to ask.

Human: …

Alien: What’s a Carolina Reaper?

Human: A pepper scientifically engineered for spiciness. It’s currently the world’s hottest pepper.

Alien: *stares at human in disbelief*

Alien: *stares at human studies book*

Alien: *stares at human again*

Alien: *whispers to self* How… how are humans real?

Living Togethers hcs

Okay, but since Ty and Ethan have confirmed that they live seperate from Mark and together, I’ve had way too hcs to not share.

- okay but hear me out: sleepy mornings
- Ethan, who stayed up all night the night before, asleep on the couch with an empty cup of coffee in his hand
- Tyler catching him in the morning and just
• “he’s so beautiful”
- literally Ty staring at Ethan until Ethan wakes up
- “coffee please”
- literally both of them knowing how the other prefers their coffee
- MORNING SNUGGLES

- or fighting over who gets the shower first
-“you got it last time, no fair!!” “snooze you lose.”
- brushing their teeth together
- *psa they fought over the design of the shower curtain
- Ethan won (only bc he has the lil blu boi eyes)

- aLSO LITERALLY THEM DOING LAUNDRY TOGETHER
- they don’t do laundry until they know they absolutely have to (or when Ty tells Ethan to)
- “is that my sweater?” “no, its mine.” “Eth, its practically a dress on you.” “iTS CLEAN OKAY??”
- also like Eth color sorting everything while Ty goes by who the clothing belongs to (by this point, they’re guessing)

Can we like talk about them cooking together
- Ethan who is accustomed to a gymnasts diet and refuses to eat anything, like too greasy
- and Ty who has to be careful with certain foods cuz of his kidney
- so they either completely agree on something or have two seperate meals
- but they love cooking together
- feeding each other a piece of food while the other is busy stirring or smth
- i just ??

I love that they live together (might do pt 2?? i dunno, u tell me)

What Does It Mean To Be Healthy?

It seems that we often forget that being healthy is about finding a balance. 

For some people healthy might be eating raw fruits and veggies, lean meats or soy substitutes, and whole grains 24/7. For others it might be having dessert everyday. Both are fine provided that that is the balance that works for them.

For some people fitness might mean 2hrs of weight lifting each day, for others it might be running, for others it might be dance, and for others it might just be going out for a half hour walk every few days. These are all fine provided that it is the balance that works for those individuals.

 There is no one way to be fit or to be healthy. It is a different combination for everyone. Being healthy is about doing what you need to do in order to take care of yourself. 

The Call

General Disclaimer

AN: My contribution for Sakura’s birthday. Quickly jotted down on my extra long lunch break ^_^ Enjoy!


“This,” Sakura Uchiha grumbles as she drives her fist into the face of a particularly grimy bandit, “is not how I expected to spend my birthday.”

Sasuke makes a vaguely inquiring noise as he carries out a variation of his Shishi Rendan, sending his opponent flying through the air with several cracked bones.

“Never mind,” she mutters, ducking a clumsy kunai strike and using her attacker’s momentum to throw him over her shoulder.

The large band she and Sasuke have stumbled upon have been plaguing the nearby village for months, according to the inhabitants. They’ve take up residence on the only bridge in the area and have been charging travellers a toll to get by. Those who refuse have been violently robbed and left for dead, according to the warnings of several survivors.

It should have been the work of ten minutes to neutralise them and tie them up, but neither she nor Sasuke expected the majority of them to be former Kusa-nin. Even in this time of peace, missing-nin present a constant problem – especially those who made their livelihood pursuing war.

At least the Akatsuki had an actual purpose – these creeps just want to bleed people dry for their own benefit!

In the end, in the name of expedience rather than anything else, Sasuke traps them all in a genjutsu and Sakura rounds them all up. She’s kept the use of her strength to a minimum, not wanting to accidentally destroy the bridge they are trying to liberate.

Keep reading

mickimonster  asked:

Did you hear about the two independent sightings of possible actual live thylacines?

I did, and I’m super skeptical. I’ve read Carnivorous Nights: On the Trail of the Tasmanian Tiger and it goes pretty in depth into why most of the people trying to figure out if they’re still around have come to the conclusion it’s super unlikely. I’ve done some independent checking on those processes, and it makes sense. 

And, honestly, if they do still somehow exist I hope we never find out about it. Those poor animals would never live in peace from tourists, and the number of people who would go visit to try to see them would probably have a huge environmental impact and drive them even deeper into their habitat. That’s even if we’d let them stay in the wild I worry that the pressure to try to pull a captive breeding program would be too high, even if we found a super small number that the species was obviously unsustainable. Who wouldn’t want to study them, to see if we could bring them back? That worked well for black-footed ferrets and we’re hoping it will work for the vaquita. Except, like, they’re complex marsupials who did really badly in captivity beforehand and that we don’t know how to care for; in contrast, ferrets are easy to manage and easy to breed and we’ve got a lot of research background on the needs of cetaceans similar to the vaquita. I don’t think we know enough about the needs of thylacines to be able to guarantee them decent welfare in captivity (because the welfare of new species in captivity is directly correlated with how much we know about them in the wild) and that’s my personal limit re: what can reasonably justify capturing a species and keeping them for conservation purposes.They might be the only animal we’d want to put in a zoo, in this day and age, where we have no idea about even simple things, like how much they eat a day or what sort of nutrition balance they need or if they can live with conspecifics. It would break my heart to see us find some and then watch us lose them in captivity just like we did with their last known ancestors because we’re so enthusiastic about seeing them and studying them and saving them that we end up in a situation where we’re just guessing about how to care for them.

If they’re out there, I hope they continue to exist in anonymity. But I sincerely doubt they still are. 

‘This One Hawk Keeps Fucking Our Drones’: 5 Questions With Jeff Bezos

As the founder and CEO of Amazon, Jeff Bezos has upended the world of commerce and entertainment, and he’s only getting started. We asked the tech visionary five questions about his online empire, and his answers will blow you away.

1. Where did you get the idea for Amazon.com?

Back in 1994, I was in a bookstore to pick up a copy of the Holy Bible, and the clerk had the nerve to ask me for money. I said, “Surely, there’s been some mistake. You can’t sell God’s word for cash. That would be blasphemy,” but no, the bookstore was actually trying to sell the Bible. It was revolting, so I decided to make an online store where the Bibles are always free, as the Lord intended. That’s why Amazon’s motto is “Bibles, Come And Get ’Em!” To afford printing all those free Bibles, we started selling other things, like toaster ovens and books that aren’t the Bible.

2. What’s the future of brick and mortar stores in the age of e-commerce?

Physical stores will always have an important purpose as a place to buy flowers after cheating on your wife by kissing a photo of Julia Roberts. Two-day shipping isn’t fast enough when your wife is furious at you for kissing Julia Roberts’ picture on the DVD cover of Notting Hill and you need those flowers stat to smooth things over. Amazon is dangerous for husbands because we sell DVDs of Notting Hill, but we don’t sell flowers that arrive fast enough to fix your marriage, and that’s why store owners on Main Street have nothing to worry about.

3. Why did Amazon decide to start making its own tablets?

If you look at other e-readers on the market, none of them are filled with a layer of caramel like the Kindle is. Anytime you need a tasty treat to perk yourself up, you can snap your Kindle in half to slurp out the delicious caramel. Compare that to the thin layer of yogurt inside iPads, which is also delicious but spoils just a few hours after you buy it from Apple. The innovative thing about Kindles is that you can shatter them months or years later, and although the caramel inside might crystallize and look kind of weird after all that time, it’s still safe to eat.

4. When can we expect delivery by drone?

Delivering packages by drone is still a work in progress because of this one hawk that keeps fucking our prototypes out of the sky. Every time we launch a drone, this goddamn bird appears and unleashes its passion on the robot until it’s just a pile of broken rotors and circuitry. I wish we could shoot the hawk, but it’s an endangered species, so we have to put up with it screwing our drones to pieces. The good news is that hawks only live about 20 or 30 years, and this one is already at least 10 years old, so you can expect drone deliveries as soon as it dies of old age.

5. What’s Amazon’s next big venture?

Imagine a ride-sharing app like Uber except the car is a fake police car. You could turn on the siren to breeze right through traffic, which is incredibly illegal, and the driver and passenger would both go to jail. In jail they’re going to want snacks, but they’re going to run out of commissary money before long. What they need is some kind of app that lets their family mail them snacks in prison, all at the push of a button. That’s why I’m excited for our new services Amazon FalseCop and Amazon JailMunch, which together will get people arrested for impersonating police officers and make it easy to mail snacks to their prison cells. Amazon values customer satisfaction above all else, and I think people are going to like being in jail and eating snacks.

cosmiccoincidence  asked:

43 for andreil? (only if you want to tho)

43. “Frost the damn cupcakes.” + andreil 

Among Andrew’s now substantial amount of good days, are the bad ones. 

Days when everything is heavier than it should be, and getting out of bed is an effort in itself. When sharing said bed and an apartment with Neil is too much, too close, too important. 

This morning, Neil woke to an empty bed. Typically, this would mean that Andrew is either (1) making breakfast, (2) taking a shower, or (3) having a bad day. From the silent state of their apartment, Neil concludes it to be the latter. 

With a simple trip to the dining room, Neil’s suspicions are confirmed. Andrew sits on top of the table, cross legged, staring blankly at the wall across from him. Aside from a brief glance, Andrew hardly acknowledges Neil at all. 

“Good morning,” Neil says, making his way over to the fridge. Andrew grunts something like a response. 

“Do you need anything? Breakfast? The cats? Alcohol?”

“I don’t need anything,” is Andrew’s double-sided answer. Neil takes it in stride. 

“Want me to bake you something? I bought cake mix a few weeks ago and never got around to using it?”

At this, Andrew slants an unimpressed look at Neil, indifferent and bored as always. 

“Do whatever you want,” which Neil translates as a cautious yes. 

Nearly an hour later, Neil stands in front of the oven, staring down at his batch of “cupcakes”. Dubious in its name, half the batch looks scorched while the other portion seems to droop in a way cupcakes should never droop. Andrew inspects them from over Neil’s shoulder. 

“I’m not sure if you or one of the cats baked these. Did you let our cats bake the cookies?” 

Neil’s face flushes as he finds himself agreeing. He silently wonders if the cats would have done a better job. 

“We might as well frost them,” Andrew says, surprising Neil. 

“But… they’re ..-” Neil trails off, hoping Andrew will hear the silent “-fucking disgusting” that follows. 

Andrew reaches to their left and snags the tube of icing from the counter. Without missing a beat, he turns Neil around to press a brief kiss to his shoulder before placing the tube in Neil’s hand. 

“Just frost the damn cupcakes, Neil.”

And he does. Even more surprisingly, Andrew eats (almost, not the droopy ones) all of the cupcakes Neil had prepared. Neil wonders if Andrew has that big of a sweet tooth, or if he just secretly appreciates Neil’s efforts to make his bad day a little less bad. 

Yellowstone- Auston Matthews

Originally posted by nugent-hopkinks

Ok so when you said traveling, anon, I’m sure you meant something grand, but to me I like road trips, so you got a long road trip full of ups and downs! I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I liked writing it!

Warning: none!

Anon Request: Can you do a Auston one where him and his girlfriend go traveling together?? Thank you :)

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              “Noooo we’ve already been there!”

Keep reading

Grow old with me.
I’ll be yours, and you’ll be mine,
We can dance in the moon’s shine or drink cherry wine.
We can sit in train cars and watch the stars,
or we can fly through the skies, just to see them pass by.
Let’s lay side by side, we both know we aren’t afraid to die.
So, let’s eat our fill and roll down hills.
Because we’re both done giving any fucks,
It’s just us, no luck.
And sometimes we might fight.
Our words will creep like monsters at night, but they only lie,
because when you cry, I cry.
The sun will rise, and we’ll rejoice in this choice,
because I’ll be yours, and you’ll be mine.
Let’s take our time, we’ll be fine.
Grow old with me.
—  Grow old with me. // from “a worthless collection of love poems”
Growing Up Batty: Part 2

Prompt: really love your Damian Wayne series! I was wondering if you are willing to do another Damian series where he’s around 13 and Bruce forces Damian to go to school and he has to face what is it like being in middle school with the help of his brothers and he starts to develop feelings for the reader and they get really close and Damian tries to keep her safe and keep her from finding out that he is Robin??

AN: Sorry this took so long to get out. This particular chapter is dedicated to @maryry24

Words: 864

Part 1


“It’s about to expire.”

          You just roll your eyes; you don’t understand why Damian insists on coming shopping with your family. To be quite honest you wouldn’t be here if your mother didn’t mandate it. But in her eyes this was family time, and you suppose it isn’t all that bad. “It doesn’t really matter if we end up eating them tonight.”

          “Those ones will last longer.”

          “They’re also more expensive.”

          He just attempts to stare you down, attempt being the key word. You have four sisters, you aced staring contests a long time ago, when you had to fight for a drawer in the bathroom, for some of your stuff. Sure enough he looks away first, a scowl on his face. He isn’t used to losing, but you figure a little bit of humility might just help the Wayne heir.

          You smile as you load several clearance boxed items into your basket. You’re just about to drag him down the ice cream aisle when someone says, “Dami, is that you?”

          At the sound of the voice Damian stiffens, and pales slightly. You don’t even turn toward the approaching party, too entranced by your best friend’s reaction. You’ve never seen him like this.

          You hear the footsteps stop right beside you, and you watch as Damian turns towards three rather large men. They’re all grinning, and you have a feeling that Damian is in for just a tad bit more humility than you thought. One leans down slightly to throw his arm around Damian’s shoulder and says, “What a coincidence running into you baby bird, I didn’t know you like grocery stores.”

          Damian just scowls and says, “Remove your arm from my space, before I do it for you, Todd!”

          The man now labeled Todd just grins a bit more, and turns his attention to you. He extends his hand and says, “Hi, I’m Jason, these two lugs beside me are Dick, and Tim. We’re Dami’s older brothers and you are?”

          You choose not to shake his hand. There’s a power play going on, and you never take sides without knowing all the facts. You move your free hand to the handle on the basket, so that both hands are occupied and say, “I’m Y/N.”

          Jason retracts his hand and just grins, and you’re fairly certain that you hear the one introduced as Tim mutter something like “smart girl” under their breath. You give him a small smile in return, before turning your attention back to Damian.

          His face has turned red, and he’s gritting his teeth, and Jason’s arm is still wrapped around him. All signs point towards a very likely blow up, and all you can think about is that time he beat up those guys at school. You need to prevent that from happening again. After all, this is your mom’s favorite grocery store, and she’d be mad for days if she got some sort of lifetime ban.

          Without another thought you reach over, wrap you hand around Damian’s upper arm, and pull. He stumbles a bit, and you steady him in front of you. His face become a little less red, as the two of you hold eye contact for several moments, and then your hand sneaks out and pokes him in the side.

          Despite the fact that he’s fourteen, he has a lot of muscle. More than once you’ve moved to poke him, only to come back with a hurt finger and a trademarked Damian Wayne smirk. Then one marvelous day, you happened to hit this one little squishy part, and it was like the sun shone, and the birds sang. You’re not able to hit it often but when you do, it makes both of you smile.

          He grins a bit as he catches your hand on its way back, he holds it in the air for a minute and then his own hand, fast as lightning strikes you right in the side. You let out this little squeal, and start trying to pry your hand loose, all while swearing revenge. Damian just smiles and says, “I’d like to see you try.”

          You only calm down when you notice his brothers staring at you with shocked faces. You and Damian just kind of stare at them for a minute before you say, “I think we broke them.”

          Damian shrugs and says, “I’m okay with that, let’s go find your family and get out of here before they come to.”

          You smile as he leads you away by the hand, and can’t help but think that his brothers are a bit batty too. They are however good looking, which means, “It might be a good idea to keep them away from my sisters, the flirting would drive us both insane.”

          Damian just nods and says, “Agreed.”

          Damian goes home that night, and when you see him at school on Monday he looks like he’s just lost his best friend. And with you being his best friend, that’s not exactly a good thing. When you ask what’s he simply says, “My father wants you to come over for dinner tomorrow.”  You just sigh, your best friend is such a drama king.

Morganville Vampires Starter Sentences

» Feel free to change pronouns as needed. || Mix of fluffy, angsty, etc. «

  • “ Am I not ninja enough? Are you saying that I lack ninja? “
  • “ He did a ‘Batman’ and took off into the night. “
  • “ Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something. “
  • “ If you love me, you’ll give me a taco. “
  • “ Your distant cousin, Jack the Ripper, dropping by too? “
  • “ Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore. “
  • “ Karma’s a bitch, and so am I. “
  • “ Your father’s an asshole. It’s not a disease. You don’t have to catch it. “
  • “ I’d feel a whole lot better about the two of us if you didn’t think I was the go-to guy for breaking and entering. “
  • “ —frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater of vandals and defiler of dead dogs! “
  • “ Scoot over, man. I don’t like you that much. “
  • “ What, no grenade launchers? “
  • “ Tell that police lady to stop chasing me. “
  • “  I thought all geniuses read Latin. Isn’t that the international language for smart people? “
  • “ Next time you sell your soul to the devil, I get first contact! “
  • “ Weird that we got through the entire thing, and I didn’t have to hit anybody. “
  • “ What were you waiting for, flowery poetry? I hugged. I’m done. “
  • “ Gonna die of something. Might as well be chocolate. “
  • “ People get eaten in places like this. At the very least, we get locked in a room and terrible, evil things get done to us and put on the Internet. “
  • “ Horror movies are not documentaries. “
  • “ Hug somebody who cares. “
  • “ When I want to be lectured on strategy, I’ll consult someone who’s actually won battles. “
  • “ She smacked him so hard his momma felt it. “
  • “ See? My plans don’t all suck. Just most of them. “
  • “ I’m not dissing you, I’m ignoring you. There’s a difference. Dissing you implies I think you’re actually important. “
  • “ You humans, always eating. “
  • “ Did you just call me by my blood-type? “
  • “ I’m far too young and innocent for that kind of thinking. “
  • “ I don’t think I should be watching this. I don’t think I’m old enough. “
  • “ Drinking kills brain cells, dumbass. And, besides, if I give you one, that’s one less for me. “
  • “ Someone will pay for your suffering. Heavily. With screaming. “
  • “ My dad used to say that life’s a journey, but somebody screwed up and lost the map. “
  • “ Trade you cigarettes for a chocolate bar. “
  • “ Thank God, somebody sane. Well, sane-ish. “
  • “ If you ask me if I’m okay again, I’m going to smack myself in the face just to punish you. “
  • “ I love arguing with you. You always surprise me. And occasionally, you even make sense. “
  • “ Parents had some kind of sin radar. “
  • “ Don’t do drugs. I feel I ought to say that. “

Who wants to see Sanji cry? Like, really cry? 

Sanji’s dead expression here tells everything about his despair. Now that one thin silver lining that was Pudding has evaporated completely, there’s literally nothing whatsoever he can hold onto. But the most heartbreaking thing about Sanji’s situation is that until now, despite all the madness he’s gone through he’s been bottling up his emotions over and over. 

Sanji did cry after beating up Luffy, but the way he covers his eyes with his hands like he doesn’t want anyone to see, or the way he clenches his teeth suggests that he was desperately trying to hold back his tears. Until this moment we didn’t see Sanji cry his heart out over something related to the crew (which is quite surprising btw since he can be pretty emotional), and even when we finally got to see him cry, he was still trying to hold back his emotions with all his might. 

I’m saying that Sanji didn’t cry for real because just take a look at the way Nami and Robin cried in their darkest hours. There’s nothing about them that suggests they’re constraining their emotions; they’re both addressing their nakama directly and letting them see their tears. 

Just like Nami and Robin, Sanji must admit openly to his nakama that he’s in pain, scared, and really needs them to come to his rescue. I think what’s eating him up inside the most is not his situation per se, but the fact that he’s struggling to deal with his hardship all by himself without hurting anyone. 

But sometimes it’s far braver to choose to break. Now that his situation can’t get any worse, I hope we soon get to see our cook cry his eyes out like a baby in front of Luffy, because who in the world deserves to cry like that more than him?

What Was Left Behind

April 17th

School was cancelled today! Dunno what for, mom woke me up just to tell me not to bother getting up. Thanks, mom (not!). I’m pretty glad since school’s so far away I usually have to be up and ready to go when it’s still dark.  Price you pay for some fancy private school. Gonna spend the day playing Mario Kart. Mom said she was meeting dad. I wasn’t really listening but it’s weird, I’m sure dad had work today. Maybe they’re meeting for lunch or something? Sucks that she didn’t invite me then. Leftover mac'n'cheese it is then.

—-

April 18th

School’s still closed. Guessing there’s probably some major repairs or something, never heard anything about a strike. Pretty weird. Though it could be the boiler. It’s always the boiler with stuff like this.

Hang on, can hear hammering downstairs.

Um… Dad’s boarding up all the windows? Didn’t ask him why, he didn’t seem to be in a good mood. There’s a crapton of shopping bags in the kitchen too, been there since yesterday. Dunno why Mom hasn’t unpacked them yet. Guess a bad storm’s coming.

Must be why school’s closed.

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johnlocksmybritches  asked:

I feel there is very little, although very strong, evidence for Tythan. We just need to see another year of these guys together to collect the juicy evidence :)

I really hope that it’s real because they are so perfect together. But even as ‘just friends’ they’re perfect af.

Imagine if they come out and then we might get lots of Tythan pics from them??? Like Tyler saying something cheesy like 'took my boy out for ice cream’ or something with a pic of him and Ethan eating ice cream whith Tylers arm around him tightly to prove Ethan’s his and ughh! Can you imagine that???

OR A PIC OF ETHAN WHERE HE’S SLEEPIN ON TYLER and then Eth is all pouty when he finds out

I’m very sorry my hand slipped and all that came out cx okay Imma leave now

Stupid Sparks

AN: After watching supergirl I couldn’t get this out of my head. This is separate from my Supermom series.

Words: 1323


            There are super villains out there who would beg for this moment; to have Supergirl at their mercy, begging for their help. You however, you would do anything to be about a thousand miles away from her at this moment. You love Kara, you really do. She’s your best friend, and you’d do anything for her. Well… almost anything. “I don’t do blind dates.”

        “Please Y/N. Please. He’s distraught about the breakup. And he needs to get back out there, and you…”

        “What about me?”

        She winces, “Well, you haven’t been out on a date in over a year.”

        You frown, “I’ve been busy. I got that promotion at work, and you know Lew is an attention hog.”

        Kara’s face goes into a deadpan, “He’s a dog.”

        “He’s my baby,” You defend.

        You pause the conversation as the waitress brings your food. When she’s gone you ask, “What about Alex? She hasn’t dated in a while.”

        Kara just shakes her head, “Clark and Alex don’t really get along. It’s a tug of war situation.”

        “Blood vs. Nurture?”

        She just nods, “Yeah, pretty much. Anyways, please. For me.”

        Taking a deep breath, you lean back into your chair and stare at your best friend. You’d known Kara since you were eighteen. You’d been college roommates for four years, and another two after that. She knew your every secret, just like you knew hers. You’d known about her powers since she had shielded you in a car crash three months into sophomore year.

        “I won’t deal with mopey, and if he talks about how great Lois Lane is, I am out of there, and you’ll owe me breakfast for a year.”

        Kara just squeals, “Thank you, thank you so much. It’ll be fun, I promise. James and I will be there with you two, the entire time.”

        You just sigh, “A double date, a blind date, and first date all rolled up in one. You owe me big time.”

        She just smiles and says, “I really do.”

        Three days later you find yourself nervously waiting in a restaurant next to Kara. You’d never been the best at dating. You’d always found it awkward, trying to determine if you’re compatible with someone through a conversation. Looking for some sort of spark. To do so while your very in love best friend and her boyfriend made goo goo eyes at each other, was going to make it even worse.

        You’re midway through thinking up an excuse when Kara squeals. It’s high-pitched, and you’re nearly convinced she’s broken your eardrum, when she bolts out of her seat, and launches herself across the restaurant, and into the arms of a man you’d only seen in pictures.

Clark Kent was a good looking man. There was no denying that fact.

        And from what you’d heard he was a really good guy. Dedicated. Loyal. Protective. Just like your dog. Sitting up a bit straighter in your seat you watch as Kara moves from Clark to James. You can’t help but smile as they make dopey in love eyes at each other before finally kissing.

        As the kiss grows into something more you turn away, feeling as though you’d intruded on a private moment.

        “I’m torn between being incredibly happy for Kara, or ripping Jimmy’s arms off for sticking his tongue down my baby cousin’s throat.”

        Turning to face the voice, you stare at one Clark Kent. He’s taller than you thought, and as he slides into the seat across from you, you can’t help but beat back a blush.

        Clearing your throat, you ask, “Isn’t she technically older than you?”

        He smiles and shrugs, “Details.”

        Glancing back at them you wince, they’re mid make out session. “I shouldn’t turn around should I?”

        You smile at him, “Not if you want James to keep his arms.”

        Clark just smiles back at you, “I’m starting to think we should leave them alone.”

        You smile, “They haven’t seen each other in over a week, that might be smart.”

        “Is there another way out of here?”

        You just smile and say, “Follow me.”

        You end up on the street outside of the restaurant. “So, what’s good to eat around here.”

        You smile, “That depends, are you picky?”

        “Not particularly. With how much I have to eat, I like to keep my options open.”

        “Mongolian BBQ?”

        “That sounds amazing.”

        You end up at a local place you know. It’s small, and more intimate that you would have liked, but the food is simply amazing. Somewhat surprisingly, you end up having a good time.

        “So what kind of dog is he?”

        You swallow your bite of food first. “He’s a Goldendoodle. He’s three years old, and he’s my baby. Sorry, that sounds weird.”

        Clark just smiles, “Not at all. I’m the same way with Krypto.”

        “Krypto?”

        “Krypton’s equivalent to a dog. Basically, he’s Superdog.”

        You smirk, “Does he go around and save the animal kingdom?”

        Clark smirks right back, “Only if he wants a treat.”

        You can’t help but laugh. After the laughter dies down, you admit, “I’m having a much better time than I thought I would.”

        Clark leans back in his chair, “Let me guess, Kara made me sound all pathetic.”

        You shrug, “Maybe, a little.”

        He smiles, “I’m going to contribute that to concern. Lois and I both knew it was ending. We’ve been off and on for years, and she ended up getting an amazing job offer, and we both agreed that it was too good to pass up.”

        Your smile fades a bit, “Why didn’t you go with her?”

        “Metropolis needs me.”

        “That’s a lonely way to live. Putting an entire city of people before yourself. Ending a relationship that you were in for so long.”

        His face goes serious for a minute. “Not exactly. I think, that if it were true love, and she was truly the one, I would have been willing to follow her. Or at the very least, ask her to stay. I loved Lois, some part of me still does. But I don’t think I’ve been in love with her for a while now.”

        After a moment of silence, he clears his throat, “Sorry. The mopey reflection of my ex is now over.”

        You smile, “No. It’s okay.”

        Clark insists on paying for the food. You insist on at least leaving the tip. You’ve just stepped onto the street when your phone starts to ring. Shooting an apologetic smile at Clark, you pick up.

        “He can’t come back to my place.”

        Your brow knits together for a minute, before you’re able to identify the voice. “Kara?”

        “Yes. Look Clark was supposed to stay at my place while he was in town, but James is here, and we’re…”

        “I don’t need details.” You glance at Clark, who’s grimacing, “And neither does your cousin.” Clark throws you a grateful smile.

        “Can he stay with you? In your guest bedroom?”

        You glance at Clark, and have to hold back a smile. His cheeks have gone a bit red, and he looks more than a little embarrassed. “Sure Kara.”

        “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll pick him up in the morning.”

        “Sure thing.”

        Pressing the end button, you simply shrug and say, “Looks like you’ll be staying with me.”

        He clears his throat, “Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out, and I could always get a hotel.”

        “It’s fine, honest. Just a warning though, Lew likes to give kisses. Especially when waking people up early in the morning.”

        Clark just laughs, and then holds out his arm. The gesture stuns you for a minute, before you hesitantly take it. The night has been more along the lines of hanging out than a date. You’d slipped into casual mode without even realizing it.

        But as you take his arm, and Clark places his hand on top of yours, you feel those stupid, wonderful, sparks.