or wa border

My favourite BL stories

I decided to make the list because of my own curiosity(?) and desire to share this with you :P (I made another two list with yaoi/shonen ai recommendation ..you can check it here –> PART 1 and PART 2)

I’m in BL for about half a year and I must say that I really like the genre :) I mean I don’t like the typical yaoi with rushed story and relationships…like i don’t anything typical (shojo,kdrama,anime)
And for those I’m about to talk about you could check it out even if you are not in yaoi genre ;)

1. Doukyuusei

My number ONE story is Doukyuusei (Movie+manga sequels). It’s probably biased because its holding special meaning for me. It was my first BL story and it was actually the movie which made me also read the mangas too. I decided to watch it because i saw a lot of gifs on tumblr and i thought that Kusakabe was a girl (how silly of me). I’m glad i watched it, because it actually changed me as a person, or better my views on people with same sex orientation changed completely –> my family is Quite traditional so I was thought that same-sex relationship was wrong (not acceptable).
The story show us pure feeling about falling in love (it’s not about the gender but about the person–> you are my most important person) and here we have also portrayed realistic, healthy relationship (sweetness, misunderstandings, make ups) =D
The movie i recommend to everyone. Then you’  ll see if you want to continue with mangas.

Author: Asumiko Nakamura

2. Canis Series

This story and it’s way of showing same-sex relationship was definitly far from typical shonen ai.  This story contradicts every comment about manga or anime., especially shonen ai genre where’s lacking depth or meaning or creativeness. The story and relationship are not rushed, the most appealing was ending of first story(it’s still going on).
The art is outstanding compared to other mangas. It really fits the story.
I definitly recommend it…even to those who are not it this genre :)

Author: ZAKK, Hachie Ichie

3. Soredemo, Yasashii Koi wo Suru

Thank god Yoneda Kou made that spin off into a actual story/masterpiece. I love all Yoneda Kou’s work and i have 2 in my TOP 5 :) This story is spin off from Doushitemo Furetakunai and talks about two really good friends when one is in love with another. It can be said that the trope of “gay man and straight man” tends to be overused, but Yoneda Kou pulls it off flawlessly. I like the whole process of falling in love and acknowledging that love-confessing-confusing feeling-akward situations-decide or chose between romantic relationship or brake up the friendship. I read it so many time that I don’t count anymore…and it’s really satisfying.

Author: Yoneda Kou

4.Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai

I just can’t describe with words how many emotions this manga brings out of me. It’s still ongoing so maybe that’s the cause because every new chapter is nerve wracking but satisfying at the same time. When I saw summary of the story i decided to read it because i was really interested in which way/how Will the main character recieve happiness (from summary: This is the story of a man who has never known happiness and of a man who is reborn by getting to know him.). Now that I read it till now I must say that I truly want that Yashiro find his own happiness (the prequel really touched my soul and I just pray that Yashiro would be told that he’s not alone anymore by Doumeki–> look prequel). This one is pretty great masterpiece by Yoneda Kou which i think is really good read for any yaoi fan.

Author: Yoneda Kou

5.Honto Yajuu

I think this one was my first actual yaoi(after Doukyuusei) and I wasn’t disappointed. The story is simple and the relationship is not complicated. The manga is truthfully one of the most refreshing ones. Yamamaoto Kotetsuko is known for one of the most cutest artstyle and stories. And it’s true…this manga is with one Word…CUTE :D <3

Author: Yamamoto Kotetsuko

This are my TOP 5 BL stories…yet i still have some of honorable mentions:

6. Smells like green spirit : great shonen ai…realistic

7. Hana nomi zo shiru : my favourite Rihito Takarais work.

8. Border : for those who like shonen ai and crime genre.

9. Sojou no koi wa nido haneru : one of the most realistic interpretation of gay-straight relationship.

10. Bokura no negai/Neon Sign Amber/Doushitemo Furetakunai : MUST READ ;)  

That’s all…maybe you could send your own top 10 list :D really appreciated :D

Holding My Breath : A Memoir of a Gay Teen

Holding My Breath

        On the verge of nausea, I held my breath for another few seconds because - god damn it - I was getting my wish. My mind was filled to the brim with superstitious ways of making my dreams come true, and holding my breath under a tunnel was one of them. Birthday candles, dandelions, tunnels, fallen eyelashes: I swear my lungs were constantly filled, but my mouth was rarely open. The only time I opened my mouth was to blow away my worries - the built-up pressure. My wish was more like a secret, and telling it was a sure-fire way of making it not come true.

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I was five when it started. James was two years older than I, and the epitome of what I sought: sporty, funny, and smart. One Friday night, on the lamppost-lit street, the neighborhood kids and I surrounded him. There was not a single cloud in the sky to obscure the full moon and stars overhead.

“Simon says touch your nose” James joked as he stood in the corner grinning over our obedience. Eager to impress him I whipped my hand up to my nose faster than the blink of an eye. Distracted by the light reflecting off his eyes I misheard the next command.

“—- kiss me”.

Was I mistaken? Had I heard him say “Simon says”? Did he want me to kiss him? Blinded by his brown eyes, I shoved the others out of the way and flung my open arms towards him. Surprised by my eagerness, James side-stepped my oncoming hug and puckered lips - rejected. I was infatuated. I had never felt this way about anyone before. Little did I know that a boy liking boys was “unconventional.” I was different, but I didn’t see it. Months later, to my bewilderment, my yearning for James was satisfied. James knew my weakness, and it was him; he had the power.

“I will give you a kiss if you…” he proposed. The propositions were endless and absurd, but I could not care less.

Kissing him was always a covert operation. He and I would sneak around the house behind the shed, because he told me “it would be bad if our parents saw.” Baffled that I had to hide my affection I constantly thought about why I couldn’t kiss him with others around. I internalized my curiosity as homophobia. From that moment forth, my mind conceived two men kissing in public as an action that should be condemned or taken elsewhere.

Our secret encounters had lasted on and off for a little over two years until we drifted apart. He graduated elementary school, I was in 3rd grade, it was clearly not going to work out.

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Puberty, by definition, is a godforsaken time in any preteens life when hormones run wild, and curiosity about genitalia runs rampant.Beginning “the change” only means one thing: “It is time for you to learn about the birds and the bees,” my mom had said.

I sat down at the maple-varnished table with my sweaty palms and questioning gazes.

“Why am I here? What are the birds and the bees? And why did you make me stop watching Speedracers? Is it really that important?” I questioned. My parents could always count on me to have a question.

My mom and dad, happily married at the time, pulled two books out from under the table. One book was titled The Mystery of Hair Growing in Weird Places and the other was given the appropriate name of the The Birds and the Bees. Learning about hair growing on my genitalia and under my arms was very interesting, but my parents teaching paled in comparison to the education I would receive in the next three years of middle school. Clearly uncomfortable with giving their first-born child “the talk” my parents skirted around particularly sticky issues. My mom giggled as we flipped through the wonderfully illustrated book because there had been hair cut-outs to provide texture on areas of hair growth. My dad nudged her and whispered “composure”, while trying to obscure his comedic grin from my line of sight. After answering a few of my questions, we transitioned into The Birds and the Bees. Apparently publishers at this time did not believe kids could read without pictures. Thusly, this book was also littered with particularly graphic illustrations. From cover to cover this seemingly harmless picture book was filled with animals taking part in their “reproductive ceremony” (as my dad would refer to it).

A pattern, that’s what it was, I had noticed a pattern. Every single pairing had been a male and a female. In this moment I wondered why aren’t those two boys or two girls performing the “reproductive ceremony”? Strangely enough I knew these questions, that weighed heavily on my mind, were not things to ask my parents. So, like any other member of Generation Z would do, I turned to the internet. I typed “Two Men Reproductive Ceremony” which resulted in little to no avail. Minutes later, with my savvy technology skills,  I found the word - “GAY”.

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Gay. Gay. Gay. The word repeated on loop in my mind as if it were my favorite song. Was I? No, I couldn’t be. “I am normal,” I would assure myself. I must be perfect. Perfection is what my parents want. Being gay is far from perfect. There must be something wrong with me. If I ignore the feelings then they will go away. That was my logic.

Sixth grade: new school, new city, new people. This is when the wishing started. Every birthday candle, every tunnel, every dandelion, every fallen eyelash - My wish was always the same, “I wish I liked girls and not boys.” These words flowed from my mind to my tongue and off my lips on a daily basis. Staring at the cracked paint on my ceiling while reiterating this phrase is how I put myself to sleep most nights; it was my lullaby.

Sixth grade served as the perfect opportunity to prove my heterosexuality. Her name was Amanda, and she was perfect. She was intelligent, dorky, and fun.

“Did you know some turtles breathe out of their butts?”

“No, but then you must be a turtle,” I jabbed flirtatiously.

Months passed by, Amanda and I were significantly closer, and I had even earned a nickname of my own, “Hippocorn”. Amanda remarked that I reminded her of a hippocorn, which was a mythical cross between a hippo and a unicorn (note the irony). Amanda was my turtle, my girlfriend, and my first beard. Four more beards would come throughout my three years in middle school. The intention never was to play the field. The intention was to never be alone - to never let my sexuality be questioned.

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7th Grade was a whirlwind of emotion and change.

“Brenton!!! Lauren!!!” my parents yelled up the stairs. The only form of communication in my house was yelling, not because we were angry, but because it was more convenient than walking.

I had noticed strange behavior between my parents; their dynamic had changed. Long durations of time in the bedroom were spent talking, and not to mention my mom had not been living at home any longer. I saw it coming for awhile, but I couldn’t stop it. It was like standing on a pair of train tracks unable to move as the train approached. The emotional blow knocked me straight on my ass, and with it all the air in my chest that I could have used to wish the pain away.Staring at the ceiling in between breaths, finally my dad said it. “We are getting a divorce”. Tears swarmed my eyes, and I broke out into a long sob. My childhood was filled with “I love you’s, I love your mom, I plan on being married to her until the day I die.” They lied to me. They had scattered these lies throughout my childhood. My mom reached out with outstretched hands to pat my back. This left her lap as an open frontier that my head wanted to settle down upon.and  My mom’s revelation caught me more off guard than the divorce.

“I feel that you and your sister have a right to know why your dad and I are getting a divorce. I am a lesbian.”

  My tears were silenced. The only thing I could hear was the pit-pattering of my heart pumping in synchrony to the leaky faucet from the other room. My mom’s confession came straight out of left field. Salvation was given to me in the form of calamity.

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May 28th, 2014 my life changed. I was in my newly decorated room at my mom and girlfriend’s house sitting on my bed staring at the ceiling. I was remembering a day in my childhood when I had plastered glow-stars everywhere to illuminate my ceiling like the night sky. Driven by loneliness, I spontaneously reached out in the only place I knew: the internet. I found him, I had found the one. His name was Chandler, and he quickly became my first love. Our first conversation never ended. From beginning to end, we texted 24/7. He was my support. Chandler very quickly learned every piece of my life story from beginning to end. The downside to meeting someone over the internet is distance. A drive to Georgia is no small feat, so we made the promise we would meet after graduation.

Chandler had removed any doubt I had concerning my sexuality, and brought me out of the four year long state of denial I had been entrenched in. Seeing his smile was what I lived for, I would do anything to make him happy. On two separate occasions we sent each other letters in the mail. In Chandler’s first letter a necklace was enclosed. The pendant was in the shape of a puzzle piece, of which he had the other half. The contrast of the cold metal against my warm skin reminded me every second that Chandler, my support, was there with me. I would play with the pendant during class rubbing it between my index finger and thumb.

Four months after meeting Chandler I was ready to come out to my mom. She was undoubtedly the easier target between my two parents.

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At the end of Sophomore summer is when I made the great leap into the unknown. My mom, sister, and I were on a vacation to Canada. We were staying in Lynden, WA right across the border from Canada. Lynden, WA is potentially one of the most conservative cities in the country. The movie Footloose was based on the city of Lynden.

“Let it Go, Let it go” the famous Disney Frozen song played through the speakers. The timing was perfect! My mom had just enlightened me how the lyrics were actually talking about coming out.

In the distance I see a slight lift in one portion of the road. As we approached the object at a speed of 50 miles per hour it was clearly a piece of firewood that had fallen out of someone’s truck bed.

“Pop” the front right tire squealed. I simply assumed my mom would have adjusted the car to the blatant obstacle, but I had assumed wrong. The rest of the day consisted of sitting in a Costco tire repair center arguing about tire availability and price. Thankfully, a compromise was met and a new tire shipment was getting received the following day.

The morning after the incident we went to breakfast at a little Ma & Pa’s breakfast joint. I told my mom that there was something weighing heavily on my mind that I needed to tell her. Anticipation grew with every second and quisitive look. As if I were about to jump into a pool of cold water I asked my mom to count down from 10.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five…” she counted.

“Start over, start over. I am nervous! Count down from fifty!”

My mother looked into my troubled eyes and sweat-covered brows with such concern.

“Brention you are making me feel sick you have to tell!”

“I am gay.”

Her response was love; as simple as that. Never had I felt the relief that I did in that moment. It started of wildfire of confessions. I told my dad on Christmas Eve, my English class in February, and the whole school in April when I began the Gay Straight Alliance. My mouth was open now, and the built-up pressure was gone. My wish never did come true, but I found something better - supportive people who loved me.

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In retrospect, I was never “unconventional”. Being gay is not synonymous with being different, and it took four years of heartache to see that. Praying the gay away and wishing for a life that was unlike my own are things of the past now.  I am content now living a life for me and not for others. It’s funny to think that my denial could have been avoided if the Birds and the Bees broadened its horizon to include the Bees and the Bees and the Birds and the Birds.

Thank you for reading :)

Sorry for any typos or formatting issues

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