Did Not Hurt
I’m a new DM with a party of people who, largely, are also fairly new to DnD. My party was trying to get hired by this airship pirate captain. The wizard deep gnome, who had never played before and had missed the first session, was trying to prove he could be useful on board an airship.
Wizard: I can…do magic…
NPC Captain: Oh yes? Show me.
Wizard: [OOC] Uh…what spells do I have that will look impressive? If I cast Blade Ward, and someone throws something at me it won’t hit me, right?
Me: *doesn’t respond, paging through PHB trying to find the spell for reference*
Wizard: Yeah okay, I cast Blade Ward.
Me: So…you draw this complicated sort of design in the air with your finger to cast it. There’s no visible effect yet, it just looks like you’re waving your hands around. The captain raises an eyebrow, unimpressed.
Wizard: I say “Now, I need someone to throw something at me.”
Sorcerer: I IMMEDIATELY jump up and throw my ENTIRE plate full of muffins and a butter knife at him.
Me: *having by now found the spell in the PHB* Okay. So. The spell doesn’t actually stop anything from HITTING you. The plate, the burnt muffins, and the butter knife all crash into you, bouncing off and rolling all over the floor. However, due to the spell, you take no damage.
Wizard: I point to the butter knife that bounced off my head and say, “See? Did not hurt.”
NPC Captain: …Do you have any OTHER…skills?