or something equally badass

the nine-nine party line

instead of doing the dishes in my sink that are probably gaining sentience as we speak, i made this list of headcanons re: the nine-nine’s group chat. (gina approved the name “nine-nine party line” because…..because) feel free to reblog with your own hcs! under the cut because i got carried away lmao

ok so let’s start it off with everyone’s display names in the chat. full disclosure, i don’t know if there’s actually a chat service that lets you change other people’s display names to the whole group, but for the sake of these i’m pretending there is

  • Jake actively changes his name to “cool” things (kingjakerulez, deathblade, the barracuda, etc) but Amy keeps changing it to Pineapples
  • In retaliation, Jake keeps changing Amy’s from Amy Santiago to just dumb ridiculous names (fart monster, the second best detective in the nypd, maxi pads, etc)
  • It’s a never-ending battle between the two and a running joke in the group
  • Gina sets her name to Queen G or Supreme Ruler or something and everyone just agrees like “Yeah that seems right”    
  • When Holt is added in, he’s simply Captain Ray Holt and Jake immediately changes it to dad and after a few times of him switching it back and Jake following suite, he gives up and relents to his unofficial dad status - he capitalizes the ’d’ though    
  • Rosa is The Dagger or something equally as badass and no one tries to change it out of fear for their lives 
    • Once, Charles tried to change it to Ro-Ro; let’s just say that after the fact, if anyone was contemplating it, their mind was changed very quickly
    • The only person who’s ever successfully changed Rosa’s display name with minimal consequences was Gina when she set it to Scary Motorcycle Wife or something; Rosa just changed it back with a quiet laugh and a wink from Gina herself
  • Terry just puts himself in as Terry but after being reinstated, he changes it to The Ebony Falcon and everyone is more than okay with that    
  • Charles tries to leave his as Sidewinder after Jake dubs him so in “The Chopper” but someone (Rosa) keeps changing it to Mr. Grapes        
  • Scully and Hitchcock are just Scully and Hitchcock but they don’t know how group chats/phones work so they never contribute to the chat, content to read everyone else’s messages
    • Also because the one time they tried to converse there, it didn’t make any sense because of Scully’s “weird dead hands” 

 OKAY SO ONTO THE CHAT CONTENT

  • For the most part, the chat is like 50% meme sharing and 50% making plans to go to Shaw’s, asking who wants coffee in the mornings, “this briefing is so boring”, “did you see Brian from HR grew a moustache”, etc.
  • Captain Holt instills a “no phones during morning briefings” rule after Jake sends everyone a stupid meme and the room bursts out in impromptu and unending laughter, although the rule was bound to happen one day anyways
  • “Detectives, I hope you’re aware of the fact that I, too, am in this group chat, and therefore can tell when you are texting and not paying attention to Sergeant Jeffords’ briefing.”
  • One day when it’s really quiet in the bullpen, Jake and Amy start playing I Spy in the chat. It starts off pretty innocent but escalates to the level of competitiveness that nearly gets them evicted from the group

kingjakerulez (1:07 PM): i spy something that is blue

Amy Santiago (1:07 PM): Literally everything in this building is blue, Jake.

kingjakerulez (1:08 PM): that’s a lie my tie is indigo

Amy Santiago (1:10 PM): …Indigo is a shade of blue.

kingjakerulez (1:10 PM): youre a shade of blue

Mr. Grapes (1:11 PM): Ah, young love

< Mr. Grapes has been removed from the chat >

  • “Oh my god, use your own damn chat for flirting” Gina yells from her desk 
  • Amy’s face goes bright red and Jake shoots Gina a Look™ and insists they’re not flirting, they’re just killing time
  • Rosa chimes in, “Then kill time somewhere else. My phone buzzed itself out of my pocket.”
  • Charles is the only one not opposed the I Spy messages and insists everyone leave them be
  • “What you are seeing is the beginning of something profound beautiful blossoming between two–”
  • “Charles, if you keep talking, Santiago might actually die – her face is already unnaturally red and I don’t feel like taking any of my detectives to the hospital today” Terry grumbles from his desk
  • Gina put her foot down on in-chat flirting when Jake sends Amy 17 consecutive messages of just kiss-face emojis and they were banned for 3 days
    • Also because one time she almost replies to Rosa with something incredibly suggestive in the chat on impulse but catches herself before she presses ‘enter’

thank u to @amysartiago for listening to me yell about these hcs and also for providing the “gina kicking jake and amy out for 3 days” thing, and i reiterate that if u have anything to add, pls do!!

I really want an AU where Oliver plays at being this quiet computer geek, but really he is FBI or something equally badass and uses that meekness to get exactly what he wants, from who he wants.

Seriously. I need all of the Oliver being an actual badass fics.

Mixed with a little bit of Connor having no idea what Oliver can do. Until something happens that throws Connor into that part of Oliver’s life.

Yep. Yep.