or maybe stop making sense



“Hmmm I like this ship….but maybe I’m weird…maybe I’m reading too much into it….maybe it doesn’t make sense…..maybe I need to stop seeing romance in everything….I can’t help it though; THEY’RE TOO CUTE…..yes, I want to ship it but I hope I’m not the only one wh…

*goes on tumblr*

“OH. F*CK. YES.”

So like. I’m working hard on coping with this, and I thought some of y'all might like to know what’s helpful for me.

First of all, I have given myself permission to stop trying to make sense of this. Maybe I’ll puzzle it out when I’m feeling less raw. Maybe I’ll never really understand. For right now, I’m putting it aside. I don’t know why they did this, but it isn’t my responsibility to solve that.

Next, I’m distracting myself. Per my experience managing my anxiety, telling myself not to obsess about something isn’t going to help me not to obsess. I give myself little things to occupy my brain with. Right now I’m listening to Cabin Pressure, because it’s gentle and familiar and it’s not stressful.

Also I am working on a fix it. I don’t know if I’ll publish it any where or even finish it. It just makes me feel a little less helpless and confused. Like since I know the characters better, I can give them better lives.

Lastly, I’m trying to practice self acceptance. I am experiencing a natural response to a huge disappointment. I’m angry and sad and confused. And sometimes I’m giddy and sometimes I’m flippant and sometimes I’m anxious. I’m human. It’s not wrong for me to have these feelings.

I do have a little request. Can we try hard not to discourage each other from expressing our feelings honestly? Being honest is going to be a huge part of dealing with all of this, so please let’s try not to be disdainful of or impatient with people who are being frank about what they’re going through.

Take care, y'all. Eat, drink, get some rest. I promise it will get better.

on the run .open starter

It’s a little sad, how routine this had become lately. Sneakers bouncing off the ground in frantic rhythm, phone perpetually vibrating against the cloth of his pocket, the wind in his hair… If only he could be chased down by fans instead of the goons from his agency. It just wasn’t as easy to run away from responsibility as it used to be. Running. You are literally running away from your responsibilities right now, Maeki. 

Well, it can’t be helped. It’s just too much for one person to handle! Too much for two! Probably like five? It always feels like he’s running from place to place anyway, so running like this is totally fine, probably? Right? That logic is probably pretty sound on some level? That’s what you get for rushing him all the time, agency! Now you want him to stop?

Okay, so maybe that doesn’t make sense. Maybe he’s being unreasonable. A little. Maybe, hypothetically, this is the third time he’s skipped out on filming this week. Whatever. He refuses to be taken prisoner! Not today! Searching! Destroying! I’m always at mach speed!

Er, maybe. He’s fast, but these guys have long legs. Wow, are they seriously running after him this time? They’re being persistent, too…. He might actually be in trouble this time. Apparently the brilliant idea of just straight up running away whenever someone confronts you about ignoring your phone stops working after about the sixth time. Duly noted, lesson learned. Won’t happen again, probably

Turning a corner, he reached out and grabbed onto the first shoulder he saw, attempting to support himself while he caught his breath.

“Hi, hey, hello, help me?