or lack thereof!

looK AT THIS AWFUL JACKET

I FOUND IT AT GOODWILL AND IT’S THE MOST GOD-AWFUL GARMENT I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON

LOOK AT THIS

IT’S GOT A BIRD WITH A GUN PRINTED ON THE SIDE

THERE ARE SWEATER SLEEVES ON THE ENDS OF THE REGULAR SLEEVES

IT’S LIKE FIVE SIZES TOO BIG

THIS IS BY FAR THE UGLIEST PIECE OF CLOTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN HOLY SHIT

Drowned in moonlight, strangled by her own bra.

The thing that is getting to me the most about news of Carrie Fisher’s autopsy report is not the results themselves, but the way the media is handling it. Like it’s a Gotcha moment—like somehow we were tricked into thinking she was a better person than she actually was.

And that is profoundly bullshit.

Carrie was open about being an addict. Her opening line from her iconic stand up show (and book by the same name) “Wishful Drinking” was quite literally, “Hi, I’m Carrie Fisher, and I’m an alcoholic.”

She talked at length and in often brutal depth about her problems with substance abuse, her compulsive self destructive tendencies, and her dependencies to both illegal and prescription drugs. She wrote about it in her books, she talked about it on talk shows. She made an entire comedic stand up performance out of it, detailing the lengths she went to in order to try and regain some semblance of safety and normalcy in her life. 

She was brutally honest that every single day was a struggle for sanity after years and years of attempting to self medicate a mental illness that for most of her life was mistaken for feckless lack of self control. 

You know how they way “Religion is the opiate of the masses?” Well I took masses of opiates religiously! -Wishful Drinking

She was bright, and beautiful and bold about it. And she didn’t have to be.

Carrie Fisher didn’t have to stand there and take the shitstorm of criticism people launched at her for decades, let alone turn it into humor. She didn’t. She didn’t owe anyone outwith her immediate family an explanation for her erratic behavior over the years, nor the flack she caught for it. (Think of all the male actors in Hollywood who are in and out of rehab centers so quickly they could harness the revolving doors as a wind turbine. Then tell me the media press about her life and now her death are fair.)

But she did it anyway, because she knew it was important. And she took those bright lights of Hollywood shining down on her like a ruthless, malevolent child holding a magnifying glass under the sun—and she turned that merciless heat and pointed it at things that mattered, often at the expense of herself, opening herself up to ridicule and the severe cruelty of others who lambasted her for everything, ranging from her weight, her mental illness or her audacity to simply grow old.

Is it tragic that her addiction likely cost her her life? Yes, of course it is. Does it invalidate any of her achievements? The strength and vibrancy with which she lived her life and touched the lives of millions around her for the better? 

“I call people sometimes hoping not only that they’ll verify the fact that I’m alive but that they’ll also, however indirectly, convince me that being alive is an appropriate state for me to be in. Because sometimes I don’t think it’s such a bright idea. Is it worth the trouble it takes trying to live life so that someday you get something worthwhile out of it, instead of it almost always taking worthwhile things out of you?” 

-The Princess Diarist

Carrie Fisher mattered, her voice mattered. The things that she said and did, mattered. They still matter. And they are no less true and poignant in the light of these revelations.

Addiction is a disease. It’s a dysfunction of the brain’s reward system which requires constant management and care and often goes hand in hand with other mental health disorders. It is not simply a question of willpower or the perceived lack thereof. And while sobriety is to be praised and encouraged—of course it is, of course it absolutely unquestionably is—you cannot possibly know what may cause a person to slip or to feel like they can’t cope without that crutch. And shame on anyone who says it was therefore deserved. 

Shame and my heartfelt wishes that you never go through the things that can lead to serious addiction. Or that you are ever abandoned, derided and regarded as less than human because of it and your death turned into a smear campaign against your memory for the sake of a sensationalist headline.

Yes. Carrie Fisher was an addict, she had drug dependency problems related to her mental health. There was a time she kept it hidden, but after she made the decision to come out about it, she stuck by that decision and became a champion, for herself and everyone like her who struggles. Because she never wanted anyone to suffer like she did in order to get help. And she did it with as much grace and humility as she could manage—and a whole lot more indignity, immodesty, crass humor and love as well. Because that’s who she was and she cared. 

And that’s a hell of a lot more than can be said for those crowing over her death like it’s just deserts.

Fuck you.

People do not exist to stand up to your demands of a perfect ideal of humanity. You do not get to place that burden on the shoulders of someone then tear them apart when they fall under that weight—famous or otherwise.

Fuck you and your whole pretense at moral piety and the horse you rode in on.

Carrie Fisher was not your unproblematic fave. She was in fact extremely problematic, and no one knew that better than she did. 

“I heard someone say once that many of us only seem able to find heaven by backing away from hell. And while the place that I’ve arrived at in my life may not precisely be everyone’s idea of heaven, I could swear sometimes—if I’m quiet enough—I can hear the angels sing. Either that or I fucked up my medication again.” 

-Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking.

my condolences to anyone who’s ever lost me
and to anyone who got lost in me
or to anyone who ever felt they took a loss with me.
my apologies.
for the misunderstanding or the lack thereof.
i’m sorry you missed the God in me.
and i’m sorry you missed the light.
i’m sorry you forgot the way i arose like the moon,
night after night.
with the burden to forgive
eager to feed you everything.
see.. i’m a holy woman.
i know what it’s like to give life to a being
without ever needing to press skin against one another.
i’ve practiced how to hold my tongue long enough,
i’m afraid i forgot to say goodbye.
i’m afraid you’re under the impression that i was made to please you.
i was under the impression, you understood me better.
the truth is,
i’m a super woman.
and somedays i’m an angry woman.
and somedays i’m a crazy woman.
for still waiting..
for still loving harder even if i’m aching.
for still trusting that I’m still worth the most.
for still searching
for someone to understand me better.
—  Reyna Biddy

Let me tell you what it’s been like being asexual.

-

When you’re twelve or so, and in a classroom full of tittering preteens, you finally get an explanation of what this ‘sex’ stuff actually is.  At last, the elusive knowledge of where babies come from!  But that’s also when you start to think about your sexual future.  Will you do this sex stuff one day?  It sounded like you wouldn’t have a choice—it was presented as something that everyone does.

Since your classroom happens to be in a building attached to a Church, you only learn about heterosexual sex that day, and the only real teaching apart from what it is is that you aren’t supposed to do it until you’re married.

Okay, you think, because you are twelve, and you ardently do not care.

-

When you’re thirteen or so, and at a sleepover, a girl tells a joke.  “What do you call a girl who doesn’t masturbate?”

“I don’t know.”

“A liar.”

And the people around you laugh, but you don’t, because now you wonder what it is that you missed.  You didn’t get the joke.

-

When you’re fourteen or so, and among friends, a boy talks about what he did in the restroom with a girl.  You listen because you’re a little curious.  But others are awed.

You disapprove, because you’re in eighth grade for crying out loud, why would you do something so stupidly risky?  Was it really so fun to be worth it?

You tell yourself that they’re just stupid, but then you wonder why your friends seem so fascinated by this boy’s vaguely uncomfortable descriptions.

-

When you’re fifteen or so, you start high school, and the social signs are telling you the time has arrived to join the dating scene.  You’ve got better things to do, but when a boy surprises you with a clumsy but well-intended text asking you out, you give it consideration.  You don’t really know this kid, but you’re curious about dating and don’t want to be that forever alone person.  You accept.

You don’t hate dating, but it doesn’t really do much for you.  After a little while, you’ve more or less forgotten that there’s someone you call your boyfriend.  When someone makes a passing remark about your presumed sexual relations, you are shocked by the wave of revulsion that smacks into you at the very suggestion.  Never in a million years, you think vehemently, and then you marvel at how you managed to ‘date’ the same person for four months without the thought of sex with them ever crossing your mind.

He tries to kiss you.  You don’t want to.  You know this isn’t going to work out.  You break it off.

You feel relieved and liberated.

-

When you’re sixteen or so, you’re happily single.  You love your friends dearly, your best friend most of all.  You love her far more than you ever…well, you never really loved your ex.  You wonder if you might be gay for her, but you don’t want to kiss her or anything, just squish her in a big hug on a daily basis to let her know you love her and put a smile on her face.

You have a fleeting crush on a boy.  You get over it, thankful it never amounted to anything, because what were you thinking ew!  Then you have another one, similar but different, and thank goodness that never happened either because it would have been so awkward.  You start to wonder if you’re just not cut out for dating, or maybe you’re gay.  You don’t know how to feel about that.  It’d be so much simpler and easier if you were just normal.

-

When you’re seventeen or so, you make a new friend, a really pleasant guy.  You are just friends, and that is perfect.  It lasts about five months, and then one of your friends pulls him aside and hints heavily that he ought to ask you out.

He does.  You have no compunctions about saying yes, because you like him a lot, and he’s taking you to see the new Hobbit movie even though he’s not a fan and he had to watch twelve hours of movies in preparation for this date so that he’d be able to understand your interest.

You have a great time, and so does he.

About a month later, he kisses you.  It was your first kiss, exciting for the seventeen years of buildup and pleasant for having happened on acceptable terms with a more-than-acceptable person.

In the following months, neither of you brings up the topic of sex.  After all, you’re both to be found in the pews on Sunday mornings.  That’s fine by you.  More than fine, actually.  The idea of sex frightens you, which you attribute to your inexperience.  You would only ever consider attempting it with someone you really trusted, on level with a spouse.

-

When you’re eighteen or so, and at a sleepover, a girl cuddles casually with you as you talk in the hushed tones reserved for the hours after midnight.  She laments the lack of available girls at your school.

You mention that you would date a girl.  You instantly have everyone’s attention.

“Is there something you want to tell us?” your cuddle-buddy asks.

You say again that you’d date a girl.  Not now, of course, because you have a boyfriend, but yeah, you’d have no problem with it.  You probably wouldn’t sleep with a girl, but then you really don’t like the idea of sleeping with a boy either.  So you don’t really care about the configuration of genitals you don’t intend to see.  You just want the company of some lovely dork who will marathon Lord of the Rings with you and frequent the city’s best ice cream parlors.

Because your cuddle-buddy is a member of the queer community, she’s much more informed about sexualities and designations and spectrums than you are.  She suggests “panromantic asexual” and you understand both of those terms.  You’d seen them before, but never really thought you qualified.  Hearing her say it makes it somehow more concrete.

You accept that you are panromantic asexual.  You feel so light now that a couple of your closest friends know and accept you as you are.

You tell your mom a little while later on a whim.  You regret it because she doesn’t even bother listening to you and doesn’t respect your trust.  You hear her the next day telling your sister about how you said you might be a lesbian, and you’re so frustrated with her you want to hit something.

You decide not to tell anyone else.  Your dad is pretty homophobic—actually, that’d be most of the adults in your family—and you have no idea how your boyfriend would take it.  Your peers might not be welcoming or understanding—you just don’t know.  You realize that you are sort of in a closet.

You start a blog on Tumblr and blog about your problems #ace #asexual #lgbtqa

You spend way too much time on the internet, looking for the magical solution for coming out to the rest of your loved ones.  But since you don’t actually have any intention of coming out in the near future, you know you’re wasting your time.

Somehow your disinterest in sex has moved to occupy the forefront of your mind, not because it requires lots of attention in order to comprehend, but because it makes you different, and that is distracting.

One day, while you’re reading fanfiction, you come across an explicitly asexual character, and you realize that this is a first.  You cannot think of a single time in your entire life up to this point when you had seen an explicitly asexual character, and that surprises you.  Then it bothers you.  Maybe you could have avoided a couple years of uncertainty and anxiety if you had been able to identify in yourself the familiar characteristics of another asexual.

You realize you don’t know anyone else in your life who’s asexual.

That’s a sobering, isolating realization.

-

When you’re nineteen or so, you presumably go to college.  You start trying to navigate life with some semblance of independence.  You probably feel a little more secure in how you identify yourself.  You might even be all the way out of the closet.

Or at least that’s what eighteen-year-old you hopes.

2

sixofcrowsnw challenge: take two ≡ best moment of your otp

kanej + religion

cause when you’re a pretty white girl you can steal an actual weapon, go kill someone with it, and get brought in without being shot or harmed and still have your facebook pic used rather than your mugshot to drive home how random and unnatural this is. But if you’re Tamir Rice or Darrien Hunt, your toy version will get you killed.

Wasni was seen walking “nonchalantly” through Walmart around 3 a.m. Tuesday holding the machete in one hand and a knife in other before walking outside without paying for either, Cook County State’s Attorney Michelle Cunningham said at the press conference. She was not stopped by any Walmart employees.

Wasni, who was wearing a long-sleeved gray Cubs T-shirt, ordered an Uber a few blocks away from the Walmart at 3:18 a.m.

DO NOT SUPPORT ANIME STRIKE!

As soon as I saw the list of the anime shows they got I shed a tear because some of those are easily the most anticipated of the season. None of them will ever be talked about at least not the degree they would if they were on CR. 

The list for their summer catalogue is as follows…


Katsugeki! Tōken Ranbu
 : July 1

Love & Lies : July 3

DIVE!! : July 5

Altair: A Record of Battles : July 7

Vatican Miracle Examiner : July 7

Made in Abyss : July 7

Welcome to the Ballroom : July 8

Hitorijime My Hero : July 8

Princess Principal : July 9

Lights of the Clione : July 12

Hell Girl 4 : July 14

Look at this list, I bet to about 90% of anime fans at least 2 titles on here are on your most anticipated list.

 For those that are confused AS is a newly launched service by Amazon that streams anime essentially competing with CR and Funimation. 

To put it bluntly, it’s a nightmare. A clear example of the monopoly Amazon is trying to become and it’s bad news. They’re trying to buy out all the amazing shows make them exclusively for this service which btw is only accessible to Amazon Prime users in USA. The rest of the world does not exist to them. 

Amazon Strike’s #1 issue is it’s Double Paywall. In order to watch AS you need to be an AP user and that is $10 a month. Now for me that is not the issue because I’ve been a Prime user since I was 19 and still till this day. However you then have to pay an additional $4.99 a month to have the channel. That is the issue. To me AP users should get this for free, and none AP users should pay 4.99 a month only. In total you’re looking at $160 a year for this service. The most expensive anime streaming platform and it’s got the smallest library of choices as well.

The #2 issue is it’s Simulcast schedule or lack thereof. Anime Strike does not promote the titles they stream. The only thing they do is tell you when it’s available and it’s available hours or even days after it aires. So that new episode of Re Creators you wanted to watch or that new episode of Dive!! or Welcome to the Ballroom that just aired? Yeah that episode will not be available for hours on end, or even days. And sometimes will just be skipped and not released in subs. This has happened many times already within the Winter and Spring seasons. Do they tell their costumers about any of this? Nope they do not say a single word. Essentially all the titles they purchase are just simply their to hostage them and make sure that CR and Funi doesn’t get it and while the amount of money they poured to the anime developers and studio is probably huge it won’t pay off in the long run. Mainly because their product will be widely ignored by the masses or heavily illegally streamed.

The #3 issue with Anime Strike is it’s Subtitles. The subtitles are the worse. Don’t flow well at all. Late. Mistranslations galore. It’s just really really bad.

The #4 issue with AS is their complete and utter lack of care for the anime community. All they care about is money. They made it crystal clear when they got into the business that they knew the anime community was passionate and would pay money for their product. That’s it. They don’t want to get involved with the community, they don’t even care if  their licenses do well. All they care about is driving CR/Funi out of business so they’re the only game in town and we will then have no other choice but to do as they want. All that money that their paying the anime studios, well that’s gonna disappear. Cause once their the only big game in town then they can then afford to negotiate actual prices.

Do not support Anime Strike. Boycott it! Let them know via social media that what they’re doing is wrong and unethical. They’re in this business for all the wrong reasons. Normally I am completely against anything but legal streaming because I want to do my part in helping the industry but I refuse to cooperate with these people that do not care about anything but money. So this Summer season, if you want to watch those titles you know what you have to do, become a pirate. Wave that pirate flag proudly, do not support AS.

And if you need any clearer sign that AS does not care about us take a gander at what it’s offering to people that subscribe to their service…

Yes a WHITEWASHED version of GITS that was almost universally hated by the Anime community is the kind of thing we want…

They’re completely tone deaf and do not care. Do not support Anime Strike.

Hey pals. Apparently this is a thing that we, as an internet femslash community, need, so it is time for Grouchy Aunt J’s Guide To Fandom Deportment.

1. I know that you really like your favourite actors, especially the ones involved in your fave wlw ships. I totally understand this! They are pretty, and wlw fandom is really fun, and if your ship is also a canon ship then it is super exciting and validating to see yourself reflected in media that you love. I, too, love that feeling and get really passionate about the media that I watch, which is why I am a Fandom Old.

2. The actors in your favourite ships are people. Like, real people, with anxieties and food preferences and sometimes they have weird hair days and some of them are introverted and some of them are extroverted, etc etc etc. When they are acting in your favourite media, they are going to work.

3. Part of an actor’s job these days is to sometimes be around on social media. Sometimes not! If they are kind/friendly/available on social media, that is a fun perk of someone who is going the extra mile for their job. You are not entitled to this.

4. Even if you super like a ship and are really passionate about fandom, there are things it is not alright to do. Actors are people, and when fans start treating them poorly it is unkind and potentially frightening or traumatic. Plus, your behaviour reflects badly on all fans and means that fandom as a whole doesn’t get to have nice things anymore. (Thanks, jerks.)

5. It is never okay to:

  • harass actors on social media because something about their character is interfering with your ship/they’re not supporting your ship enough/they’re supporting the wrong ship too much/their character is problematic/the ship you think their ship is better than is problematic/just whatever please stop it this is not their problem. Tweeting at them will not fix whatever is upsetting you on the show you like, but it is probably pretty hurtful for them and not something they should have to put up with.
  • harass/question actors who are involved in queer ships about their sexuality in public spaces. People’s sexuality is private, and being involved in portraying a queer canon or subtext ship doesn’t give fans the right to know about an actor’s queerness or lack thereof unless they choose to volunteer that.
  • tell actors on social media about any sexual fantasies you may or may not have about them, b/c sexual consent also applies to actors.
  • send actors unsolicited links to/hand bound novellas/lovingly hand-lettered scrolls of fanfiction, especially smutty fanfiction, especially especially if that author is not aware that their fic is getting sent to actors inappropriately.
  • send actors your nsfw fanart about them, or someone else’s nsfw fanart about them, oh my g o d.
  • ask them to read your fanfiction or autograph your fanfiction, damn.

5a. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: would I, or another a reasonable person, want to see this [insert fanwork of varying levels of nsfw] about a representation of myself/themselves? Most actors are actual people who find this just as upsetting as you might find it, if someone drew fanart of you and then brought it to your workplace.

5b. Yes, I know, there is a certain amount of distance involved in creating fanworks because they are about fictional characters and that storytelling and play is one of the things I love about fandom. But I also never, under any circumstances, would want any of the actors involved in my ships to read my fanfiction because it would be super uncomfortable and that’s the point

6. Also, your favourite actor’s non-actor family and friends are just that: not actors. Don’t bother them. Don’t - hypothetically - stalk them and try to catfish them to get information about your favourite actor. It’s super super not okay and it’s a huge boundary violation.

In conclusion: social media is super great and has changed fandom in a lot of neat ways, but having cool TV and movie actors available to connect with in that way is a privilege, not a right. Let’s all act like we are worthy of it.

Me:  On a fundamental psychological level, I’m incapable of caring about how you feel.  I can still try my best to treat you in a kind and civil way, but I’m unable to recognize your emotions as being important beyond how they directly affect me.  It’s nothing personal or malevolent; that’s just the way my brain is wired.

Them:  That makes you a Bad Person, and you should be ashamed.

Me:  Congratulations, asshole, now I don’t care about your feelings on purpose.

instant gratification (m)

Originally posted by pjmksj

fuccboii jk x cheerleader! reader ft sex in an instant photobooth

7k, smut

WARNING: this is just pure smut no plot whatsoever lmao and it’s filthy as hell read at ur own risk


11.57am [Jeon Jeongguk]: Quad. Now.

The brevity of his text should annoy you, but it only ignites a desire that burns insistently till it’s quenched. With your screen brightness turned down this low, it should be hard for anyone but you to decipher the words on your screen, but you still jump in surprise and guilt when your roommate, Sejong taps you on the shoulder.

“Hey, don’t forget practice is at 12.30pm today, don’t be late!! Coach already seemed near the end of her rope the last time and the team sure as hell doesn’t need her cracking down any harder. Got it?” Sejong might be your dearest roommate, but as captain of the cheer team she definitely takes her duties very seriously.

Swallowing back nervous laughter, you attempt to flash her an easy smile. “Yes, I promise I’ll be there on time!! It won’t happen anymore, I swear.”

You quickly stash away your phone in your bag and finish adjusting your knee socks before standing and bidding her a hasty goodbye.

“Wait, you’re leaving now? There’s still like half an hour before we start!” Sejong narrows her eyes at you just as your hand lands upon the door handle. Even facing away from her you can feel her scrutinising gaze on your back, and your urgency to leave the room increases.

“Uhh… yeah, you said my splits needed some work last time right? I think I’m gonna go in early and get some practice in.” To your own ears your excuse sounds flimsy and coupled with the slight tremor in your voice, you’re almost definitely sure that Sejong will call you out.

Keep reading

The Dead Ladies Club

“Ladies die in childbed. No one sings songs about them.”

The Dead Ladies Club is a term I invented** circa 2012 to describe the pantheon of undeveloped female characters in ASOIAF from the generation or so before the story began

It is a term that carries with it inherent criticisms of ASOIAF, which this post will address, in an essay in nine parts. The first, second, and third parts of this essay define the term in detail. Subsequent sections examine how these women were written and why this aspect of ASOIAF merits criticism, exploring the pervasiveness of the dead mothers trope in fiction, the excessive use of sexual violence in writing these women, and the differences in GRRM’s portrayals of male sacrifice versus female sacrifice in the narrative. 

To conclude, I assert that the manner in which these women were written undermines GRRM’s thesis, and ASOIAF – a series I consider to be one of the greatest works of modern fantasy – is poorer because of it. 

Keep reading

the RUVIK entity

With the new game revealed, I’ll kind of miss being terrified of this asshat showing up around every corner.
Art blog: questionartbox
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