I’m going to resume commissions on Sunday. Travel all day tomorrow and I’m heading toward burnout from overworking. I’m wrapping up a final few during my flights tomorrow. Currently at $350/$400 of my goal though so if people wanna be kind and donate to push me over the hump, feel free to!
In the early 1900s, in the swamps of the southeastern United States the region was held besieged by what was reported as a gargantuan, demonic alligator, which left in its wake mauled dead bodies and its curious two-toed footprints. This is the tale of Two-Toed Tom, the demon gator of the southeast.
part two of my ‘summer surreal spirit spectre stop’ series…bonnie as the tightrope looker! crossing a brook seemed easy enough, but what the tightrope looker didn’t plan on was two ghoulish gators that have left her in her current ghostly guise. she now awaits at the river before you reach spirit spectre stop in an effort to warn visitors not to tempt fate….lest they end up joining her in a watery grave…!
Every time the swamp moves into a particularly venomous phase the big names get pranked, trolled and insulted. This usually happens when there is an event o some sort in BC’s life or he’s pictures by someone on twitter.
“Oh, we must be getting close to the truth” they scream.
The reason they get trolled etc is because their are liars and spamming irritants who people have good cause to hate. The victims are just getting their own back. And those people are ( as far as can tell)
-Journalists who are sick and tired of getting spam email and links to Gator et. al. on a daily basis. Yes, two years after the wedding they are still getting regular emails telling them they are not doing their job and they must report this ‘crime’ . BC is on the UK tabloids hit list, if there was any hint of a scandal it would have been printed years ago
- people working in the GRO, in the IoW Register Office, in the Westminster Register Office etc. who again get regular emails and accusations of them being criminals. This also includes the CoE, the Portland Hospital, the wedding caterers, cafes B & S have visited etc. On and the various agents, PR people, event organisers…
- Bloggers, twitterers, Facebookers etc who have been accused of being liars and have been hounded into making their social media private. I know at least one of these. I’m sure many of you know someone. This includes almost anyone on Tumblr who has said anything positive about Sophie Hunter. I know I still get at least one ask a week calling me a cunt. Oh and any anyone who is fed up with Gator tagging her bile with irrelevant tags. And people who are fed up with the BIs they post to CDAN - funny isn’t it how no other gossip sites (particularly those in the UK) have this sort of rumours. Might it be because they check their sources. There are hundreds of UK gossip sites from big TV ones to theatre insiders. Not a single person in the UK who would be in a position to know this stuff has ever posted anything, even if they do post about other actors such as Martin F.
- And while I’m sure B and S don’t have time, I bet there are people in their social circle who want to have a bit of a go at the liars. Especially those whose pictures have been stolen and used out of context. Most of them wouldn’t have even assumed they needed to make their Instagrams etc private because they’re just ordinary people. Added to this there are actors who know them and who are tainted by association.
- And then there are 4Chan, Digital Spy, forum members who aren’t victims per se but really want to prank people they see as idiots
So, swamp. You’re not ‘close to the truth’ or a threat. You’re nasty, vindictive bunch of liars who spam others, annoy everyone who is even peripherally connected with Ben and are generally seen as the unacceptable face of fandom. People hate you and that’s why they troll you
Hello! I love your ghost AU, but I gotta ask, what was it like when Ethan first met Clancy?
sorry i got to this so friggin’ late– busy with school, family stuff and my own lack of energy– ANYWAYS
basically, after ethan finishes the tape from the sewer gators, he turns around and clancys just two feet behind him, staring at him– and it scares the SHIT out of Ethan, and he just wHIPS out his gun (yes i know you get the gun after this lemme stretch the truth) screeching and shooting at Clancy. Clancys just standing there completely unfazed as the bullets just go right the hell through him as hes just trying to calm him down and get him to NOT WASTE BULLETS.
when he talks ethan down to just him shaking in fear but not shooting or screaming– clancy explains the situation:
“okay– first things first– my name is clancy javis– i filmed that shit you just watched. You getting it so far? Alright- you need to know that if youre as much of a dumbass as you seem, seeing that youre IN this fuckin’ place, you will die. But if you listen to me and actually AREN’T a dunce, then maybe you can get out alive or whatever and help ME with something. i cant hurt you even if i wanted to, im a fuckin’ ghost, okay? You can stop shaking. if im done explaining and you dont have any questions, whats your name?”
and thats how a bullshit friendship starts *jazz hands*
Sorry im shit at writing :00
oh, cute, you sent yourself an ask. You're just like Gator! But then you probably *are* Gator. Yes, I had two kids many many years ago. One slept thru the night quite quickly, the other one didn't for a solid year. Not all children are alike. I breast fed both. We were very tired parents for the entire year after our second child was born, many years ago. I can name many of my friends who had the same experience. How many kids do you have, Anna?
Meanwhile, back in the real world, I have no children (something which I’ve stated many a time in the past and will doubtlessly have to repeat many times in the future), but even I, who has not been blessed with motherhood and am not a doctor or a nurse, know how real pregnancies work.
Allow me to educate you Nonny…
Pregnancy 101 (visual aids included)
Real pregnant bellies don’t deflate once they’ve inflated:
Real pregnant bellies don’t have multiple wandering belly buttons that pop out and pop back in again:
Real pregnant bellies don’t allow the skinny wearer of an old shirt to wander around like they barely have a bump when the wearer looks like she’s supposedly 6 months along (and in a bikini she looks like she’s 8 months along):
Real pregnant bellies don’t fold over when women sit down:
Real pregnant bellies are not triangular in shape:
Real pregnant bellies are not stunted in size during the last trimester of a pregnancy:
Nonny, are you sure you’ve been pregnant twice? In fact, are you sure you are a woman?
Let me rephrase that: Nonny, are you sure you know a single thing about human physiology?
Here is a sample of “Gator Logic” - the funny thing is she actually thinks this is something that is plausible. Imagine the brain power that would be needed to handle a conversation between two morons like Gator and twowaypr! I am picturing something akin to the wattage that is required to lightly toast a couple of slices of bread. Certainly not anything more!
So here’s Gator in deeeeeep contemplation…
“I’ve been getting a lot of asks about when I think we’ll get the split announcement. I was talking to @twowaypr about this privately, getting her take on the things pr looks at in these situations. She made a great point: what if Marvel is concerned about all the evidence of no pregnancies and sham we have been collecting over the years?! What if THEY were behind the “Google cleanse” from earlier this year? Twoway mentioned they may be concerned about the general public going to the web to find out more about the “marriage”, when they see the split announcement. If they are going with a “not his”, they don’t want MORE people stumbling on the fake babies theories than already have. That would explain why SoGo is still at the top of Google Search, even though she hasn’t posted much recently. Marvel may not be concerned about what we skeptics say once the split occurs…but they may be terrified of our archives. How ironic would it be that the very people who have been trying to help Benedict escape this toxic situation are the ones who inadvertently are keeping him in it (at least officially in it)?! I personally don’t think the majority of people out there care enough to look that deeply into it to go searching the archives. If they are going to, it’s more likely they are already thinking about it. So an announcement isn’t going to make them look any more or less. It’s a bit late for them to worry about that. But what do my fellow skeptics think?”
I sort of know what most of the “fellow skeptics” would say already but I thought I would chime in with an alternative opinion.
I’ve been getting a lot of asks about when I think we’ll get the split announcement. -
Of course you have dear. That’s because you have been talking non-stop for almost 3 years now that BC and SH were not married and don’t live together and would be officially split. It isn’t surprising is it that your little cabal of followers would be anxiously waiting for it to finally happen. Funny thing is just perhaps some of them are starting to realise that what you have been trying to sell them stinks like rotten moldy cheese - ever consider that possibility?
I was talking to @twowaypr about this privately, getting her take on the things pr looks at in these situations. -
Well that would be a complete waste of time since everything that I have read from twowaypr in no way indicates that this person knows anything about the ins and outs of public relations from within the industry. Everything looks like it was taken from a basic primer on PR off the internet.
She made a great point: what if Marvel is concerned about all the evidence of no pregnancies and sham we have been collecting over the years?! What if THEY were behind the “Google cleanse” from earlier this year? -
Really? You think that was a “great point”? How about this - Marvel doesn’t give a shit about how Ben (someone who isn’t associated with any kind of troublesome private life) conducts his marriage. And where is there any kind of hard evidence that Marvel/ Disney even knows the “super sleuth skeptics” have obsessively been stalking Ben and his wife over the last 3 years?
Twoway mentioned they may be concerned about the general public going to the web to find out more about the “marriage”, when they see the split announcement. If they are going with a “not his”, they don’t want MORE people stumbling on the fake babies theories than already have. -
Oh that makes total sense - NOT! First, Marvel doesn’t care about the so-called “Cleanse” that only the Haters are worked up into a frenzy about. Not only does Marvel not care - NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE!! Second, they wouldn’t even care even if Ben and Sophie actually got a divorce. People get divorced all the time and guess what … movies still get made! Marvel still hires actors who have had divorces!! And third, Marvel wouldn’t be in charge of putting out the information about Ben’s private life! Ben’s own PR and agent would (you idiots!).
That would explain why SoGo is still at the top of Google Search, even though she hasn’t posted much recently. Marvel may not be concerned about what we skeptics say once the split occurs…but they may be terrified of our archives. -
That doesn’t make any sense at all. Why SoGo is at the top of your search is you are always looking at that site. It isn’t at the top of my search! And BTW sweetie… Marvel isn’t “terrified” of you or any other skeptic’s archives. they don’t even know they exist. What an over blown sense of your own self importance! Narcissistic or what!
How ironic would it be that the very people who have been trying to help Benedict escape this toxic situation are the ones who inadvertently are keeping him in it (at least officially in it)?! -
“Officially” now is it? Marvel and Disney seem quite happy to let Ben talk all over the place, when the PR tour for DS was going on, about how he missed his child and wife and how excited he was to have another child. So where do you get the idea that they are trying to get him out of his married life? And BTW, aren’t you the one who has been saying for God knows how many years that Ben NEVER even lived with Sophie? So now you are admitting that it sure appears like he is happily married with 2 children and a wife who is now collaborating with him and his production company? About time! And just to keep things on the up and up, the only thing “toxic” in any of this is the vile hatred that the “skeptics” have been spewing all these years about Ben’s wife. Even he told you “skeptics” in no uncertain terms that your behaviour was obsessive, scary and delusional. Try and listen to the man you keep saying you are being so supportive of.
I personally don’t think the majority of people out there care enough to look that deeply into it to go searching the archives. If they are going to, it’s more likely they are already thinking about it. So an announcement isn’t going to make them look any more or less. It’s a bit late for them to worry about that. But what do my fellow skeptics think?“ -
So if you believe that what the fuck is this whole conversation about anyway? Why would they go through any effort at all to manipulate Google Search, why be “terrified” of skeptics’ archives, why even give a shit about Ben’s personal life at all - if the majority of people could care enough to look at all this crap? Yes, it is true - if they are going to look it up then more in likely they are already thinking about it BECAUSE they are already in your little obsessive “cult” already! Meaning once again, ONLY SKEPTICS REALLY CARE ABOUT THE SORRID LITTLE LIES YOU FOLKS PUT OUT! Not Marvel, not Disney, not the ordinary fans of Ben’s work. The skeptics are the obsessive, delusional fanatics who spend waaaaay too much time seeking out every scrap of info about Sophie Hunter from every source on the internet. They are the ones who scour all the dark nether regions and find “connections” where there are none, shady shit where there is nothing and “fuckery” where there is just two people who got married, had children and are trying to live their lives together.
So, here’s what I THINK - you all are full of shit and should just accept reality (Ben is married to someone who he loves and had a family with) and get on with your lives.
I’m pretty sure the stars aligned perfectly while I was at Macy’s today… I’m gonna add a new thing to my posts and try and describe the methods and techniques for the items I got! But as always, feel free to message me or drop something in my ask :)
Urban Decay’s Moondust Eyeshadow Palette - $49
For this item, I wasn’t even planning on lifting at ulta. I went in looking for an extra large toiletry bag that would fit my blow dryer, curling iron and flat iron. I talked to the SA for a minute and we looked together and couldn’t find any big enough (found one at TJMaxx though - yay!) and after I went right to this palette because I’ve been eyeing it for a while, saw there was a lot, grabbed one, inspected the box, acted like I went and checked for a bag again, then made my own blind spot by crouching down and concealing in front of the facemask shelf. Then walked out! Total time in store: about 5-10 min.
Turquoise Headband - $25
Pink Suede Pinafore - $79
My Dillards is extremely easy and has so so many unattended dressing rooms. I needed a black dress for work, grabbed a lot and a couple other items (probably had 10-12 in my hand including the headband) and went to a dressing room that there was no SA near the checkout or rooms. I spent probably 10 minutes trying on the clothes, decided I didn’t like any of the dresses but absolutely fell in love with this pinafore. To check for hidden rftds in tags I take my iPhone’s flashlight and hold it directly up to the tag. If it’s not too thick you can typically see it. The headband had a thin sticker tag wrapped around it - no rftd so I just tossed it into my purse (which is a michael kors jetsetter - they hold great form on their own!) and then I checked on the pinafore. That one had a cardboard tag but my flashlight could still see through it and that it did. I looped the tag’s plastic part out of the shirt and looped it into a different one that I wasn’t taking… I folded the pinafore down pretty good and laid it in my bag. I then took all my stuff including the extra hanger and put it on the fitting room rack. Total time in store: 15-20 min.
*Important! In between me going to Dillards and Macy’s… I went to Forever 21 and purchased a tight white longsleeve shirt to wear under the pinafore, I got a Forever 21 bag from that. When she was bagging my shirt I asked her if she can throw the pinafore in there and took it out of my purse… I told her I brought it from home to find a shirt for under it… She couldn’t have cared less*
Michael Kors Ava in “Dusty Rose” - sale price $133.50 (30% off)
LET ME TELL YOU… I should be calling the outer space haul or something because the stars must’ve been perfectly aligned while I was in Macy’s. I absolutely did not plan to do this or EVER thought I’d score a MK purse. There were absolutely no SA’s anywhere near the designer purse section, and only like 2 customers walking around. So at my store, all the purses that are marked down or on sale all go onto this two tiered table and get gator tagged. They don’t get looped onto the table like all the other purses on display do. I was checking out all the purses and wallets there and I noticed this Ava was the ONLY purse on the entire table without a gator tag. So I picked it up and put it around my wrist and ended up putting my F21 bag over it. I then shopped around a bit and threw two dresses over my arm with all the bags and went to an unattended fitting room in the women’s section that there were no customers and no SAs anywhere to be seen! I had to hype myself up to even look at the bag and check it out. It was absolutely perfect - no security tags, no hidden rftd’s (i did the flashlight trick). So I took the pinafore out of my F21 bag, wrapped it around the purse, and put it back into the F21 bag. I put the two dresses on the fitting room rack then hauled ass out of the mall. I was pretty done after that. Total time in store: 10-15 min.
I hope this was helpful! Sorry it’s so long! I’d also like to add that I do not own or did not use any magnets or hooks :)
AU where America put the garrison in the same place they put the rest of their space shit: Florida. Space Coast Florida.
And instead of a conspiracy shack in the desert, Keith gets a conspiracy shack in the bayou (well, technically “bayou” is Louisiana-area swamp, so conspiracy shack near the Everglades. Point is, conspiracy shack on the swamp)
His motorcycle is a futuristic motorcycle/airboat. Instead of driving off a cliff they lose their tails by getting them stuck in the mud.
He is in possession of a small orphaned alligator. It’s name is “Gator”
They maybe bring it along? Maybe not though: space probably would not be a healthy environment for an alligator.
On one hand, Lance jibes at Keith for Gator doing more than he did in the Sendak fight
on the other, the parting is touching, Keith says “bye Gator.” And walks away, never looking back (he wants to, but he doesn’t). Lance flips out on two accounts; one, this is Keith’s constant companion. His SON (or daughter? Not sure how to tell with a gator). He can’t just say “bye” and leave. Two, you can’t say BYE to an ALLIGATOR. You have to say “see you later” it’s crucial!
There aren’t really any caves in Florida, but the faughenhoffer (whatever) line looks exactly like this one riverbank from above. They go to the section of the river and loiter around until Lance is like “I see something in the water” and just immediately strips and dives in (“wait Lance! What if there’s that one brain-eating amoeba! ” They say. “You can’t get your head under water because you will die if that shit gets in your ears!” “I can’t hear you! there’s water in my ears!” Says Lance)
Ok no. That’s a bad idea
Ok maybe safer would be if the faunenhough (ughhhh) line looks like a river that’s source is a spring. They go to the spring, loiter around, Lance drops by the spring’s gift shop and buys some goggles (Keith notes that the attached museum has a lot of stories from ancient Native Americans about a blue lion), lance strips and jumps in (the water is freezing, he whines a little… A lot), he swims down the terrifying crevice that tends to source natural springs.
Lance is gone underwater/underground for a terrifyingly long time. They think he may have drowned. Lance Prooommiiisseedd he was a really good swimmer and could hold his breath for a very long time, but this is just excessive. The lifeguard is about to walk over to ask them if something is wrong–they’ve been staring at one place in the water for a long time–when a giant blue cat head erupts from the water. It opens its mouth and a lot of water flows out, but hey, there’s Lance!
They board the lion and leave the planet.
Pidge’s last words in earths atmosphere are “ah well. At least no more mosquitos.”
Everyone else’s last words in earths atmosphere are “oh man you are so right! Fuck mosquitos!”
(There is one single mosquito that made its way into Blue’s cockpit. They are trying to kill it during the entire firefight. Keith manages to clap it right as they hit the wormhole. Everyone likes Keith.)