or is it two gators

Message to the swamp

Every time the swamp moves into a particularly venomous phase the big names get pranked, trolled and insulted. This usually happens when there is an event o some sort in BC’s life or he’s pictures by someone on twitter.

“Oh, we must be getting close to the truth” they scream. 

Not true.

The reason they get trolled etc is because their are liars and spamming irritants who people have good cause to hate. The victims are just getting their own back. And those people are ( as far as can tell)

-Journalists who are sick and tired of getting spam email and links to Gator et. al. on a daily basis. Yes, two years after the wedding they are still getting regular emails telling them they are not doing their job and they must report this ‘crime’ . BC is on the UK tabloids hit list, if there was any hint of a scandal it would have been printed years ago

- people working in the GRO, in the IoW Register Office, in the Westminster Register Office etc. who again get regular emails and accusations of them being criminals. This also includes the CoE, the Portland Hospital, the wedding caterers, cafes B & S have visited etc. On and the various agents, PR people, event organisers…

- Bloggers, twitterers, Facebookers etc who have been accused of being liars  and have been hounded into making their social media private. I know at least one of these. I’m sure many of you know someone. This includes almost anyone on Tumblr who has said anything positive about Sophie Hunter. I know I still get at least one ask a week calling me a cunt. Oh and any anyone who is fed up with Gator tagging her bile with irrelevant tags. And people who are fed up with the BIs they post to CDAN - funny isn’t it how no other gossip sites (particularly those in the UK) have this sort of rumours. Might it be because they check their sources. There are hundreds of UK gossip sites from big TV ones to theatre insiders. Not a single person in the UK who would be in a position to know this stuff has ever posted anything, even if they do post about other actors such as Martin F.

- And while I’m sure B and S don’t have time, I bet there are people in their social circle who want to have a bit of a go at the liars. Especially those whose pictures have been stolen and used out of context. Most of them wouldn’t have even assumed they needed to make their Instagrams etc private because they’re just ordinary people. Added to this there are actors who know them and who are tainted by association. 

- And then there are 4Chan, Digital Spy, forum members who aren’t victims per se but really want to prank people they see as idiots


So, swamp. You’re not ‘close to the truth’ or a threat. You’re nasty, vindictive bunch of liars who spam others, annoy everyone who is even peripherally connected with Ben and are generally seen as the unacceptable face of fandom. People hate you and that’s why they troll you

I’m pretty sure the stars aligned perfectly while I was at Macy’s today… I’m gonna add a new thing to my posts and try and describe the methods and techniques for the items I got! But as always, feel free to message me or drop something in my ask :)  

Ulta:

Urban Decay’s Moondust Eyeshadow Palette - $49

For this item, I wasn’t even planning on lifting at ulta. I went in looking for an extra large toiletry bag that would fit my blow dryer, curling iron and flat iron. I talked to the SA for a minute and we looked together and couldn’t find any big enough (found one at TJMaxx though - yay!) and after I went right to this palette because I’ve been eyeing it for a while, saw there was a lot, grabbed one, inspected the box, acted like I went and checked for a bag again, then made my own blind spot by crouching down and concealing in front of the facemask shelf. Then walked out! Total time in store: about 5-10 min.

Dillards:

Turquoise Headband - $25

Pink Suede Pinafore - $79

My Dillards is extremely easy and has so so many unattended dressing rooms. I needed a black dress for work, grabbed a lot and a couple other items (probably had 10-12 in my hand including the headband) and went to a dressing room that there was no SA near the checkout or rooms. I spent probably 10 minutes trying on the clothes, decided I didn’t like any of the dresses but absolutely fell in love with this pinafore. To check for hidden rftds in tags I take my iPhone’s flashlight and hold it directly up to the tag. If it’s not too thick you can typically see it. The headband had a thin sticker tag wrapped around it - no rftd so I just tossed it into my purse (which is a michael kors jetsetter - they hold great form on their own!) and then I checked on the pinafore. That one had a cardboard tag but my flashlight could still see through it and that it did. I looped the tag’s plastic part out of the shirt and looped it into a different one that I wasn’t taking… I folded the pinafore down pretty good and laid it in my bag. I then took all my stuff including the extra hanger  and put it on the fitting room rack. Total time in store: 15-20 min. 

*Important! In between me going to Dillards and Macy’s… I went to Forever 21 and purchased a tight white longsleeve shirt to wear under the pinafore, I got a Forever 21 bag from that. When she was bagging my shirt I asked her if she can throw the pinafore in there and took it out of my purse… I told her I brought it from home to find a shirt for under it… She couldn’t have cared less*

Macy’s:

Michael Kors Ava in “Dusty Rose” - sale price $133.50 (30% off)

LET ME TELL YOU… I should be calling the outer space haul or something because the stars must’ve been perfectly aligned while I was in Macy’s. I absolutely did not plan to do this or EVER thought I’d score a MK purse. There were absolutely no SA’s anywhere near the designer purse section, and only like 2 customers walking around. So at my store, all the purses that are marked down or on sale all go onto this two tiered table and get gator tagged. They don’t get looped onto the table like all the other purses on display do. I was checking out all the purses and wallets there and I noticed this Ava was the ONLY purse on the entire table without a gator tag. So I picked it up and put it around my wrist and ended up putting my F21 bag over it. I then shopped around a bit and threw two dresses over my arm with all the bags and went to an unattended fitting room in the women’s section that there were no customers and no SAs anywhere to be seen! I had to hype myself up to even look at the bag and check it out. It was absolutely perfect - no security tags, no hidden rftd’s (i did the flashlight trick). So I took the pinafore out of my F21 bag, wrapped it around the purse, and put it back into the F21 bag. I put the two dresses on the fitting room rack then hauled ass out of the mall. I was pretty done after that. Total time in store: 10-15 min. 

I hope this was helpful! Sorry it’s so long! I’d also like to add that I do not own or did not use any magnets or hooks :)

Total:

$286.50

Submission: Solo Benedict

The SGB keep going on about all the ‘solo’ photos of Benedict on, around or going to/from set in London. I’m assuming they believe Sophie should be with him every waking moment of the day, or their marriage must be a sham. I have to ask, when was the last time your significant other came to work with you every day? Especially with two small children at home?

~~~~~

I guess Gator’s marriage is a sham then too and perhaps her kid is fake. Now who should we report her to? That’s how it works right?

The Tale of Two-Toed Tom, the Demon Gator

In the early 1900s, in the swamps of the southeastern United States the region was held besieged by what was reported as a gargantuan, demonic alligator, which left in its wake mauled dead bodies and its curious two-toed footprints. This is the tale of Two-Toed Tom, the demon gator of the southeast.

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Speaking of Florida in relation to Keith Kogane

AU where America put the garrison in the same place they put the rest of their space shit: Florida. Space Coast Florida.

And instead of a conspiracy shack in the desert, Keith gets a conspiracy shack in the bayou (well, technically “bayou” is Louisiana-area swamp, so conspiracy shack near the Everglades. Point is, conspiracy shack on the swamp)
His motorcycle is a futuristic motorcycle/airboat. Instead of driving off a cliff they lose their tails by getting them stuck in the mud.

He is in possession of a small orphaned alligator. It’s name is “Gator”
They maybe bring it along? Maybe not though: space probably would not be a healthy environment for an alligator.
On one hand, Lance jibes at Keith for Gator doing more than he did in the Sendak fight
on the other, the parting is touching, Keith says “bye Gator.” And walks away, never looking back (he wants to, but he doesn’t). Lance flips out on two accounts; one, this is Keith’s constant companion. His SON (or daughter? Not sure how to tell with a gator). He can’t just say “bye” and leave. Two, you can’t say BYE to an ALLIGATOR. You have to say “see you later” it’s crucial!

There aren’t really any caves in Florida, but the faughenhoffer (whatever) line looks exactly like this one riverbank from above. They go to the section of the river and loiter around until Lance is like “I see something in the water” and just immediately strips and dives in (“wait Lance! What if there’s that one brain-eating amoeba! ” They say. “You can’t get your head under water because you will die if that shit gets in your ears!” “I can’t hear you! there’s water in my ears!” Says Lance)
Ok no. That’s a bad idea
Baaaadddd idea
Ok maybe safer would be if the faunenhough (ughhhh) line looks like a river that’s source is a spring. They go to the spring, loiter around, Lance drops by the spring’s gift shop and buys some goggles (Keith notes that the attached museum has a lot of stories from ancient Native Americans about a blue lion), lance strips and jumps in (the water is freezing, he whines a little… A lot), he swims down the terrifying crevice that tends to source natural springs.
Lance is gone underwater/underground for a terrifyingly long time. They think he may have drowned. Lance Prooommiiisseedd he was a really good swimmer and could hold his breath for a very long time, but this is just excessive. The lifeguard is about to walk over to ask them if something is wrong–they’ve been staring at one place in the water for a long time–when a giant blue cat head erupts from the water. It opens its mouth and a lot of water flows out, but hey, there’s Lance!
They board the lion and leave the planet.

Pidge’s last words in earths atmosphere are “ah well. At least no more mosquitos.”
Everyone else’s last words in earths atmosphere are “oh man you are so right! Fuck mosquitos!”
(There is one single mosquito that made its way into Blue’s cockpit. They are trying to kill it during the entire firefight. Keith manages to clap it right as they hit the wormhole. Everyone likes Keith.)

gator-from-the-depths  asked:

Leatherhead has not seen his lover all day, completely unaware of what has happened to him as he just suspects that the tiger was on a extended assassination assignment. Nevertheless, he and the children would be waiting for him in the living room, watching TV until the two younglings would fall asleep on the couch as the gator would keep looking at the door then back to the tv.

He almost did not want to come home. Around his torso was a wrapped cloak hiding his missing arm. He knew how this would go leatherhead would lose himself but he could not avoid him forever. So he took a deep breath before walking inside. “…Leatherhead I have returned.”

2

We had a pet baby alligator named Captain Crunch for a week after we rescued him from someone who was keeping it illegally and neglecting it. They brought it into the aquarium shop we worked in and tried to sell it to the owner as a dwarf Cayman. We called fish and wildlife to come get it, and they sent two guys from NC to take him to a gator sanctuary. It was illegal to keep him in the pet shop, so we kept him in a big tank in our dorm room. He was so gentle and would take food from our hands. He was starving, and we fattened him right up. When the two burly guys showed up with a huge cage to take him back in we laughed so hard at them. They said you wouldn’t believe how many people say they have a two foot alligator only to have them show up with a five foot one that could take your arm off.

Crossing Paths

Prompt: AU where the reader passes the same cute guy every morning on her run. A little too enthusiastic, she trips and falls, and guess who comes to her aid?

Character: Sam x Reader
Reader Gender: female
Word Count: 2.5k
Warnings: Language, smut, rough/dirty talking Sam (this guy is nuts, I love it), mentions of blood.

A/N: Yupppp, another Sam one. I just felt like he was a better fit ;) Don’t forget to leave me some feedback, I’d love to hear from you guys!!

(gif credit goes to the owner!)

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honestly what did the assistant from Jurassic world do to deserve getting chomped by both a pterodactyl AND the mega dinosaur whale gator. she had two lines yet she got the most spectacularly gruesome death I’ve ever seen in my whole LIFE, LMAO WHY WAS SHE DONE SO DIRTY