or i shall taunt you a second time

young Hiccup, Astrid and Fishlegs, are standing in front of a castle that Tuffnut, Ruffnut and Snotlout built on Berk and are now behind it ready for battle.

Hiccup: “HELLO!!!”

Tuffnut doing a silly French accent: “Who is it?”

Hiccup: “This is Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III and these are my friends. Whose castle is this?”

Tuffnut: “This is the castle of Lord-King-Overlord-Emperor-Ruler-Sir Thorston-ton”

Hiccup: “Go and tell him that we have been charged with a sacred quest to find the Dragon Eye and if he gives us food and shelter for the night he may join us in our quest.”

Tuffnut: “I’ll ask him but I don’t think he’ll want to. He’s already got one you see.”

Fishlegs: “Are you sure?”

Tuffnut: “Oh, yes it’s very nice.”

Tuffnut (whispers to Ruffnut and Snotlout on his side of the wall): “I told him we already got one.”

They struggle hide their laughter.

Fishlegs: “Well, can we come up and have a look at it?”

Tuffnut: “Of course not! You are Berkian yaks!”

Astrid: “Well what are you then?”

Tuffnut: “I’m French. Why do you think I have this outrages accent!?”

Astrid: “What are you doing on Berk?”

Tuffnut: “Mind your own business!”

Hiccup: “If you don’t show us your Dragon Eye we will be forced to take your castle by force.”

Tuffnut: “You don’t frighten us you silly Berk-ish pig-dogs!!! Go an boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called ‘Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III,’ you and all your silly Berk K-nig-hts!!!!”

Tuffnut: “PPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PPPPHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Fishlegs: “What a strange person.”

Hiccup: “Now look here my good man-”

Tuffnut: “I don’t want to talk to you no more! You empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction!!!! Your mother was a Terrible Terror your father smelt of elderberries!!!!”

Astrid: “Is there someone else up there that we can talk to?”

Tuffnut: “No. Now go away or I will taunt you a second time!”

Hiccup: “Now this is your last chance. I’ve been more them reasonable…”

Tuffnut to his friends: “Get the secret weapon.”

Snotlout: “What?”

Tuffnut: “The SECRET. WEAPON.”

Hiccup: “…If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall be forced to-!”

They vault a chicken over the walls.

Hiccup: “HOLY ODIN!!!”

the chicken lands on Fishlegs.

Hiccup: “Right. CHARGE!!!”

Astrid: “CHARGE!!!!!!!”

but the onslaught of poultry forces them to retreat.

(Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

  • Hidan: [Shouting from the top of a perimeter wall] You don't frighten us, Leaf shinobi! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person!
  • Hidan: I blow my nose at you, so-called gee-knee-us of Konoha, you and all your silly k-n-n-n-n-n-iggits!
  • Ino: What a strange person.
  • Shikamaru: Now look here my good man-
  • Hidan: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction!
  • Hidan: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
  • Shikamaru: Is there someone else here we can talk to.
  • Hidan: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Monty Python and the Holy Grail {Sentence Starters}
  • "I must speak with your lord and master."
  • "Well, I didn't vote for you."
  • "Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
  • "You'll be stone dead in a moment."
  • "You're using coconuts!"
  • "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
  • "We want a shrubbery!!"
  • "I bid you welcome to your new home."
  • "How do you know she is a witch?"
  • "Help, help, I'm being repressed!"
  • "Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"
  • "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
  • "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
  • "They dressed me up like this."
  • "Oh, she turned me into a newt! Well, I got better."
  • "I fart in your general direction!"
  • "Well, how'd you become king, then?
genderfluid teen!lock

“Mummy! I’m off!” Sherlock announced in an excited flurry as he rushed into the kitchen, duffle thrown over his shoulder, and shoving last minute items inside. “Don’t let Father forget to pick us up at the station Sunday night,” he reminds her for the second time this morning.

“Sherlock, just because I gave up a career to take care of you and your brother, does not mean I’ve also given up all of my brain cells.” She glares at him with mock annoyance.

“There, there Mummy. No need to fret. I’ll only be gone the weekend to scout some Uni’s. I won’t actually be leaving until next fall.” Sherlock taunts wickedly.

“Well thank heavens, we shall treasure these next few months as if they were our last on earth!” Mrs. Holmes raises her arms towards the ceiling, and her face is scrunched up in fake agony.

“Alright, Mummy. You win. But only because I can hear Harry’s truck coming along now.” Sherlock raises his eyebrows before hoping over to kiss his mother on the cheek. He also snags the bag of goodies she made for them, not that he’d needed it. He was seventeen already, almost an adult, but she did make the most amazing chocolate croissants, so he couldn’t not take them.

“Riiiiight,” she answers sarcastically before calling after his quickly receding figure bounding out the front door. “Have fun and be safe, my darling boy!”

Sherlock hopes Harry and John didn’t hear that, as he tosses his large bag into bed of the truck, and climbs into the cab.

“Well, hello there darling boy!” Harry jibes at him the moment he slides in, but he’s too excited to get upset, so he rolls his eyes dramatically.

“Just get us to the station without killing us, Harry.” Sherlock commands as he squishes more than necessary against John in the middle seat.

John’s face flushes at the contact, “Sherlock,” he greets him tersely, and Sherlock nods in reply.

Thankfully, Harry likes her music loud, and The Misfits blast the entire ride. Once they get to the station, she barely slows down before the pair of them are shoved out of the truck. They scramble to snag their bags before she leaves.

“Catch ya later losers. Have fun at snooty mc snobby pants schools!” She shouts through the open window, before screeching away, ‘Last Caress’ fading into the distance.

Sherlock pulls at his slacks and button down shirt, “Ugh. I have to get out of these boy clothes.”

“Oh, is today a female day?” John asks casually, he’s used to his genderfluid partner alternating between cismale, transwoman, and agender.

“Yup. Let’s go find a bathroom so I can get into some proper clothes.” Sherlock announces while patting his overly stuffed duffle.

John nods and follows Sherlock into the train station.

 They find the Men’s and Women’s restrooms, but neither of those will work. They hunt around for a while, before finally finding a ‘family’ single stall bathroom.

“Be right back. Go buy our tickets, this might take awhile.” Sherlock orders, and John obeys. He knows that Sherlock will remain stroppy until she’s feeling more at ease with her exterior matching her interior.

John takes his time, and even stops to buy a magazine he thinks Sherlock will like, Chemistry World, before heading back to the bathroom.

Once he returns, she’s still not out, so John knocks heavily on the door. “Sherlock, we need to get moving. Our train leaves in ten,” John shouts until he feels the door moving and steps back. Sherlock emerges from the smelly joint, and John’s jaw literally drops.

She is a vision, wearing a floral print, midriff baring top, with high waisted jean shorts, and gladiator sandals. She fluffs her perfect hair, and plops red heart-shaped sunglasses on her beautiful face. She smacks her red lips together a few times, as she looks around. “Alright, I’m ready. Let’s go,” she says with an air of finality that snaps John out of his daydream.

“Yeah…yeah, this way.” John reluctantly tears his eyes away from his beautiful girlfriend, and leads them to the platform.

“I can’t believe you got me to lie this big, to my parents.” John worries as they sit side-by-side on the fast moving train.

“Well we couldn’t exactly tell them the truth! Hey Mom, hey Dad, my genderfluid partner and I want to go to London Pride this weekend to walk in the parade. Yeah! That would go over like a lead balloon! John, trust me. This was the only way.”

John gives a tiny nod, and Sherlock squeezes his hand, and then clutches it into her lap with both hands.

“Don’t worry too much love, we are going to have so much fun, you won’t even have time to freak out.” Sherlock boasts, and stares into John’s eyes for agreement.

“You’re right. I should just enjoy myself. I mean, it’s too late now, eh?” John concludes with a wide smile. “Let’s have a ball, baby!”

Sherlock closes her eyes, and leans back into the seat, but the grin remains on her perfect ruby lips. 

Magic Ink

anonymous said: Could you do a Chanyeol soulmate au? Like one where the significant other’s first words are on your wrist and then fluff? :)

I’ve always wanted to do a soulmate!AU! Except I kind of got carried away with it so I hope it turned out okay?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Soulmate: [noun] A person with whom one has a strong affinity, shared values and tastes, and often a romantic bond.

In today’s society, dating in order to find your other half had become obsolete. It was predestination; from the day you were born, you’ve had the first words of your soulmate tattooed on your wrist. There was only one problem: you think you’re just about the unluckiest person to ever have been born. Maybe a witch had performed voodoo on you while you were still in the womb; better yet, there was probably a family curse that had skipped every single generation except yours. You stared at the dark word imprinted on your wrist, the one you had come to hate after so many years of false hope.

Hello.

Out of all words, ‘hello’? Really? Not even a 'Hello, my name is…’? Everyone you knew was blessed enough to know the first unique words of their future lover, but you, you had been plagued with the most common phrase in the English language; or any language, for that matter. It seemed like every one of your friends had found their soulmates already, but here you were in your mid-twenties, as single as ever. The indicator on your wrist had narrowed your search to around, oh, practically everyone you know, so you had long stopped trying to find your soulmate, unfazed by any person who uttered the word in your presence.

It was a Saturday night and a friend of yours had invited you to a house party. You didn’t know who the owner of the house was, but your friend had told you that anyone was welcome, so it was perfectly fine.

You pulled up at the house — or should you say, mansion — that matched the address scrawled on your scrap of paper. Cars lined up for what seemed like miles along the street; the muted bass shook the lawn with every drop and it seemed as if the windows would burst any second. You rang the doorbell — how you expected them to hear it you didn’t know — but surprisingly the door opened quickly after.

“Hey!” A boy with brown hair and handsomely drawn eyeliner, who you assumed was the owner, greeted you at the door. “Come on in! Food is down the hall and the pool and courts are past the patio.” You thanked him, finding your friend among the crowd as she introduced you to a few of her acquaintances.

“This is Chanyeol!”

“Hello!” He outstretched his hand and you were about to shake it when someone’s yelling broke your focus.

“HEADS UP!”

In the blink of an eye, a boy jumped from the second story railing down into an inflatable pool filled with plastic balls. They flew everywhere, bouncing off walls and rolling across the hardwood. Chanyeol clutched his stomach, almost collapsing onto the floor from laughter.

“Well that’s Jongdae for you. C'mon, you should meet him!”

She dragged you away without giving you a chance to introduce yourself to Chanyeol, so you gave him an apologetic smile before heading off.

It was a wild night, and definitely one of the best parties you had attended in awhile. Who knew it took twelve guys to wrestle down a raccoon? It was past midnight now, and you figured you should go home before the cops decided to show up – someone was bound to notice the baby llama running around in the front yard, right? You were about to head out the door when you spotted someone familiar. Wait… is that Jisoo? The person was turned around but you were sure it was him; you’d recognize his tall figure anywhere. You snuck up behind him, wrapping your arms around your longtime friend.

“You dummy, you left your rubber salmon at my house,” you spoke, referring to an inside joke from long ago.

Jisoo turned around, but you were shocked to find out that it actually wasn’t him, but the boy from earlier… Chanyeol, was it? He looked at you with wide eyes, frozen in place.

“Oh, I’m so so sorry! I thought you were my other friend! Sorry!” You quickly made your escape, too embarrassed at your mix-up.

“WAIT!” he called after you, but you were already out the door.

* * *

You were working your shift at the local cafe, wiping down the bar table as customers came in and out. An aged man, one of your regulars, was sitting on a bar stool reading the paper. He snorted, shaking his head at something he had just read.

“What is it?” You peeked over curiously.

“Never thought I’d see a classified ad for a soulmate.” He handed you the paper, pointing to the ad in question.

LOOKING FOR SOULMATE
Met at house party and first words spoken to me were “You dummy! You left your rubber salmon at my house!”.
Contact Park Chanyeol ASAP


Your eyes popped out of your skull as you reread it over and over. No… this can’t be… You thought of last week, when he introduced himself to you. The circumstances matched up perfectly; you glanced at your wrist, and your mind replayed his deep voice uttering the same word. If his wrist held the same embarrassing phrase you spilled to him that night, then it must’ve been true. You pulled out your phone, about to dial the number at the bottom of the ad when you remembered your boss had a no cell phone policy. You frustratingly slipped it back into your pocket, vowing to call him when your shift ended in less than an hour. A foreign feeling erupted in your stomach; you felt giddy and you weren’t sure if you liked it or not, but it seemed pretty unbelievable that you had finally found your soulmate. After years of thinking things were hopeless, maybe your luck had finally changed. You began setting plates on their respective shelves while watching the news that was playing on the mounted TV over the bar.

“Hello, I’m Park Yoora, and welcome back to CBS News. Today’s stocks-”

“Hey!” You nearly dropped the plates you were holding as Chanyeol stumbled onto the screen. “Uh, I’m looking for my soulmate, we met at a party that my friend Baekhyun threw last week and you called me a dummy and said that I left my rubber salmon at your house!” he announced, pointing to his wrist. “If you’re watching this, please call me!” He held up a piece of paper with his number written on it. Oh my god. He’s crazy. My soulmate is crazy. A menacing security guard began shoving him off the screen as the reporter stood in absolute shock. “Sorry noona!” he exclaimed before running off the screen.

“L-Let’s take it over to the weather now,” she shakily continued.

You stood gaping at the TV. Immediately grabbing your phone, you dialed the number as you stepped outside the cafe. The line was picked up instantaneously.

“Hello?” his deep voice resonated through the speaker.

“Park Chanyeol?”

“Soulmate?!”

You laughed at the title. “Yes. Hi, it’s me.” You heard him sigh in relief on the other end.

“H-hey! Did you see me on TV?”

“Yes. And, I saw the ad. You’re crazy, you know that?” you posed with a clear jestful tone so he knew you were joking.

He sweetly chuckled, and somehow, you heard him smile through the phone. “Maybe I am. But where are you? I want to see you today.”

“Uh, I’m working at a cafe but my shift ends in half an hour. It’s next to the Koscom building downtown. Do you know where that is?”

“I know exactly where that is! I’ll pick you up!”

“Okay, that sounds good,” you affirmed, once again feeling butterflies in your stomach.

“I’ll see you soon…?” He drawled out the last syllable, waiting for your insert.

“_____.”

“_____,” he echoed, testing your name on his tongue. “Chanyeol and _____. I like the sound of that. See you later _____!”

He hung up and you quickly went back to work, unable to shake the happiness that had overtaken you. You felt like a little school girl who had just had her crush reciprocated.

“_____, you alright? You look a little flushed,” an employee commented.

You touched your cheeks, not even realizing that you had been blushing.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Maybe a little lovesick, that’s all,” you replied, whispering the latter sentence.

It was like time had slowed to a crawl, taunting you and making you hate every second that you weren’t spending with your soulmate. After what seemed like a lifetime, the bell tied to the door rang and you looked up to see a very smiley Chanyeol making his entrance into the shop. You exchanged excited greetings as you hung your apron near the machines and clocked out of work.

“Shall we go, soulmate?” he proposed.

“What are we doing?”

“Picnic in the park! I have this all planned out,” he announced proudly.

You laughed, glad to finally get the chance to know him better. He took your hand and opened the passenger door for you and began to drive you two to the park. It seemed like your mouths were moving a hundred miles a minute, making up for the years lost.

You settled down under a large oak tree, munching on sandwiches as he talked about all that he did to try to find you.

“I swear I asked everyone, but I didn’t even know your name so it was kind of pointless.”

“I still can’t believe you went on broadcast. How did you even get into the CBS studio?”

“My noona is a reporter, so I have an access card. Except, they might revoke it after today,” he admitted sheepishly. “Honestly, I was so worried I’d never see you again. That I’d never find my soulmate…”

“You’re not alone in that…” you mused, rubbing the imprinted word on your wrist. “I don’t exactly have the best luck.” You held it up for him to see, and a look of understanding flashed across his face.

“Ah, I was wondering why you didn’t realize anything that night. I almost thought I had the wrong person at first, but it’s not everyday someone approaches me about leaving my rubber salmon behind.” You both chuckled at destiny’s unlikely twist. “But we found each other now, and that’s all that matters, right?”

“Right. I guess fate has its own way of working things.”

“But since I’ve finally found you, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

His comment made you blush, and you played with the hem of your dress to keep him from seeing how rosy your cheeks had gotten.

“Should we go take a walk?” he suggested, holding out his hand. You gladly obliged, slipping your much smaller hand into his and letting your feet take you wherever they may as you two chatted endlessly.

* * *

It was nighttime now, and Chanyeol had driven you to your house, both of you tired but satisfied with the day’s events. He walked you to your porch, hands stuck in his pockets as you said your goodbyes.

“Thank you for today. I had a lot of fun,” you spoke.

“Thank you for spending it with me.”

“I guess I’ll see you soon? Goodnight, Chanyeol.”

“Goodnight, _____.”

You turned around to open your front door, but could feel him hesitating to leave behind you.

“Wait, c-can I give you a goodnight kiss?”

You spun around, surprised but delighted by his question.

“A goodnight kiss?”

“Yes… I k-know it’s really s-sudden but you know, only if you want to…” he explained, voice becoming a whisper.

You smiled, observing his shy expression. Getting on your tippy-toes, you pressed your lips onto his soft ones, letting them linger for a moment as his hands came to rest gently on your waist.

“Goodnight Chanyeol,” you bid, smiling warmly before stepping into your house and closing the door.

He stood there momentarily, a large and goofy grin gracing his features before letting out a contented sigh.

“Goodnight soulmate.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Note: Hope you liked it! Fluffy Chanyeol is the cutest. <3

Warning-Part 3

Prompt: Fem!Reader has been staying with the Avengers (pre-aou) for about a week. Loki is busy with the events of Thor the Dark World, although the reader is his motivation. A certain star-spangled captain, however, has taken an interest in the new Asgardian ;). There shall be a part 4, beauties.

Tagging: @sigridlaufeyson @the-mormon-girl-in-the-books

Part 1, Part 2

Warnings: none


Loki sat on the ground of his prison. For the second time, it was littered with destruction. His face conveyed severe pain, though one could have mistaken it for a near calm state. Loki placed an illusion as he heard his brother hurrying toward him. Thor saw Loki stand up and face him. He began to taunt the blond man.

“Here to remind me that you’re allowed to see your love while I remain parted with mine? Or have you come here to gloat?”
“No more illusions, Loki,” Thor barked.

Just like that, the trickster dropped the illusion. Thor now saw the grief-stricken man before him. He was originally going to offer his brother vengeance; however, he was going to need to add something else. Finding Y/N was the first thing to come to mind.


Y/N swung the staff she had been given at a hanging punching bag. She had been living with the Avengers for roughly a week now. They respected her privacy and even gave her some normal looking clothes. Although, they were curious as to why she never removed the amulet. Steve thought it was best if she had a weapon, just in case they were to be attacked. This was the current reason she mercilessly battered the training equipment. A few moves she had learned from Sif, but she was mostly improvising. She paused to catch her breath.

“Well, I’m impressed,” a voice complimented.

Y/N turned and gave Steve a small smile. She held her staff straight. Steve started to scan her, but averted his gaze. A slight blush appeared across his cheeks.

“Thank you,” she replied breathlessly, “Did you need anything?”
“No. I just came to train…I guess we had the same idea.”
“Would you like to train together?” she suggested.

He smirked and gave a small nod.

“How about, without the weapons, though?”
Y/N chuckled before agreeing, “Sure.”

The pair continued to spar for a few more hours. They would take a five-minute breather every now and them. The super soldier took these as an opportunity to try and get to know her better.

“So, do you have any powers, like Thor or his brother?” he asked.
“No. Not all of us have those extra abilities,” she replied, “Though we seem to have a better endurance than you Midguardians.”
Steve raised a brow and chuckled. “And how am I keeping up?”
“Quite well, actually. You would’ve made a fine warrior,” she complimented with a smile, “Shall we continue?”

He gave her a nod in agreement. Steve smiled to himself as he was captivated by the woman in front of him, despite her secretive nature. He could only hope that she felt the same. 


Later, the Asgardian sat on the couch as she flipped through the pages of a book. Her eyes were glazed over as she failed to read the actual book. Her thoughts were too focused on Loki. She closed her eyes and gulped as she remembered the pain from the last time she saw him. She opened her eyes. A gasp escaped her lips as she noticed an amber color below her neck.

“No,” she panicked, “I want to remain hidden.”

As quick as it had changed, it had returned to the onyx color. She set down the book as she ran a hand through her hair. She felt a sudden chill run down her spine. Y/N quickly stood up and gazed out the window. A paper bag was blowing in the wind before quickly disappearing. Her eyes widened drastically. She hurried out onto the roof as she glanced around.

“Convergence,” she whispered.

She shook her head, chastising herself for worrying. She figured it was just an event and everything was under control. However, her nerves got the better of her. She focused on the amulet. It turned to amber.

“Heimdall? Is everything okay?”

Her questions were greeted with no answer. She reflexively clenched her jaw.

“Brother, are you there?”

Receiving no answer, she thought it best to hide herself again. The woman gripped her fingers as she tried to calm her nerves. Something was not sitting well with her.

Want to Request?

Oh Brother

Part Two of ‘Family Gathering’ 

PART ONE

Tags: @your-silver-and-gold @ichimaruai @jemin-guay @gabriels-depressed-angel


You had decided to finally speak to Negan about what had happened the previous day, you felt like he would tell you as you thought he trusted you enough. Knocking on the door to the room he often used for planning out raids and supply runs, you found yourself wanting to just turn and run. 
“Oh hey y/n” Negan smirked, his eyes scanning over your body before he ushered you inside and closed the door. 
“Negan, we need to talk” you looked him in the eye and felt your mind going to a dark place - you shook your head of the thoughts and remained focused on what had happened yesterday. 
“Sure, baby girl” he smiled, raising his eyebrows at you and sitting down at the table in the middle of the room, you followed suit and sat down with him, a concerned look etched into your features.
“You were quiet yesterday. It wasn’t like you at all.” you softened your voice and tried to be as gentle as you could be, you didn’t want Negan thinking that you only knew him as the violent, loud-mouthed psychopath everyone else thought he was. 
“I guess I was just bad. I don’t like other men getting their filthy fucking paws on you, y/n” Negan ground out, looking you in the eyes with a dangerous jealously, you bit your lip and smiled. 
“Negan, for one, Paul’s gay. And Rick is pretty much what Dwight is to me. You don’t need to get all quiet y’know, you can just tell me you’re not comfortable with it, and I’ll see what I can do. We’re partners, Negan, and Dwight said it himself - you’re part of my family now” you smiled at seeing how Negan nodded and accepted, your relationship had rules - and both of you had to cooperate with each other. 


“Hey Dwight” you grinned, tackling him to the ground and causing an ‘oomf’ to strangulate out of his lungs. 
“Y/n, pleasant surprise to see my favourite sister” he groaned, standing up and dusting himself off, you grinned and poked your tongue out. 
“Hey! I’m your only sister, and not to mention I’m fucking your boss” you licked your lips and gestured to Negan, who was behind you with a smirk settled across his face - he had clearly heard what you had said and found it amusing. 
“Yeah well mum and dad should’ve learned how to use a condom after having me - I was happy being an only child for 5 years” he teased, ruffling your hair and sticking his tongue out to you. 
“Hey, D-bad, you love me really, I’m your baby sister” you grinned, and Dwight smirked, shaking his head. 
“Jesus fucking Christ, do you two ever stop?” Negan chuckled, swinging Lucille lazily as he walked, Dwight stood to attention whilst you just looked at Negan. 
“C’mon, sweetheart, you know I never want you to stop” he winked, Dwight gave him a ‘please don’t talk about my sister that way’ look at Negan, only to be laughed at. 
“Oh prudish brother” you laughed, slapping his shoulder and practically throwing yourself at Negan, closing the gaps between yours and his lips as quickly as possible, leaving Dwight stood in utter disgust. 


Later on, Negan had you and Dwight as the only two on his team for a routine supply run, the two of you repeatedly asking why it was just you two, but he wouldn’t answer, only with “it’s a surprise”. 
“Y/n, tell your boyfriend to tell us what’s going on” Dwight urged, you shrugged and went to sit in the front of the truck with Negan. 
“Negan, babe, what’s going on” you asked, putting on your best innocent face and puppy dog eyes that you could. 
“It’s a surprise, do you and your brother not fucking get that?” he smiled, gently taking your hand and kissing it lightly before letting go to put his hand back on the wheel. 

When you had gotten to where Negan was taking you, Dwight hopped out with his gun drawn, but he was surprised when there were no walkers around. 
“D, stop acting like daddy’s little soldier” you laughed, Negan helped you out of the truck and gently kissed you. 
“I thought I was daddy” he laughed when Dwight groaned in disgust, your cheeks turned red as you followed Negan towards an open field. 
“Negan, are you gonna tell us what’s going on now?” you asked, the field was green - like it would have been before the outbreak - and the sky was blue with cotton buds dotted across it, you had not seen a scene like it since before society turned to chaos. 
“Okay, so I noticed that you used to climb trees when you were younger, right?” he stopped amidst some trees to the North of the field, you and Dwight raised your eyebrows at each other and shrugged before jogging to catch up with him. 
“Yeah, so what?” you pressed further, stopping behind Negan with Dwight by your side - you jabbed your elbow into his stomach and he hunched over and backhanded your head. 
“Ow! You’re such an asshole!” you growled, pouncing on him and pinning him to the ground by his shoulders, Negan sighed and leaned against one of the trees as he watched Dwight kick you off of him, only to have you run at him and take him down from behind his knees. 
“You started it!” he coughed, picking you up and flipping you onto your back before sitting on you; you laughed and easily slipped out from underneath him before copying what he did to you. 
“Okay, you two are fucking grown ass adults, and yet you’re acting like fucking kids” Negan sighed, getting between the two of you before anything more could happen - he had never thought that dealing with siblings could be so exhausting, especially if they were adults that were skilled in combat and stealth. 
“Her fault, she started it!” Dwight protested, you put your middle finger up to him and took off towards the trees before finding one that could be climbed easily by you, but not by Dwight or Negan. 
“And I’m fuckin’ finishing it! Y/n get your fucking ass down from there” Negan pinched the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb, he sighed and gestured for Dwight to give him a solution. 
“YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!” you called out, Negan and Dwight gave each other a look of curious humour before Dwight turned towards you. 
“We have the same mother and father, you idiot!” he called, Negan watched this interaction and made sure that he would never bring you and Dwight out alone together again. 
“Y/n, just get the fuck out of that tree, would you?” Negan asked, beckoning you to jump into his arms; you bit back a laugh and relaxed into the branch you were sat on, you knew you would be lying if you said that you didn’t like taunting the two men. 
“No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!” you laughed, you slipped and held onto the branch for dear life, Negan and Dwight scrambled beneath you to make sure that if you did drop out of the tree, you would land in their arms. You were clinging onto the branch at this point, and your legs were struggling to find the trunk of the tree to rest against and give you extra security.
“Y/n, jump!” Dwight urged, you shook your head and lowered yourself so that your arms were stretched above your head and your feet rested on the branch below as you slowly released yourself and landed on the branch below with a sigh.
“No, brother, I don’t fancy dying thanks” you grumbled, repeating your actions until you were forced to slide a few feet down the tree trunk and onto the ground below. Dwight and Negan glared at each other before checking if you were alright, and of course you were, you had been pulling stunts like that since you were a child. 


Back at the Sanctuary, you had decided that you wanted a nap, so you had retired to the room you shared with Negan - who had taken Dwight with him on his daily check up on how things were going. 


“You put her in danger!” Dwight growled, his index finger shoving Negan back as the leader glared at his underling and cursed himself for leaving Lucille with you when you had gone to take a nap. 
“You’re fucking kidding me, D, she wanted to climb that tree, so she did. We have no fucking rights on whether or not she does what the fuck she wants, when the fuck she wants. Y/n didn’t break any of the fucking rules, she just pissed you off because she wasn’t being so fucking serious all the goddamn mother fucking fuckity fucking time!” Negan argued back, Dwight grumbled, as Negan didn’t see the obvious point he was trying to get across. 
“You let her climb that tree! When she could have easily dropped out and died! You let her pull all this dangerous shit, Negan, when you know how fragile she is!” Dwight was both livid and fearless at this point, he felt awful for letting you get away with what you did, but he was also livid at Negan for allowing it to even happen - let alone defend you for something that he himself wouldn’t have allowed. 
“Y/n is not fucking fragile, she’s a lot stronger than most of the fuckwitted men in this fucking community, and she certainly kicked your burnt ass before she climbed the tree. D, of course I let her do what the fuck she wants, I’m her boyfriend, not her fucking handler!”
“Exactly! You’re her boyfriend! You need to stop her from doing stupid shit all the time!”
“You’re her fucking brother! You need to be fucking watching out for her - even if she is a grown ass, fucking goddess of a woman!” 


  • Someone that I know is blatantly homophobic: *begins to say anything*
  • Me: I AM BISEXUAL. I AM SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO MALES AND FEMALES. I AM PANROMANTIC. I WOULD DATE MALES, FEMALES, NON-BINARY AND TRANSGENDER PEOPLE. AND YOU? YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. YOU WILL PROBABLY BE AN ASSHOLE FOR A LONG TIME. NOW BEGONE, OR I SHALL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME.
  • Maki Nishikino: I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
  • Honoka Kousaka: Is there someone else in the piano room we could talk to?
  • Maki Nishikino: No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.

Leave a “Join Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character giving another character an offer.

Leave a “Shag Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a dirty drabble about the specified characters.

Leave a “Tell Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character confessing something to another.

Authors Note: Hello cuties, thank you for your messages! I’m combining these prompts because they’re quite similar I think…and to my dear anon, I’m so sad to hear that you are feeling down! I really hope that this cheers you up, even if a little ❤

Summary: This drabble is a continuation of my HaruGou short #1: “Teach Me How” 

Rated: M, because there’s no actual storyline.

Keep reading

What I hope for in DA:I -- Orlesian Taunting

Inquisitor> WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN FERELDEN

Orlesians> MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Inquisitor> Is there someone else we can talk to?

Orlesians> GO AWAY OR I SHALL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME