mckirk? hope ur having a nice day
proposes - proposals become a running joke between them, after jim once said “marry me, bones” when bones brought him a drink when he was pulling a double shift on the bridge; it becomes a rare occurrence not to hear either bones or jim telling the other “marry me” for doing some entirely mundane task at least once a week. until one late night, when jim is dressing to beam down to negotiate a treaty with the andorians, and bones is awake because jim tripped over his sweatshirt in the dark and made an unholy amount of noise complaining about it. bones takes in the sight of his reckless, hard-working boyfriend and best friend and, realising he wants to see that every day, for the rest of his life, mumbles “marry me, jim” just as jim is leaving the room. “sure,” says jim, “just let me deal with the andorians, and-” “i’m serious,” says bones, flushing slightly with a combination of nerves and indignation, and that’s all the confirmation jim needs that he really means it. he takes a deep breath. “alright,” he says. “let’s get married.” (bones also takes jim out for dinner on their next shore leave to propose properly, because he’s an old-fashioned romantic at heart).
shops for groceries - bones. jim isn’t trusted with groceries after That Incident In Space Wal-Mart We Will Never Talk About Again (Ever)
kills the spiders - neither of them. they either leave them until they go away, or get spock to take the evil things to the labs.
comes home drunk at 3am - they almost always drink together, but occasionally jim needs some time alone. bones lets makes him come back on his own, though- he picks jim up from whatever bar he decided to drink himself into oblivion in and gets him back home to a warm shower and a bed to sleep in (in one memorable incident, he carried a sleepy, giggling jim through the halls of the enterprise. sulu and chekov have video footage, which they use to their advantage to get out of compulsory hypos).
remembers to feed the fish - they get uhura or spock to remind them, because they’re both terrible at it.
initiates duets - jim. it’s a struggle to get bones to participate, and almost impossible to make him look like he’s enjoying it, but he secretly has a soft spot when it comes to doing things like that with jim (or maybe just a soft spot for jim).
falls asleep first - bones. jim is a very light sleeper.
plans spontaneous trips - bones sees how hard jim works, and makes sure to drag him on a compulsory (doctor’s orders) “romantic vacation” at least twice a year.
wakes the other up at 3am demanding pancakes - “damnit, jim, i’m a doctor, not your personal chef!”
sends the other unsolicited nudes -
bones blocks jim’s contact on his PADD every other day because of this
brags about knowing karate even though they never made it past yellow belt - bones. he’ll refuse to spar with jim when he offers, though.
comes to a complete halt outside bakeries/candy shops - jim. bones sometimes has to physically drag him away (“you’re a walking encyclopedia of allergies, and besides, that much sugar can’t be safe”)
blows sarcastic kisses after doing ridiculous shit - both of them, but mostly jim, when bones is mad at him.
killed the guy (also, which hid the body) - mirror!kirk kills the guys, and they both hide the bodies.
wears the least clothing around the house - “james tiberius kirk, if you don’t put on a shirt and some pants this instant, i’m filing for a divorce.”
has icky sentimental moments for no apparent reason - both of them, so much. when bones is in a v good mood he likes to put on old (‘classical’) music and slow-dance with jim until the late hours of the evening (or until jim gets restless). when jim wants to let bones know just how much he loves him, he trails after him through the ship, stealing kisses and wrapping his arms around his grumpy boyfriend as he struggles to carry on with his duties as CMO