Reasons why I like Homecoming better than any other Spider-Man (live action) flick in existence
• Penis Parker looks, sounds and acts like an actual 15 year old high schooler.
• avoided origin story that everyone and their mother’s cat already know
• Ned Leeds is precious
• Batman is evil
• avoided uncle Ben (and his stupid mantra)
• started the movie in the super cool upgraded aesthetically pleasing suit
• Peter does not make creepy stalker pictures of his crush (that are made without her consent)
• instead just dreamily stares at her from afar like a loser like the rest of us
• no goddamn Harry Osbourne angst
• animated spider eyes
• Liz is gorgeous
• Peter’s adorable “Mr. Stark” whenever he says it
• Flash is upgraded, honestly funny and weirdly endearing version of himself and is still a bully
• Peter Parker’s hair
• Aaron Davis The Walking Easter Egg
• Peter visibly needing help in being a superhero via Tony and Guy in the Chair Leeds
• also, dad!Tony
• The Villain Is Actually Father Of My Friend plot twist trope DONE RIGHT!!!
• no unnecessary amount of Plus One villains besides The Vulture and his (funny, curious) goons
• Stark company fucked everyone over (again)
• ended the movie in the cheap super lame aesthetically ugly onesie costume instead
• Peter’s won the day with character development depending on his own;
- no romantic interest (in distress) that prompted his strength
- no moody friend to guilt trip him into saving himself
- no edgy angst due to Uncle Ben’s mantra
• Michelle, the beautiful book-reading, has no friends, intellectually observant genius “my friends call me MJ” is the downplayed but so fresh and clearly-a-slowburn, full of potential MJ that I didn’t know I needed in my life, but just as Peter Parker will realize one day, what a blessing she is.
edwardsexton: One lucky young man is going to collect a rainbow of suits today. Perhaps too bright and vibrant for some but a fun addition to a spring wardrobe. He may well be wearing them on stage. What a lucky chap. Enjoy. #edwardsexton#colour#Bespoke - 02.28.17
The Guardian: He is currently working with Harry Styles ahead of the launch of his debut solo album. “It’s not just the suit, it’s the cut that makes it,” says Sexton, a twinkle in his eye, when I visit his showroom. “The way it expresses itself and what it does for you mentally when you put it on. - 03.20.17
What do you think the other Avengers think of Peter's trans status? I imagine Thor would be pretty impressed that humans can transition like that haha
*rubs hands* Oh man I’m so glad you asked about this!
So first of all, Thor is Asgardian. It’s been mentioned in some of the newer comics (namely, Loki: Agent of Asgard and The Young Avengers) that Asgardian’s don’t have the same societal perception of sexuality or gender that most human cultures do. Male, female, gay, straight, etc. are all just meaningless labels to most of them. Because of this, I doubt Thor would care that Peter is trans. If anything, Thor would be surprised that Peter’s transition is so difficult. Thor knows Loki, who iscanonically genderfluidand can change his appearance from ‘male’ to ‘female’ at will. Upon finding out that Peter is trans, Thor would probably react like, “So, Man of Spiders, when will you perform the Trans Magic?”
Obviously, Tony “Daddy Warbucks” Stark would be supportive of Peter. I also headcanon Tony as trans so?? i might write about that in a separate post. Tony probably found out Peter was trans before he met the kid, while he was still researching ‘Spider-Man’. Tony knows, and he’s been on Peter’s side from day one. I’m a big fan of the theory that Tony designed a special binder in the Spider-Man suit, but also: Tony takes Peter shopping to buy him a ‘male’ wardrobe. As a philanthropist, he donates to charities that help trans kid, and as an adopt-a-dad, he does his best to finance Peter’s transition in any way he can.
Steve is also such a good ally about the whole deal. Sometimes, he’ll dress up in ‘civilian disguise’ and spend the day with Peter. Steve accompanies him into locker rooms, bathrooms, and all other “men only” spaces to make sure Peter feels safe (and honestly, who’s gonna fuck with you when there’s a 6′0″ beefcake at your side?). Steve also talks to Peter’s bullies like a total dad. When he found out Flash was calling Peter “Penis Parker” he showed up at the Thompson’s house and had a polite discussion with their son about the importance of respecting others.
Natasha has a different approach to bullies. She always tells Peter, “If you ever need a transphobe ‘taken care of’, just call me.” She says it with a smile, but Peter still can’t tell if she’s joking or not. She’s tried to teach him self-defense that doesn’t involve web shooters. They spar together after Peter finishes school on Tuesdays. Natasha taught him the ever-useful ‘leg scissor’ move, from one spider to another.
Bruce didn’t know much about the whole trans thing before Peter came along. Sure, he had heard stories on the news from time to time, but he had a very surface-level understanding of the matter. When Bruce found out Peter was trans, he took the opportunity to research as much about the subject as possible. He wants to respect Peter’s privacy, but he’s also very curious by nature. Tony eventually designates Bruce as Peter’s personal doctor (which excites the both of them). At some point, Bruce designs a form of testosterone that can keep up with Peter’s heightened immune system. Bruce also does most of Peter’s T injections, because Peter is squeamish about needles.
Clint is cool with it. He taught Peter how to skateboard.
the problem with MCU Tony Stark characterisation in fanfic
okay so I love smol, soft, vulnerable Tony Stark as much as the next person, but sometimes I think we forget some super important things when writing him:
literally within an hour of IM1 we see Tony hammering metal with basic tools in a cave which is very physically taxing for someone not used to it
we see Tony Stark miniaturise the arc reactor, something his own dad never figured out, in the space of three months whilst probably battling chest infections, the threat of death and low cognitive function (the fluctuating temperate, irregular meals, sleep cycle and high risk of infection from open heart surgery drastically affects your thought process, genius or not) - with fuck all available
there is the suggestion that Tony + Running isn’t so much of a novel idea in IM1′s ‘Dogfight’ as Rhodey doesn’t bite back and say ‘you don’t jog’ in response to Tony’s flighty responses - that would be the first thing a best friend would point out to their fellow bullshitter
he and Happy practise MMA against one another (IM2) and Happy isn’t someone to go gentle - Tony isn’t one to want Happy to pull his punches so Tony is proficient in some form of close combat when fully cognisant - we see Happy’s skills when he finally (!) punches one trained fighter as Tash knocks off everyone else. if Happy can do that, Tony certainly can - and even better now he’s a full Avenger (we ignore Civil War, okay)
he literally takes a sledgehammer to his own home and re-discovers and element once again previously hidden to his own dad - a man heralded and lauded as The Genius - so he’s very proactive and willing to move shit around to figure something out
we also see the strength needed in the synthesising of this element - his arms are literally b u l g i n g with muscle mass, so this gives us the nod that Tony does work out to keep himself fit
in IM3 he literally has nothing? he makes his OWN weapons again from store-avaliable items and takes down literally a whole compound under his own steam (reminiscent of IM1 building of the suit with a box of scraps) so he isn’t exactly ‘useless’ when given the correct tools
despite that bullshit scene where he suddenly ‘forgets’ that magazines aren’t universal for all, we know Tony handles guns - he does it when he’s escaped the bed in the basement, when facing the Mandarin etc and he’s confident enough to use them correctly (deliberately missing Trevor but close enough to make him shit himself) so this crap about him suddenly being unable to shoot a light from that distance is again, bullshit
he literally drags the iron man suit through the snow - whilst it’s (MK42) is about 240 pounds on, it’s gonna be a lot heavier with all the hydraulics and electrics powered down. it takes core strength to make it and drag it, guys, so he’s pretty well built for a civvie
in avengers he spends just as much time moving - you need insane core strength to maintain a flying position, metal suit or not, and you need to be physically fit to fly it too if you think of how often it would have glitched and malfunctioned with hits before it rebooted. just because he’s in a metal suit it doesn’t mean it’s effortless and JARVIS does it for him - it’s like riding a horse. the movements are subtle but you’re using so many fucking muscles and so much energy
in AOU he literally fucking JUMPS FROM THE BALCONY ONTO A BOT floating in mid air like, that’s super gutsy for a civvie who has no official ‘spy’/army training or no backup Green Machine but by this point nothing surprises us about this fuckwit tbh (it gets me every time when I see him do that)
he gets thrown into walls so often with enough force to knock out a normal person like, i’m surprised he, Rhodey and Bruce don’t have constant concussion tbh - in IM3 with a missile blast/ in AOU against the wall after Ultron and down to the floor from a great height
he’s super fucking gutsy and takes massive risks for someone with no healing factor or special skills - in IM3 when he faces off against the Mandarin with nothing/jumps off a balcony on the rig and slides down the bending metal before jumping into fucking mid-air relying only on his suits to save him/facing off against Loki and then being thrown out of a window despite not knowing what would happen at all and knowing that his suit wasn’t quite ready/relying only on his mobile gauntlet to save his whole fucking face when Bucky (poor soul) tries to shoot him (unintentionally it isn’t Bucky okay) in the middle of his freak-out (and these are all without the whole suit, only bits and pieces, so don't say he’s a little wallflower he has as many balls as the rest of them in combat)
have you seen him in a three piece suit??? his figure is fine af from all this shit
he literally survived a blast to the fucking chest with a bomb, survived palladium poisoning, thought his way out of countless shit, is a certified genius, a massive polyglot, has several doctorates and isn’t the soft, smol, vulnerable little chicken so much fanfiction makes him out to be
I love reading those smol, cutesy fics from time to time too - because lbr MCU!Tony IS small in stature because Robert is, bless his platform shoes - but please remember Tony is actually meant to be a badass physically fit (wiry or lithe, depending on comics or movieverse) superhero - he may not be great at hand-to-hand combat like Cap or twenty feet tall like Thor but he can certainly hold his own fgs.
... Somehow, Still Talking About This Captain America Shit (Now With Bonus Spider-Man and Agents of SHIELD)
So now Secret Empire has revealed its Shyamalan Twist and given the readers a Good Guy Steve Rogers as well as Hydra Cap, and the kinds of dickbags who, when this whole bullshit began were dismissing people’s complaints with “oh come on, don’t you know how comics works, it’s all going to be put back at the end, blah blah blah…” are crowing I-Told-You-So’s.
you look important… or at least your suit does.
statements like that can get you into a lot of trouble around here.
make yourself comfortable, why don’t you.
you’re wasting your time. i haven’t seen him for 18 years.
if i had 15 minutes, we’d drink tea, eat biscuits; i’d talk, you’d laugh, and we’d be on our way.
are they still following us?
when you hear something that sounds like a gunshot, drive.
you can’t be serious.
excuse me dear, i just need to use your back door.
what’s that? it smells like feet.
how long was your prison sentence?
don’t ever make the calamitous error of mistaking my deliberate short-sightedness for blindness.
look at ‘em. merrily oblivious as we labor tirelessly to save them from extinction and not even a ‘thank-you.’
don’t kill your partner on your first day.
i’m sure you understand humiliation better than most.
my woman would never wear anything like that.
you can’t put a paco rabanne belt on a patou.
and remember… take it like a pussy.
not very good at this whole ‘subtlety’ thing, are you?
either you start to look like you know what you’re doing, or i’m out of here.
would you like a bigger glass?
no fun dancing by yourself; i need a partner.
don’t you make me put you over my knee.
so you don’t want to dance… but you do want to wrestle.
i like my women strong.
now we are engaged. again.
i am neither a goat, nor your sister, so… get your hands off me.
i’m okay, i think.
i’ve been on a diet, my dear. just caviar and champagne for three weeks.
you see, each one of us has a destiny… and i believe i can help you with yours.
you can see the future?
i can see us having lunch tomorrow. alone.
darling, time to go.
they had it coming.
you need to control your temper.
i think he’s an athletic, good-looking gazillionaire, who’s offered me a job and made advances towards me.
i quite like him.
i don’t know what you’re upset about, you’re not even my fiance!
the thing is… i work better alone.
i’m not leaving.
and what, exactly, did you do to him?
just shut up and watch me work.
it’s going to be okay.
i’ll be close by.
help yourself to a drink.
so sorry to keep you waiting.
i thought i was doing so well.
the fault doesn’t lie in your performance.
she seemed so innocent.
i’m so sorry i can’t stay to finish you off myself.
man has only two masters in this world, and their names are pain and fear.
i never thought i’d say this, but i’m actually quite pleased to see you.
it’s okay. i would have done exactly the same thing in your position.
can you stop acting like it would be so bad to ship deadpool with a young spiderman, it may be creepy to you but deadpool is a bad guy so it isn’t exactly out of character lol
ugh oh my god i’m so sick of people thinking it’s okay to attach all these awful morals to deadpool’s character, claiming “he’s just a bad guy so he would probably do this lmao” when it’s obvious you know Nothing about wade wilson
yes, it is wrong to ship a teenage spider-man with deadpool. not just because it’s creepy, but because it explicitly goes against deadpool’s character. did you know that deadpool once fell in love with a teenage girl? he felt genuine love for her!! and when he realized that, he cut off all ties. why? because he knew that it was wrong and selfish to be with someone so young, even if his feelings were very real. so no, it isn’t something he would “probably do” it’s something he would definitely not do. let me put it like this: if deadpool fell in love with tom holland’s spidey (or even andrew’s spidey for that matter), once he found out spidey was a teenager he would turn in the other direction and never look back, no matter how real and deep his love for spidey was.
and i would also like to speak now to the people out there who actually do read the comics and still hate spideypool and claim “it’s abusive and pedophiliac” because shut the fuck up. if you don’t like spideypool then fine, okay. but comic spideypool is not abusive and it isn’t AT ALL pedophiliac. in their current comic incarnations, the age difference between peter and wade cannot be more than just a few years because peter parker is nearing 30. he is very much an adult, and it has been shown that wade isn’t much older than him now.
as for abuse, peter and wade’s relationship started out rocky. peter finds wade annoying and he hates that wade kills people for a living while peter Never wants to kill people: the ladder has always been their main issue. but wade would never knowingly hurt peter. yes he has been manipulated into hurting peter before – most notably when he was tricked into killing peter, but when wade realized that he was tricked he deadass traveled into the afterlife to save peter and bring him back. deadpool adores spider-man, and is always trying to do right by him and gain his trust and friendship. spidey is his hero and he wants to be like him, he wants to learn from him. he thinks spider-man is the most honorable hero out there, recently in a comic spidey said he was going to kill a villain and wade refused to let him so that peter wouldn’t betray his own morals. there has been another instance where deadpool dressed in peter’s spider-man outfit to finish a job for peter, and he Refused to kill anybody while in the suit so that murder would never be tied to the mantle of spider-man. so no wade isn’t abusive to spidey. is he annoying? hell yeah. does he make mistakes sometimes? fuck to the ya. but is he abusive?? no!! so stop trying to put these awful labels on deadpool just because you don’t necessarily ship spideypool, or because you wanna prop up your own ship by trying to defame another (i’m looking at some of the petermj shippers out there)
i’m NOT saying that deadpool doesn’t have flaws – he’s a fucking mercenary, of course he has flaws. but he is Not a monster, and he isn’t even truly a bad person. he HATES pedophiles, he HATES abusers, he LOVES killing these people – like seriously he’s been known to take mercenary jobs for free to kill these kinds of people, because he just wants them off the street. not the most conventional way of dealing with it, but like i said deadpool is still a merc. honestly it is so gross that so many of you guys just casually label any disgusting characteristic on him just because you think that he’s “just a bad guy” when he is one of the most fleshed out and surprisingly good characters in the marvel universe, so maybe actually learn who wade wilson is before you act like you know anything about him.
One of the establishing films of the Marvel Cinematic Universe,
Iron Man is now older than I would like to think about and has helped establish
the character as a fan favourite and a house hold name.
And like most of
the Marvel superhero films it uses torture. Today I’m going to have a look at
how the story uses torture and how well it does so.
In case anyone hasn’t seen the movie here’s a little
synopsis of the relevant plot details.
The story follows Tony Stark, a wealthy white American
genius who makes his living designing and selling weapons. While demonstrating
a new type of missile to troops in Afghanistan Stark’s convoy is attacked and
Held to ransom by a pan-Asian terrorist group Stark is
ordered to build them weapons. When he refuses he is tortured and when his
captors are unsatisfied with his progress they threaten another hostage (a man
called Yinsen) with torture as well.
Then (because it’s a superhero story) Stark builds a
super-suit, escapes and goes on to become Iron Man.
Once again I’m rating the depiction and use of torture, not the movie itself. I’m trying to
take into account realism (regardless of fantasy or sci fi elements), presence
of any apologist arguments, stereotypes and the narrative treatment of victims
I’m giving it an 8/10
While it’s certainly not the most harrowing or horrific the
torture scenes in Iron Man are among the best I’ve ever seen. The high points
Stark is near-drowned and Yinsen is told he’ll have hot
coals put in his mouth. Both tortures are portrayed accurately.
Torture doesn’t change the opinions or ideals of either
Stark or Yinsen. Despite threats of (and actual) violence they both remain
resolutely opposed to their captors.
When under torture and ‘forced’ to agree to manufacture
weapons Stark responds very realistically: he lies. He says exactly what he thinks his torturers want to hear as
part of a calculated ploy. It buys him a reprieve from torture and time, which
he uses to escape.
This is echoed with Yinsen. When the terrorists start
to suspect that Stark isn’t building
their missiles Yinsen is threatened with torture, accompanied by the demand
that he tell them all what Stark is doing. Helpless and restrained, the glowing
coal inches from his face Yinsen lies repeatedly and convincingly.
Neither character is portrayed as particularly macho or
somehow superhumanly resistant to trauma. While they’re both ‘good guys’ their
resistance to torture isn’t connected
to their morals. The scenes leave the impression that these two men are just
trying to survive.
Torture is shown to have a lasting psychological effect
on Stark. He is not portrayed as ‘broken’ but torture changes him. He’s shown
being distant from the people he cares about, he’s often angry and occasionally
obsessive. In later movies he seems to struggle with addiction.
Torture also has a significant effect on Stark’s
outlook on life and it’s very much not
in the way his torturers intended. Stark stops making weapons and starts to
disrupt terrorist cells and destroy illegal stockpiled weapons. His opposition
to the group that held him is entrenched and that’s shown to be partly due to
The scenes are emotive and shocking and there is never
the remotest suggestion that any of this is ‘ok’. Torture in this movie is
always and completely wrong. That
shouldn’t be rare.
It’s interesting watching this and thinking about the
politics of the time. Stark isn’t
waterboarded: in waterboarding the victim is strapped down on their back and a
wet cloth is placed over their face, their feet are raised, more water is
poured over the cloth and it prevents them from breathing. Stark has his head
held in a bucket of water. And yet I can’t help feeling that waterboarding is
what the film makers are invoking here. Which means that at a time when the USA
was getting bad publicity for waterboarding illegally detained brown men, these
film makers chose to show a white American being tortured in a similar way by a
group of ambiguously brown Arab-coded men. That does not sit particularly
comfortably with me.
The tortures shown are not normal for the region of the
world and the people shown. Neither character is subjected to falaka, a staple
torture across the Middle East and this region of Asia. Stress positions
characteristic of the region are also not used. Instead a very ‘American’
torture is used against Stark and Yinsen is threatened with a scarring torture
which is now vanishingly rare.
It’s worth noting that the only people tortured or
threatened with torture in this movie are the heroes.
And there is a
strong tendency in fiction to show torture as more effective and more justifiable
when the victims are ‘bad people’.
Iron Man does a
bloody good job handling torture.
The bad points I’ve highlighted indicate a lack of
understanding for the region but I think that’s offset by the weight of what’s
done well. From the scenes themselves to the effects on the characters.
Too many action heroes seem to shrug off torture as though
mental health issues make them lesser. Stark genuinely seems to struggle after
his escape and that struggle does not destroy him.
And I love that he not only lies but lies repeatedly and
successfully. This is tied to his
intelligence but I think it’s played more as a factor of his personality then
of intelligence per say. Stark resists by lying because it’s how he personally can best resist.
Whatever the flaws in the rest of the movie, the way Iron Man handles torture is very good
Since I see a lot of posts and people talk about the mature, dignified and serious things Rhodey does, I’m here to list the dorky things he does. To tell you how much of a big dork my man James is.
1. He sees his friend blow up an F22 and becomes excited, of course asking for new jets but also frickin EXCITED because the suit looked so cool.
2. He swallows a swear when kids are around and makes it into the weirdest word possible.
3. He talks to his suit. He talks to armoured suits.
4. He loves saying Boom! and also making things go boom.
5. He has weekend brunch with his best friend and says he misses him too.
6. He loves being the big gun and having the big gun, bivkering about it with his favourite dork in a frickin garden.
7. He loves his own jokes and stories.
8. When he gets drunk, he gets extra affectionate about his best friend and demands attention only for himself.
9. He talks to his targets , even if they cannot hear him, before he hits them.
10. He talks to his AI.
11. He holds entire conversations with his favourite dork during a congressional meeting just through eyes.
12. He hides his grin when his favourite dork gets sassy.
13. He takes the name that test groups approved but when he gets the name he had found cooler before, he makes it his frickin password. In all caps. And asserts that it rox.
14. He is an absolute dork when he saves someone and tries to tell them that they’re saved.
15. He cockblocks his favourite dork and compares his long time awaited kiss to a gorilla’s.
16. Did I mention LOVES making things go boom.
17. He has one liners for every situation.
18. He absolutely does not cringe to the worst nicknames possible and almost pouts when he’s mad at his favourite dork.
19. He grins at the worst jokes if his favourite people make it.
20. He has absolutely no shame or hesitation to be himself and live with his favourite dork, bickering and teasing like an old married couple.
Summary: He works with color all day, but you just might be the brightest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on. Pairing: Taehyung | Reader Genre: Fluff; Florist AU Word Count: 9,542 Author’s Note: I feel like it’s been so long so I’ve written something soft and breezy and cheesy and I missed it.
The regular nine a.m. call time finds Kim Taehyung at the forefront of the shop, gritting teeth together as he tries to balance the morning coffee along with his keys while trying to make sure his backpack won’t fall down his arm to disrupt his attempt. He barely manages the feat, somehow able to unlock and push open the front door before the coffee spills over. Both hands find their place again underneath the tray as he uses his hips to propel the door closed behind him.
Much like usual morning greetings, he doesn’t get one except for the sweet, floral fragranced scent that is as sharp and prominent as it is comforting and sweet. He’s been working here for a little more than three years, yet the sight and smell of flowers never fail to bring a smile to his face, never fails to help bring forth some good cheer to his day as he roams towards the back of the shop. He rests the coffee on the counter, slipping off his backpack to situate it in the back room, returning back to the floor to get things started before Kim Namjoon arrives. There isn’t much, just setting up the cashier and watering the plants and rearranging some bouquets that are due to be picked up first thing in the morning. Some adjustments here and there, giving the flowers a last minute spray to give it a fresh, dewy, appearance. He’s just setting down the second of five bouquets when the bell overhead jingles in correspondence to the arrival of someone new.
Taehyung looks up from his spraying, eyes lighting up as he takes in the newest addition to the shop. “Good morning!” He greets brightly to the customer, a man with a hesitance in his step, looking lost yet like he’s supposed to be here and Taehyung is well-tuned to his attitude at once. “Can I help you with something?”
Summary: Y/N is heavily mistreated in her household. Prince Peter has to find a bride to become the queen of the kingdom.
AN: So this came to me while I was watching the cinematic masterpiece that is Cinderella (2015) and i literally love it so much so I got inspired to write this and yes this will be a series!!!!! Yay!!!!!!
“May I have this dance?” His silky sweet voice rung in my ears. He offered his hand to me.
“You may.” I smiled at him. I gently took his larger hand and he immediately gripped it tight. He brought my hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. I blushed. He pulled me closer to him and held my waist. We danced to the sweet music around us. He guided me across the dancefloor while my gown swished around me.
The whole time we stared at each other, a certain glint in his eye. I rested my cheek against his shoulder, sighing in content. He placed a kiss to my temple and smiled widely. I could stay in this moment forever.
I had two weird dreams last night, which I suppose were technically all part of the same dream, wherein I was visited by dead people. I mean they weren’t dead Dead in the dream, but my brain was self aware enough to be like, “you know these people don’t belong here in your house…they’re dead…also they’re Terry Pratchett and Robin Williams, this is a dream”.
I first knew something was off kilter because when I walked into my kitchen, Terry Pratchett was sitting there drinking a mug of tea. The dragon under the stove was also a give away, but famous authors, even dead ones, are not often found in my kitchen (contrary to what you’ve heard about my baking). He was reading something, and to my absolute horror I realized it was one of my manuscripts. I started to stutter and sat down in front of him, and because I am British offered him a slice of cake to go with his tea, so I might slide my work out from under his fingers. Not to be distracted by the prospect of a Victoria Sponge however, Terry looked up at me and said
“It’s a shame really, I was rather enjoying it until the words just stopped…why did you stop? Did you lose your words too?”
At which point I rocketed upright in bed and tried to rationalize why Terry Pratchett would be in my dream and giving me a mild telling off for not writing anything…and then because it was Terry and I miss him, had a bit of a cry and went back to sleep.
Which was when I “woke up” in my bed because I was being prodded in the side. Assuming it was my husband trying to wake me I rolled over and told him to go away, at which point the voice of Robin Williams bounced around the room at full volume as he yelled, “Rise and shine funny-girl, it’s time to climb the walls!”
Ah yes, thought I, I am still asleep and dreaming…or I am in a coma and someone is playing Robin Williams to try and wake me up…which was the point when I heard Terry Pratchett ask, “Is she up yet?”
“Tip her out the bed.”
So because Terry Pratchett told him to, Robin Williams tipped me out of my dream bed, and laughed at me when I swore.
“Ach aye, there’s your accent lassie, none of that Amerrrrrican inflection, eh? Just had to get you good and mad.” said Mr Williams, in his own Scottish imitation, hauling me upright and carrying me over his shoulder out the door while I squawked and flailed at the indignity of it all.
The next few images where a blur of motion and sound, but after that we were in a castle which I recognized to be one of my own ideas. My own characters stood stock still like cutout cardboard mannequins, frozen in time, the last action I had written them into.
Terry was walking between them, pausing every now and then to peer at them through his spectacles like they were an exhibit in a wax museum and giving a little nod every so often, like he had just seen the eyelashes in the wax and was mildly impressed.
Robin at this point, had his arm around my shoulders and was giving me the grand tour of my own work, yelling out jokes about my characters and making me laugh at them.
“And here we have underdeveloped character number three! Half baked and still gooey at the center, it’s salmonella for everybody but at least it tastes good!”
When I looked round again, Terry was sitting at the foot of the dais to the empty throne, sheets of paper between his hands again as he read from the script.
“It says here “exeunt pursued by man in bear suit”…” he said.
“I thought it was funny…” I replied sheepishly…looking at the world which had sparkled mere moments before and watching the color seep away until it was turning grey and cold at the edges… “I thought…well it doesn’t matter. I scrapped it.”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you lose your words?”
“Then why aren’t you writing?”
“I don’t…”—by now the world was starting to fall apart and crumble to dust, falling upwards into the pitch black sky as though it was being pulled away by a black hole.
Robin came in front of me then, placing both giant hands on my shoulders and leaning in until we were butting heads.
“I know it’s hard,” he said, smiling right into my soul, “I know it’s hard when all you want to do it stop. And sometimes you have to, sometimes you can’t chase the demons out. But what you can do, and no one ever tells you this, funny-girl, what you can do…is make ‘em laugh. You can’t burn ‘em out, you can’t chase ‘em out, and you can’t leave without them because it’s your head, but you can make ‘em laugh. You can shake hands with the devil and make him laugh. The world is your clam chowder, and if you’re really lucky, you’ll still find the pearl. Does that make sense? No? Good, nothing makes sense, nothing in this whole existence we like to pretend is reality makes sense, nothing but doing your best and trying to make yourself happy, and if you can’t do that do it for others. You can, you know you can…otherwise your mother wouldn’t be so angry when you tell jokes and there wouldn’t be a man over there dressed in a bear suit waiting to follow us out.”
Laughing and crying, I looked over to where he had pointed, and there was indeed a man in a bear suit. He waved, and I waved back.
By now the world had dissolved, the walls melting away until only the cut out people remained, illuminated by starlight where previously there had only been black. I turned round when I felt a hand on my shoulder and found Terry standing behind me, his eyes crinkling up under bushy eyebrows as he smiled, handing me back my manuscript.
“I have to go now,” he said, “we both do, because this isn’t real and you’re dreaming. But I’ll have that cake before I go.”
So the three of us turned together to walk out over the stars, pursued by a man in a bear suit.
I woke up sometime before four am, with a heavy ache in my throat, feeling rung out and completely exhausted, but ultimately feeling as though somehow everything is going to be okay. I’ve got walls to paint and chores to do, but later on I’m going to bake a cake and then I’m going to write. And I’m keeping the bear suit joke.
I really love your writing and now I'm pan for vanderwood i hope you're happy >:3 If it's no trouble, could you please write rfa + minor trio reacting to a usually hyper and happy mc feeling really down (because they feel misunderstood or got triggered)? I hope I don't bother you with that request, I could just really use some love and care from the baes ^^;; Love and hugs, have a wonderful day!
✿ *cracks knuckles* Boy, it’s been awhile, huh? I polished off my finals a few days ago, and while I won’t be churning headcanons out at a super fast rate, I thought it was time I give this blog some TLC!
His brain goes into terror-alert mode when you don’t tackle-hug him the minute he gets home from work. Living with you is sort of like living with a hyperactive puppy, and his first thought is, oh god, are you dead? Did you slip and fall in the shower? Did aliens kidnap you and are now experimenting on your lifeless body? W h e r e a r e y o u.
The answer to “where are you” is “in the bedroom, having a lie-down”. He breathes a sigh of relief when you turn over and look at him, but still, that weak way you smile as you say hey leaves him concerned.
He immediately asks you what’s wrong. Are you feeling sick? Should he get you anything? Do you have a cold? Have you been eating enough fruit? Have you…–??
This manages to make you laugh a bit, and you sit up enough so you can pull him back down to the bed. You just want a hug, you say. And some comfort.
Yoosung is happy to oblige. After all, he’s a vet, isn’t he? He’ll always take care of you, his adorable little angel.
When Zen finds you staring absently out the window, his first cheer-up attempt is to call you by every pet name he knows. Starshine! Sugardrop! Love! Darling! Gooey-sweetie-snuggle-bottom hunie bear!
(you smack him lightly for that last one.)
Next, he tries every pick up line he knows. He compares your beauty to the moon shining on the lake, he recites poetry, he even sings you a little sonnet, and when he finally gets you to smile a little, he asks you what’s wrong.
(he wanted to make whatever it was feel a little less fresh before you talked about it, after all.)
He takes you on a motorcycle ride after, since that always helped distract him - though he obeys all the road laws on this one, because his precious, precious blossom is with him right now. He takes you out to one of his special places, and he helps you forget whatever it was that upset you.
It’s hard to be unhappy when the warm wind is on your face and a handsome man is at your side.
She finds you in the closet of the bakery, and you apologize, because you wanted to be better before she found you. You didn’t want to bother her. You know that you’re supposed to be the happy one, the cheerful one, the person rooting her on and keeping her sane when the world is building up around her.
She tells you that’s nonsense, brings you a cup of tea and a new cake she’s working on, and asks you to tell her what’s wrong.
Jaehee is so good at listening. She’s careful, attentive, and treats everything you say seriously. She never makes fun of you, or tells you that you’re overreacting or silly.
Jaehee would probably dropkick your problems if she could, but she can’t, so she settles for hugging you, petting your hair gently, before bringing you another drink and some of the flowers from the rosebushes outside.
You try to smile at Jumin when he comes home, and you’re doing so well, but then everything cracks apart, your smile falters, and you find you’re sobbing on the couch with a baffled Jumin in the doorway.
He only stands still for a moment. He literally VAULTS OVER THE CHAIR because it is the FASTEST PATH TOO YOU, and if you weren’t emotionally compromised, it would have been hilarious to see this man in a ten-thousand dollar suit act like a college track star.
He basically scoops you up, much like you’re a cat, and he tells you to tell him e v e r y t h i n g. When you say you don’t want to trouble him, you know how much it means to him to have you waiting at home for him, all cheerful and happy, he says that is NONSENSE. It isn’t you being cheerful that makes him happy, it’s you being you that does. And sometimes you’re going to be sad.
And he’s going to make you feel better when you are.
Seven knows immediately that your smile is forced. How could he not? He’s faked so many smiles over his years of being alive that he’s become all-too able to recognize the same expression on someone else’s face.
He doesn’t want to force it out of you, so he turns off the lights suddenly, leaving the star-shaped lights you have suspended from the ceiling as the only thing illuminating the room, and then pulls you up to dance.
He twirls you, spins you, is surprisingly graceful with you, despite being a total and complete nerd - though, he was a former secret agent, perhaps dancing came with the job. And you don’t have to pretend, you don’t have to say anything, you just have to… dance.
It helps. And when he holds you, during the ‘slow dance’ portion, you tell him what’s wrong as he rubs your back gently. And then you dance some more, because the world keeps spinning, despite the trials and tribulations you have to undergo.
You reminded Seven that he had a future, and now it’s his turn to remind you that you have one too.
V sits with you quietly and never blames you, even though you know he’s been through so much already and shouldn’t have to deal with your shit. You should be happy! You should be cheerful! You ARE genuinely happy and cheerful most of the time, taking him on dates and bringing the world to him, but today you just… can’t.
You can’t. You feel guilty, but you can’t.
He tells you that it is not your fault. You are human. You are allowed to be sad. You tell him all these things, and the same applies to you, too. He bops your nose with his finger when you try to protest, and you lean against him, letting him hold you and gently rub your shoulder.
After awhile, he brings out his phone, and he shows you all of the cute animal photos he’s taken over the years. It’s hard for him now, but he has so many memories captured on his various memory cards, and he shares them with you in a quiet room and a fond voice.
Saeran doesn’t know how to comfort you, so he makes a dozen pancakes using the container of Bisquick you have into the cabinet and then shoves one into your face like a burrito.
“What was that for,” you ask, after you’ve managed to chew and swallow, and he just puts another directly into your mouth, effectively using it as a fluffy batter gag.
You eat that one too, staring directly at him the entire time.
“Are you feeling better,” he asks once you’re finished, and you reply that you’re mostly just really confused.
One of the websites he’d read said that making pancakes for people was an expression of love, so he figured that would be enough to make you feel better, right?
You eat fruit to get better from a cold, so love should help you get better when you’re sad… right?
Right, you say, because Saeran is a prickly moron, but somehow his deranged antics make it hard to stay depressed.
Vanderwood is really bad at this gooey, lovey-dovey shit, so when they notice you don’t have quite as much pep in your step as usual, they aren’t really sure what to do. They do know, however, that they should do something, so they decide to tell you a joke.
“Knock knock,” they say, and you do a bit of a double-take, because Vanderwood isn’t really the type. But you’re intrigued enough that it momentarily distracts you from what’s making you gloomy, so you ask, “Who’s there?”
“Bless you,” they say, in a perfectly flat voice, and you laugh at how stupid it is.
“Knock knock,” they say again, hands in their pockets, and you’re delighted at this point.
They clear your throat. “Seven, you motherfucker, you know I don’t speak Arabic, so open your goddamn door.”
(You cover your face and snort.)
“Knock knock,” they say a third time, and you notice they look a bit shyer now.
“Al…” They rub their mouth, averting their eyes. “….Al give you a kiss if you open the door.”
You, sufficiently cheered up by this ridiculous display, peck them on the lips and thank them for being wonderfully embarrassing.
When I was ten years old, I was with my mother at a department store
shopping for bathing suits. We were in the fitting room and I was trying
on something that I guess was a little more revealing–maybe a bikini,
make backless, I don’t remember exactly. I liked the way it looked and I
was leaning towards getting it, and then my mother said that I should
know that if I wore something like that on the beach, some men might
make inappropriate comments. She said it was alright if I still wanted
to wear it but she thought I should know before I decided that if I wore
this bathing suit men might decide it was okay to make loud sexual
comments to a ten-year-old girl. My mom was not trying to make me feel
bad or pressure me one way or another but she knew I was sensitive, she
knew I absolutely hated anyone making any comments on my body, she knew I
would feel very violated if this were to happen, and she felt as a
mother that if I were to run this risk, I should do so knowingly. That,
now that I was old enough to have men possibly sexually harrass me on a
beach, I was old enough to weigh the pros and cons of wearing what I
liked vs. the possible chance of my bathing suit attracting the sort of
men who yelled sexual comments at ten-year-old girls.
I decided not to get the bathing suit.
thing I want men to understand about girlhood and womanhood is that our
lives, our female lives, are like a map surrounded by borders which
aren’t immediately visible to girls when they are children. But as you
grow up, you experience these universal moments in girlhood at which you
catch a sudden glimpse of these borders. Beyond them is terra
incognita, no-woman’s land. Here be dragons. You are technically free
to cross these borders but adults, both male and female, make damn
certain you see all the signs warning you that to cross is to accept
that you very well might meet a dragon and whatever it does to you is
your own liability because you saw the signs. And, paradoxically, these borders are invisible to exactly the same men who create them. And
these men–they aren’t just the ones who sexually harrass children on
beaches for the bathing suits they wear. They are every man who says,
“Well, you knew that was a bad neighbourhood,” or “What were you
wearing?” or “I know sexism is shitty, but some man catcalled me today
and I felt so validated in my gender!”
As girls, in our
childhoods, we learn that the sidewalk ends right where you fail to
remove all body hair or when you walk alone at night or when you post a
photo—any photo—of yourself online, no matter what you’re wearing. This
is what we learn as children.
I am interested to
hear some of your stories about moments in your childhood/teen years
when you discovered the “edges” of girlhood and the borders around it.
Description: Maybe going out with Tony Stark is a little intimidating, but he is way sweeter than he would like everyone to believe.
Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader
Warnings: fluffff, smutty smut good stuff mixed in with all of the actual substance writing (for once), Tony being a flirty little shit as per usual
A/n: I just had to write another Tony fic. Idk. Every single Tony/RDJ fic I read I love because he’s so sassy
Working at a coffee shop inside Stark Tower might not have been the most conventional job to take up, but it sure was an interesting one (not to mention, a very well-paying one). Geniuses were constantly wandering through, sometimes doing work at the tables. There was also the occasional avenger coming through, and you still weren’t quite sure how to process it. These people were out saving the world, punching aliens, doing whatever; and now you were making their coffee. Your life seemed to be like a bad sitcom. You could still remember the first time you ever saw one of them.
“Hi.” Sam Wilson said, walking up to the counter.
“Good afternoon, what can I get for you?”
He looked over the menu before deciding on plain black coffee. You quickly prepared it, handing it to him as soon as you could. He gave a quick ‘thank you’, and headed to the elevator.
If it wasn’t completely unprofessional, you might have screamed. But things were different now. It wasn’t uncommon to see Steve and Sam walk in and order. An occasional visit from most of the others, too. It seemed strange and surreal, but that was your life, and you figured you got pretty lucky to be in a place like it. However, there was one man you never saw, since he always had an assistant bringing everything up to him.