whats the story behind burn
Oh shit. (I have to remember I signed up for this).
Burn was supposed to be a lot shorter. Your typical, run of the mill scars-on-the-outside-and-inside fanfic trope. They have a misunderstanding, they apologize, they bang. I could write that in my sleep.
The more I wrote though, I knew there were implications I could not wrap up in the time I had allotted. There is a five-line scene that I started writing, super early on, where they have sex somewhere later in the story, Cassian freaking out because of his leg and Jyn already knowing about it, even though he was avidly trying to hide it. The initial tone was romantic and hopeful but… Jyn had her own trauma. Cassian’s trauma was not something she could bang out of him. That was too much of a sloppy fix-it. So I kept… wedging material before it. And the more I added, the less it suited the story I was telling. And I decided to roll with the change in material, just because a topic is hard doesn’t mean it’s off limits, and it was cathartic to write. Did I know what happened in chapter 5 was going to happen since the beginning? No, but it all fell into place pretty readily. So I know the game plan now, and I’m much prouder of it. During this change in story I had a point where I genuinely feared the entire direction I had taken, so that led to reaching out to several loyal readers and people in the fandom, and that helped me slow down, focus, and tackle only what I thought I could handle.
In a large way, this is penance for a similarly toned (but much more poorly handled) ptsd fic I did my senior year of high school which was a disaster to re-read. I did not know what I was talking about. These are topics that are important to me, and very close to my own life experience since then, and I wanted to do this discussion justice.
And honestly, I write this because I feel sad a lot. And I wanted a sad story with emotional resonance. But also hope, and a solid relationship built on respect; not co-dependence and sex.
Also, speaking of sad, (cutoff for spoilers for the ending I haven’t written yet, if you want fresh eyes for the final chapter I’d ignore this):