Last winter I spent it getting high. Those feelings don’t last for very long, I guess you don’t just don’t want to feel as much, you’re hiding from your true feelings again. A small pill with catastrophic effects, you’re left wanting more, but ultimately, you’re almost always less of the solution and way closer to the beginning– to those feelings you’ve tried to hide behind, that crooked smile, those passing faces that start to look the same, the cigarette smoke caught in your eyes, you’ve been blinding yourself from the truth. When you’re sober and nothing attempts to numb you, the drugs no longer does a thing for you– nothing is strong enough, you’re just left right there, right at the beginning, that same question you’ve been trying to answer, but this time– you must face it, with nothing but an open heart, with nothing but the time you should’ve spent, and with the person you’re supposed to be to analyze through this shit.
This winter, I plan to handle it differently. I need to be a better version of myself. I guess love is still the hardest thing to get over, right?
Request- Hi could you do a oneshot based on the song “what I did for love” by
David Guetta? Where the reader finds Dean cheating on her and they fight
and she starts yelling at him all the things she gave up for him and he
said something about her family that were killed by demons so she
leaves! And he attempts to follow and apologize but she just punches him
or something! 🙏🙏 I’m the same anon who requested the toddler curse
so I really like you work😂😂
A/N- I’m not sure what to say about this. I’ve done only one song fic before and I still don’t know if I did it right. If it didn’t come out right let me know and I’ll try fixing it. Tell me what you think! x) Any who anon thank you for reading I’m glad you liked them x)
Warnings- being cheated on?, mention of torture, dean being an ass
Talking loud, talking crazy Locked me outside Prayin’ for the rain to come Bone dry again Guess it’s true what they say I’m always late Say you need a little space That I’m in your way
You felt like you should have seen this coming. The signs were there. Looking back now, they were so obvious. You probably just didn’t want to see them. Which makes everything all the more worse. Made you feel, all the more worse. After all, Dean, your boyfriend of well over a year, asked for two motel rooms. Two! Sam wasn’t even with you. Dean said not to take it personally. That he was “just too tired.” You should have known better.
Sam stayed at the bunker, knowing fully well that the two of you were more than capable enough to take care of this case on your own. He was right though. The case was over fast, but that didn’t help now.
Dean had disappeared and you knowing him as much as you did, went to the local bar. The bartender told you that you had just missed him. That he left with “some chick.” You didn’t want to believe it.
It wasn’t even night time yet. The sun was still up in the sky. If you were paying attention you could hear the birds chirping. The day seemed too perfect. Contrary to the dread and pain you felt in your heart. Right now, through your eyes, all colors seemed to disappear. Everything was reflecting how you felt.
“No no no” you whispered to yourself as you returned to the motel. You opened his motel room, and quickly wished you hadn’t. You felt as if someone stuck their hand into your chest, taking a hold of your heart, squeezing it as much as they could. You had no words. You weren’t even sure if you were breathing. Time seemed to move slowly. What broke you out of your trance was Dean. He turned to look at you. You couldn’t exactly register his expression, but he was shocked to see you. You had cracked inside. No you were already cracked, broken even. You pushed back tears that threatened to fall. ‘No tears, not for this.’ you thought.
“Dean!” you yell “What the hell?” you paused not knowing what to say, “If you didn’t want to be with me anymore… Just… You could just said something… Just not this… Not after everything” your words started off angry but that too broke and faded. Everything seemed to be shattering around you.
“Y/N” he whispered softly, the girl who was with him seemed to understand what was happening and slipped past you.
“No!” you yelled, “Don’t you fuckin dare try to explain yourself. Do you even remember why I’m here? I was living my life. Away from the monster and demons. Away from the hunting. Away… Away from you. My apple pie life. Then you came back. Asked for my help on a hunt. That hunt turned to more and here we are.”
It hurts, but I remember every scar And I’ve learned But living is the hardest part
It was then that you felt it, the burning sensation that came from your stomach. It was a scar , a scar that ached ever time you fought with Dean. A remnant of your torture session with some demons that were after you to get to Dean.
Dean saw you reach for the scar and was furious “Y/N! Don’t start! Demons killed you damn parents! So what! Don’t think you’re so special. You weren’t the only person demons have screwed over.” he yelled.
Your eyes widened in horror, unable to contain them any longer your tears streamed down your face. It hadn’t been that long ago that demons took your parents. Dean knew and it made you feel more hurt… more broken.
“You know what!” you shouted, “I never told you what happened that day” He was angry but you could see his confusion. “I went to visit my parents. They were finally going to retire from hunting.” You paused, the events of that day flashing in your mind. Your parents tied in front of you. Telling you not to worry. That everything would be okay. ‘Nothing was okay. Not that day. Not this.’ You thought as new tears stung your eyes before falling.
He rolled his eyes “Here we fucken go! Same ol’ demon story. You tell us every time! It gets old when you say it over and over.” he told you.
I can’t believe what I did for love I can’t believe what I did for us Crash and we burn into flames Stitch myself up and I’d do it again I can’t believe what I did for love
“No” you say “Demons they came… they came for me. They were after me because I was ‘Dean Winchester’s girl’. They… they took us. They… tortured us.” You pause, wiping your eyes with your sleeve only to have more tears spill, you tried hard not to break then and there. “I still remember… my parents telling me not to worry. That we’d get out of this and the demon laughing… his horrible laugh, I can still hear it sometimes. Telling me that he’d let only me. Only so I could tell you all about it. So the guilt could consume you.”
You looked at him, he looked crushed, guilty. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me! Why didn’t you fucken tell me!” he yelled.
I’m a fool for your games But I always play Can’t admit it was a waste There’s too much at stake
“Tell you? For what? So the demon could succeed! So you could feel guilty! So you could either stay with me out of pity or leave me out of guilt! If that happened then my parents would have died for nothing! I would have watched them get tortured and die for nothing. I had to stay strong not only for them but because I really do love you.”
Then he realized, all those fights the both of you had, all the times he tried pushing you away, you had always reached for that scar. Now he knew what that meant. It was a reminder. Why had he been so stupid? How could he not see how hurt you were? “Why?” he whispered. Why would she put up with me? I’ve been an asshole to her! Dean was angry. Not at you, but at himself.
It hurts, But I remember every scar And I’ve learned But living is the hardest part
You couldn’t take it anymore. The look he was giving you. The guilt in his eyes. It was the reason you never told him. You clutched at your scar. It was a reminder of why you should stay. But now you’re starting to think that it wasn’t for you to stay. You take one more look at Dean. Remembering all the great times you had. You smile. Then came all the fights, all the accusations, and all the shutting you out. How was any of this fair?
You walked out of that room. Unable to look at Dean any longer. Unable to just see him, and not the girl he was with. Those words he said, ‘You’re not so special’ replayed in your head. You began running. You needed to feel something other than the pain of your heart. You needed something to numb it all out.
Crash and we burn into flames Stitch myself up and I do it again I can’t believe what I did for love
You never noticed Dean following you. Chasing you. Wanting to apologize. You wouldn’t want to hear it anyways. He caught up to you, pulling your arm so you could face him. You didn’t want to talk. Not with him. Ever. He could only hurt you so many times.
As you turn you swung your arm full force, punching his cheek. He stopped and brought his hand to his face. You took that chance to continue on your way, without a destination. ‘Anywhere but here’ You might have felt broken now, but you could always piece yourself together. Continue on with your life, without Dean.
The things happening in the lgbt+/queer community on tumblr right now are part of a reoccurring pattern, they are cyclical. This same thing that people are trying to do to a spec people right now, has already been attempted towards non binary people, bi people, trans people, and even lesbians.
I know the existence of this repetitious pattern can seem discouraging, I am often discouraged by it myself, but I want to encourage people to look at the positive aspect of the fact that this has happened before.
All those other subsets of the community that have faced this same hate and gatekeeping, these same arguments and abuse? They survived. The cycle moved on. Damage was done, some that can not be undone. But we are still here.
The presence of bi & non binary & trans & lesbian people still in this community is proof that no matter how much the hateful people yell, no matter what nonsense they make up, we will get through this. We will survive this. They can’t make us be something we are not, they can not take something from us which is ours.
Bullet points are encapsulated scene analysis from the top of each act to the bottom. (each act is bookended by a commercial break)
1. When the establishing shot of a scene is a tow truck/wrecker you know you’re in for a bit of a bumpy ride. Heh.
2. The way I see it Rumple pointed out Emma’s history with both Hook and Neal for one reason. He saw it as a way to create an adversarial situation between Milah and Emma right from the start.
These are two women who have both stood up to, and in fact bested, him in the past. He’s determined they not forge any kind of friendship so he goes right for the thing that in his mind would most obviously be an issue between them.
3. Rumple first separated Emma from the rest of the Nevengers and now wants to make sure she doesn’t bond in any way with Milah. He’s attempting to isolate her in the same way Hades is attempting to isolate Hook.
Both Hades and Rumple understand that the best way to maintain dominance and control is through separation because … say it with me … working as a group = good; lone wolf = bad.
The irony of the situation is that by not wanting to share any of their power or control Rumple and Hades position themselves as the ultimate lone wolves.
4. When Rumple recounts Emma’s history with Neal he is doing it to get under Milah’s skin. “Torrid affair” “scandalous teenage pregnancy”. His words are aimed directly as his ex-wife and at least her initial reaction seems to give him exactly what he’s looking for.
5. As soon as Rumple is confident he’s sowed the seeds of discord between Emma and Milah he wants to immediately get on with their task. Not give them any chance to talk things out.
His choice of words is VERY interesting as well. “I suggest you follow me … “
Oh Rumple, you’re a little cocky for a man who has been on the losing end rather spectacularly with both of these women in the past.