or am i just really drunk

Feisty Little Drunk

Originally posted by nestorquik

Request: Can I request something where readers known for being a sweetheart but she is feisty and she gets a lil drunk while she’s out with Ethan and she almost gets into a fight and like ethans reaction and stuff please and thank you!!!

Summary: Fem!Reader goes out with Ethan and gets just a little drunk.

A/N: Hey all! Sorry uploads have been a bit sporadic this week :/ I really planned on getting more written/posted this past week, but I’ve just been trying to get used to juggling school and the blog. I promise that things will start evening out soon though! Anyway, hope you guys like this one! It’s unedited so don’t judge me oops. Enjoy!

Wordcount: 642, I tried making this longer guys I really did lol

Request some more friends!

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SHORT STORIES, my favorite kind of poetry ( meme ).

SIX WORDS .

❝ i heard you were doing good. ❞
❝ you don’t grow your horns overnight. ❞
❝ i promise, it gets better eventually. ❞
❝ & we never talked after that. ❞
❝ am i really, truly, that unlovable? ❞
❝ don’t talk like you’re coming back. ❞
❝ my most dangerous habit is trusting. ❞
❝ we’re made of stars & stories. ❞
❝ you didn’t have to do that. ❞
❝ everything is poetry when you’re drunk. ❞
❝ did i mean anything to you? ❞
❝ real feelings don’t just go away. ❞
❝ you came & changed the weather. ❞
❝ when can you just be mine? ❞
❝ there was no love, only lust. ❞
❝ darling, stop wishing on dead stars. ❞
❝ art is another form of screaming. ❞
❝ silence is the most painful goodbye. ❞
❝ what the fuck did you do? ❞
❝ i’m drunk, dizzy & missing you. ❞
❝ kiss me like you’re losing me. ❞
❝ i don’t feel like smiling today. ❞
❝ not all good people are innocent. ❞
❝ we’re a disaster in the making. ❞
❝ some things are better left unsaid. ❞
❝ we really should’ve talked about it. ❞
❝ i’m so glad i met you. ❞
❝ i wish i knew you earlier. ❞
❝ i fucked (pronoun/name) to our song. ❞
❝ i dreamed of you this night. ❞

TEN WORDS .

❝ you saw the messed up parts of me, & stayed. ❞
❝ all i’ve ever wanted was for someone to save me. ❞
❝ since you left, i have no one to talk to. ❞
❝ i apologize for the nights in which i cannot breathe. ❞
❝ everytime i look at you, i want to kiss you. ❞
❝ we said no strings attached but now we’re in knots. ❞
❝ there’s a difference between missing someone & missing having someone. ❞
❝ for which f are you drinking? fuck, forget, or fun? ❞
❝ my biggest mistake was thinking i could live without (pronoun/name). ❞
❝ whenever (name/pronoun) rose to kiss me, i fell even more. ❞
❝ i wish that ‘goodnight’ was followed by ‘i love you’. ❞
❝ let’s smoke a pack of mentholds & talk about love. ❞
❝ your deep, sleepy voice makes me feel like i’m okay. ❞
❝ i read both of our horoscopes looking for an answer ❞
❝ reality is the absolute last place i want to be. ❞
❝ i didn’t expect that drunk kiss could mean this much. ❞
❝ all i need is a late night drive with you. ❞
❝ feeling pain is nowhere near as terrifying as feeling nothing. ❞
❝ your eyes are the color of summer fading into autumn. ❞
❝ you are the warmest home i will ever, ever find. ❞
❝ the world is less scary when i am with you. ❞
❝ i still can’t tell which of us was the victim. ❞
❝ i just need an excuse to hang out with you. ❞
❝ your expectations for me have been set way too high. ❞
❝ i don’t want to feel this way about anyone else. ❞

A Little Too Drunk Starters:
  • “Oh, HELL no! Not in MY bed!”
  • "We watched some horror movie.. I think it’s called, ‘the Teletubbies..’?”
  • “Pants are just an illusion.”
  • “Shut the fuck up a pikachu onesie does so suit me.”
  • “Hey, man, I hate to tell you this, but I think your dog’s cheating on you..”
  • “Hey, the cat crashed your car.”
  • “I thought today was your birthday, so I rented a bouncy house, but then I remembered it isn’t, so now we have a bouncy house.”
  • “It’s not a mattress, it’s my kingdom and you are encroaching on it.”
  • “[NAME]’s a VIP at that one strip club….. What’s it called again… 'Golden Corral’?”
  • “I’m bleeding?!”
  • “I have to tell you a secret…”
  • “You think it’s important that I lost my shirt?! You think it’s important?! I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S IMPORTANT!!! CALLIOU CAN’T FUCKIN’ TIE HIS SHOES!!!”
  • “I need at least seven sweet and sour sauces or I’m fucked.”
  • “I was pretending to be a ninja and the blade of the knife just flew right off and broke the window.”
  • “Look, man, I didn’t mean to pee on you.”
  • “Thanks for letting me room with you… By the way, vodka makes me gassy.”  
  • “You want to go to Taco Bell?”
  • “I lost [NAME]. Have you seen them?”
  • “Wow, you look so much better when I’m drunk. You should try it more often.”
  • “I CAN’T SLEEP WITHOUT A LULLABY!!”
  • “Hello, 911? Are you still awake?”
  • “Jesus told me to do it.”
  • “I’m really sorry I’m so creepy everybody…”
  • "This is awful. I am inventing electricity, and you look like an asshole.”
  • “How many nutrients do you think there are in dog biscuits? I already ate, like five.”
  • “HOLY SHIT HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET SO TALL? WHAT THE FUCK?”
  • “Hamsters have feelings, too..”
  • “Who convinced me to come here?”
  • “The dog looked so lonely.. So I took it home.”
  • “I’LL PROTECT YOU! I’M BATMAN!”
  • “Look at all this snow. Imagine if it was sand, but still cold. No wait, warm snow. Man, that’d be cool..”
  • “You’re not very hot, but maybe after another beer or two..”
nearly 200 writing prompts // feel free to reblog

Angst:

1: “ Give me a chance. ”
2: “ Not you again.. ”
3: “ Leave me alone. ”
4: “ I don’t love you anymore. ”
5: “ Why do you hate me? ”
6: “ I lost the baby. ”
7: “ I thought you loved me. ”
8: “ I don’t need you anymore. ”
9:“ I can’t believe you! ”
10: “ We cant keep this up forever. ”
11: “ You’re a monster. ”
12: “ I hate you. ”
13: “ Don’t leave me… ”
14: “ You’re a disappointment. ”
15: “ Don’t die on me– Please. ”
16: “ I never meant to hurt you. ”
17: “ Are you upset with me? ”
18: “ I wish i’d never met you. ”
19: “ I’m going to kill you! ”
20: “ Please don’t hurt me like this. ”
21: “ Thanks for nothing. ”
22: “ Dont call this number again. “
23: “ Why did you spare me? ”
24: “ You need to leave. ”
25: “ I’m sick. ”
26: “ I’m dying. ”
27: “ I wish i’d never met you. ”
28: “ I thought we were family!”
29: “ There was never an us. ”
30: “ So that’s it? It’s over? ”
31: “ I fucked up. ”
32: “ I came to say goodbye. ”
33:“ He’s dead because of you. ”
34: “ I don’t deserve to be loved. ”
35: “ About the baby… Its yours. ”


Love:

36: “ I’m so in love with you. ”
37: “ Dance with me! ”
38: “ Isn’t this amazing? ”
39: “ I wish we could stay like this forever. ”
40: “ Will you marry me? ”
41: “ I’m pregnant. ”
42: “ I need a hug. ”
43: “ You’re special to me. ”
44: “ I’m going to keep you safe. ”
45: “ Do you trust me? ”
46: “ Can I kiss you right now? ”
47: “ You’re cute when you’re angry. ”
48: “ I’ve liked you for awhile now. ”
49: “ Lets have a baby. ”
50: “ We’d make such a cute couple. ”
51: “ I want to take care of you. ”
52: “ Can we cuddle? ”
53: “ It’s lonely here without you. ”
54: “ I can’t stand the thought of loosing you. ”
55: “ Shut up and kiss me already. ”
56: “ Are you flirting with me? ”
57: “ Is that my shirt? ”
58: “ How did we get here? ”
59: “ You own my heart. ”
60: “ You’d be a great dad. ”
61: “ You’d be a great mom. ”
62: “ I want to protect you. ”
63: “ Whats the matter? ”
64: “ You’re so beautiful. ”
65: “ Did you do something different with your hair? ”
66: “ Is that a new perfume? ”
67: “ Stop being so cute. ”
68: “ You’re making me blush! ”
69: “ You’re teasing me again… ”
70: “ This is why I fell in love with you. ”
71: “ You’re the best! ”
72: “ They’re going to love you, don’t worry! ”
73: “ Oh, Are you ticklish? ”
74: “ Of course I remembered! ”
75: “ You’re one hell of a girl. ”
76: “ You’re one hell of a guy. ”
77: “ Are you jealous? ”
78: “ Hold me and never let me go. ”
79: “ Stop hogging all the blankets! ”
80: “ Lets run away together. ”


General:

90: “ Catch me if you can! ”
91: “ I’m fine. ”
92: “ Are you drunk? ”
93: “ Are you high? ”
94: “ We cant go in there… ”
95: “ Give it back! ”
96: “ Well this is just great. ”
97: “ Don’t touch me. ”
98: “ Not sure if you could tell, but I’m not exactly a people person. ”
99: “ This was fun— Lets do it again sometime!”
100: “ I didn’t do it! ”
101: “ I did it… ”
102: “ I don’t remember that! ”
103: “ Well that’s pretty rude of you to say. ”
104: “ Get that thing away from me! ”
105: “ You owe me. ”
106: “ Do you believe in aliens? ”
107: “ Do you believe in ghosts? ”
108: “ Are you hitting on me? ”
109: “ Why are you naked? ”
110: “ You did what?! ”
111: “ You have… Superpowers? ”
112: “ Why are you bleeding? ”
113: “ Where did all these puppies come from?”
114: “ Don’t make me come over there myself! ”
115: “ That wasn’t funny. ”
116: “ This tastes horrible. ”
117: “ This is delicious! ”
118: “ Are you mad at me? ”
119: “ Stop ignoring me… ”
120: “ I love that show too! ”
121: “ Can I borrow that book of yours?”
122: “ Lets blow this joint. ”
123: “ Let me help you with that. ”
124: “ Take that back! ”
125: “ Wanna go see a movie with me? ”
126: “ No way, that’s so lame. ”
127: “ What are you listening to? ”
128: “ I brought you your coffee. ”
129: “ Don’t fuck this up. ”
130: “ Run! ”
131: “ Lets run away together. ”
132: “ I haven’t slept in four days… ”
133: “ Your turn to do the dishes. ”
134: “ Was I really that drunk? ”
135: “ Was I really that stoned? ”
136: “Give me back my phone! ”
137: “ You’re an asshole. ”
138: “ Are you cold? ”
139: “ This place gives me the creeps. ”
140: “ I swear my house is haunted. ”
141: “ Did you hear that? ”
142: “ It’s just your imagination. ”
143: “ Just how stupid do you think I am? ”
144: “ Stop being such a baby. ”
145: “ Go back to bed. ”
146: “ Are you okay? ”
147: “ I can take care of myself just fine.”
148: “ Thanks for helping me back there. ”
149: “ Since when have we ever been friends? ”
150: “ What on earth are you wearing? ”
151: “ I can’t feel my legs! ”
152: “ Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night. ”
153: “ Put me down! ”
154: “ There’s only one bed… ”
155: “ It isn’t what it looks like! Okay.. Maybe it is… ”
156: “ How did I loose it? ”
157: “ I read your diary. ”
158: “ This is awkward. ”
159: “ Didn’t you read the sign? ”
160: “ Do you think you can teach me that? ”


Below is NSFW prompts.
Please if you’re rebloggling tell your followers if you’re interested or not in taking these sorts of requests.


Sexual:

161: “ Bite me. ”
162: “ Make me. ”
163: “ Fuck me. ”
164: “ Stop teasing me so much… ”
165: “ Do you like it when I touch you like that?”
166: “ Okay.. This is new. ”
167: “ Want to head back to my place and have a little fun? ”
168: “ You’re in trouble now. ”
169: “ What a pretty sight. ”
170: “ Bend over. ”
171: “ On your knees. ”
172: “ The food looks great but.. There’s something much more delicious i’d like to eat right now. ”
173: “ Lay back. ”
174: “ Take off your clothes. ”
175: “ Well, fine; just this once. ”
176: “ I’m waiting. ”
177: “ You’re so beautiful. ”
178:“ As you wish. ”
179: “ First one to make a noise looses.”
180: “ You have no idea what you do to me. ”
181: “ If you’re bored; Wanna have sex? ”
182: “ Ive wanted this for so long. ”
183: “ Car sex looks so much more easier in the movies. ”
184: “ Can I touch you? ”
185: “ Open up. ”
186: “ No strings attached. ”
187: “ Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you? ”
188: “ Mine. ”
189: “ The nights still young. ”
190: “ We cant do that here! ”
191: “ Behave. ”
192:“ What did you just say? ”
193: “ Good girl. ”
194: “ Good boy. ”
195: “ Come here. ”

AU MASTER LIST

So here is a bunch of AU’s that I’ve collected over…. a long time. Enjoy

Awkward Meetings

  • I broke your nose in a mosh pit, sorry
  • I hit you with my car and was the only one to visit you in the hospital, this is sort of awkward, are you okay?
  • You’re getting chased by the police and you just jumped in my car and yelled drive, wtf man
  • You just punched me in the face while gesturing wildly to a friend, your friend can’t stop laughing and im too shocked to respond to your apologies
  • You laughed in a restaurant, but your laugh is really weird and I thought you were choking so I’m awkwardly humping you while attempting to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre and why isn’t this working, you’re just choking harder now this is aweful
  • We met on a Sunday morning, both doing our walk of shame
  • I get really sick on roller-coasters and you are sitting in front of me, im so sorry
  • You’re the bastard who keeps parking in front of my house and you just caught me drawing a dick on your window with a permanent marker… ugh, oops.
  • I work at a department store and if you take out and unfold another fucking shirt and just leave it, I’m going to fucking shove it down your throat
  • You broke into my apartment drunk thinking it was your friends place and I should call the cops by my cat likes you so????
  • You’re my new dealer and you just friended me on Facebook and idk how to react to that
  • You saw me reading the same book you are and now we are arguing about the motives of the antagonist
  • This is a five-hour-long plane ride, we’re sitting together and  you’re deathly afraid of flying. 
  • I got into a cab to find someone already inside
  • You thought I was your friend/sister
  • Holy shit, im in the wrong car.
  • I was walking by a roller coaster and your shoe flew off and hit me in the head and now I’m on the floor trying not to fall unconscious.
  • It’s 2am and I’m drunk and I need some salt for my fries and I know your awake so OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR
  • You fell asleep on me in the subway and I should probably wake you up and its my stop next stop but it’s okay, I can always just catch the subway back…
  • I know nothing about camping and all my friends left me at the site. Please, help me, I think I just heard a bear
  • This has been a shitty week and you just grabbed the last box of my favourite comfort food from the shelf, do you really want to fight me rn?
  • We met in a movie theatre and now you’re clinging to me because your terrified and I’m okay with that because it means I get your popcorn.
  • You had a party and I got really drunk and stole your microwave, so now I’m at your place and your super hungover so here, I made breakfast?

Neighbour/Roomate

  • The guy living below me has a really loud alarm clock that always wakes me up at the crack of dawn
  • I went to investigate a scream and found my neighbour standing on a chair to avoid a rat/mouse/cricket (etc.)
  • My neighbour has a really squeaky bed and my bedroom is below theirs
  • You keep stealing my doormat and HAH, I’ve got you this time thief!
  • The apartment above me has left their tap on or something and water is leaking through my ceiling
  • My neighbour’s sibling got the wrong house number and barged into my apartment on accident.
  • My roommate keeps stealing my coffee so now I make extra 
  • You’re my new neighbour and wow man, you have some really weird habits.
  • You’re my neighbour and you are stealing my wifi to watch porn and can you not?
  • You locked yourself outside of your apartment and there’s a storm rolling in and I pity you so please come into my apartment I’ll make you hot chocolate?
  • I heard you singing at 3 am and joined in and now you’re at my door and wtf mate I think your drunk but your voice is really nice so?
  • I just set the fire alarm in our building off again… sorry. I know its like the fourth time this week…
  • You keep mowing your lawn when I’m trying to sleep and seriously FUCK YOU
  • My new neighbour is really hot and wow I didn’t even like women until now? And now she is in the garden planting flowers in her bikini wow… im in too deep
  • It’s 3 am and you’re blasting off classic rock at full volume and your music taste might be awesome but soME PEOPLE are trying to sLEEP
  • We’ve never met but we shower at the same time and our showers are on opposite sides of the same apartment wall so sometimes we start duets?

Pets

  • I’m out walking and my dog started chasing your dog. 
  • My cat/dog ran away and you just found it but refuse to accept the reward. 
  • We are neighbours and your cat got my cat pregnant… so, wanna raise this little kitty family?
  • My pet tarantula/snake (etc) escaped and I forgot to warn the guy below me who is terrified of snakes/spiders
  • I need you to pet sit my pet for a while and I forgot to mention it’s a snake, the mice are in the freezer. Thanks, bye
  • My cat really hates you cat and that’s the third time this week I’ve had to pry them apart.
  • My cat keeps breaking into your apartment and it ate all your plants… dinner to make up for it?
  • My cat sneaked out on the balcony and into your open window and he has this habit of destroying furniture and pissing everywhere so I followed him inside and you cam home earlier than I expected and found me in the middle of your living room and honestly I’m not a burglar
  • Your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and sorry not sorry I love this dog
  • You were walking your dog when you found me passed out on a park bench and thank you for waking me up and buying coffee instead of stealing my wallet

Music

  • I’m on a bus and wow, you’re singing really loudly and everyone is giving you weird looks, hey bud, tone it down, also great choice in music
  • You play Double Bass/Cello and I play 1st chair Violin and we keep making eye contact and damn your super cute.
  • You play in an orchestra and I love these songs so much, plus you’re really cute. Shit man, you’ll never notice me in the huge crowd…
  • Music is kinda illegal and my friend just died and apparently he wrote music and wow I want to know what it sounds like and to play it at his funeral but I don’t know how to. You’re a well-known music dealer, do you happen to understand these notes? Can you help me?
  • I tried to act cool at this concert and I thought I was leaning on a wall but apparently it was a speaker and now it’s on the ground in pieces and everyone’s glaring at me… sorry?

Supernatural

  • I’m a wizard and I just accidently apparated into your house. Oops.
  • I died over 2000 years ago and you’ve been dead for like 2 hours, man, damn it now I have to explain this shit to you. Great.
  • I’m immortal and you’re mortal and I don’t know how to explain this to you and soon enough you’re going to realise that I’m not aging… shiiittt
  • You’re a greek god and I’m the roman counterpart. 
  • I’m a ghost and your alive and I think I’m in love with you…. Fuck. 
  • You’re a faun and I’m a Satry
  • I’m half demon and people often judge me based on my looks, but your blind and wow you actually like me? 
  • I’m a time traveller and I went back in time and wow I think I’m in love with you, fuck this isn’t good, I just faked being George Washington… wait what? George Washington doesn’t exist here? Shit… I actually am George Washington.
  • I’m a writer and your my character and wtf how the heck did you just literally climb out of my first draft? 
  • I’m a werewolf but I don’t want to tell you because my wolf form might be that really small chihuahua you keep mentioning you see when I go out…
  • I’m an android and you’re a human and wow what is that warmth I feel when I see you?
  • I’m a homesick telepath and you’re the poor soul who is receiving all these emotions, sorry
  • Somehow I’m in your body and you’re in mine and shit man being this close to the ground is fucked up.
  • I’m a genie an d you rubbed my lamp so congrats you get three wishes but you can’t seem to think of shit and why the fuck do I have to be stuck with you? Hurry up and think of some wishes okay?
  • I was an awful angel and as punishment I have to be your guardian angel and wow your super cute and nice but I still hate you
  • You keep having strange dreams that turn out to be us in a past life and you’re determined to fine me again but in this life I’m already dead.
  • We live in the year 3090, you’re a scientist and I’m your assistant. Unfortunately and experiment goes wrong and I die. Now you’re trying to put my brain into a robot but its not the same
  • I’m a vampire and I have a moment of weakness, you’re nearby and lets just say it doesn’t end well
  • I’m a dragon and you’re a really hot prince, that’s right, they locked up the wrong royalty.
  • You’re a pirate and I’m a siren and woah… are you asexual? That’s so cool, hey wait, don’t go I just want to talk
  • Your mirror is a doorway into my dimension and I can see everything…. 
  • Listen I am genetically modified and you WILL let me hide in your house
  • Ok, so I panicked and kissed this human so he wouldn’t drown. And I know you don’t want me to keep him, and we can’t let him leave if he knows about us mere people so what do you want to do?

School/College

  • I just got partnered with you in dance class and I can’t dance for shit
  • You’re my science lab partner and how the fuck did you just explode that beaker?
  • I’m an art student and you just found my sketchbook and you’re going through it. Shit man can you give that back, I don’t care how good you think they are just don’t turn that page…
  • You’re the school dork and I’m the school jock and fuck you can see where this is going
  • We are the only two kids who ride this school bus, maybe we should carpool?
  • I thought you were my roomies new boyfriend so I invited you in but your actually the RA of the dorm and now you think I want to have sex with you
  • I accidently flooded the laundry room and you really need to do laundry
  • You’re sitting in my seat in this lecture and who even are you? I’ve never seen you before… wait what, stop checking me out!
  • We argued so much during a class discussion that we both got kicked out and we’re still arguing outside the class
  • You left your USB in the library computer and I had to go through your files to figure out who you are and in the end I read the entirety of this book you’re working on and wow you’re really good?
  • I’m a traditional painter who has to take a basic Photoshop class, you’re a graphic design major sitting next to me and getting sucked into helping me out because Im so shitty at this
  • My pottery bowl exploded in the kiln and I feel like a failure, you found me crying about it in the hallway and are now trying to comfort me and your sweater is really soft wow sorry
  • You and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and fuck it I’m trying to study over her so fuck you I’m going to put an end to this game by winning 
  • We are both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from student and you’ve won for the past three years
  • Romeo and Juliet of the math and English departments 
  • I want to get along with you roomie… but I like star wars… and you like star trek… this isn’t going to work.
  • I usually talk to my friends through morse code in class but… apparently you know morse too… and now you know I think your butt is cute
  • I got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and now I’m being adopted by someone who is really hot OH FUCKING NO

Near Death Experiences

  • Wow I was just in a fatal accident and who the hell are you? What is this I’m I dying? Wait no, I don’t want this, how do I get out of it? A deal you say, I’ll take it.
  • You’re an executioner and I’m about to be executed but you can’t seem to run the guillotine, wait what, why are we running away, man you’re my favourite executioner
  • Our plane/boat crashed and now it’s just us on this island. 
  • I just took a super dangerous job and your trying to talk me out of it, but we really need the money
  • It’s the middle of a war and I’m on a ship that you’re ship just torpedoed. Now I’m a prisoner and wow why can’t I feel my legs. I’m not cooperating until I can feel them again. What the fuck do you mean I’m paralysed?
  • I’m addicted to ____ (drugs/alcohol etc) and you found me in an alleyway due to after effects of my addiction (beat up, overdose etc) and decide to take me in.
  • I sold my soul to bring you back to life and I don’t have long left please make this time count

Mistaken and Secret Identities

  • I’m  a thief/hacker/murder and you’ve found out my identity and have been bugging me for days to take you on as your partner
  • I’m a superhero and you want to be like me but in doing so become a supervillain, what do you mean you don’t understand why I’m punching you?
  • I’m a superhero, you’re a supervillain, but we don’t know each other’s identities and we are actually best friends
  • I’m runaway royalty and you’re a commoner, fuck I’m so screwed I need your help, I’ll explain later
  • You think I’m a celebrity and you’re talking too much for me to explain I am defintely not… that dude. What was his name again?
  • You’re a superhero and I’m your best friend and what the fuck man? Why the hell didn’t you tell me? If you had maybe I would be fucking caught with this stupid ass monologue-ing villain
  • I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err… your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour's…
  • I’m a superhero and you’re a supervillain and I saw you visiting kids at the children’s hospital and letting them act like they defeated you and now it’s really hard to punch you in the face

Profession Based

  • Your my mailman and I can’t help but notice that you linger at my door slightly longer than you need to ever since you saw me that one time. Do you want to come inside?
  • I’m a private detective and your my client and fuck man you’re in some deep shit
  • You’re a protester and I’m a police officer. Seriously can you please calm down a little bit, this is my job not my  beliefs.
  • I’m a make-up artist/hair stylist and I you’re an actor/model and are you flirting or???
  • You’re a celebrity and sorry mate, I have to take pictures to pay rent, I know its invasive seriously, sorry
  • You’re a store clerk and fuck, is that my ex? Can I please hide behind this counter?
  • You’re a lifeguard at my kid’s swimming competition and I fell in the pool with all my clothes on and you awkwardly tried to save me even though I didn’t need it.
  • You work at a pet store and I came in to look at tarantulas but somehow we lost the biggest one and its loose somewhere in the store and it really doesn’t help that you’re terrified of spiders
  • I’m a firefighter and you started a fire in your kitchen but you’re still flirting with me even though you’re not wearing pants and I’m carrying you down a ladder. Stop complimenting my muscles for fucks sake
  • We work at the same company and I kind of had a crush on you until I noticed that you’re the asshole stealing my lunch from the office fridge.
  • I’m a firefighter and you live near the station I work at and we talk/flirt with each other a lot. One day me and my team get called to put out a fire and it’s your home ablaze. You don’t make it.
  • I work at a fruit store and you come in almost every day and rearrange stuff on the shelves and then leave. Today you made the apples spell ‘call me’
  • It’s 2am and I was just trying to get home but I left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and I drove into a pole - stop laughing! You’re a cop, aren’t you supposed to be helping?
  • You’re drunk and want my name tattooed on your ass.
  • You always bring your dates to the restaurant I wait at and now you’re here alone… you okay mate?

Winter Times

  • It’s snowing and I usually walk to work but that’s not happening, hey roomie, can you please drive me? Yes I know its 4am
  • I accidently gave all my winter clothes to charity over the summer and not its not so much summer, but I’m broke and hey… could you give me your old winter clothes… maybe?
  • I love the cold, but I promised to visit you for a good 4 months and wow, why did I do this? There isn’t snow here?
  • I don’t know you, but you just threw a snowball at my face, mate, its on.
  • I don’t know who the hell you are, but my roommate has someone over and It’s really cold outside…. Can I come in? Or like, have a blanket, or even a towel?

Old Friends

  • I knew you in high school and I ran into you at a renaissance fair wearing full knight regalia
  • I met you once when I was 12, we started a pen-pal relationship across the world and haven’t stopped even though we are a lot older now. 
  • You were my best friend when we were younger but your family moved to the other side of the world, and we haven’t talked in years. But now your back and wow how did you recognise me when I can’t even remember your name?

Fake Dating

  • I hired you to be my date for a wedding but your super cute, maybe we cannot fake-date? 
  • I’m fake dating you to have someone to vent to on family gatherings while also pissing off my conservative uncle that I never liked and wow… have your eyes always been this nice?
  • We’re both cosplayers and we somehow always manage to meet each other at cons dressed as a popular ship and people always want photos of us in compromising positions and so we always end up fake-dating the entire day but you’re actually really hot and I’m head over heels for you
  • My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex, quick make out with me, I’ll pay you.

Miscellaneous

  • I’m blind and wow your voice is absolutely beautiful can you just keep talking? Forever? Please?
  • My younger sibling is besties with your sibling and even though we hate each other I guess we’ve got to start hanging out a little
  • We are both at a grocery store at am and you offered to arm wrestle me for the last box of cereal, its on!
  • You’re sleeping on my best friend’s couch while your house is being renovated and you have really weird habits like attempting to sing opera in the shower and you keep eating all my Nutigrain 
  • We bump into each other every Friday at the supermarket to buy the same ice-cream and maybe we should eat it together?
  • Our parents are dating and thank god I’m not the only one pissed off about this
  • I went to museum to get some inspiration and then I saw you staring at one of the paintings in awe and wow you just noticed me drawing you and this is awkward
  • I decide to take a shortcut home that involves crawling through a really tight hole in a fence and I end up getting stuck and you just happened to pass by and now you’re laughing at me
  • I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because I could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly
  • We are trapped in a bank during a robbery
  • Your country is trying to take over mine and I might be a little attracted to you and stop this it’s really hard to retaliate okay?
  • I was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me
more texts for you bitches

ANGSTY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] You should have told me you wanted me out of your life.
[text] I should have never let you back into my life.
[text] Okay [muse’s name] what’s the deal, pretty sure this is you…listen if you want me to leave you alone, please just tell that.
[text] Please don’t walk away.
[text] Please don’t do this.
[text] When are you going to realize I want nothing to do with you?
[text] You want nothing to do with me, I get it.
[text] I’m an idiot. You fooled me again.
[text] When I think things are about to change … I’m always proven wrong.
[text] I just want you to be happy. And you’ll be happier without me.
[text] I just hate that someone could make me trust [him/her/them] the way that I did
[text] The truth is I’m not over you.
[text] The truth is I never really wanted to be with you.
[text] I’m seeing someone else.
[text] How the hell did you get my number, stalker?
[text] You’re so selfish.
[text] I just saw you leave with [her/him/them].
[text] FUCK YOU AND YOUR DUMB CUTE FACE

LOVING TEXTS, BITCH

[text] Did I tell you today that you’re the most adorable? Cause, yeah.
[text] Be careful.
[text] I’m only saying it because I love you.
[text] I’m only saying it because I care about you.
[text] Okay, I’m bringing coffee.
[text] I’m thinking dinner and a movie later this week?
[text] Let me take you out, please?
[text] Let me make you dinner tonight.
[text] I want you to be happy.
[text] You’re always safe with me.
[text] I can’t stop thinking about you.
[text] I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.
[text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that.
[text] It was so good seeing you.
[text] You don’t need this shit.
[text] I’ll be there in five minutes.
[text] Let me help, please?
[text] You’re important to me.
[text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that.
[text] I would gladly watch Netflix and eat Thai with you any day.
[text] I’d give up my phone charger AND the last piece of gum for you. That’s love.
[text] Hey beautiful no judgment but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??

ANGRY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] If you don’t want me to bust your window, I suggest you answer the phone. Now.
[text] To quote Mean Girls, you’re a fugly slut.
[text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!?
[text] Lose my number, asshole.
[text] You’re so predictable and obnoxious. And it’s not only me who thinks so.
[text] …The least you could do is answer, wtf.
[text] You’re a piece of shit human being and an even worse friend.
[text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is.
[text] Why couldn’t you just stay out of it?
[text] Holy fucking shit, take a hint, asshole.
[text] Go fuck yourself.
[text] What the fucking hell is wrong with you?
[text] You can take your stuff back as long as I don’t light it on fire first.
[text] I have cramps and a migraine so you do NOT want to mess with me right now
[text] Bye and have a very fuck you day

SEXY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
[text] Why are you so hot…like honestly, it’s not fair.
[text] Yeah, you looked good in your [dress/shirt/pants] last night but really, they looked way better on my floor.
[text] Come over. With condoms.
[text] You should come over, clothing optional.
[text] I feel like a nasty slut and I LOVE IT
[text] Sorry I got drunk and texted you about my sex life
[text] Sex on a rooftop - trashy or adventurous?
[text] If you’re not at my apartment, shirtless, in five minutes, I will be personally offended.
[text] I don’t think he likes that I’m always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
[text] It’ll be like The Notebook, except with way more of my penis.
[text] I didn’t know that all of his brothers would be hot and musically inclined, too. That’s a dick move on behalf of biology.
[text] I DON’T WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
[text] So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
[text] I just need some of your time and all of your body.
[text] I am available for nakedness
[text] I think about [him/her/them] when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love

DRUNK TEXTS, BITCH

[drunk text] So wat are you really over me no w
[drunk text] AND I UNFOLLOWED YOU ON INSTAGRAM TOO, BITCH
[drunk text] You are my queen and my savior and I love you forever
[drunk text] You are the most beautiful girl I have ever known
[drunk text] I’m eating macaroni and cheese on a slice of pizza and autocorrect just wrote that text for me pretty much, what’s your night like
[drunk text] Listen up slut, you’re one hot piece of ass and if [he/she/they] doesn’t realize it, it’s their loss
[drunk text] but what’s the point of a Disney sing off party if you’re not here. You have to be be the Pumbaa to my Timon
[drunk text] Can you pls remind me tomorrow of how much of a fool I made myself tonight
[drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS
[drunk text] I think maybe you and me should like go out and eat pizza or something check yes or no
[drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated
[drunk text] I hate (him/her) but less when I’m drinking. Thanks, alcohol.
[drunk text] Omf g you need to get over here now I think I’m dyin
[drunk text] SWEEEEEEEET CAROLINE

The Front Bottoms Starters

❝ I know it’s so pathetic, I wouldn’t move to save my life. ❞
❝ They tell me you’re lonely. Well, it’s no surprise. ❞
❝ You and me could never be, ‘cause I don’t laugh at shit that I don’t think is funny. ❞
❝ You’re so eager to please. ❞
❝ You’d get on your knees for any fucking asshole who says he’s all you need. ❞
❝ You are water twelve feet deep and I am boots made of concrete. ❞
❝ We’re so drunk. We’re so cool. ❞
❝ They won’t know who I was before. ❞
❝ There’s beer and coffee mugs, water bottles and soda cups. ❞
❝ First, I am digging myself out of this hole. ❞
❝ I love your eyes. The way they look when you’re uncomfortable. ❞
❝ You’re high school and I’m just more like real life. ❞
❝ You were okay as a girlfriend. ❞
❝ I’ll do whatever you want all night. ❞
❝ There’s comfort in the silence of a living room when the TV is on for you. ❞
❝ We will eventually fall out. ❞
❝ It will someday make me very, very, very rich. ❞
❝ Know what I think’s really sad? To know how really sad you are. ❞
❝ Probably gonna leave real soon, just wanted to let you know, you were my life. ❞
❝ No need to hide. ❞
❝ You were my crime, I’ll serve this sentence the rest of my life. ❞
❝ I got so stoned I fell asleep in the front seat. I never sleep in the front seat. ❞
❝ Come on, baby, calm me down. You’re the only one who knows how. ❞
❝ God forbid I ever stop feeling sorry for myself for being selfish. ❞
❝ This is not the way I plan on living for the rest of my life, but for right now it gets me by. ❞
❝ She hopes I’m cursed forever. ❞
❝ My nightmares will have nightmares every night. ❞
❝ Say what you have to say and try not to cry. ❞
❝ This is just not what you wanted at this point in your life. ❞
❝ It’s so hard to stay when all you want to do is run. ❞
❝ I totally get you. I was a birdcage and you were meant to fly. ❞
❝ You are the poison I need less of inside my body. ❞
❝ You need a means to an ending, I need a spiritual cleansing. ❞
❝ That can be our thing, what do you think? ❞
❝ I can fight the rain clouds in your life every day, every night. ❞
❝ Can’t you see? I am delusional with love. ❞
❝ The love of my life is gone forever. ❞
❝ Get her back, you know I wish I could. ❞

I know we mostly like to imagine the opposite, but adam is way more ripped than ronan. as ripped as a teen can be. hear me out:
-ronan is a deranged insomniac drunk who probably only eats frozen pizza and warm pizza when he really wants to treat himself. as a perpetually drunk italian I can assure you that is no way to get a six pack
-adam works manually like 10 hours a day. he’s a sexy mechanicist, the kind that you see sexy car-washing while completely drenched in soap in certain rated channels. he also moves rocks, works in a factory and somewhere else yet to be clarified, probably a sexy car wash fantasy commercial
-when ronan punched robert parrish, all the odds were against him right? because robert is way bigger. you wouldnt expect him to win, it was a desperate, stupid move. but ronan is faster and even more vicious. imagine this giant angry man fighting against a scrawny emo teen, and the scrawny emo teen winning. that’s fucking awesome  
-ronan is a twink

I don’t know what you look like yet. It seems that I don’t know much nowadays. I do know one thing though. I will meet you some day. Maybe you’re blonde with blue eyes, maybe you enjoy late afternoon walks with a quiet complexion to add to the sunset. Maybe you’re into science and believe that faith just means there’s something to look forward to. Maybe you’re into philosophy and the line between male and female is just too damn blurred for you. I’m already intoxicated by you and I have not met you. Maybe you’re super shy and laughing obnoxiously is your way to counter your acute social anxiety. I get it. I do, I do. Maybe you’ve been kissed by the sun for too long and your hair isn’t too long, it’s okay. There’s only more to love. Maybe you’re just like me and your eyes like to chill out, maybe the sun rises just to dip back into your skin. Maybe you’re a drinker, maybe you’re a smoker. I’ll drive you home. I’ll smoke one with you. Maybe you’re drug free and have never smoked. I won’t smoke around you. I might just quit. Maybe you’re an avid book reader with a knack to find the best love quotes– maybe you’re a writer. Poetry and prose likes to slip pills into my drink, don’t worry– I’ll be sober enough to kiss you goodnight. Maybe you’re an artist, Van Gogh didn’t really eat yellow paint and the Mona Lisa is just a reminder that we all need to smile more. Maybe you’re way into science fiction movies, I’ll watch all of the cheesy alien movies with you. Maybe you’ve got a few scars from late nights of self pity and regret– don’t worry, I have those too. Maybe you’re a firm believer that we’re an invasive species and artificial intelligence will end us some day– even if a zombie apocalypse happens, I’ll be sure to leave a poem in your back pocket for safe keeping. Maybe you’re infertile and we’ll never be able to name babies, it’s okay. We’ll adopt. There’s always another option. Cats work too. How about a husky with blue eyes? Maybe you’re religious. I’m not atheist, but there is something out there. Maybe your dad was a drunk and your mother couldn’t cope, maybe you’re not perfect– so what? I’ll accept you. We’ll pull through. It’s okay to have flaws, it just makes us more human than the next. Maybe you’re already in love with someone else, maybe you’re never really going to be mine. Hell, I’d be your best friend. We can talk every now and again. I’ll be fine with that. Maybe you’re into music more than I am, maybe that’s not possible, but if it is– we’re going to get along just fine. As a matter of fact, the more open minded, the more difficult– the more you make me chase after you, the better. Maybe you’re into the same things, maybe you’re my complete opposite. Maybe we’ll never meet until I’m all out of my prime and you’re all out of fire. Maybe we’ll spend a decade in Rome and understand why love has a place anywhere. Maybe you’re lonely too. Maybe midnight walks near downtown city lights are your favorite. Maybe you’re lost. Maybe you’re tired of this fast lifestyle. Maybe we’re both upset about the same thing at this very moment. Maybe you’re finding yourself too. Maybe you’ve been through some pain, maybe you’re drinking it off. You’re probably high right now too. Writing the same poem and dying inside with just the right amount of ow. Maybe you’re not into sex, maybe you’re sexually active. Maybe catching you inside of a bookstore is more likely than finding you in a club. Maybe your favorite element is fire, maybe you’re passionate about everything. That youthful inner flame that just won’t go out. Maybe someone did that to you too. Maybe it never died down. Maybe you’re still burning to find that same feeling with a different person. Maybe forehead kisses are your favorite because he didn’t kiss you enough to make you feel safe. Maybe he was mean to you, or maybe she was. Maybe you’re way out of my league and I’m just bullshitting around to see if I can make you laugh. Maybe you’re reading this right now, if you are then I have something to tell you.
—  I can’t wait to meet you.

Wow….I actually guessed something right for once.
Nathan Chen really did win.

Wow. Wow. Wow. 

I’m so proud. 

And to be honest Yuzu did great as well, it’s his SB.

Shoma was on fire and man….

You guys should have seen my reactions. 

Here are some snippets: 


During Shoma’s FS


Yuzu’s FS


Then Nathan’s


Come on people, Nathan’s been chasing Yuzu’s ass from NHK till now being second to him, and finally he gets to surpass his competitor for once.

And trust me, Yuzu does feel frustrated, but he knows what he has to do to beat Nathan. It’s okay guys. He lost one battle, but hasn’t lost the war (this is a terrible analogy.)

In any case, I guess the joke is that Yuzu just can’t seem to win 4CC.
You can’t have everything and now 4CC will always be remembered as the gold medal that keeps eluding Yuzu.

Anyways look at our Yuzu and Nathan during the ceremony:

They’re just precious (ft. a wild shoma in action.)

And I took a screen shot of this because the fade ins and outs were so cool.

I’m proud of all three of them. They all did really well!

I just hope that people could see that as well because my friend’s drunk on the other side of the USA (i’m east coast and she’s west), and this was her response to Nathan’s win:

This is not a good example of supporting athletes. 

Overall, I was just happy because this is the first time I am this watching/streaming this live.

Let’s all celebrate and look forward to WORLDS~~~~~~~~~~

Originally posted by allreactions

#STAYINGPOSITIVE #SUPPORTALLSKATERS


P.S. PATRICK CHAN IS P-DADDY

His free skate program had me on the edge of seat. He friggin landed his first quad combination perfect. He skated beautifully and if anyone dares shit on him, I will cut you. 

Andreil Quits Smoking

so i somehow messed up answering your ask directly, but this was requested by @vexingcosmos! i’m sorry it took me forever, but i actually did some research because i know NOTHING about smoking. also, this got long. like…really long. 


  • it began as most things do, where the Foxes are concerned: with a bet
  • it’s a Friday night and the Monsters have come to Columbia, and for once, the upperclassmen were allowed to come along
  • Matt’s birthday was on Wednesday, and he just wants to hang out with his best friend and favorite human Neil okay let him live
  • so Neil *asked* Andrew and well…we all know how that goes
  • the whole gang is having a grand ol’ time
    • Aaron, Nicky, Allison, and Dan have been on the dance floor practically since the second they walked into Eden’s
    • Allison dragged a reluctant Renee out to join them within the first hour, and this girl can DANCE don’t fight me on this 
    • Kevin has been drunk since before they even left Sweetie’s (snuck in a flask, the little troublemaker)
    • he’s so far gone that he couldn’t even tell you who the first striker in Exy history to reach 1,000 goals was. he may or may not be aware that he is swaying.
    • Matt has been hanging out at the table with Neil and a rather annoyed Andrew
  • Matt has convinced Neil to take way too many shots for his tiny body to handle, but Andrew is there, so he’s trying not to worry about it 
  • sometime around the seventh shot, the rest of the gang makes their way over to the table
  • Andrew’s hand is on Neil’s thigh, and his pointer finger has been tapping incessantly for the past twenty minutes
    • and Neil can only take so much, even from Andrew
    • he stares at Andrew as subtly as he can (i.e. not very) in an effort to catch his attention
  • Andrew eventually drags his gaze over to Neil and lazily cocks his head to the side, as if to say what could you possibly want at this moment in time, Neil
    • Neil looks pointedly to Andrew’s hand and then jerks his head towards the exit
  • Neil is, of course, very unsubtle with all of this
    • Kevin turns to stare at them and says, in a barely intelligible voice, “if you’re gonna hook up, you could at least wait until we’re back at the house and i’m passed tf out”
    • Nicky laughs and says, “aww Kev c’mon, let the munchkins have playtime whenever they want”
  • Andrew is about to turn his whiskey glass into a weapon for the munchkin comment when Aaron suddenly pipes in
    • “nah, Andrew needs to take care of his other habit”
    • it is now very quiet in their group of normally very loud people
  • everyone looks to Aaron for him to clue them in on what he means
    • everyone except Renee, who has silently moved closer to Andrew just in case he really does decide to use that whiskey glass
  • Aaron continues: “you know what smoking does to your body over time, right? i assume i don’t need to go all Bill Nye on your ass and draw you a picture”
    • Aaron becomes Dr. Minyard when he is very drunk. trust me.
    • Andrew doesn’t say anything, just stares at Aaron. is he even blinking? probably not
  • “who am i kidding. you don’t care. you’ll just let this ruin you. i bet you couldn’t quit even if you tried” 
  • that gets everyone’s attention
    • Nicky: “did he just say the B word”
    • Allison: “looks like it’s that time again where i get even richer”
    • Matt, softly: “oh shit”
  • Neil is about to jump in and open up a can of whoop ass on Aaron when Andrew’s steady voice comes from beside him
  • “fine”
  • everyone, collectively: “WHAT”
  • Andrew rolls his eyes. “fine. i bet that i can quit completely within a week”
    • complete silence. everyone just stares. shock. disbelief. 
  • Andrew gets up and starts heading towards the exit, dragging Neil along with him 

********

  • Neil decides to join Andrew in Operation Quit Smoking
  • but two days into it, they’re both at their wits end
  • they definitely aren’t about try anything medication-related, for obvious reasons
  • after doing a bit of research related to natural methods like adding more of certain vitamins into your diet, Neil confronts Andrew
    • “you know we have to. we don’t have another choice”
    • “fuck you, i’m not doing that”
    • “Andrew. it’s our last option.”
    • [after a long, defeated sigh] “fine. but you have to ask him”
  • so Neil does the one thing he wished he’d never have to do with anything that isn’t Exy
  • he asks Kevin to help
  • when they wake up the next day, Kevin has printed out color-coded meal plans for both Andrew and Neil
    • Andrew Minyard does not cry. But let me tell you. Looking at that list of food options…it was an extremely close call.
    • on every single day, the breakfast item was a green smoothie
    • Andrew thought he’d rather just pay the entire $500 betting pool off himself
  • but Neil. precious, precious Neil. tells Andrew that they can definitely do it, and wouldn’t it be great to prove Aaron wrong and make him lose money that he probably would have spent on Katelyn?
  • so they pull themselves up by their metaphorical bootstraps and follow all of Kevin’s rules. every. single. one. 
  • halfway to their deadline, Andrew finally wants to kill everyone slightly less than he did yesterday. he marks this as massive progress. 
  • Neil didn’t really smoke in the first place, but he’s still having trouble finding something to replace that feeling he gets from the smell
    • he’ll be okay without it, he thinks. he has Andrew to keep him steady, to ground him when he feels like he could float away from reality for good
  • by the following Friday, the Foxes have gathered in the girls’ room to hear the final word and settle their bets
  • Kevin has become the official referee of this particular bet
  • everyone waits in suspense, heartbeats flying at the thought of all the cash they are either about to lose or gain
  • Kevin takes his role seriously, as he does everything else
  • “i declare that, as of this day at 4:27 pm, Andrew and Neil have gone three consecutive days without one cigarette. i predict that they will be able to continue resisting, if they keep following my suggested guidelines”
    • the last bit is said with a hard look at Neil and Andrew. of course.
    • Allison, Matt, and Dan don’t try to hide the smug looks on their faces as Aaron and Nicky hand over entirely too much for a bunch of college students to bet with
    • Renee chose not to participate, but her new bruises say that she’s been helping Andrew cope all week
    • Aaron grudgingly looks back to Andrew, holding out his hand with his share of the winnings
    • Andrew just stares at him. blinks. turns around and walks out the door. 
  • Neil edges out of the room to follow him up to the roof while everyone is arguing over who gets Andrew’s share, since he’s obviously not taking it
  • Neil reaches Andrew and sits beside him with their shoulders touching
  • they’re looking out over campus when Neil turns to Andrew
  • “i’m proud of you”
  • Neil gets a disgusted scoff and a hand pushing his face away in return
  • “you’re still a junkie”

I feel like magnus and alec encourage each other when one of them is being difficult or just a pain in the ass for other people. like I can imagine them sitting in a meeting and a clave member tries talking to magnus but is being extremely rude so magnus is like “alexander, did you hear something?” and alec barely hides his smirk and is just like “no babe, maybe it’s something from outside” “hmm maybe, it was certainly not the sound of a clave member being rude to the high warlock of brooklyn” “it couldn’t be, they wouldn’t dare. not after everything you do for them” and all the clave members are sitting there shook and unsure what to do or how to get magnus to cooperate with them.

or there’s times when jace is being super annoying and magnus and alec have just had enough and are like “darling would you mind if I turned your dear brother into a frog?” “no not at all, in fact make him a mouse. it’ll be funny to watch him run from the cats” “ooo I know, I’ll turn him into a stand for your weapons, you know how much I hate when you leave them lying around” “nah, jace would enjoy that too much. he’s always had a hard on for weapons” and jace is just like “tf alec, you’d really do that to your brother?” and alec just shrugs and smiles which cause jace to smile too.

the worst is when the whole squad goes out and both magnus and alec end up drunk and alec becomes outraged when clary says she’s the gayest one there like “how dare you? I am the gayest. magnus tell her” and magnus is like “I can confirm he is so gay. the best gay” “aw magnus, you’re the best bi” and they both go on about how “iconic” they are and everyone else is just like “chill, it was a joke” but they’re both too drunk and too wound up to care until they notice there’s a karaoke night going on and magnus turns to alec with wide eyes and alec’s just like “do it” and everyone’s like please no because they’ve heard magnus sing “don’t stop me now” by queen everytime he’s drunk but it’s too late, magnus is up there and alec’s drunkenly telling everyone “that’s my boyfriend” while cheering an equally drunk magnus on.

five-word sentences.
  • “ please just let me forget. 
  • c'mon try to guess what.
  • just leave me alone already.
  • no, i’m not going to.
  • you can’t change my mind.
  • my mind is made up.
  • i’m not gonna let you.
  • don’t do that to me.
  • think about what you’re doing.
  • why aren’t you listening now?
  • i want to sleep forever.
  • you need to leave now.
  • i’ll always have your back.
  • now there’s no going back.
  • the view really is spectacular.
  • i didn’t think you’d care.
  • why can’t you trust me?
  • don’t even bother with clothes.
  • i don’t love you anymore.
  • i am a great person.
  • you are a tolerable drunk.
  • exactly, why are you awake?
  • i’m gonna ignore you now.
  • how is that not hilarious?
  • please just calm down now.  
  • i was already calm, asshole.
  • i can see your underwear.
  • i’m afraid you’ll replace me.
  • please stop losing your temper.
  • you can cry if needed.
  • you have to run away.
  • i just wanna be yours.
  • ashes, we all fall down.
  • i’m hoping you’ll understand me.

                 BOOK STARTERS VOL.23   ( HOUSE OF LEAVES )  ( MARK Z. DANIELEWSKI )

  1. ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜
  2. ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜
  3. ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜
  4. ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜
  5. ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜
  6. ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜
  7. ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜
  8. ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜
  9. ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜
  10. ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜
  11. ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜
  12. ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜
  13. ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜
  14. ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜
  15. ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜
  16. ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜
  17. ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜
  18. ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜
  19. ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜
  20. ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜
  21. ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜
  22. ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜
  23. ❛ ‘Fuck’ and ‘fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜
  24. ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜
  25. ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜
  26. ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place?  ❜
  27. ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜
  28. ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜
  29. ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜
  30. ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜
  31. ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜
  32. ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜
  33. ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜
  34. ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜
  35. ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜
  36. ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜
  37. ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜
  38. ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜
  39. ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜
  40. ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜
BTS Reaction: Their crush (you) getting drunk and accidently confessing your love

@purplepokemons said: 

Bts reaction to their crush getting drunk and conffesing their love the the member thinking they’re talking to someone else


*gifs aren’t mine unless I say so*

*requests are open*


Jin:

“Y/N you really shouldn’t drink that much!” Jin scolded you and tried to take the drink from you. You looked at who you thought was Jimin and started to vent to him.

“I need to drink Jimin, I want to get my mind off of Jin with that other girl he was with earlier. I really like Jin and it hurts to see him with someone else. I’ve falled for Jin, I honestly have-”

“Y/N, come on you should get some sleep.” He would giggle at your drunken confession and lead you to your room so you could rest. Then in the morning he would ask you about it, and end up confessing to you as well.

Originally posted by jjilljj


Suga:

Suga would be a little drunk aswell, but not as drunk as you. You walked up to who you thought was Tae, and just started talking.

“Oh my god, have you seen Yoongi? Oh my gosh he’s so attractive, and I love how laid back he is. It honestly kind of turns me on. I really want to get to know him. He seems really cool.”

“Well you could start by realizing I’m not Taehyung.” He laughed a little. You looked up and realized it was Yoongi.

“Ohmygod” you said fastly.

“I’d like to get to know you to.” He said.

Originally posted by kuromel


Rap Monster:

“Y/N you should really go to bed, it’s really late. And you are extremely wasted.” Namjoon said.

“I don’t want to Yoongi, Namjoon is still here, I want to see him.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows as you said “yoongi” but he decided to play around with the situation.

“Why do you want to see him?”

“Because I really like him, he’s so nice to me and makes me feel happy when  I’m around him. I just wish he felt the same though.”

“Don’t worry, I think he like you too. Come on let’s sleep.” Namjoon said with a smile across his face.

Originally posted by bangthebae


J-Hope:

You were home alone, and completly drunk. Without thinking, you called you best friend-or who you thought was your best friend- and started talking about Hoseok.

“Y/F/N, you have no idea how crazy he makes me, he’s honestly the greatest person in the world. Wow, I really love him-”

“Y/N.”

“Are you sick? Your voice sounds really low?” You asked.

“Look at your contact name.” He laughed. You looked and it said Hoseok’s contact name. You froze as you heard him laugh.

“Ah you’re so cute Y/N!”

Originally posted by hoseokwhy


Jimin:

“Jin! Hi!” You said as you facetimes “Jin”. Jimin looked at you in confusion.

“Are you ok Y/N? You looked a little, you know, drunk.” Jimin said.

“Yeah Jin, I’m fine. Is Jimin around?” You asked. Jimin finally realized you thought he was Jin, but he was curious about what you had to say about him. So Jimin continued to be “Jin”.

“No, he’s not here right now.” He smirked.

“Good, do you know how Jimin feels about me? I really like him, but I want to know he feels the same before I tell him.

“He really likes you Y/N, he never shuts up about you.” Jimin laughed. “You’re talking to Jimin by the way.”

Originally posted by yoonmin


V:

It was your 20th birthday, so you could now legally drink in Korea. Taehyung took you to a bar along with some of yours and his friends.  You might have went a little overboard with the drinking and got completly wasted. You were sitting alone, and someone sat next to you.

“You look like someone I know.” You said while looking at him. He look at you with a puzzled expression.

“He’s someone I really love, he knows how to make me happy, and he’s just so perfect. I wish he felt the same.” You started to talk about him. 

“What’s his name?” Taehyung asked, with a bit of jealousy.

“Kim Taehyung.”  You smiled and sipped on your drink. He smiled and laughed a little.

“You really are drunk, Y/N I am Taehyung.”

Originally posted by bangtannoonas


Jungkook:

Jungkook told you he was going to be home late from practice today, so you invited your best friend over. Little did you know, she brought achohol and you couldn’t turn down the opportunity. 

A few hours later you both were wasted, and Y/F/N was in the bathroom probably throwing up. You heard footsteps, and you automatically assumed it was Y/F/N.

“I should have never drank that! If Jungkook finds out I drank underage, he’ll never love me back!” You cried.

“You love me?” You heard Jungkook’s voice.

“Oh my gosh, Kookie forgive me!” You ran to him and hugged. He hugged you back and patted the back you your head.

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad. But I do love you back.” He smiled.

Originally posted by donewithjeon


I hope you liked it! I tried my best :) Requests are open!

adventure time: (awakes at 2 am to their phone ringing) hello?
me: hey adventure time
adventure time: wh–it’s 2 in the morning, are you ok?
me: oh, i’m fine…(sips on something)
adventure time: are you drunk?
me: i was just thinking about you…..saw pictures of you on tumblr. your miniseries is…you’re looking really good, lately.
adventure time: oh, thank y–
me: it’s been a while since steven universe aired. last time we really talked we got in this big fight about…i don’t remember, censorship or mob mentalities or hentai…hey, remember the episode where bubblegum has marceline’s shirt –
adventure time: do you actually want to catch up?
me: what?
adventure time: it’s clear you’re acting like you want to revisit me, as a series, but i need a commitment…are you ready to catch up with me, or are you just calling for a cheap episode binge?
me: …….well…….
adventure time: (hangs up)
(both of us listen to lady antebellum until we fall asleep)

Prompt List

If you don’t want to request your idea, just send me a request with the prompt/s you want from the list below with the character you want and relationship/style of imagine you want with them (friendship, fluff, crush, hurt, couple etc.).

Happy requesting!! xx

  1. “You’re the only thing left that is important to me now.”
  2. “Please, put some pants on, you’re embarrassing me.”
  3. “Oh, love, I don’t think you understand the meaning of sarcasm.”
  4. “You don’t get to touch her! Not anymore. Not after what you did!”
  5. “I think i’m going insane.”
  6. You’re the only one for me.”
  7. “Honestly, if you wanted sex this bad you could’ve just told me!”
  8. “I’ve come to the conclusion, that this house just might be haunted.”
  9. “What makes you say that?”
  10. “There was this perfect moment. This perfect moment where everything that I wanted was clearly in front of me… and i understood.”
  11. “You broke my favourite vase!”
  12. “I think we should get a puppy, and with this puppy we should become the stereotypical cute couple. As well as because I want a dog.”
  13. “You’re crazy.”
  14. “I promise that i’ll protect you.”
  15. “I don’t need saving. Not now! Not ever.”
  16. “You act as if you’re the hard done by. You’re not.”
  17. “You cheated on me! What was I suppose to do? Smile and forgive you?”
  18. “I think you’re worth much more than that.”
  19. “I’d rather die than do that.”
  20. “Did you ever wonder what brought us together?”
  21. “Is… that really you? I thought i’d never see you again!”
  22. “You had one job!”
  23. “How is it that you’re a complete flop at everything you do?”
  24. “You need to stop.”
  25. “That lip biting’s getting a little out of hand.”
  26. “If you continue to do what you’re doing, I won’t hesitate to come over there and stop you myself.
  27. “Isn’t he just the cutest?”
  28. “I want a child.”
  29. “You still awake?”
  30. “You’re probably the hottest stranger i’ve ever seen.”
  31. “Never thought that all this would happen because of one tiny moment.”
  32. “My clothes look good on you.”
  33. “Is that my shirt?”
  34. “Isn’t that a bit too big for you?”
  35. “Isn’t that a bit too small for you?”
  36. “I think you look absolutely adorable.”
  37. “When I said you’re mine, I meant it.”
  38. “He better only be just a friend.”
  39. “Those short’s look really good on you.”
  40. “Hey, they can’t hurt you anymore.”
  41. “I… I lost the baby.”
  42. “It’s all my fault, i’m so sorry.”
  43. “My arms just fit perfectly.”
  44. “You’re drunk.”
  45. “I am not wearing that.”
  46. “How did I get stuck here with you?”
  47. “I swear, the world is against me.”
  48. “Don’t touch me!”
  49. “Get away from me!”
  50. “Tell me you need me.”
  51. “You’re not the boss of me.”
  52. “We’re out of gas, what’s your plan?”
  53. “You’re an ass”
  54. “I’m on vacation, you take care of it.”
  55. “Disney movies all day? I’m in.”
  56. “Hurry up! Would you?!”
  57. “Take the long way around”
  58. “Can you shut up for five minutes, please???”
  59. “He’s been gone for quite a while”
  60. “I can’t see anything.”
  61. “I heard a noise.”
  62. “Where’s my food?”
  63. “I bet you feel like an artist”
  64. “Can I be of assistance?”
  65. “Get out of the way before I murder you.”
  66. “You’re breaking my heart, babe.”
  67. “Cry me a river.”
  68. “Build a bridge.”
  69. “Get over it.”
  70. “Another credit card?!”
  71. “It’s just rain, you aren’t gonna melt!”
  72. “Have you ever lied to me?”
  73. “I’m stuck! Help me!”
  74. “I swear, I’m not scared.”
  75. “What do you think a cupholder is for?”
  76. “You know when your phone buzzes, it means I’m trying to talk to you, right?”
  77. “Turn that sh*t off!!!!”
  78. “When’s that last time we went on a date?”
  79. “I thought you didn’t like cats?”
  80. “The door’s locked.”
  81. “I’ll just tell your mom on you.”
  82. “I thought you were nice.”
  83. “I had a dream about you.”
  84. “What colour do you like better?”
  85. “Take notes, sweetheart.”
  86. “This is where you impress me, right?”
  87. “Pick up lines only work when I’m drunk.”
  88. “I can’t believe you didn’t remember”
  89. “If that makes me a child, so be it.”
  90. “I could beat you up, you know that right?”
  91. “Would it kill you to help people?”
  92. “I bet you can’t go 24 hours without cussing.”
  93. “But, I said I love you.”
  94. “Is it just me or is cold as hell in here?”
  95. “I’m not weird, you’re just basic.”
  96. “Just sleep with one eye open, that’s all I’m saying”
  97. “Take off your shirt.”
  98. “We could get struck by lightning, but you want to kiss in the rain.”
  99. “You’re never this quiet, what’s wrong?
  100. “Sit still, for the love of all that is Holy.”

Prompt credit: @prompt-bank and @justauthoring

Assurance

Saturday Night Live pretty much destroyed me, and I couldn’t help but writing this after that night. I wrote this in like zero time so I am sorry if it kinda sucks but I had to write down my thoughts immediately lol enjoy pals - M xx.

You could tell that he was upset just by the way he entered the dressing room.

It was easy for you to decide why Harry was so upset, just by the way you were watching him so carefully on the live stage. Your mind filled with worry just how his hands ran through his hair so aggressively and how his eyebrows crinkled, creating creases on his forehead. You could tell by the way he walked away from the microphone that the notes he hit weren’t the ones he had in mind, and the thought of him being so disappointed in himself hurt your heart.

Of course, Harry tried shrugging it off, he didn’t want you to worry. The assured smile he flashed to you as you waited for him didn’t fool you; even when he reached to give you a kiss on the lips you knew that these were just attempts to avoid talking about his first solo performance.

Keep reading

I’ll Still Want You/Stiles Stilinski Fluff

Originally posted by allpeopleareincredible

Most of these are taken from my Wattpad account! (Twtrash01)

Send me requests for the following Fandoms: Teenwolf, Vampire Diaries, Dolantwins, OUAT(Peter Pan, Robbie Kay, Supernatural, Suicide Squad, The 100. Basically I’ll write for any fandom. I’ll write non-smut as well. Be specific in what you want! *I DON’T OWN ANY GIFS*

Request:  Could you do where the reader is uber drunk and Stiles has to pick her up at a bar and take care of her? And the reader being really risqué to him?

Keep reading

Mental breakdown tag lol

do I use this script or not

also vedj - still going, but will probably miss some days and that’s OKAY
I’m worried for this video, because rather than generalising mental illness as important, and needs to be talked about, I go into detail about the specifics of what I’m feeling. And it’s not pretty. If you can’t relate, and I hope you don’t, I’m going to seem very very strange. But mental illness isn’t simple, it’s not all let’s blow on thumbs together to stop these darn panic attacks, or this cute cartoon girl crying in a corner. It’s so much bigger and uglier and more complex.
I haven’t been making videos because I didn’t know how to when my head has been consumed and overtaken by what I’m about to talk about. But I think I’ve figured it out.
so here’s the thing
you may have seen on twitter
i mentioned that i haven’t really felt like i’m here since i was 17 in a vid recently
and then within the last week that sort of upped as a problem by like, 80%
i went to wales for some shoots, felt crazy the whole weekend, then came back and got very panicky about the fact that I was going mad
I had slept fine, and I kept expecting to wake up better, but I just didn’t
I’ll explain what this all actually is and how it feels in a bit, plz hold
so I got back, and knew that I felt messed up, so tried registering to the doctors
walked there, in my weird dream state, took a proof of address cause I knew I needed that, handed it in, and then they said that I needed proof of address within the last two months
i was teetering on the edge of tears and also feeling really weird so I think they must have thought I was actually insane
I forgot how to say thanks and bye so I think I just left, dunno
walked home, in this strange, bright dream world
tried finding proof of address, forgot how to talk to my housemate, scared she was going to notice that I was drunk, except i wasn’t drunk
and then my mum called and said dodie
are you okay
and I just sort of
broke
i was sobbing, rummaging through bin bags to try to find some sort of proof of address, on the phone to mum, and I decided to visit home home for some sort of familiarity, cause I used to feel so normal and alive in that house, when I was younger
so I went home home, crying on the train, panicking about the fact that I was going mad and all my friends were like dodie wtf
that was when I tweeted saying I needed a break
then I saw mum and started crying about the fact that I left my old bedroom bed in dovan flat, cause I just wanted my normal bed in my normal room so I could feel normal
and I came home but of course I wasn’t magically cured because going to that house is not the same as time travel
i’m not taking a trip to 2012 when I go home, as much as I want to, i’m a broken dodie visiting a broken house and a broken ish family
I even visited my old primary school which shut down, like, years ago, and I wandered around with hedy
I don’t think that helped, cause it felt like it had just, grown leaves and aged in like 20 seconds
it just made me feel even weirder
so what am I feeling? Okay. let me explain. Or try to.
here are a bunch of messages I have sent to friends of mine, to try and explain wtf this is
“i’m so tired
I’m just so tired I feel like I’ve been awake for 4 days And I don’t feel like I’m here I feel like I’m drunk Like I’ve had three wines and shots and beer and I’m tired and ready to go home and I can’t talk to anyone because I’ve forgotten how I usually talk
I don’t even look like me
Everything is so wrong and weird and scary
I honestly think I’m going mad
I can’t stop crying
I’ve got such a bad headache” to lucy
And I’ve just constantly felt like Drunk and blind You know when you’re hammered
And everything’s really bright and you can’t remember how to talk properly and you’re not really taking anything in cause you feel really weird and you can touch things and see things and talk to people but you’re not really There
I genuinely genuinely think I’ve gone mad
And I don’t know if I’m ever going to see things like normal again” to sammy
“Here’s the thing
I’m alive
I can breathe
I can eat and talk and sleep and see and feel
So I should be okay
And objectively, I am fine
So why am I not
It’s one of those things that I keep thinking about over and over to the point where my head is like is this really happening and then I’m like is WHAT really happening
I used to not understand mental illnesses at all
I was like
Just think of cats and rainbows
But now I get it
It’s so much deeper in your brain than cats and rainbows
I used to say if I ever got dementia or something id fight it
But how can you fight it when the it is the thing you’re using to fight with
Dodie has gone full blown mad” to jon
now, thanks to the last vid, and to google, I’ve found out what this probably is
and I’m trying my best to register and see a doctor and get therapy and sort this out and also
I know what you’re thinking
if you have no idea what I’m talking about, if you’ve never had anything even close to this, if you are mentally dandy
you’re thinking dodie
you sound mental
just shut up,
turn it off
you’re fine
you’re obsessing over nothing, you’re attention seeking, just stop thinking about it
firstly, I am so happy and thankful that you feel normal and happy and go and enjoy your life because you can
and secondly, I would do anything to turn this off and feel normal again, literally anything. But I can’t. not right now. I don’t know how.
so. here’s my plan.
I’m going to act fucking normal.
I can still sing. I am still alive, on this planet, even though I don’t feel like it. I still find things funny, I still can taste food, I can make jokes, and write songs and hang out with friends, even though I literally feel like I’m hiding something from everyone and I keep looking at everyone as if I’m a robot.
but I’m going to sort this out, somehow. I’m going to sleep before midnight and wake up before 9, I’m going to give myself weekends, I’m going to do mindfullness meditation at 11am, and Im going to go running at least twice a week and eat healthy and drink water and not drink too much alcohol and treat myself when I’ve done well and not overwhelm myself. And I’m going to go to a doctor, and then therapy, and deal with this. But this will not consume me.
Yeah I feel fucking weird. Bring it. I’m so done with the constant buzz in my head - why do I feel like this why do i feel like this why do i feel like this
I just do. And I can’t change it right now. It’s not going to turn off. and I can’t just stop the world until I feel normal again, because I’ll get to my 70s and be like well shit, I missed it all.
So I’m going to do the best I can. I’m going to make the videos that make me happy. And I’m going to laugh about the fact that I’m a bit mental. Cause what else can you do.

Whilst I type this I’m on the phone to my bank to get a statement sent to prove my address to go BACK to the doctors to prove I live here then get an appointment to get referred to therapists. The NHS may be free but it’s not bloomin easy lol.

gotta say making this video was super healthy for me. It was good to edit together and see that I can pass as a functioning human.