The ACT can be a very intense and difficult time for all of our juniors who are repeatedly told that the ACT is the only thing that matters. This is true. Here are some tips and tricks to pass the ACT with a 36.
1. Eat a Good Breakfast.
Your day begins with breakfast! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Here are some healthy breakfast options:
2. Get Enough Sleep
Sleep is the most important part of a teen’s day. To emphasize this, we’re giving you only 7 hours of homework instead of the usual 8. If you do not get enough sleep, your score will be docked 10%. Do not try and lie. We are watching you.
3. Kick a Stranger on the Way to School
Statistics have shown that kicking a complete stranger on the way to school will boost your chances of getting a 30 or higher. If the stranger is your test proctor, you are eligible for 10 points extra credit.
4. Kissing Shrimp
Shrimp had always been considered a sign of good luck ever since the Dark Mantis Times of Olde. If you kiss a shrimp, you will be gifted with legendary shrimp powers and may become capable to defeat the Dark Mantis.
Did you know that Jesus is your friend? If you let Jesus into your heart, he might be able to answer those difficult test questions for you. Jesus can save you. Jesus can save all of us.
so like some students at my school made a facebook group where you can post your doodles and this one kid posted the bird watercolor and we were all amazed with the fact that he watercolored in math class so he posted the elephant one to further explain how he watercolors in math class
(the beautiful math class watercolors are obviously not mine, but are Luke W’s)
Taken from the middle school Common Core lesson on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr:
A long time ago, there were a bunch of proud noble Americans. They had kidnapped several thousand African people and used them as slaves. This did not make them any less proud and noble for some reason. After a while, the slaves got their freedom! Racism was officially over. Or was it?
In the 1950s, the African American community was very dissatisfied with how they were treated in America. There was….racism. There were separate drinking fountains for white people for colored people. There were separate entrances to buildings. Police often killed unarmed black teens. (It’s a good thing this stuff never happens anymore, right?) Basically, the white people were total jerks. Then a few notable things happened:
Rosa Parks took a stand by not standing. This made the white people very angry. However, the African Americans boycotted the busses. The impact was felt in white people everywhere and racism officially decreased by 10%. Some said that racism was officially over! Or was it?
Now we introduce our hero: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr! He led marches around town full of fellow African American people. He made speeches about non-violence. Suddenly, racism became endangered.
Our hero made history by giving his “I Have a Dream” speech. And from that moment on, racism did not exist. There is no racism anymore. Racism is gone. Racism no longer exists. Repeat after me: We are living in a post-racial society. We are LIVING in a POST-RACIAL society. WE ARE LIVING. IN A POST-RACIAL. SOCIETY. Remember, racism does not exist. RACISM DOES NOT EXIST. THERE IS NO RACISM ANYMORE. NONE. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NONE.
And they all lived happily ever after. Due to the end of racism, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was NOT assassinated by a racist guy and the U.S. Government was NOT involved. There is NOT any racism. There is NOT a wage gap in present day society between the races. There is NOT any police brutality anymore. White Supremacy does NOT exist.
Why do you think racism exists still? Your middle school history textbook that was written by a bunch of white people told you it doesn’t. Are you using facts and statistics to prove racism exists? We’re going to ignore you.
And after that, not one person ate a sawdust burger ever again.
Have a great day off, OPRF! Remember that racism is officially over. Or is it? Yes, there’s no debating it this time. It’s over.
FYI Today’s lunch is half baked truth with side options of crippling doubt and conceited self-pity. Add milk to make it a meal for only $3.99!
Today is Principal Appreciation Day, in which we pay respects to our glorious leader. The principle will, of course, be accepting gifts in the forms of both physical goods and the promise of favors.
Counselor Corner Juniors: worried about college? Don’t think you can handle that dimension of torture and torment called higher education? The counselors will be holding a meeting in room 207 today in which they tell you not to be such a loser nerd about college. like, seriously, calm the heck down
Club Corner Do you like fire? Do you keep a lighter or a box of matches with you at all times? Do you live for the rush of adrenaline you get from watching something meaningful to a lot of people go up in a blaze of painful yet beautiful glory? Come to arson club, every Wednesday after school from 3:15 to 5:00 in room 204. Be there or be square!
If you’ve made choices you regret in life, and would like a chance to make things right, why not join time travel club? See how you die, alter the course of history, and explore alternate timelines. Today after school, from 3:15 to 3:16.
Tryouts for girls’ subatomic soccer start next week. If you’re interested in joining the team, make sure to sign up outside room 371, and don’t forget to have your molecular resizing permission form signed. Students trying out who do not have their sheet signed will be lost to the relative lights years of space between atoms.
College Callers University of Michigan, room 207, period 2
University of the Last and Darkest Thoughts of Jesus Christ, room 207, period 3