Maybe they’re right. Maybe I am no good for you // SHAWN MENDES
Tap…tap, tap… the sound echoes around my silent bedroom. My eyes flick open, body still at the sound. Waiting. Tense. It’s probably just the wind blowing the trees against my window pane. I shut my eyes again.
Tap, tap, tap… tap. This time I sit up. Maybe it’s just a bird? I look to the alarm clock, the light harsh against my eyes. 2:25 AM. What kind of bird is up at this time? I listen for the noise again. Nothing. I let out a sigh of relief and sink back into my blankets.
TAP, TAP, TAP. It’s more urgent this time. Ripping my blankets off my body I walk to the window. I reach to open the blind, hand faltering just I was about to open them. Isn’t this the part of like every horror movie ever where the girl opens the curtains and then they get stabbed by a masked killer?
TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP. I slam the curtains open. A black and white mask covers half his face in a skull pattern, the rest of him dressed in black. Bright brown eyes meet mine. Well shit. I hastily open the window and he climbs through.
“Gees women how long does it take you to open a window?” Shawn asks me, his voice muffled through the fabric.
“Oh I’m sorry,” I say placing one hand on my hip. “I didn’t know I was expecting company at 2:30 in the morning,”
He just grins at me. “Missed you too,” Shawn says cheekily.
I roll my eyes, hands reaching out to pull him by his cotton jacket towards me. I wrap my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest. He smells what he always smells like, soap and fresh air, which given by his choice in past time it’s not unusual.
One of his hands lifts up to stroke the back of my head, he rests a kiss on my forehead, while the other hand stays glued to his stomach.
I look at him suspiciously. “What happened to you?” I ask, pulling back completely and crossing my arms over my chest. Shawn knew my disapproval about him being in a gang, but of course he was stubborn and refused to leave until his contract was up. I never understood it.
He gives me a wry smile. “Not much,” he answers taking a step back, his face hardening.
“Liar” I say glaring at him. “It will be much easier in the long run if you tell me now,” We stare at each other. I sigh, uncrossing my arms. “I just want to make sure you’re okay, I’m worried about you, alright?” His expression softens.
“I know you do,” He says. Gently, he lifts his arm away and rolls up the bottom of his shirt. A bruise the size of my fist, black and blue, lines the side of his stomach. A gasp escapes me.
“What did they do to you?” I cry, holding my arms to my chest. I knew what Shawn did was dangerous, never before however have I seen him hurt.
“Its not what you think,” he says, tugging his shirt down. “Its just,” He falters.
“Just what?” I say my voice rising. “Did they do that to you?” I ask. He doesn’t say anything. I turn away, not being able to look him in the eyes.
“I can’t believe this,” I mumble although its more to myself then to Shawn. I couldn’t stand seeing him hurt.
“Baby its ok-”
“Don’t you dare tell me its okay,” I snap cutting him off. I can feel angry tears beginning to well in my eyes. “They hurt you. What’s going to happen next? Stab wound maybe? Broken bone? Fucking bullet wound?”
I’ve kept this anger to myself ever since I found about Shawn being in a gang that he’s tied to until hes 22. His past is a mess. He got caught up with bad people and now he’s paying the price.
“Y/N…” He trails off.
“See! You can’t even defend yourself, you know i’m right,”
“They had a perfectly good reason,” He tries to reason.
“And what reason was that? You didn’t get the proper drugs or wasn’t there enough cash?” I’m fully crying now.
“They wanted to use you, dammit Y/N” Shawn runs a hand through his brown locks. I freeze.
“What?” my voice sounds small, a faint chill creeping in from the open window.
Slowly Shawn removes the fabric. More bruises appear on the once milky skin of his jaw.
“They wanted to use you as bait for the drug lord in the west of the city,” His eyes flick up to mine, darkness swirls in the inkiness of them. “I told them over my dead body would they ever lay a fucking hand on you,” Tears continue to spring from my eyes at Shawn’s revelation.
“Of course, lets just say they didn’t like my language nor defiance and this is what happened,” he shrugs his shoulders as though nothing happened.
I sniffle, trying to stop the tears. Gosh, it made me seem so weak in front of him.
“I don’t know what to say,” I manage.
“You don’t have to say anything, I have everything covered,” I don’t believe him. They hit him because he wouldn’t let them use me, I was his soft spot. What if they used me again against him? I couldn’t bare to see Shawn do something terrible just to save me.
Wiping my eyes, I stand up taller, trying to remove all emotion from my face. Seeing Shawn standing there though, tall and handsome, I felt my stomach knot with what I was about to do.
“When people first saw us together, in public,” I begin, my eyes never leaving his. “They thought I was crazy. They told me you were no good for me,” I let out a weak chuckle. “I’m.. I’m beginning to think that they’re right,” I can’t look at him in the face anymore.
“I don’t want to be with you anymore, not like this,” I whisper. My body slightly slumps and I want to cry all over again.
“No,” Shawn says. My head snaps up.
“What do you mean no? I’m breaking up with you Shawn- you can’t just say no,” I say, my eyes narrowing.
“I know what you’re doing.” A small part of me is filled with joy that he didn’t agree to break up. “You think that by us splitting up is going to make them stop coming after you to get back at me or to make me comply. It doesn’t work that way sweetheart,” He smirks at me, his confidence rolling off him in waves. Now I knew why he was such a valued member in the gang. He could keep his cool in just about any situation.
“You can leave me but that doesn’t mean I just magically stop loving you.” Shawn takes a step forward, cautious that I might run off. When I don’t, he takes a few more until the tips of his shoes are inches from my sock covered feet.
“And maybe they’re right. Maybe I am no good for you. But honestly, does it matter? The best moments in my life have been moments spent with you and if you think for one goddamn second that I’m going to let you slip through my fingers, you’re wrong. I will do anything to protect you- anything. I don’t care what they do to me, I love you and I’m staying with you till I die baby,”
I grin, “Staying in the gang might bring that day closer,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck, leaving a kiss to his bruised jaw as I felt a chuckle vibrate through his body.
“I only have 6 months left then I’m out. Then its just you, me and the open road, we can go anywhere. We could start a family!” excitement fills his eyes and I giggle tugging him towards the bed, watching as he slips off his shoes.
“We have to get through right now first,” He slides out his jeans and grabs my hand, tugging me back to him.
“We will, trust me,” He says. The smile on his face is so certain that can’t help but forget my worries.
“I love you,” Shawn says, kissing me softly.
“I love you more,” I say as I pull back and tug him towards the bed.
“Oh and Y/N?”
“Yeah,” I ask moving the covers so he can slip in next to me.
“Never break up with me again,”