oops this is all i thought

countessselena  asked:

For the sentence prompts: "DO. NOT. BURN. THE. MONEY.“ :)

This prompt was a lot harder to fill than I thought it would be. Sorry it’s taken me so long!! I’m distracting myself before doing Adult Things™ with the rest of my afternoon. 

Errrrr, yeah. This was supposed to be a short little thing. Heh. Oops?

Unbeta’d.

(AO3)

All in a Day’s Work

“DO. NOT. BURN. THE. MONEY.” The ugly toad-like king bellows as Rose holds the bag of money over the Pit of Sacred Flame.

“Oh, you mean, this money?” Rose smirks as she tips the bag slightly, glaring at the king as a few notes flutter delicately into the pit and are quickly consumed by flames.

“HOW DARE YOU!” In one sudden movement, the king shifts to lunge at Rose, but a voice from the side stops him in his tracks.

“Ah, ah, ah,” the northern burr of the Doctor interjects as he enters the cave, his gait deceptively carefree. “I don’t think you want to do that.”

“She stole from me, that little scrawny wench. That’s my money. Mine!” the king growls, pointing an accusatory finger at Rose.

From across the pit, Rose snorts, her confidence more genuine with the Doctor’s presence. “Riiiight. Your money. You mean, the money you stole from the people, your own people, to fund the slave operation we just put a stop to?”

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i dont think u guys understand how much i love bunnies (aka why i love bun 2d)

like ive had this bunny stuffed animal since i was 1 yrs old

and i always get called a bunny by the way i eat ?? also bc i eat raw veggies all the time so ppl are always like “you are like a rabbit”

and i used to have like somewhat “buck teeth” bc i usesd to suck on my thumb (oops) and my dad would tell me i would look like a rabbit if i kept doing it (but i like pushed my teeth back so LOL SCREW YOU BRACES) 

i just rly love bunnies

bunnies are my favorite animal forever

like my username squishlee is bc i thought “my cheeks are squishy like a bunny” so i made it squish then added the lee bc of my middle name and bc it sounded like ‘squishy’ if you say it realy fast

bunnies. they are my everything

So, as promised, here’s my list of lesbian movies for all of our lovely followers and the people you want to share it with. I hope I haven’t forgotten any good ones, but if you feel like that is the case, feel free to add movies to the list! 

This is my gift for all of you, I hope you’ll like it ♥

/ Mod W

Tipping the Velvet 

  • based on the book by sarah waters (she has written many lesbian books!)
  • it’s a bbc adapatation
  • technically a mini series but i like to see it as three hours of lesbian content heaven
  • it’s about this girl who falls in love with an actress and she goes to see her at the theatre five billion times until the actress notices her (that’s just the first part, other things happen to the main so watch the rest for more lesbian content~)
  • the main character (nan astley/king) is like… my fave. i love her.
  • the book is very good too!!!
  • honestly i have so much love for this movie/book i get all giddy just thinking of it

Bound

  • lesbian gangster/mob movie do i need to say more???
  • the main actresses are cute af (one of them is a butch lesbian!)
  • it’s awesome and very cool
  • (gonna trigger warn for use of lesbophobic slurs used by some characters/some lesbophobic violence)

Below Her Mouth

  • meh plot with amazing sex scenes basically?
  • a lot of sex scenes
  • i mean it like half the movie is graphic sex so if ur uncomfortable with that you probably shouldn’t watch it lol
  • all female cast
  • willa from wynonna earp!

The Handmaiden

  • also based on a book by sarah waters (called Fingersmith, there’s a bbc adaptation of it too which you should totally check out as well)
  • good quality movie right there
  • (putting a trigger warning here for sexual and psychological abuse and abuse in general)

Kyss Mig

  • one of few good swedish movies
  • basically about two step-sisters who fall in love (they’re not actually related i promise)

But I’m a Cheerleader

  • baby natasha lyonne is in this one! also i have a crush on clea duvall in this movie lol
  • a very cute love story tbh
  • good aesthetic
  • you’ve probably heard of it before but idc cause it’s great
  • (it’s like a satire of conversion therapy so if that’s something you can’t watch i don’t recommend this movie for you in particular)

If These Walls Could Talk 2 

  • a bunch of famous actresses (like chloë sevigny, michelle williams, natasha lyonne, ellen degeneres, etc. etc.)
  • divided in three segments from three different periods in time
  • one segment is set during the feminist movement in the 70s and features chloë sevigny as a butch lesbian with a motorcycle do i even need to say more??

Anatomy of a Love Seen

  • this is about two actresses who were a couple when they shot a movie together and now they have to go back and re-shoot some love scenes but they’re not a couple anymore and it’s sad af
  • i have basically never seen this movie in any rec lists but it’s actually one of my faves and i cry so much to this movie tbh

Saving Face

  • this is a good one
  • also pretty funny tbh!
  • it’s about a doctor who falls in love with a dancer and the doctor’s relationship with her conservative mom
  • it’s kind of rom-comish

Lost and Delirious

  • warning: very sad like super sad?
  • it’s about a girl who goes to a boarding school and so happens to become roommates with a lesbian couple
  • teen angst squared and multiplied with gay panic

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love

  • you may have heard of this one but if you haven’t it’s time you watch it
  • that woman who plays tina on the l word is a butch-ish girl in this one
  • VERY CUTE and chill
  • every time i watch this it feels like this movie is the director’s BABY like it seems like she cares about this story so much and it makes the movie feel so genuine and lovely
  • i want every baby lesbian to watch this, please, it’s my gift to you.

D.E.B.S.

  • you may have heard of this one too but if you haven’t seen it yet it’s definitely worth a watch!
  • lesbian spies!
  • the heroine falls in love with the villain (that enemies to lovers trope tho!!)

Desert Hearts

  • old but good!
  • i feel like this movie is on most of these long rec lists but people probably don’t watch it cause it’s old but it is actually pretty good!
  • your classic “oops i thought i was straight but that woman is hot” story

Margarita With a Straw

  • indian girl figures out she’s bi when she goes to uni in new york and meets a lesbian girl
  • cute, funny, sad, it has everything tbh
  • The Hours (actually one of my all-time favorite movies/books!)
  • The Intervention
  • The Kids Are All Right
  • The Children’s Hour
  • Elena Undone
  • Fucking Åmål 
100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 2

We did it amigos. Another list! I am so grateful that you all are sharing your ideas to help inspire others (faith in humanity restored)

  1. “Where is my fucking pudding?!”
  2. “I thought we agreed to never use butter for that reason again…”
  3. “Well if it’s the guy who never shuts up about toilet paper!”
  4. “Honey, did you see my sniper rifle?”
  5. “Oops…”
  6. “God damn it he died. Whatever. Just leave him there.”
  7. “Listen, I know you’re upset, but please put down the baking soda before someone gets hurt.”
  8. “Look, about the monkey…”
  9. “I don’t understand! I only used a finger.”
  10. “It’s not as hard as you think, I promise.”
  11. “well this is what i call hell of a night”
  12. “How could an entire school disappear?”
  13. “What do you mean the brownies are "not quite brownies”?“
  14. "Yes, I understand that its cool, but why does your toaster have wings?” “Well its alive of course. It flies.”
  15. “Don’t turn that on!”
  16. “Wait…I’m also- technically- underage and you’re a stranger…should I be screaming also?”
  17. “I though you meant "literally” metaphorically. “
  18. "Ok so don’t get mad but I might have started a war.”
  19. “Good morning… I see the assassins failed again.”
  20. “You’re a murderer, how are you working at a hospital?”
  21. “That cat just stole my cereal!”
  22. “Did you see that? Please tell me you saw it.”
  23. “Hey, can you stop shooting people right now? We’re trying to sleep.”
  24. “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS KEITH!”
  25. “If you think I’m leaving you and your demon eyes and evil horns you’re wrong.”
  26. “What do you mean, this isn’t Earth?”
  27. “Damn it, ____! Not peanuts again!”
  28. “Why did I just press the big red button?”
  29. “So tell me again why this dead body is being sent to Goodwill?”
  30. “Lucifer, I know that we said we would share rent but you never said anything about your brother living with us.”
  31. “God dammit, I’m supposed to be a bat! Why the hell am I a possum, Karen?!”
  32. “Sarah, where’s the dog?” “Up in space?”
  33. “You had only one job and it wasn’t even a difficult task, but seriously, how did you end up like this!?”
  34. “Well I never said I WASN’T going to kill the bartender …”
  35. “I mean, it was only a small eldritch being, so it wasn’t that bad…”
  36. “Hold me back bro!”
  37. “I think there’s a new lifeform evolving in my fridge.”
  38. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
  39. “Can we have lunch now, or do you still want to continue looking at dead people?”
  40. “I can’t believe you ate my cheese…we’re over”
  41. “Sometimes I wonder why we’re still friends.” “Because I turned you into a cyborg after being shredded by an explosion and you owe me.” “…Fair enough.”
  42. “Well, I didn’t quite expect to wake up pregnant either and yet… here we are, so can you please pass me that can of bread?”
  43. “Ok, I know I said ‘You can throw a hairbrush at them’, but I didn’t actually mean it!”
  44. “When I told you to feed the dog I didn’t expect you to feed him the neighbors cat.”
  45. “Clearly, you’ve never gotten rid of a body before…”
  46. “This sort of thing never happened when I was dating your brother.”
  47. Sometimes, I wonder about you. And then I worry.“
  48. ” Wait, wait, wait, start from the very beginning. how did you manage to set the house on fire with that??“
  49. "For fucks sake, dude, how many times do I have to tell you that that’s not what penises are for?”
  50. “One woman’s terrorist is another woman’s freedom fighter.”
  51. “This isn’t right… the humans shouldn’t be able to move on their own.”
  52. “Why is unicorn blood on our shopping list?”
  53. “Must you unhinge your jaw like that when you eat? It’s disgusting.”
  54. “You’ve violated the law, my trust, and your friend. Tell me, why should I believe anything you say?”
  55. “No, no don’t open the fridge, I need to keep they eyeballs cold.”
  56. “did he break his jaw again by falling down a flight of stairs?” “Passive aggressive much?”
  57. “For the last time, put the declaration of independence back!”
  58. "That isn’t permanent, right?”
  59. “You know, ripping someone’s beating heart right out of their chest with your bare hand looks cool in anime, but irl it’s just unsanitary…”
  60. “She didn’t tell you” “Tell me what” “He’s dead”
  61. “But his dad is an asshole–” “HIS AUTHOR IS AN ASSHOLE”
  62. “You are here and you haven’t tried to kill me yet. You must want something from me.”
  63. “The salesperson made a flying tentacle monster sound a lot more alluring, I swear!”
  64. “Okay…the radiator just growled at me”
  65. “Dude, were you listening to me? Why are you barking?” “I’m not barking. I thought YOU were barking!”
  66. “How did you get that bump on your lip”
  67. “Buddy. You need to chill, and put that knife away before I get out my gun.”
  68. “ ” I dare you to take your shirt off" “ no” “ I doubledare you” “No” “I tripledare you” “ god dammit Steve , im not wearing a Shirt!”“
  69. "Why the fuck are there founding fathers in our living room”
  70. “Girls only say 'I will not dignify that with a response.’ when they’ve done the thing you’ve just accused them of.” “Do you know this, because you’ve done it?” “I will not dignify that with a response.”
  71. “They think we’re terrible but really we’re only mediocre”
  72. “You’d think by now we’d stop bringing death into these things. Look at them, they have anxiety!”
  73. “Ok, first of all asshat, stop touching me. Second, that is never going to work out! Third, stop TOUCHING me.”
  74. “So if I do understand, you’re telling me that you created insects robots. The same one that destroyed the city. ”
  75. “Why is THIS in your fridge? This is some serious contraband.”
  76. “Please tell me you’re joking about marrying the bastard’s son we call Satan.” “ Don’t talk about your mother like that!!”
  77. “Did you explode the microwave again?!”
  78. "Honey where’s the dog?” “Like I said, I’m making a smoothie.”
  79. “Fifteen bucks you can’t hook up with Satan.” “Make it twenty.”
  80. “I don’t know, maybe because he has some semblance of taste?
  81. "What could possibly make you think eating three tons of cheese for the mice in radiation-test labs was okay?!”
  82. “Who actually let the dogs out?”
  83. “Hey, you don’t know how many bodies are buried in my backyard.”
  84. “I told you to kill me.” “I did. Just this morning.” “Well, shit!”
  85. “So… This isn’t the end, is it? I mean I still want to hang out with you at least. Maybe go for another space adventure, hm?”
  86. “I’m sorry, it was the HEAT OF THE MOMENT,”
  87. "Hey, wanna go out for a romantic moonlight killing spree?”
  88. “So, you’re into …..? Huh, I never would’ve known.”
  89. “Did you hear that scream?” “Yes, I’m the one who screamed”
  90. “What are you doing?”
  91. “But really, why would anyone need two dozen armadillos?”
  92. “You can’t keep 'solving’ your problems by going to another dimension!”
  93. “I still can’t believe you assassinated a unicorn.”
  94. “Wait, you have FOUR knives?” “No, no. I have four knives ON me.”
  95. “I’ve killed a man using only a copy of Hamlet and a computer mouse. I am NOT afraid of you!" 
  96. "What the hell are those?”
  97. “Are you sure you’re not an arsonist?”
  98. “I know, right? You’d suspect any of them of secretly being an alien, but not…”
  99. “Why didn’t you stop?”
  100. “So, start explaining why there are dozens of puppies in my guest room.”

Let’s make another list. Part 3! Leave a reply and don’t forget the double quotes “”. I want to give everyone a chance to contribute to our community. So as always, one prompt per amigo. Dankje! 

I wanna make love to the sound of a beautiful orchestral piece… Can you imagine it? Can you imagine the passion? The softness? The transcendence? Can you imagine the beauty of it all? Turning your own bodies into instruments? Merging the two most enticing forms of ethereal pleasure together… Savour music with your lips, play along with your heart and feel it dissolve at the edge of your skin. Shudder beneath the soft kisses of a mouth led by a light pianissimo, and it’s all gorgeous and it’s romantic and it makes your heart roar ever so slightly alongside that incredible melody. And then there’s a violin solo, or a flute, and their hands show you how the music feels, and it is all in such perfect synchrony that the goosebumps on your skin reflect themselves upon your soul. And suddenly you can barely breathe as the crescendo unfolds itself on your bare body, their hands grow eager, their lips tear you into pieces in such urgency that hunger becomes too small of a word to describe it. Your chest rises and falls in a desperate attempt to keep up with the blast of harmonies that erupt and awaken a part of yourself​ you didn’t know existed. The music is the frenzy before the storm, and so are you. As it sprints higher and faster, it resonates wider and deeper within your core, like an incessant echo between every taste you engulf of them, a vibration of the air around and against your every nerve ending. You cease to have 5 senses, for you intake that experience as a whole, and you don’t know if it’s the music that transports you to another realm of existence, or if it’s a vigorous sequence of exploring touches that overflows your sense of reality. And maybe you’ll never know… But it all builds up inside you, it grows and it growls enough for you to scream and plea aloud. And you’re part of the melody that brings you both undone in the sheets of your own brand new piece, written in shaky breaths and ecstasy. The music settles, guiding your heartbeat into redemption. And you lay there, tracing their skin with your fingertips to the sound of the finishing touches of a piano, long before it’s faded.

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

26.4.17 || 5/100 days of productivity

Had a pretty productive day today despite my state of sleeplessness, and finally got around to deep cleaning my room. ✌🏻 I’m talking dusting, vacuuming, sheet washing and changing. The fun stuff. I also worked on some notes and reading for my digital media class, when I should really be writing my criminology essay. Oops?

On another note, I’m somehow less than five followers away from 10k???? WTF YOU GUYS?! Y’ALL HAVE BEEN MULTIPLYING LIKE RABBITS! I wanna host a fun lil giveaway so let me know if you have any ideas for the prize! I’m on a budget though guys so it’ll have to be fairly affordable if I’m gonna ship it internationally. *cries at the thought of shipping prices but puts on a brave face because I love you guys* 💛 I hope you’re all having a lovely week!

🎶 Hard Times - Paramore 

Pyramid Scheme scammer ends up paying in the end!

(very long story)

About 6 or 7 years ago, I was trying to enlist into the military. I ended up not joining but that’s a story for another time. At this point, I was led to believe I was about 4 months away from leaving for Boot camp. I was running out of savings, and needing a part time job for some spending cash while I waited around.

So I did what any enterprising 20something would do, and searched craigslist for jobs. I normally hate sales jobs, especially those based on commissions, but figured it would be a great way to earn some extra cash short term. Found a few job listings that looked promising, and put out some applications. A few days later I received a call from David. He was opening up a new store and needed associates. He liked my resume and asked if I’d be available for an interview on Friday morning. I was very up front with him, and let him know that the distance was a bit more than I’d normally drive for a retail job, and asked what he was offering for an hourly rate, to see if it was worth the drive. He told me that they were planning on offering an hourly rate in the mid teens, along with commission. Seemed like an ok deal, so I agreed to be there Friday at 8am.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Imagine Amren... babysitting the rest of the Inner Circle's children

Rhys: Jeremy, who told you it was okay to cut your own hair?

Jeremy: (shrugs) Aunty Amren said we should learn to do things for ourselves.
—-
Cassian: Laila, do you know where daddy’s siphons went?

Laila: I hid them under my pillow.

Cassian: And why would you hide daddy’s siphons under your pillow?

Laila: That’s where Aunty Amren hides all her sparkly things.
—–
Mor: NOAH. LIVING ROOM. NOW.

Noah: (trudges down the stairs) Yes, mother dearest?

Mor: Why are all the vases filled with goats blood?

Noah: Ms. Amren gave me $50 bucks to do it.
—–
Azriel: Rose, where it your brother?

Rose: (shrugs)

Azriel: Rose?

Rose: Last I saw him, he was sitting in the middle of the stairs to the House of Wind.

Azriel: And why would you leave Oliver there when you know he doesn’t have wings?

Rose: Aunty Amren said we teach people how to treat us. Oliver sent his shadows after me, so I made sure he’d never do it again.
—–
Feyre: Rhys, why does it look like you cut your own hair?

Rhys: Because I did.

Feyre: Why exactly?

Rhys: Because Amren told Jeremy that he should learn to do things for himself so he cut his own hair and i was going to scold him but then i realized that I’d never cut my own hair so it wouldn’t be fair to get mad at him for something I’d never tried so I tried and well….

Feyre: (pinches the bridge of her nose)
—–
Nesta: Laila, why did you paint flowers all over the bathroom mirror?

Laila: Because Aunty Amren said daddy is always ogling his muscles in it because he wants to impress mommy, and I thought they would make him feel pretty.
—–
Noah: Mother’s tits!

Mor: NOAH! LANGUAGE.

Noah: oops.

Mor: Did Amren teach you that?

Noah: No. Uncle Cassian says it when Laila and Aunt Nesta aren’t around.

Oops?
  • James: So Mr. Scorpius Malfoy... How long have you fancied Rose?
  • Scorpius: About 4 years
  • James: And your middle name is
  • Scorpius: Hyperion
  • James: And your boyfriend's name is
  • Scorpius: Albus
  • All: *GASP*
  • Scorpius: What no! I misunderstood! You said boyfriend? I thought you said best friend! Albus is my... Best friend.
  • Albus: You bastard! You lying bastard!
have you ever been in love? - reggie mantle

word count: 2.328 (oops)

warnings: swearing, i mention death like once

plot: a quiz about love makes reggie think about you

a/n: plot was inspired by this . i wanted to write something short and cute and now it’s 3am and i wrote this long ass thing

part 2


“Alright, class,” The teacher spoke up, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Hence today is Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d give you all a short, small quiz!”

The announcement was met with a collective groan.

“It’s not that kind of quiz.” The teacher began handing out papers, a smile on their face. “It’s about love and even though it won’t get graded, try to answer the question seriously, don’t joke around.”

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anonymous asked:

any good actor au's?!

I AM SO GLAD YOU BOTH ASKED FOR THIS! I have read many amazing fics from this AU! IT’S SO GOOD! The only thing I don’t like about it is that there aren’t enough fics! Enjoy!

Originally posted by shiromahou


Actor AU


all the world’s a stage by braveten, Explicit, 112k
AU where Victor is the the most famous actor in Hollywood and Yuuri is a silver medalist at this year’s GPF… and also has a huge crush on Victor. Yuuri auditions to become his skating coach for a movie with the help of Pitchit and cuteness ensues. Fun, great writing, lots of fluff, some angst, and a little bit of smut! This fic made all my AU dreams come true….

Oops, baby I love you by Inkspill, Teen, 48k (WIP)
Viktor Nikiforov won another Oscars this 2016 and Yuri’s a budding fashion designer. As much as they do love each other, their work and the almost non-existent time they have for each other led for them to break up. Everything was okay, or so they thought . Awesome actor AU!

Ptichye Moloko by lilithduvare, Melody_thysoulandthylove, Teen, 14k (WIP)
Viktor is a two time Academy Award winner actor who, while shooting a movie in Japan accidentally found a small cake shop Agape & Eros and instantly fell in love with the stunning desserts on display. He, however, did not expect to fall in love with the gorgeous but shy man who ran the shop. Love!

Cherry Blossoms by HEClementine8, Teen, 3.4k
Viktor knew he could be exceedingly dramatic at even the best of times, Yuri would testify a thousand times to that, but for once Viktor felt his thoughts had fallen pathetically short of truth. I love this fic! Bonus dancer!Yuuri <3

Cup Ramen and Orange Soda by misato, Explicit, 9.3k (WIP)
When he reaches his apartment, he unpacks the groceries and finds something written on the back of the receipt in neat, perfect handwriting. It’s a phone number and a note underneath, reading: ‘Text me! - Viktor Nikiforov’ THIS SO GOOD OMG

Putting On A Show by starshine_smile, Teen, 7.8k (WIP)
Viktor Nikiforov is a famous Russian actor, and it seems that he has all a man could want. Which is why no-one expects him to pack up and move to Detroit. Thumbs up!

here’s to the fools by MissSpock, Teen, 3.9k
The Victor Nikiforov slid his sunglasses down his nose, and Yuuri was suddenly confronted with sparkling eyes so blue he could die. Maybe he did. Maybe he’s dead and his soul had ascended to heaven. He really couldn’t tell anymore. I’m obsessed with this and I love how it’s inspired by La La Land!

Yuuri in Love by Katraa, Mature, 1.7k (WIP)
As fate would have it, today was also the day he ran into a lost dog. And as fate would have it, Yuuri returned that dog to the address on the tag, which just so happened to be the lead actor of the Play House, Viktor Nikiforov. Can’t wait for more to come!

starstruck by shizuoh, Teen, 49k (WIP)
In which yuuri is a simple barista, viktor is a famous movie star, and yuri is an 8 year old kid stuck in the middle of it. Love!

anonymous asked:

is having a ginormous fat peen a deal breaker for you? yano cuz u short

Anonymous looked up at the sky, not trusting the colour smeared upon the horizon. Horizons could be misleading, they knew. Horizons could convince you it was still daylight, even when the whole of the sky arced above you in a sprawl of midnight. Looking forward was not always enough. Sometimes, you had to look up. 

Directly above Anonymous, the moon cut its teeth into the clouds, drawing blood and bruising the darkness with its waxen light, waning at the edges. It was time. 

They did not have long. The witch had told them, as she reluctantly handed them the bag of herbs, that the spell would only be useful for the minute or so that the moon was at its highest. The minute was upon them. 

Fifty five seconds left. 

Cursing themself for having lost track of time, Anonymous reached into their trouser pocket and pulled out the little drawstring bag. With hands shaking in anticipation, they emptied the contents into the small well they’d dug into the earth all those hours ago, and covered it back over with dirt. Fingers crossed behind their back, they stepped away and waited.

It did not happen immediately. Magic takes time, the witch had said. Magic does not come to you when you ask for it; it comes to you when it’s good and ready. You can cast all the spells you like, scatter all the herbs and make all the offerings, but magic cannot be summoned - only tempted. 

The seconds ticked by, and Anonymous waited.

This had been a long time coming, they reflected. They had waited too long for the taste of power on their lips. They had been too long distant from how it felt to be in control. They had learnt too early their place in the world, and they had too soon come to rue it. The chasm between want and have had grown inexorably bigger since the day they were born, and now they were here. 

The mound of earth did not move. Anonymous thought about the time they had first felt insignificant - the first time they had realised that they stood small in the face of all things - and counted the seconds. 

With ten seconds left before the spell died, the magic came. 

Magic has no face, has no body. It takes no form and it holds no weight. The witch had told Anonymous this herself. Magic simply is; it is because no other word will do, but it is not. It cannot be, and has never been, and yet it is. 

When Anonymous thought about it, it was all rather complicated.

Best, then, not to think at all. Best to give voice to thought and make it speech. 

Anonymous cleared their throat and began. 

“I suppose you’re wondering why I summoned you here - ” 

I was not summoned. 

They flushed, the soundless sound surprising them even though they had been expecting it. Do not fear the voiceless voice, the witch had warned. It speaks, and is silent. The words are only half your own. 

Breathing slowly, they tried again. 

“No, of course not. Sorry. I’m not - I haven’t used magic before.” 

And you still have not. I am not here to be used. Say what you would have, and I will do the same. This is not a service. This is a trade.

“Right. Yes. Sorry.” They inhaled, exhaled. This was the only chance they would have to resolve the conflict that had been the shape of all their life. This was the resolution of aporia; of feeling as though they deserved everything, yet having nothing. Of knowing that they should be free, but being everywhere in chains. Of wanting, and of not having. “I want to feel powerful.” 

In what sense? Power is not all-encompassing. The queen ant is powerful to the workers, but weak to the heel of the boot. What power would you hold? Do you seek to command nations, or to master the arts, or to take another as your own? 

Anonymous considered how best to formulate their response before replying. Precision was key here. The witch had made it clear that magic would grant you what you asked, whether or not it was exactly what you wanted. 

“I’m tired of being silent,” they said eventually. “I’m tired of being unable to say whatever I want. I’m sick to the teeth of thinking all these thoughts - great thoughts, too; thoughts that could topple cities and part seas - and being forced to keep them to myself, all because other people think that their own feelings are more important. Well, what of my feelings? What of feeling inadequate? What of the weight of being told to keep silent? Do they know what that does to a person?”

As they spoke, they could feel their heartbeat rise, pumping and roaring in their ears, in their veins. “Sorry,” they added. “I’m getting carried away. But to answer your question - I want to have the power to speak my mind.”

In all things?

They contemplated it. “Yes. In all things.”

The silence was real for a few moments before it became illusion.

I can help you.

“And will you?” 

Yes. It will require exchange, however.

At these words, Anonymous could hardly contain their excitement. “Anything. I’ll give you anything.” They took their purse out from their other pocket, and held it out towards the mound. “I have money. I have a house, too, but that’s back in town. You mightn’t like it there. My neighbours - ”

I would have your face.

Anonymous faltered. “My what?”

Your face. That is my offer. I will give you unlimited and unprecedented power to speak your mind. All thoughts you have will be given voice, and you will never again be forced to turn away from speaking aloud what you have always been taught to keep silent. In return for this extraordinary power, I would take from you your face, and in so doing I would give myself form and body. You would never again be silent; I would never again be invisible. 

“But wouldn’t I suffer without a face? How would anyone know that it was me who was speaking?” Anonymous asked, wringing their hands around their purse. 

I have named my payment. Now I would name my price. The price of this power is thus: the knowledge that all thoughts you give voice to will be dampened by your lack of face. That everything you ever say to another will be tempered by your lack of identity. That no-one will again know whose thoughts you speak; only that you do speak, and in all things. 

There was nothing for it. They would have to decline. They could not accept these terms. What power came at such a price, after all? What king had ever ruled his country with no name or face? What lover had ever made another theirs with no identity? 

All the times they had been asked to hold their tongue; all the times they had been scolded for speaking their mind; all the times they had uttered the wrong words at the wrong time and had suffered for it: all this had been for nothing. 

Although, Anonymous admitted to themself, the thought did appeal on one front, and one front alone. It was undeniable that a certain freedom was gained by completely giving up one’s identity. After all, who could be held accountable for a deed when the deed was done by one with neither name nor face? Who would they scold when the words that were given were not the words that were wanted? Who would suffer when the things said were not things that people wanted to hear?

Only those who heard them, of course, and not the one who spoke them. 

And immediately, ashamedly, wonderfully, the decision was already made, had perhaps been made years ago. 

“It’s a deal.” 

You agree to the payment and price?

“I do. Take my face, and give me the power I seek.”

The deal is struck.

And then the moon, which had begun to falter at its peak, was suddenly once more at its highest. The minutes had been returned. 

Hand trembling, Anonymous reached up to touch their face, only to find that, of course, there was no face. Where their image had been - the folds of their mouth, the curve of their nose - was now smooth and featureless. There was nothing there at all.

“Are you happy?” came a voice from behind them. 

Anonymous whirled around, and came face to face with their own face, worn by another. “Who are you?” they asked, and a thrill chased up their spine at the realisation that there was no fear behind these words at all. Their voice did not falter. The question was biting, crystalline.

“I am Magic,” replied the impostor, “given form by our deal. Is it to your satisfaction?” It cocked its head inquisitively, Anonymous’ old eyes seeking validation in their new setting, and Anonymous felt powerful. They were looking at their old self - their weaker, voiceless self - and they were free.

Anonymous drew a deep breath in before responding. “is having a ginormous fat peen a deal breaker for you?” they asked.

Magic blinked. “I don’t understand.” 

“yano,” continued Anonymous, “cuz u short.”

“Why are you saying that?” asked Magic, eyes darting left to right in placid uncertainty. “I don’t understand. I gave you what you wanted. You could say anything you wanted, and no-one would ever hold you accountable. You could take a lover with intricately crafted sonnets, bend ears with your scintillating rhetoric, and yet you choose - ”

“is having a ginormous fat peen a deal breaker for you? yano cuz u short,” interjected Anonymous, feeling giddy and drunk with power.

Magic blinked again. “You have the choice of a thousand languages, billions of words - ”

“is having a ginormous fat peen - ”

“Sometimes,” Magic interrupted, “silence is the more powerful weapon after all. I could undo what I have done, but I think it best not to bother. Some people will never learn. I wish you luck with all things, and may you one day find your power useful, for it will not aid you in the pursuit you have chosen.”

With that, Magic was gone, and Anonymous’ face was lost to them forever. Now alone, Anonymous looked gleefully at the small mound of earth that had been their salvation. They thought of all the things they would say tomorrow, and they smiled.

At least, they would have smiled, had they been able.

Far away, Magic rolled its new eyes, and decided to write a sonnet. 

Oops.

I’m playing as a witch in our newest campaign….magic is a lot harder than I thought.

Context: we’re in a cave and the party split up. 4 people just fought 9 spiders and all but one were knocked out. Now it’s me and 2 other people trying to fight spiders in a different part of the cave and one girl was already knocked out and inflict light wounds isn’t doing much for me.

Me, panicking: should I use my crossbow? Should I use a spell?

our DM, who is trying DMing for the first time: why don’t you use one of your hexes?

me: they wouldn’t fit in this situation…

the sorceror, who is really good at pathfinder and DMs a lot: I told you misfortune would be a good idea…

me: DON’T YELL AT ME!!! ALL I HAVE IS “KILL SHIT” (blight) AND “TALK TO SPIDERS” (tongues, in which I could have spoken to the spiders for a minute)

the sorceror: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??? WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS IF YOU HAD TALKED TO THEM!!!!

Me: is it too late??

our DM: well, you already cut 2 of its legs off so it probably won’t want to listen to you

I know we all rave about Grantaire drawing or painting Enjolras over and over, but what if R never sketches Enjolras. Never. He doesn’t think his art is any good (despite protests and encouraging words from his friends) and he can’t bear the thought of completely mangling the angelic face that lives under his eyelids. 

He draws everyone else, shows them portraits and doodles of themselves all the time. He will never connect the lines to form the sharp angles and warmth that his fingers itch to trace because he doesn’t think- no, he knows- he won’t do him justice. 

When Enjolras first notices he thinks it’s because Grantaire hates him. It’s a fair assumption because R picks apart his ideals and arguments, his beliefs and plans all the time. It starts out with Enj seeing Grantaire share his art and portraits with everyone else until he realizes that he’s not in a single one, not even the group pictures.

How wrong he is.