England and America are just lounging about on the sofa after a long world meeting and cuddling and having general huggles but then they put on a movie and it’s Miss Congeniality and they’re dying from laughter and singing:

He’s beauty and he’s grace, he’s queen of 50 states, he’s elegance and taste, he’s Miss United States

And America’s posing like, “Yes I am!”

(BONUS: Also, America turns around and goes, “Well I guess that makes you Mister United States then!” and England flushes bright red and slaps him playfully and doesn’t speak for a while)

you (posting on tumblr):oohhhh im mean and evil dont mess with me!!ooo im a rude person

me: are u sure?


"Dance with me, dumbass!"

(Now rebloggable by request!)

WELL, since I know a bunch of people would like to know the answer to this, let’s go ahead and make the reply public (and don’t worry, I’ve already ok’d this with ro-zap). 

The obvious preface is that this is what worked for me, it may not work for you, blah blah blah, and I wouldn’t say “cured” - but if to go from getting recurrent thrush so often that it was almost permanent, to getting it once a year or so if I’m (un)lucky is as close to a cure as I can get, I’ll take it. 

There are lots of things that I believe contributed to getting to a more healthful state: I cut way back on crap food, but particularly stress. I started doing yoga regularly and spending much more time, if not specifically meditating, then in a meditative state (walking in the forest and so on). 

I took/take a combination of garlic and pau d’arco (v v important), plus the usual suspects like echinacea and vitamin c to keep general immunity up. A slack immune system - I was “immunocompromised” according to the doctor - doesn’t help you. 

If you’ve actually got thrush currently, then you can try a garlic suppository (yep just whack a garlic clove, peeled, up the moot), or, my preferred treatment, a small/mini tampon soaked in tea-tree water. Now, in Australia you can get ‘water soluble’ tea tree oil (it looks like when you put Dettol in water, it becomes milky) but if you can’t get your hands on that, a drop or two of normal tea-tree in a cup of warm (filtered if possible) water will do. Soak the tampon in that and then insert it for a while and just chill (you can’t do much else, really). I never tried the plain yoghurt tampon/suppository technique but I have heard mixed results from those who did. 

Additionally, if you’re out and about, I found a thin pantyliner (less chance of sweating than a normal pad/napkin) with a few drops of tea tree oil and lavender oil on it was soothing and helpful. 

Shallow warm baths with one, a combination of a few, or all of the following are also great: Aveeno (etc) colloidal oatmeal, Epsom salts, bicarb soda, apple cider vinegar, tea tree oil, lavender oil, sandalwood oil, rose geranium oil. 

The jury’s out on the anti-candida diet but there’s nothing particularly wrong, either way, with eating a lot of garlic, olive oil, and dark green vegetables, and toning down the refined sugars and flours in general (also avoid stonefruits with ‘bloom’ on them like grapes, plums; you may know that these fruits help “draw down” yeasts from the air to make sourdough mothers, and some schools of thought think it’s best to avoid them if prone to candidiasis). 

The obvious boring stuff is: avoid tights and leggings, only wear cotton underwear, wash your sheets and towels as often as you can/can afford, try not to itch too much, and never ever ever use lubes that have sugars in them, which a surprising amount do! I recommend UberLube; you can get it from Amazon or their website and it comes in a cool bottle made out of space glass. 

And while we’re talking about vagina issues, if you get UTIs hand-in-hand with thrush, or just plain old fashioned UTIs by themselves, I’ve found this remedy almost foolproof: boil a cup of pearl barley in about five cups of water, strain it, let it cool, and then drink as much as you like. (You can add a bit of lemon and/or honey if it tastes too weird.) Much better than cranberry juice and a lot cheaper!

Finally, if any But Science bros feel like making any snide remarks about “old wive’s tales” or “lack of double-blind studies”, I would like to cordially tell them to 1. go fuck themselves, and also that 2. the fact that five years of recurrent thrush was NOT helped by Canestan/Monistat/etc and the aforementioned methods were the only thing that stopped me having a cunt full of cottage cheese is “proof” enough for me.