ooga booga

3

Remember when courage felt he needed to be perfect but then this weird ass eel thing tell him that he is beautiful and he can achieve anything ? I feel this is what we all need to hear once in a while 💕 (I know this isn’t my usual post sorry )

Here is a list of things that Snape canonly, definitely, absolutely, no-need-to-look-for-proof did (I saw it on tumblr so it must be true)

- Stalked Lily. He had a pair of binoculars in his office, and also a newspaper with two eye hole cut into it. Snape used to sit in the tree outside Lily’s bedroom window, or the bench in her favourite park, and hiss menacingly at children and the elderly as they walked by

- Couldn’t take no for an answer. When Lily told him to fuck off, Snape immediately summoned his fedora and a guitar, and sang a sad song called nice guys finish last. He followed Lily round like a puppy, crawling and begging, until she finally kicked him which prompted Snape to kick any puppies he saw for the rest of his life

- Terrified children. Snape used to hide round corners dressed in a variety of costumes, such as killer clowns, vampires, monsters, and the taxman. He would jump out at children, shout ooga booga! and hiss menacingly (which also came in handy during the stalking)

- Stole from James. As most people do with their favourite bully, Snape idolised James and thought he was wonderful. Thus Snape would eavesdrop during class to find out what tips James had so he could write them down. Pride? What pride? Nobody needs pride when James Potter is around, that swell dude, so awesome, so rad. Even his bullying victims love him. Snape even stole James’s so he could run his fingers lovingly across the pages

- Made Sirius go to prison. Just like with James, Snape adored his other bully to Sirius to such a degree that he strived to know everything about him, including whether he was a Death Eater or not (Snape and Voldie are BFFs and Voldie tells Snape everything). When Sirius was arrested, Snape could have told the truth that he definitely knew every single Death Eater in the world and that Sirius wasn’t one of them, but some children were looking so he had to be scary instead by not telling the truth that he was 100% definitely absolutely sure of

- Was an adult at the same time he was a child and student. Yes, Snape was neglected and abused, lived in poverty, had one (1) friend, and was severely bullied at school which led to him falling in with a group of young Death Eaters who preyed upon the vulnerable but– BUT—Snape also abused his students as a teacher, which means that all that other stuff is okay because teenage Snape should have thought twice before adult Snape was mean to kids. I mean, James and Sirius absolutely knew that Snape was a dick teacher so their bullying towards him was a-ok. God Snape, why weren’t you more aware of your future self like your bullies were?

- Never did anything good. Ever. Spying on the Dark Lord to the Dark Lord’s face? Using Occlumency against the greatest Legilimens in the world? Saving the life (multiple times) of the kid of the one woman you ever loved and the man who bullied you for years? Giving your life to save said kid and the wizarding world? Nah man, none of that matters if you were a mean teacher too. Don’t you know that being mean cancels out everything good you’ve ever done and makes it void? God, Snape, why didn’t you know that?

about the squad (part 1):

Penguin: Lawful Evil: Uses the Iceberg Lounge as a front for crime activity and money laundering. also sells penguin trinkets. large chunk of proceeds go to Audubon charities, “WENK, WENK, WENK”

Riddler: Chaotic Evil: scorned millennial college drop out. broke (spends all money acquired on schemes and top ramen). determined to prove that he would have ruled the world with his superior intellect if it wasn’t for his obnoxiously large student loans. in cahoots with everyone. “m’bat” *tips bowler*

Two-Face: lawful evil: Bruce’s estranged honorary family member. still pretty handsome. cries a lot, indecisive, “gotta rob things by two’s because this is my life now i guess” 

ScArEcrow: neutral evil: scientist with a Halloween aesthetic. just wants to be left alone so he can do his experiments (on people). onto something but no one knows what (and neither does he). sometimes collaborates with jay on new toxins. “ooga booga”