ooc: pope joke

A lawyer in paradise!

A lawyer died. At the same moment, the Pope also died.
They arrived at the gates of heaven at the same moment.
They spend the day in orientation, and as they’’re getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes.
Then, they get to see where they’’re going to stay.
The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18 room manison with servants and a swimming pool.
At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a Manischewitz TV dinner, and the lawyer receives a fine and tasty meal, served on silver platters.
By this time, the lawyer is beginning to suspect that an error has been made, so he asks one of the angels in charge, “Has there been some kind of mistake? This guy was the Pope, and he gets what everyone else gets, and I’’m just a lawyer and i’’m getting the finest of everything?”
The angel replied, “No mistake, sir. We’’ve had lots of popes here, but you’’re the first lawyer we’’ve ever had.”’

The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. ‘It was okay, but would you believe that guy can’t swim?’
How they decided on Pope Francis

Earlier, before the fifth ballot:

Cardinal Bergoglio: Okay guys! I managed to write the blueprints to creating the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. It wasn’t easy, with these tiny ballot sheets and all… why are you all looking at me like that?


Pope Francis: All I said was that I made blueprints…


Brother: Where is the Holy Father?!?

Another Brother: He’s in his private quarters working on the Holy Hand Grenade of-

Brother: Again?!?