only took me a couple months

anonymous asked:

How do you get through a breakup?I'm having an extremely difficult time trying to get through it

sometimes it truly takes time. took me a year to get over my first partner & honestly the only thing that helped was separating myself from that person as much as possible. take them off social media, mutuals included. put photos memories etc. in a box and put it under your bed. focus on your friends and more importantly yourself. it won’t hurt as bad in a couple months from now, let time do her thing

Feels Like Coming Home

I can’t even quite put into words how excited I am to be sharing this with you. 

This story has been a while in the making, but really took off a couple of months ago, and has consumed me. I only hope I’ve done it justice.

There are so many people I have to thank. My writing group chat has been so supportive, screaming with me (and occasionally at me) as I churned this thing out, and it made all the difference. I have to thank a few people in particular: my darling @littlebabyruth for her ongoing support and enthusiasm, not to mention her psych-picking; my wonderful @annie-pie for her med picking and support and encouragement; the always-lovely @nottooldforthisship for her enthusiasm and the amazing edit she made. And the biggest most amazing thanks go to my sweetie @realitybetterthanfiction for her beta work and support. This also brought me a new friend, daysundercover and I am so thankful to have gotten to know her better, not to mention I’m so grateful for her impromptu beta work!! 

And without further ado:

The last thing Harry Styles expects when he’s hanging out at the Someday Cafe in Somerville one rainy October day is for his ex, Louis Tomlinson to walk through the door, but that’s exactly what happens. After a spectacularly ugly break-up three years prior, Harry hasn’t heard one word from Louis, and he’s moved on. Gotten over him. But having Louis back in his life, not to mention working at the restaurant where he’s a chef, isn’t easy, and the feelings that Harry thought he’d left turn out to be not so easily forgotten.

This is a story about love and the power of forgiveness, and how the hard choices we make define us, and change our lives.

Explicit - 60K

Read it here on AO3! (And please, check the tags carefully!)

You took all the love I had, built up from my entire life, in less than a couple of months.
I don’t know how to love anymore; I have nothing to give.
When he holds me I can hold onto him with everything, but it will only be for the comfort.
I can kiss his lips and think of their softness, but I can’t put butterflies into my own stomach.
I can trace my fingers down his body and pretend it’s yours, but I know that under his skin is not your bones.
—  v.m -I can(’t) pretend

capeandcowl  asked:

McKirk

Originally posted by helgabrook

Tagging all the folks who asked for McKirk - @yourtropegirl​, @gracieminabox​, and a couple of anons. Sorry this took me a while! 


Who said “I love you” first

Jim. 

Just in casual conversation.

They’re just shooting the bull in Bones’ office. Sickbay is slow today, and Jim’s not on bridge duty until beta. They’re only a week into whatever this is, but after spending years in each others’ pockets and six months in deep space, there’s nothing unusual about seeing the captain in sickbay or the CMO on the bridge, and the conversation is easy, comfortable. Jim’s got his feet propped on Bones’ couch, and Bones is sprawled haphazardly across his desk, swinging his left foot and sipping a cup of coffee.

“I’ve got seven in engineering that are late on their vaccination schedule,” Bones is saying. “So, I’ll be handling that fallout later today.” He shakes his head and makes a mental note to check Jim’s record. “I don’t know what it is about engineers, Jim. It’s just a damn hypo.”

“Hey, Bones,” says Jim suddenly. He sits up on the couch, as if the thought has only just occurred to him. “I love you.”

It surprises Len. 

In fact, Len doesn’t even answer, he’s so shocked.

In fact, Len spends the next 30 seconds or so hacking and sputtering on the coffee he’d inhaled.

“Jesus, Bones, I just professed my undying devotion to you,” Jim laughs. “Try not to die on me, okay?”

“I’ll… I’ll have your records transferred to M’Benga,” Len says when he can finally speak. 

Jim just rolls his eyes. 


Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background

The background of Len’s PADD is solid black. Anything else distracts him as he’s trying to read.

The background on Jim’s PADD is a picture of the bridge crew on their most recent shore leave. 

They’re on a beach. The sand is fine and black, the sky painted in streaks of soft oranges and greens. Jim’s grinning widely, holding a sprawling Chekov in his arms. Bones has his arms folded across his chest, but the tiny grin that tugs at the corner of his lips and his dancing eyes give him away. Sulu and Scotty are both in mid-air, Scotty’s face screwed up in concentration, Hikaru’s arms and legs outstretched like an exuberant starfish. Nyota’s got hold of one of Pav’s feet, and she’s laughing. Spock looks particularly relaxed, one hand resting delicately on Ny’s shoulder.

It’s Jim’s second favorite picture ever.

When he activates his device, though, the background changes.

This one is of Bones. 

It’s a rare moment. Jim had snapped a photo of Bones on that same shore leave, on that same beach. It’s rocky, here. Bones is propped on a large white stone, weight resting on one hand, the other arm slung easily over his knee. He’s looking over the water, away from the camera. He’s shirtless, still damp from swimming, hair mussed from the wind. He’d been completely heedless of Jim’s presence, relaxed and utterly at peace, a soft little smile dancing on his lips. 

It’s the only candid picture of Bones that Jim has, and Jim will never, ever change his background to anything else.


Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror

Jim likes to leave notes for Len everywhere, not just in foggy mirrors. In fact, Jim has a bundle of old school yellow sticky notes that he uses for exactly this purpose.

It starts in the academy.

Jim leaves an occasional note for Len to find. Len’s confused by them, at first. 

He thinks, at first, that it must be some sort of strange recall technique, a weird study habit that Jim had picked up from… somewhere. 

When they start to pile up, Len decides that enough is enough. He gathers them up and stuffs them in a spare shoebox. He tosses the box under his bed, thinking Jim can ask for them, if he needs them.

It’s not long before he has quite the collection.

The notes never say anything important, sometimes a random word - “Vagarious,” or “Apoptosis,” or “Jumentous.” Sometimes it’s a quote. Jim’s got an astounding repertoire of collected wisdom, Len learns, referencing everyone from Mark Twain to Surak to Lady Gaga. Sometimes it’s just a garbled, out-of-context sentence - “I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting,” - and occasionally, Jim sketches. 

He sketches everything, little scenes from his day, Len’s medkit, a PADD, a discarded bottle of brandy. Jim’s not an artist, not by a long shot, but his subjects are instantly recognizable to Len, if a little cartoonish.

Len finds a few of himself. One in particular that he’s pretty confused by. 

He’s sleeping, he can recognize this by the scattering of zzzz’s that surround his face and his (over-exaggerated, Len thinks) mussed hair. 

This note is labeled. 

“Lips,” it says. 

Len furrows his brow at this one, but adds it to his box, anyway. It’s just a habit, by now, his automatic response. 

At the beginning of second year, when Jim’s Survival Strategies field study group goes missing, Len finds himself sitting on his bed with the box in his lap. 

Jim’s been gone for days. Len’s hounded and hounded administration, and gets the same deferral every time. “We have no information to disclose,” they say.

Len takes the notes out of the box one by one and just stares.

The depth of emotion that they evoke, the ridiculous sentences punctuated by stark wisdom - “Gary eats lots of pies,” juxtaposed with, “It is paradoxical, yet true, to say, that the more we know, the more ignorant we become in the absolute sense,” - the surprisingly elegant script, it all brings Len to his knees, and in that moment, Leonard McCoy quits fooling himself.

He’s in love with Jim Kirk.

Jim, of course, comes sauntering back into the apartment at 3 am that morning, unkempt and sleep-deprived, but otherwise totally fine.

And Len can breathe again.

He doesn’t say anything about the notes, but he starts to look forward to them. He’s keeping them intentionally now, storing them up for the one awful, inevitable day when Jim doesn’t come back to him. 

“It’s just part of the game, Bones,” Jim’s words echo in his thoughts. “Command is all about sacrifice.”

Len feels a little guilty about it, like he’s doing something he shouldn’t, like he’s harboring a dirty secret by hoarding away little pieces of the man who will inevitably break him. Loving Jim Kirk is like loving a streak of lightning - blazing, brilliant, blinding and beautiful, but gone far too soon, and leaving a trail of devastation in its wake. 

Len knows he’s going to get burned, but he keeps the notes anyway.

Later, after the boys fucking finally sort things out and Len pulls his head out of his ass, it becomes a game to Jim, leaving sappy post-its around sickbay for Bones to find.

And Len saves them. 

Every single one.


Who buys the other cheesy gifts

Totally Len, at least at first. 

It starts during their first Christmas at the academy. 

Len buys Jim a coconut bra. 

Jim wears it proudly, sauntering up and down the dorm hallways and singing Blue Hawaii at the top of his lungs until Len’s burying himself under his blanket and wondering what in the name of god possessed him to think that would be a funny joke, anyway.

After that, it becomes a fierce competition.


Who initiated the first kiss

Len. 

When Jim beams back on board after spending a week and a half in a Romulan prison camp, something in Len snaps. 

He charges up the steps of the transporter pad, heedless of his audience, and catches Jim hard by the upper arms.

Jim, who’s shirtless and smiling. 

Jim, who appears to be remarkably intact. 

Jim, who’s eyes are impossibly blue and sparkling.

Jim, who’s bare skin is deliciously warm beneath Len’s palms.

Jim, who is so wonderfully, blessedly alive.

“You stupid, stupid fuck,” Len breathes, and then his lips are on Jim’s. 

It’s instinctive, automatic. 

Jim’s eyes open wide, and then he’s kissing Len back, feverishly, desperately, clinging to Len like a drowning man, soft little groan humming in his throat.

It goes on for a while. Len curls his body protectively around Jim’s, and Jim melts into him, finally, finally, and it’s like coming home. 

“Oh,” says Jim, a little breathless, as Len pulls back.

“Yeah,” Len tells him simply.

And after that, things fall into place.


Who kisses the other awake in the morning

Len, contrary to popular belief, is the early riser of the two. It’s a product of years of early morning surgeries and wonky call schedules; try as he might - and oh, does he try - he has a hard time sleeping in.

It’s a rare thing, on the Enterprise, for them to have a morning together. 

Len savors it.

Len lays still as long as he’s able. He counts Jim’s respirations, the steady in and out whoosh of soft breaths that tickle Len’s cheeks and flutter gently through his hair. He numbers the tiny freckles that kiss Jim’s nose, traces the delicate curve of Jim’s eyelashes and the tilt of his jaw.

He lays there and he memorizes Jim, piece by piece, reveling in the stillness of the moment and the heat of Jim’s bare skin on his.

Finally, when he can stand it no longer, Len eases carefully out of bed and replicates a cup of coffee.

He has every intention of letting Jim sleep, of sitting on the edge of the bed with his hand resting on Jim’s shoulder and the latest issue The United Federation Journal of Neurosurgery pulled up on his PADD, but then Jim gives a snuffling little sigh and crinkles his nose just so, and Len is done for.

He slides smoothly back into bed, wrapping his arms and his legs around Jim and starting at the hollow of his neck. 


Who starts tickle fights

Jim tries this once.

Only once.  


Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower

It is a foregone conclusion that Jim’s gonna follow Len uninvited everywhere. 

Into his office.

Into the bathroom.

Into medical staff meetings.

Into supply closets.

Into the shower.


Who surprises the other at work with lunch

Jim tries.

During the academy, he can rarely catch Len. Their schedules never quite seem to jive, and when Jim does occasionally slip out of his Tactics class a little early, Len always seems to be seeing a patient or doing a case. 

He manages it just once, in their third year. Len’s shocked to see him, but grateful for the sandwich. They sit huddled in the tiny clinic break room, and if Dr. McCoy seems a little less tense after, “Jim Kirk, my roommate, not my boyfriend,” leaves, well, the nurses don’t say a word.

Later, on the Enterprise, it’s a little easier. Jim typically a has a pretty good idea of what Bones’ schedule looks like, not to mention a direct commlink to the CMO, so they take their lunch breaks together more often than not, usually in Bones’ office.

Bones will never admit it, but it’s the highlight of his day.


Who was nervous and shy on the first date

Jim. 

Len’s a bundle of nerves too, but seeing silver-tongued Jim stumbling over his words fixes that real quick. Len’s an utter gentleman by nature, and god, after so long, it’s just so good to finally be with Jim, without pretense or doubt, that Len finds all his apprehension falling away. He’s suave and charismatic, disarming Jim with an easy smile and a southern charm that’s as natural as breathing.

Years later, Jim asks him about it. “Were you not scared, Bones?”

Bones shakes his head. “Of course not,” he says. “I was with you.” 


Who kills/takes out the spiders

“Bones.” Jim’s standing at the edge of the room, pointing a shaking finger.

“My god, Jim, it’s just a wolf spider.”

“It’s fuzzy.”

“It eats ants, Jim, not people.”

Jim’s shaking his head emphatically. “I do not care,” he whines. “I want it gone, Bones. Please.”

Bones is laughing now.

“It thinks you’re ugly too, you know,” he’s saying as he reaches with his bare hand. He’s paying more attention to Jim, not the spider.

The spider, who’s back seems to be writhing, pulsing, moving.

Len nudges her gently with a finger, and the babies go swarming, hundreds of them pouring from her back and scurrying across the floor.

Jim shrieks and launches himself on top of his desk. “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

“Well, I’ll be,” says Len softly, wondering how the hell he’s going to get them all out, now that they’re scattered through the apartment.

It’s a long, long time before Jim forgives him.


Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk

Jim boldly, loudly, unapologetically proclaims his love for Len when he’s drunk.

Len’s a little quieter. 

Oh, he’s a shameless flirt, but his words are a little softer, the platitudes a little sweeter. He catches Jim by the waist and calls him beautiful. He nuzzles into the back of Jim’s neck, and he smiles into his skin. “Jim, Jim, Jim,” he whispers, over and over again, running his hands worshipfully over Jim’s chest and shoulders.

Jim is unashamed to admit that these are his favorite nights.

Morning Coffee: Love & Lust.

read part one | two | three | four | five | six | seven

warning! smut in this chapter. this is pretty vanilla and cliché for a few reasons: i imagine that’s how it’d be between these two particular characters their first time, and also this is my first time posting smut. may seem as though it’s moving slow but that’s the point, please don’t judge me too hard for this as i tried my best! also if you asked to be tagged and weren’t, i apologize and please send me an ask. and sorry this took forever, i had exams.

↳ Part Eight.

Originally posted by babyspencerreid

You had wondered many times within the past couple months if and when you and Spencer would sleep together. He had only mentioned sex once before to you and it was an innocent comment about his experience– with heated cheeks he admitted that he had nearly none, he had only slept with one person one time. You assured him it was nothing to be ashamed of because it truly wasn’t, plus it was none of your business who he had chosen to share his intimate moments with before he had been with you.

You had more experience than him in bed but had only had a few partners since you preferred to have a strong emotional connection with the person you were sleeping with. Save for the few one night stands here and there, which always contributed to your loneliness rather than getting rid of it.

You were currently on the couch in your apartment, Spencer’s body was pressed up against you as his lips feverishly moved with yours. The music that you’d turned on earlier was long forgotten but it still echoed in the back of your head as you heard the meaningful lyrics of the sweet song.

Spencer’s hands were cupping your cheeks as his tongue poked out of his mouth and touched against your bottom lip. He’d always adored your lips, the shape and color of them along with the way they moved when you kissed him or when you spoke. 

He was sat upright with his back pressed against the couch but his head was turned to the left side where you were. In an attempt to get closer you pulled your knee to the other side of him, straddling his lap without breaking the kiss. You ground your hips down on his for some friction without it even being intentional but he didn’t seem to mind, and the moan that escaped his mouth and fell between your lips proved your assumption correct.

Keep reading

Engagement gift

This is for my tumblr fiancé @princess-ikol (hence the name, there is no engagement gift in this fic, pls don’t hate me) (there is a foot massage tho)


Harry lay on his back, vigorously pulling on his boots that just wouldn’t come the fuck off his feet. He groaned frustratedly as he gave them another tug, a tug that made him yelp in pain. Judging by the feeling in his foot he’d just sprained his ankle with the force of his pull.

“Harry?” There was a tentative knock on the door. “Can I safely enter the bedroom or are you indecent?”

“It’s fine.” Harry sighed, as he gave up tugging on his boots and collapsed on the bed. His only-recently-moved-in boyfriend entered the room, and Harry sat up a bit to get a better look at him. “How would walking in on me ‘being indecent’ be in anyway dangerous to you by the way?”

Draco’s head snapped up, and a dark blush spread over his face. “I don’t want to interfere with your business in the privacy of your own residence. Or outside your own residence for that matter, though I wouldn’t know why you’d do such a thing in a less than private setting.”

Harry chuckled lightly at the prudish babbling of the blond. Though Draco looked like sex on legs, his pureblood upbringing had left him extremely wary of any intimate contact, and the internalized homophobia didn’t exactly help either.

“You do realise we live together now? So tossing off would now happen in the privacy of our residence.”

Draco turned even further crimson now, and Harry suspected he’d stepped out of line a bit, though he’d learned Draco would never say such a thing. After making the mistake of laughing at the man when he first confessed to Harry he’d never kissed, Draco now omitted to mention his sexual inexperience, afraid to look foolish if he did.

“May I ask what you were you doing that was causing you to verbalize such sounds as I just heard through the door?” Harry snorted, Draco always started talking in a very posh fashion while he was nervous. He quit, however, when he saw Draco’s reaction to that, which was leaving.

“Sorry Draco, I won’t laugh- Ouch!” In his hurry to get to his feet he’d put pressure on his now confirmed sprained ankle, and with very little grace he fell back onto the bed, after which the force of his fall caused him to tumble onto the floor as well.

“Are you hurt? Did something happen at work?” Within a blink of an eye Draco’s embarrassed flush was replaced with a look of concern as he kneeled down next to Harry, who was now coughing a little since the fall had knocked some of the air out of his lungs. Draco’s strong arms pulled him into a sitting position and let him lean against the bed before he had the time to answer.

Harry captured one of his arms and used it to pull the other man close before planting a kiss on his lips. Internally he praised the blond when Draco barely blushed at that gesture, and even spontaneously sat down next to him and leaned into his bony frame.

“No love, I think I sprained my ankle while trying to get out of my boots.” Harry looked slightly nostalgic at the brown set of boots he was wearing. They were completely worn out, and he spent five minutes each morning just to patch up old holes that had sprang open again during the night. They were his though, the first thing he’d bought from money he’d made for himself, and he didn’t want to get rid of them.

“Which foot is it?” Draco asked while moving to study the boots.

“The left one, though I’m sure the right one won’t come off either. They’re a bit on the small side.” Draco carefully lifted Harry’s left foot into his lap. “You can try to get them of if you’d like. Don’t fancy sleeping with them very much.”

Draco made use of his permission and got out his wand, muttering a couple of engorgio charms as he went. His perfectly trimmed eyebrows shot up when nothing happened, and he aimed a questioning glance at Harry.

“Did you charms these?”

“Not recently.” Harry furrowed his brow as he tried to think of the last time he’d sized them up a bit when his toes started hurting. “Last time I charmed them to a bigger size was two years back or so. Why?”

Draco carefully lowered his face until his nose was nearly touching the leather. It made Harry a bit uncomfortable, after a day long walking around Fred and George’s joke shop his feet were warm and sweaty, not really something you’d want your lover to press his nose into.

“They’re stretched to the full and beyond.” He concluded after his examination. “And now the fabric is snapping back, shrinking. I’ll have to cut them open before the bloodflow to your toes gets cut off. How long ago did you buy these?”

“Just after fourth year, but Draco, can you repair them again once they’re cut? I’m quite attached to them.” Draco’s eyebrows shot up so high after that statement they nearly disappeared, and he let his eyes dart a couple times between the boots and Harry’s face.

“Since fourth year? No wonder the fabric is trying to strangle your feet, normal extension charms only last a couple months max, and it weakens the shoes.” Draco looked up to Harry again, this time with eyes filled with a strange mixture of pity and rage.

“You didn’t buy new ones because you’re not used to shopping, am I right?”

Harry looked down at his hands, guessing it was only fair to be embarrassed since he’d flustered Draco so badly before. “My aunt and uncle never took me, there was no need since I always wore hand-me-downs from Dudley. I bought these of a yard sale after I’d earned some money from Mrs Figgs for weeding her garden.”

Continue reading below the cut or on Ao3

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Found a new daddy in HK. He took me shopping, to Michelin starred restaurants and paid me 2K on top of it. He’s gone for a couple of months but when he comes back he wants me to be exclusive for 4K a month. Exclusive babies, advice? I don’t know if it’s enough considering I really like Bangkok daddy too and would be sad dropping him for only 4K/month. But maybe I’m just being greedy?

it was 3 am on a friday
you said my name and i knew it
i knew we were done - we were done.
it tore me apart, i opened to write about you and that’s when i re-read something i had written before, it went something like this:

“… and two years later, i finally found the person that makes me happy. i found the right person. he’s the one and i know it. i’ll never let him go. never.”

the words i had written a month ago replayed in my head “i’ll never let him go. never.” but he came to me and let me go and i couldn’t hold onto him - how do you force a person to stay? i burned the book. i burned my lungs.

a month later you came back to me, i had just pulled my shit together but as i read your name - my heart fell, my lungs collapsed and the world went dark on me again. you told me you missed me and that we shouldn’t let go of each other. i fell for you. again. we grew closer to each other, day by day and week by week.

fast forward to a couple months later, i decided i should let you go. you became cold you became ignorant. i gave you every chance i was capable of giving a person and every part of me - it was never enough. you still loved her, your mind was always with her. how do i compete with the perfect girl that took not only your breath away but also your heart and every other part of you. you told me she was dead to you, she didn’t care about you.. i remember thinking then why do you still love her? now i know - because it’s the same thing with us except i’m you and that girl is you. you are dead to me.. you don’t care about me.

tell me: what else am i supposed to do when i hear that you are happy with your new girl other than die from jealousy and sadness? don’t get me wrong, seeing you happy makes me happy - i just wish i could make you feel that way.

4

About a year ago I submitted a post here not really expecting anything to happen but a couple of followers. Little did I know my world would completely change when this girl followed me. We’ve known each other for a year now and been together for 6 months because SOMEONE was too shy to confess their feelings *cough, cough* Anyway, it’s long distance from the US to the UK but I’m currently laying next to her on a trip I took to the UK. So because of GWLG I met not only my best friend but my girlfriend and the most amazing person I’ve ever met. Thank you to this blog for connecting us.

URL: escapeyourrmind

From the Dining Table, Pt. 2 (Ethan)

Summary: Ethan finally comes across your letter after many years and begins his journey to find you.

Word Count: 2,181

Warnings: Vomiting, mentions of vomit

Author’s Note: I finally finished part 2! It ended a little differently than I had intended just because I was accumulating a large word count so quickly and I wanted to cut it short before I lost you guys… But, this means a part 3 will ensue! This is written from Ethan’s point of view, and it involves a couple flashbacks, so I hope you guys are able to follow along. Also, “Y/L/N” means “your last name.” Please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy! Requests are open.

Part 1


“Breaking news coming out of Hollywood this morning… Ethan Dolan reportedly calls it quits in the middle of filming his latest movie after having what sources are calling a ‘nervous breakdown.’ The former YouTube sensation-turned-A-list-actor was said to have stormed off of set yesterday unprovoked and has not been seen or heard from by family and friends since. There has been no word on how long production on the movie has been stalled for, or if Dolan will be welcomed back to the cast should he choose to return to the film. We’ll continue to report the latest updates on this story as they come in.”

I shove my headphones into my ears and crank the volume up until the shrill voice of the E! News reporter disappears, disgusted that even in LAX, one of the world’s most famous and populated airports, celebrity gossip matters more than world affairs. Pulling the brim of my baseball cap down farther over my eyes, I shift in my seat and pray that no one is paying enough attention to their surroundings to recognize me. I’m sitting in the terminal completely alone and would like to keep it that way— no security guards, no screaming fans mobbing me, no soccer moms hesitantly walking up to me asking for a picture for their ‘daughter.’ Yeah, right. I know for a fact that some of those moms go out on movie dates with their girlfriends on Friday nights just to oodle over me and it’s absolutely disgusting. Don’t they have husbands waiting for them back home?

I sigh and glance down at my jean pocket holding the piece of paper that brought me to the airport in the first place. Is the E! News reporter incorrect in saying that I stormed off of set of the movie I was contracted to film months ago? No, actually, but she is incorrect in saying that it was ‘unprovoked.’ For the last couple of years, my life has been a whirlwind of traveling, transitioning from YouTube to making movies, red carpets, parties, drugs, alcohol, girls, it never seemed to end. The life I have now is everything I could have ever wanted at eighteen years old, but as I learned over time, it didn’t come without sleepless nights and regret over losing the one person that unapologetically stood by my side since we were kids. The more opportunities I was presented with, the more fame I gained, the farther I pushed her away and for what reason, I don’t remember now. But no matter how hard I tried to rid myself of her, she never left me. She haunted my dreams and called out for me when I would least expect it. I could hear her whispering to me in the wind and I would feel her body up against mine in every bed I slept in. Time didn’t make it better; in fact, it was quite the opposite. I most recently have been plagued with images of her choosing to marry someone else, to carry someone else’s children, and in the middle of one of those visions, I decided I had had enough. That’s when I found the letter, and after spending hours reading it, re-reading it, kicking myself for putting her through so much pain, and bawling at the realization of what I had become, I dashed to the airport knowing exactly where I would find her.

A couple other people in the terminal begin to shift in their seats and look at their tickets. I rip one headphone out of my ear just in time to hear the airline employee call for the boarding of first class passengers. Grabbing my backpack and ticket, I fly to the front of the line, head down, hoping to create as little of a scene as possible.

“Welcome aboard, Mr. Dolan,” the employee coos as she scans my ticket and checks my I.D. all too slowly. “What business do you have flying to Newark today?”

What business do I have? What business does she have asking that question?

“I… um… I’m paying an overdue visit to an old friend,” I mumble, trying to keep the irritation in my voice at bay.

“Ah, I see. Well, I hope you have a safe and comfortable trip back home.” She flashes a toothy smile as I take off to find my seat in the aircraft. With so much pep in her voice, I wonder how many glasses of wine she drinks at night before being able to dull the aching emptiness in her chest.

Wait, did she just say, ‘back home?’ How the hell would she have known that I… Oh god, she’s a closeted fan, too. Yep, E! News is going to sink their teeth into that headline: “An AWOL Ethan Dolan was spotted by an LAX employee boarding a plane to New Jersey, seemingly desperate to get back to his home state. What could he possibly be trying to run away from in L.A.? Or, could he be running toward something instead?”

I settle into the cushioned seat, my mind trying struggling to remember the last time I flew on a commercial aircraft. I almost forgot how to even book a ticket in the first place; having done it on a computer last, trying to confirm one on my phone on the way here proved to be even more difficult. My brain continues to search, scanning over memories in reverse chronological order until it lands on the right one, forcing up a wave of nostalgia and nausea, too:


“Y/N!” I shouted, hunched over the Mac in the living room of our dingy apartment. “Come here! I want to show you something!”

“What is it, babe?” Her voice cascaded through the air and settled on my skin, giving me goosebumps. God, how I loved her voice.

“I can’t tell you! You’ll have to come see it.”

Her slippers dragged against the carpet as she approached me from her bedroom. I stood up to block the computer screen, not wanting to give the surprise away before I was ready.

“E, sweetheart, this better be super important,” she scolded, entering the room. “I was in the middle of my history mid-term paper and I had a groove going.”

I took in her beauty as she leaned against the door frame, crossing one leg over the other. Her hair was thrown into a ponytail at the top of her head, her reading glasses were falling down her nose, and the skin on her lips was peeling, most likely resulting from the way she constantly chewed on them when she was anxious or deep in thought. She was wearing an old hand-me-down t-shirt that she acquired from her older brother years ago, and because he was over a head taller than her, she was swimming in the fabric. Her legs were bare, but the shirt was so long on her body that she wasn’t revealing much. Her skin glowed in the light and the amused smirk on her face made my head spin.

Wow, I thought to myself in shock. This girl is all mine.

“E? Ethan? What was it you wanted to show me?” Her voice shook me from my thoughts and I broke out in a child-like grin.

“This paper is the last final you have to submit, right?”

“Yes…”

“And then you’re not only done for the semester but done with your college career, right?”

“Yes, Ethan, we’ve talked about this.”

“And your commencement ceremony is tomorrow at noon?”

“Ethan, did you get knocked over the head with something? We’ve been discussing my graduation for months now.”

“I know, I know we have. But, what we haven’t talked about is the fact that the ceremony isn’t the only place you—uh—I mean, we, have to be tomorrow.”

Y/N cocked her head to the side and walked over to me. “Ethan… what is going on?”

I took a couple of steps to the right to reveal the hotel reservations and flight confirmation number displayed on the computer screen, barely able to contain my excitement. “We have a 6:30 flight tomorrow from L.A. to Orlando. Happy graduation-slash-early-birthday-present, babe. I’m taking you to Disney World.”


I smile at the memory of Y/N’s disbelief as it melted into shock, the shock then morphing into elation. Disney World, while being one of the most cliché vacations a couple could take together, had always been a top vacation destination for her since she was a child. She was never able to visit when she was young because her parents struggled financially, but I had the ability to make one of her childhood dreams come true, something she never stopped thanking me for. Had I known the flight to Orlando wasn’t just going to be the last time I would fly on a commercial plane, but with Y/N in general, I would have cherished the moment more. She was always my favorite person to travel with. I would have gone anywhere in the world with her.

I begin to gag from vomit trying to force its way up my throat. For some reason, my regret is always paired with puke, but refusing to let it get the best of me, I fish in the front pocket of my backpack for my bottle of pills I was first prescribed after telling my doctor about my visions of Y/N. Opening the cap, I pour out four Ativan and wash them down with a bottle of water I bought after clearing security. I close my eyes and lean back in my seat, letting the medication run through my system and forcing the thought of Y/N away from my mind.

I just need five hours in the air to think about absolutely nothing. I just need five hours of darkness and silence in order to face what I have done.


“Ethan? Ethan Dolan in the flesh and blood?”

I look down at the concrete porch of Y/N’s childhood home, shamefully unable to meet the gaze of her mother standing on the threshold of her front door.

“Hi, Mrs. Y/L/N. Yes, it’s me.”

“Ethan, what business do you have showing up at my door after eight years of not speaking to my family?”

I pop my head up. Eight years? It’s been eight years since seeing Y/N last? I grab the letter out of my pocket and unfold it to see when it was dated, something that I stupidly didn’t think to pay attention to when I first found it.

Oh, my god… Y/N dated the letter six years ago; she waited on me for two and a half years in L.A. before moving back home, and it still took me another six years to find this thing. How despicable.

Disgusted with myself, I suddenly become dizzy and lean over the porch railing to vomit into the grass below. Mrs. Y/L/N steps out onto the porch and places her hand on my back, rubbing it gently until I stop dry heaving long enough to catch my breath.

“You’re being kind to me, Mrs. Y/L/N, even after everything I’ve done,” I observe.

“Holding anger and hatred for someone never does any good, no matter how much they’ve hurt you, Ethan. I see you found Y/N’s note. I’m assuming that’s why you’re here?”

I nod, gripping the piece of paper tighter. “Would you be able to tell me where to find her?”

“I can, but you might not like the answer.”

I raise an eyebrow, another wave of nausea washing over me.

“She bought the house, Ethan. The brick house on the corner of Oak Street, the one that–“

“The one that we talked about buying together since we were fourteen,” I finish for her.

Mrs. Y/L/N shrugs her shoulders. “Once your channel took off and she moved to L.A. with you, she started college out there and I thought maybe that dream became more of a fleeting thought for her. I don’t think she expected to ever come back to New Jersey; I certainly didn’t expect her to, at least because I knew that she would follow you wherever you went and I knew that you wouldn’t end up back here… You were destined for greater things than this town could offer you. But I suppose Y/N never forgot about it, after all.”

I press my lips into a hard line, working to keep my tears at bay. “You’re right, I don’t like that answer.”

“Well, then you should know one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“She doesn’t live there alone, Ethan.”

Fishing the keys of my rental car out of my other pocket, I glance sideways at Mrs. Y/L/N. “What do you mean?”

“I think it’s best that you find out for yourself, but be prepared. What you find might hurt you.” Mrs. Y/L/N places a peck on my cheek. “It was nice to finally see you again, Ethan.”

I close my eyes, desperately afraid that my visions of Y/N weren’t just visions after all.

“Thanks. You too. I just hope Y/N feels the same way.”

I've decided to only come out to my tumblr friends and a couple close friends but yeah

I’ve decided that I’m bisexual and it took me a really long time to accept that. I’m really shy so I don’t know how to hook up with girls or whatever but I really want to so i’d like I’d like to consider myself bi. I’m tired of people telling me that I’m just curious or this is just a phase I’m pretty sure this is be and it took me a long time to accept it and I’m still struggling with it.

“Acting” (Jinyoung)

Originally posted by jypnior

Type: Fluff

Request: could you do a got7 jinyoung imagine where you both are cast as lead roles in a drama and everyone is shook because the chemistry is so real1!1!1!1


You rested your head onto Jinyoung’s shoulder as you looked at the object in his hands “who’s Soyool?” you ask him as he turns his head looking at you “someone you shouldn’t be so nosy about” he shot at you as you giggled. “Do you like her?” you asked him as he stared at you but your vision was directed at his phone. “I do” he spoke quietly as his eyes were still on you “you should tell her how much you like her” you tell him as he makes a sound “what should I tell her?” he asked. You made a sound as you started thinking “tell her how pretty she is. Always look at her like she’s the only girl in the world” you start as he nodded “make her laugh. Then the obvious one would actually tell her you like her” you finish as you turn to look at him. You were shocked but chuckled lightly “why are you looking at me like that?” you ask him. “I think I already do that, I just haven’t told her I like her” he tells you. “But I don’t think my sister Soyool would want me to look at her like she’s the only girl in the world” he told you. 

“Ya! Why would you let me ramble like that?” you whine as he makes a face “I never said I liked her romantically, you just assume that every girl I talk to I must like” he says as you roll your eyes. “It’s seems like it” you throw at him. “I like one girl. She’s just too blind to realize it” he tells you. “If you ask who it is I will get up and leave you here” he told you as you pout.“Why would you leave if I asked?” you say to him “because you’re an idiot” he spoke teasingly. Scoffing you shove him away getting up. “Where are you going?” he asked you “to figure out who you like” you say as he grabs your arm. He turned you to look at him directly in the eyes “look in a mirror then” he whispered as you two simply stared at each other. 

“Cut” the director called as you started laughing right away “that was so lame” you say to him as he smiled “the fans will squeal” he cooed as you nodded “alright you’re right” you tell him.  

~

Jinyoung watched his friends who were watching the show “you guys have such chemistry” Mark comments as Jinyoung raised a brow “it’s called acting” Jinyoung told them as he raised his brow. “Look how you look at her though” Jackson told him “what?” “dude you look like you’re about to jump her” BamBam teased as Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “We’re just acting” Jinyoung spoke again “so were Nam Joohyuk and Lee Sungkyung” Yugyeom teased “all their flirting was real and I just think you won’t realize yours is too” Jaebum cooed patting his friend’s shoulder. The shocker was that you and Jinyoung had been an item since you two since the middle of filming for your drama together many months ago. But you took a play from the Weightlifting couples book and let people assume for a bit before admitting to it. Jinyoung leaned his head back as he started thinking about his favorite scene through out it all.

~

“Yo-you like me?” you asked him as he cupped your face “you’re more than pretty. You’re beautiful” he spoke bumped his forehead with yours “the only girl I like” he whispers as he smiled lightly pulling away as he could stare at you “your laugh is my favorite thing to listen to” he spoke. “And I can say I truly like you” he told you, your lips connected with his as he wrapped his arms around your waist tugging you close to him as you pulled back. He simply rubbed his nose with yours as you chuckled lightly “why did you take so long?” you asked him “if you weren’t so clueless, it wouldn’t have taken so long” he teased “why are you always ruining the moment?” you argued “it’s our thing” he told you as you gave a sweet smile.

The scene had quickly ended you two had locked lips briefly “it’s kinda late. Want to come stay the night?” you asked him. His eyes went wide before he nodded.

~

Jinyoung had his arm draped calmly over you as you were scrolling through your Instagram looking at your show’s tag and giggled. “Look at this” you say as you showed him “oh someone drew this?” he spoke amazed taking your phone from you staring at it. “Some people are devoted to us” you tell him as he smiled. “We are pretty cute” he told you as you laughed. “I think we’re perfect for one another in the show” he says as you turn to him laying on your stomach resting your head in his lap. “Why’s that?” he asked “two people who never knew what love really is. Fall in love after being clueless for so long” you say “it only works well because we work well” he told you as you made a sound in agreement. You sat up bringing him in for a kiss, he kissed back right away. “You know I love you” you say as he smiled “good because I love you too” he told you.

You and Jinyoung had began hanging and posting lots of pictures on SNS. And that’s when your fans had their hearts jump more for the cute couple you two had played and it became real. Even more when Jinyoung had been caught leaving your apartment building. After many a month or so of rumors the two of you decided finally after getting permission of course from your managers, you two finally annoyed to the world you were dating.

Asgardian Valentine // Thor x Reader

Pairing: Thor x Reader (POC), Slight Winter/Widow and Scarlett/Vision, Bonus Steve, Tony, Bruce, Pietro and Sam.
Word Count: 2.2k+
Warning: Super cute Valentines fluff, pls enjoy this holiday fluff.
Summary: Despite not being one to celebrate the holiday, Reader is a big help to the others. Vision still can’t cook by himself. Pietro is precious. Feelings are hard. Thor is a sweet giant dork, pass it on.  

A/N: Okay I was really inspired to write this because I don’t see a lot of Thor fics (that aren’t Loki centered) and the LOML needs more love ya know? Also look a that gif. Look at him. I love him send help. 

Inspiration: “Roses” ~ Shawn Mendes
“You can tell me to stop if you already know
Though I’m not sure my heart can take it
But the look on your face says don’t let me go

And I have to be honest with you baby
Tell me if I’m wrong and this is crazy
But I got you this rose and I need to know
Will you let it die or let it go?”

Originally posted by theplacewheredreamsgo

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Finally managed to edit this pic in a way that I enjoy. It only took me a couple of months haha sometimes you need to revisit old work and apply the things you have learnt along the way on these. Which is what I did here.
This is a picture from a sunny day hiking in the mountains around my house in Switzerland. We journeyed out with my best friend for the day, with a picnic in our backpacks. We hiked for 7hrs that day and saw some incredible stuff. 
Here is one of the more narrow walkways that we went along. On my right hand side is a pretty steep drop, and somehow they figured the railing was best place on the left hand side? hahah looking forward to setting out on more hiking adventures :)

Love or Hate (Part 13 - END!)

Summary: AU. When the reader’s shot at a better life is stolen from her, she continues to see the person responsible all over town. After a series of unfortunate events, will she learn that there’s a fine line between love and hate?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 827

Warnings: language, FLUFF

A/N: Short and sweet! Hope you like it. I had a hard time writing this, because I wasn’t sure how to end it. Writer’s block is no fun. I think I made them true-to-character (AU character, that is). Thanks for sticking around and thanks for reading as always!

Part 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13

Originally posted by thejourney-so-far

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NERVOUS || Joe Sugg

Originally posted by myjaspar

A/N- HI another joe sugg imagine this one is quite short but I hope you still enjoy it though.

MID WAY IT WILL CHANGE POV]

You can find my masterlist here masterlist

enjoy xo

The warm liquid ran down my throat, as I watched people roam down the path of London. Hurtling to different directions going different ways. Glancing at one particular person out of everyone. A glance of a smile appearing bigger than the sunshine. As my chocolate-nut eyes sparkle in the sun’s warmth.

It was breathtaking, seeing that one person look so exquisite than anyone else. In my eyes, he looked so gentle and warming. The alluring sight of him made my day brighter than it was before. A small chuckle came out of my mouth, as I saw him run into some big muscular guy, an obvious fear crossed his face.

As it was already a scorching day, I and Joe thought it would be the ideal day to have a date, nothing too huge. We dating about eight months now and I still can’t get my head around how I got so blessed! When I compare myself to him, I’m nothing whereas he: he has a terrific sense of humour, his dashing looks and everything put together.

My thoughts were shortly cut when he sat in front of me panting out of breath. I shook my head lightly and focused my gaze at Joe. Observing how exhausted he must feel, running all the way here.

“Sorry I’m late beautiful, I just got caught up in a meeting.” he breathed out regaining his breath back now.

“It quite alright anyways I was only here for a couple of minutes, nothing too bad” I responded smiling up at him. I heard him sigh in relief which did make me giggle a bit. He took my hand in his and stroked the top of my hand. We carried on chatting about how our day was and that we should plan on visiting Zoe and Alfie soon.

“Hey er… I wanted to ask you something. If that okay with you though.” Joe muttered after eight months and he still gets nervous, which always flutters my heart and my stomach all fuzzy.

“Yeah of course, what is it?” I asked interested as to what he wants to ask me now. He looks down for a second his foot tapping lightly against the wooden floor, running his hand through his fluffy hair.

“Well as there is a premiere and I’m invited, so I thought that… the only way that this invitation can be even better is to take you with me. So what do you think?” he asked lowering his voice a bit trying to ramble so I couldn’t hear and I would just say yes.

“I would love too, Joe. It would be an honour to go the premiere with you” I beamed a twinkle of excitement shown on my face. I took hold of his hands examining his deep ocean eyes. Not believing this human being who was sat right in front of me was someone that loved me and I loved back.

___

I rubbed my hands together from the nerves creating friction. I would be lying now if I didn’t say that I was most definitely anxious; not because she would not come but most likely that I make myself look like a fool. Is mostly, why I’m biting my nails right now.

Tapping my foot patiently, trying not to sweat too much. But knowing me I would do otherwise. I gulped when I heard light steps from the upstairs. I was at the edge of my seat screaming in my head to stop worrying so much.

As I glanced up I saw her walking down the stairs delicate as ever, I thought I would faint right there on the spot but I didn’t. Her glamorous gown long and smooth just beneath the ankles. The dark red dress illuminating her brown auburn eyes. Mine melting as I gaze up deep into her eyes. Taking me away from the reality.

I was caught up in the moment to even realise that I was already making myself look like a fool, but right now that the last thing I worried about.

I ambled towards her taking her hand in mine leaning in to kiss her on the lips. The touch of her lips would send electricity through my body making me swoon and brain melt. Her plump lips joined mine and for a second I felt like in heaven. Our lips moving in a flawlessly as I wrapped my hands around her waist bringing her close to me.

Feeling the warmth of against her, the beat of her heart pulsing through my ears, as I cherish the moment, I felt one hand at the back of my neck and one tangled in my dirty blonde hair as we kissed. It was tender and pure sweetness came out. We parted away needing for a breath, I looked down at her eyes grinning like mad.

I remove one hand from her waist instead putting it on her already pink cheeks, reminding me of candy floss.

“You look absolutely, prepossessing” I whispered in her ear, feeling her shudder against me. Smirking up at her pleased with my actions.

“You don’t look too bad either” she replied with a small smile plastered across her face. I shook my head and rolled my eyes at her. Leaning my forehead against her and breathing out a bit.

“I love you my irresistible Y/N”