only things that interest me

So yeah maybe I ran out of questions but you ran out of answers.
where the fuck were you when i was half drowned in a bottle of whiskey just asking for a text back?
where the fuck were you when life crawled under my skin and tore itself out from the inside?
where the fuck were you when I was going through it last November and you said looking at pain this close made you uncomfortable?
where do you get off with telling me I shouldn’t talk to him and that he’s bad and he only cares about one thing when the only goddamn time you were interested in me is when my clothes were off and yours were too
look at this game we played because it never was that to me but you only just now put your cards down so you could hold her fucking hand and
i can’t be mad about it I can’t feel it in my chest like a jolt of electricity i can’t beg for you to come back when you were never even here so
yeah
maybe i ran out of questions
but only when you stopped fucking answering them.
—  so block me again we’re not even friends– lily rain
  • someone: omg are you serious how do you NOT remember that?
  • me internally: i have predominantly inattentive attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. this means that my brain often screws up when encoding, storing, and retrieving memories. my brain has a hard time prioritizing certain information and may only choose to store memories relating to things that highly interest me. my brain equates uninteresting material with "useless" material. thus, memories which may actually be important can be completely discarded. sometimes my memory can be sparked to retrieve stored information with help from others, and other times my brain failed to even store the memory to begin with, so i may have no recollection of something happening at all. this is a thing that happens very often with me and i cannot control it. it's not that i consciously decided that some information was useless to me, but instead that my brain made the decision for me. it would be nice if you didn't get upset with me or blame me for something that i have no control over.
  • me externally: idk lol

[11]

Now THIS is where it gets interesting. 

Because Syaoran threw away his chance to win Sakura’s feather. He did it for a good cause (I mean he saved someone’s life. It’s the best possible cause) but there’s still that guilt there. He would make the same choice again, for sure, but even despite that he feels that sharp pang of failure for not helping Sakura get her feather back. 

Which is an interesting avenue on its own and I would LOVE to explore more situations where Syaoran’s goals are compromised by his own actions, but for now we have THIS. 

And THIS is Fai, seeing that Syaoran made the Good™ choice and feels bad about the consequences. 

And that is Fai’s specialty. 

But his wording fascinates me here, because he assigns the choice to “staying true to yourself” rather than any other factor in the situation - and there were a lot. Instead of, say, “believing in Kurogane and Sakura”, or “choosing someone’s life”, or any of the other possibilities, Fai narrows it right down to the core of Syaoran’s personality and his inherent sense of self. When it comes down to it, Syaoran could not willingly let someone die for his cause and still remain “Syaoran”.

This is not a surprising conclusion for us. This is absolutely in line with everything we know of Syaoran so far. But the interesting part is that this is coming from Fai.  

Because Fai has ALSO made hard choices and had to live with them. 

Fai has put his goals ahead of the lives of others and knows that guilt more than Syaoran himself does - probably more than anyone else here by a log shot.

So, in Syaoran’s place, would he have done the same? Would he have sacrificed his goal to save the life of someone else - someone he technically didn’t even know - or would he have let them die and continued on?

How many times has he made that choice already? 

Did he sacrifice his ability to “stay true to himself” in the process? Has he stained himself with choices he regrets and can never escape, or does a small part of him envy that Syaoran could so easily make the right choice when Fai could not?

And, through it all, he’s trying to make Syaoran feel better. 

Regardless of what he’s done, or what he feels about Syaoran’s decision, Fai closes his eyes and paints a smile and tries to help Syaoran through his own personal crisis. 

Because Syaoran is a good person, and Fai doesn’t want him to live with the same shadows that he himself does. 

I remain very bitter that there’s never an option to like…. defend Scourge.

Master Kaiden pulls a lightsaber on Scourge when you take him to meet the Jedi Council, where’s my option to yell at him to PUT THAT THING AWAY he’s here to help????

Satele tells him “Well you only helped for selfish reasons (wanting?? to LIVE??? is selfish apparently???) but I guess even you deserve this mandatory End of Star Wars Movie medal…” 

and all I can say is “No, he doesn’t :/”, ask some completely off the cuff question that has no place here???, and then derisively laugh that he’ll be a Jedi before we know it

when I just want to tell her “Oh my god, shut up, we literally never would have gotten any of this accomplished without him.”

Idk, just, there are so few dialogue options that let you be respectful toward him it really bothers me.

Everything you can say to/about him is either pedantic and condescending af or “muahaha darkside”, why can’t there just be an actually… accepting?? option??

like, Scourge tells you he’ll teach your kids in “the proper ways of the force” bcs u surprised him and all you can do is clutch your pearls in terror, tell him to ensure they dominate the galaxy or go “ew.” 

Where’s my “….. I’m learning to translate from the Sith Speech Impediment you suffer from and get that you mean you’ll always be there for me and mine and I appreciate that, thanks.”

There’s some really good dialogue between Scourge and the Knight but god so much of it really is just bogged down in preachy LS drabble or cliche DS nattering :////////

  • it’s not keating 5, it’s keating 4 now.
  • no more wes gibbins
  • no more waurel
  • no more annalise & wes dynamic
  • no more keating 5 solving cases in annalise’s house
  • annalise’s HOUSE
  • they made frank ooc this season & I’ll never forgive him
  • can someone explain to me nate’s storyline?
  • bonnie - loves frank, loves annalise, loves frank and back to loving annalise? What’s the point?
  • annalise & frank should never be on the same team anymore
  • no more connor saying shit on wes, who will he blame now?
  • coliver is destroyed so badly I don’t even know if I want them back together
  • both ollie and connor screwed things up so badly

THE ONLY storyline which keeps me interested is actually Oliver finding out the whole truth and not because Connor told him everything or Annalise did or whatever but because he is trying to figure it out on his own.

in light of that one interview i just want this scene
  • corrupted jasper writhing on the ground or s/t: we all get what we deserve, I deserved for this to happen
  • garnet, sitting placidly cross-legged on her shoulder: the hilarious thing is that's completely true but not for any of the reasons you think
The only people who interest me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars…
—  On the Road - Jack Kerouac
10

“Maggie, he is so wonderful. He’s heartfelt and deep, and I just screwed it all up. It’s like if I was really 26 and I could start all over, that is the man I’d be falling in love with.”

anonymous asked:

I just finished my first chapter of the byeler fic im writing and im really proud of it but like,,, what if it's a big flop

hey, friend, i understand you completely! i think i’m considered one of the more well-known people in the byeler fandom and sometimes i write a little headcanon piece and tbh it just straight up flops and gets like, 10 notes hahaha

i understand the worry entirely, but as someone who has been in fandom for many, many years, as someone who has written some truly atrocious fic, as well as some fic that was genuinely good that didn’t get the attention that i wished it had gotten, my best advice to you is honestly…post it! post it and be proud of the work you’ve done. know that even if there’s only one person out there who’s reading it and cheering for more, that’s one more person than it would have reached if you had kept it to yourself.

be proud of yourself whether you get 2 notes or 2,000 - because you wrote something! you took the time and the love and the energy to craft something and that is beautiful! validation is lovely and it helps to encourage you, but ultimately your love of writing is what’s going to help you persevere through the “not enough comments or kudos” fandom woes. it sounds so trite to say “be your own biggest fan” but tbh??? be your own biggest fan. love your work. post it and take pride in it, share it with friends in the fandom and be happy that you’ve created something lovely and contributed something to a fandom that you enjoy.

ALSO for the record, please feel free to tag me if you post your fic! i would be thrilled to read it if you decide on posting it. i’m always happy to be the head of the cheering team for anyone in this little corner of fandom. i love that we’ve got a mix of people that have written for a while plus fandom newbies who are posting their first fics and just looking for a little encouragement along the way. please know that i’m happy to be that encouragement for you, anon. i promise, i am excited to read what you have to write. <3

anonymous asked:

you deserve no furbies. you're a greedy hoarder who takes furbies that other people could have bought for their children or for themself to enjoy and just collect them like they're antiques, or trinkets. why do you need 5 jesters, 3 tie dyes, 3 confetti furbies, and countless others?

buddy… there are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of furbies in the united states. there is no shortage of furbies for other people’s kids. i’m not gonna let you make me feel bad for collecting something that i love and actually play with, that is my special interest, and that is literally the only thing that makes me consistently happy. i’m not quite sure what i did to deserve your hate.

I’m gonna make a quick dramatic personal post because this week has started out horrible and I have some thoughts.

Shout out to my special interests, Disney in particular, for being the only things that make me happy anymore. As an autistic, introverted woman, I stopped going to church because I was being bullied so much - by adults. Now I’m about to quit my part-time grocery bagging job at Giant because I’m constantly bullied and harassed there and it won’t stop no matter what I do (and the managers tell me not to stand up for myself because the company’s money is more important than employees’ human dignity. I don’t think even Scrooge McDuck is that bad). I feel like I just can’t be part of the workforce, at least not jobs I’m actually eligible for with my high school education and my refusal to go through with drug testing (I’m not even on drugs) because my parents are too invasive over the whole urine aspect. I’ll probably be stuck with my parents for the rest of my life, never leaving the house because I’m bullied everywhere I go. But Disney is something I do enjoy and it makes me happy. Even if I can’t have a job or my own house I can still be part of the fandom online. I can post and share content related to my favorite Disney characters with other fans, and they’re nice to me. And if I met my favorite characters I know they’d be nice too.

That’s another thing about the world of Disney - characters are either good or bad, and it’s made clear which ones are which. If a character is only pretending to be a friend, you know by the end of the story, rather than it dragging on for years like in ‘real life.’ I envy that. I’ve also never seen a character get teasing remarks shouted at them by strangers when they’re trying to work. And if a character has a problem, they have support, rather than being told to get over it and being left to deal with it alone. Wish I could be part of their world rather than just consuming their content (as fantastic as that is).

10

Jethro as a Companion

Ever since his first encounter with the Doctor, Jethro Cane has struggled to make amends with his conscience, too horrified at nearly being an accomplice to murder. As luck would have it, he manages to run into the Doctor a few years later. The Doctor is still grieving from the loss of Amy and Rory however, and wants nothing to do with him. Yet the universe has other plans, and the two find themselves traveling through time and space. Jethro views it as a chance to atone for his sin, making keeping the Doctor safe his only concern. 

It soon proves to be a far more difficult undertaking than imagined when Jethro catches the eye of one of the Doctor’s enemies. They see Jethro’s potential for what it’s worth and plan to exploit it, whether Jethro is aware of it or not. 

Had this idea bouncing around in my head for a while now, and I’ve finally worked out the kinks and a majority of the series! Yes this will be a fanfiction, so stay tuned! 

None of the photos are mine, I’ve only altered them. Mainly the first photo and then the top left which I must say I’m immensely proud of. Click on the photos to get a peek into the “episode” names and little hints!