only reason im still here

more fun taz animations! still getting the hang of looping them in just 24 frames

i hate this

i hate being an ugly teenager now. it used to be normal to be ugly as a teenager but now you have 13 year olds looking like models some even supermodels. it makes me feel extremely guilty and digusted about my face. i wish i could be someone else. recently i got an therapist for my ‘depression’ which won’t help at all. the only reason why im still here is because i’m afraid that a god does exist and will punish me in the afterlife. the saddest thing is that i have no friends. no one to talk to and im so lonely that it hurts. nothing else will help because as long as im me i’ll always feel sad no matter what. so what im basically submitting this post for is to ask everyone how do you deal with your ugliness? because im about to give up.

cerealmonster15 replied to your post “need to find a way to nonviolently take out my anger so i thought hm…”

eat… eat the journal…………………. but like i Feel U w/the parental and friend issues life is Hard and coping is HhhHhhhhha r d…….. i sometimes do mindless doodles or play video games to try and distract but when i dont have energy or focus for that sometimes i just like venting to a pal ? and sometimes that doesnt feel right either so like, watching a fun show is nice. ngl but rvb is like my Go To Cheer Up show sometimes. rewatching a handful of episodes

cerealmonster15 replied to your post “need to find a way to nonviolently take out my anger so i thought hm…”

and laughing at the dumb jokes i forgot about can help just a little sometimes :“)

cerealmonster15 replied to your post “need to find a way to nonviolently take out my anger so i thought hm…”

OH and running is really nice for me ever since i started college. i like to run and jog and walk around campus for sometimes Hours at a time, or at night [which i cant do when im home off campus wehhh] but i find the movement and light easy physical activity helps me think or get rid of some of that excess stress

thanks dude! i would eat my journal but like the paper is thicker than i would like also some pages are like this weird semi transparent (translucent?) paper and im not super into that 

but that runnin thing is something i’ll prob try out like i used to run/go on walks but for different reasons so i might do that !!! thanks fer bein a friend :DD

crazy how ppl who claim to be my friend tell me to literally ‘get over’ one of the few things keeping me alive, like not to be dramatic but im so close to killing myself and i can count the reasons im still here on only one hand and still have fingers left over…like lol just say you want me dead its alot easier than pretending to care about me!

anonymous asked:

"but t made me hate myself!!" because! you're! cis! im trans! a real actual trans person! before I started taking t i was on the verge of fucking killing myself! actual dysphoria doesn't just go away when you read ~*~gender critical~*~ bullshit! in fact reading it only made me hate myself more! the only reason im still fucking here is because i ignored terfs and went through all the nonsense to get on t!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If taking T makes you hate yourself, you probably aren’t trans. While trans people often go through a lot of questioning when they begin to medically transition, it doesn’t make them go “This isn’t the body I want.” It MAY make them see themselves as a freak, especially if they have a lot of internalized transphobia, but that is a complicated story for very specific cases. There is a difference.

gUYS YESTERDAY WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. GET READY FOR A STORY TIME. so ive been listening to all time low for five years now. they basically have been here for me even at my lowest points. my life story consist 9 years of bullying, almost 5 years of depression, self harming, anxiety attacks and social anxiety, a year of eating disorders and 7 suicide attempts. every time i got into the recovery clinic i got trough it by watching funny all time low videos and listening to their music. i hate to say this but jack is my favorite cause he is the one who made me smile when i was about to lose hope. their music means the world to me cause it still gives me hope. so night before the gig my friends talked to dave (their tour guy) and he said that we need to come at 10.30am cause atl will probably come to the venue at then so we went there at 10am. Dave was there in his truck and then we started talking to him and he asked me “so are you a big all time low fan” and i answered of course aND THEN HE FUCKING GAVE ME ALEX’S USED GUITAR PICK. i started screaming and he said that im fucking crazy. then he asked do i have bra for jack and i had forgot them completely and then he said that he is gonna tell jack about it (i dont know if he did but either way holy fucking shit). then some lovely group of girls came to chill with us between the busses and we immediately became friends. at around 1pm the backstage door opened and fucking jACK AND RIAN WALK OUT RIGHT INFRONT OF US AND SAYING HI AND WE ALL JUST STOOD THERE WITH OUR MOUTHS OPEN CAUSE WE DIDNT KNEW THEY WERE THERE. when they went to the bus we all just started yelling at each other. it was so surreal moment cause i had never saw them so close before. they came out couple minutes later and we were stupid and shy so we just asked for high fives. thank god my friend pushed me towards jack so he gave me high five. after they went inside i started crying cause jack is literally the only reason why im still here. we stood there til the front door opened and blitz kids came to hang with us (i got into their documentary). the gig was awesome as fuck and there were so many lovely people like this one boy who saw me sobbing my eyes out during remembering sunday and therapy so he said to me “come to my spot so you will see better” and i dont know who he was but he seriously was so sweet. after the gig i went to the back again and i got pics with jono and rest of the blitz kids. it didnt took long time when jack came outside. when i saw him i just yelled his name and he came to take pics and us. when it was my turn i said to him “i just wanted to tell you that youre the only reason why im still alive” and that pic is from that exact moment. i was smiling cause all my friends around me. he hugged me so tightly that i couldnt breathe and we took a pic together. i showed him my barakat shirt and he said “woah that is awesome” and without asking signed it. im sure he said many things to me but everyone were yelling and fangirling so i didnt hear anything which kinda sucks but still i know it was just a little moment with jack but the way he looked at me was so sweet. i was too shy to look him in the eyes at that moment but my friend took this pic without me even knowing. after that i went next to their tour bus and i started crying so fucking much i couldnt stand. everyone was hugging me and saying that im so lucky. most of them cried too because they knew how much it meant to me. jack is so sweet and i know i choose the right hero for myself even tho he tells lots of dick jokes but thats good cause they make me laugh. ive never been so happy before thank you all time low for making really sad girl really happy. i will never forget this night. never give up cause guess what? someday you will be in my position

10

My happiness
This boy is my reason i breathe his smile his laugh his eyes and his everything puts me in my happy place my only reason im still here

Him Luke, Mikey and Cal are my life but theres something about ash i just cant describe its like hes the only thing that can make me smile on a day no one else can. His laugh sends me on a trance and i cant get enough of it

But theres one thing that kills me…

Being a Ashton girl, a luke girl, cal girl and mikey girl its hard or just part of the fam

Because we have to one day realise we might get to meet them We may not be the one they fall in love with marry or have a future with but theres always that part of our mind that tells us not to give up

But if i do meet them even for a second i will hug each of them and tell them how they saved my life when no one else cared and how much they mean to me and just them being the. Saved my life

Thank you Luke, Ash, Cal, and Mikey
I love you four to death

BUT!!! when chirrut goes blind, right, he doesn’t instantly have amazing force-sonar does he? he’s gotta work to relearn how to navigate the world without sight and obviously baze is there helping him every step of the way. but eventually chirrut masters it, like he does anything he turns his hand at and he stops having to shuffle along, one hand braced on baze’s shoulder. he stops having to ask baze what’s happening and what things look like, but he notices baze getting more and more withdrawn and snappish

maybe one day they come across some bandits, there’s a Skirmish, but chirrut takes them all out before baze has even shifted his weight. then he’s stomping off and chirrut is calling for him to wait but baze whirls around, yelling “you obviously don’t need me any more!” and chirrut looks at him like he’s an idiot and says “yes i do need you, the only reason im still here is because i have you and not just that, you giant oaf, but i want you here with me always, so please don’t leave baze, please-” but then baze is there burrowed into chirrut’s shoulder and crying a lil bit with relief and chirrut tugs on his hair and calls him a sentimental moron