The One Where Jordis Learns How to Write Country Music and Intimidate Men
This is the story of how I wrote a song on a whim and put the fear of God into my sister’s ex-boyfriend.
Late one night I was thinking about all the creeps my sisters have to deal with, featuring a certain ex boyfriend who had been convinced I was trying to sabotage his relationship with my little sis. Not saying I that liked them together, but anyone who knows my sister at all knows that she is her own woman. I got inspired and started jotting down some lyrics, and before I knew it I had written a country song. I don’t really listen to country music, but country is the music of shotguns. If you’re going to sing about shotguns, the rules say it has to be country or “Angel with a Shotgun,” and that’s already taken.
Anyway, the finished song said over the top things like “mess with her and you’ll burn” and “they say that blood’s thicker than water/well, we’re about to find out.” Generally warnings that could only be fulfilled if I actually intended to stalk and kill these people.
I was really pleased with myself because I’d never written a song before, and I posted a happy status about it on Facebook. My little sister’s ex was among the people who expressed interest in it, so I posted it to Facebook and tagged him in it.
Two hours later, Ex messaged me.
Dude knew he’d been Taylor Swift-ed. He wasn’t the only person I tagged, but apparently he saw himself in the lyrics. He apologized for how he treated her, said he’s learned from his mistakes, he should have listened to me, blah blah blah and so forth. It’s a wall of text and reeks of panic.
Thing is, poetry and truth are very different animals. Yeah, at the base of the song was a very real desire to protect my sisters from men who don’t respect boundaries and a frustration at their actions. But at the same time, I don’t subscribe to revenge, and I am (almost) never violent.
Most importantly, I was a 115 lb weakling who still feels faint at the sight of blood. If you were to go into battle and had to choose between me and a limp rag, I would recommend bringing the limp rag. At least you could dip it in water and flick people with it or something.
Yet somehow or another, I unintentionally managed to make myself an object of fear in this young man’s eyes. As I’ve already mentioned, I’m not big on revenge, so instead of terrorizing him further I told him I didn’t tag him to call him out, I know he’s changed, the song wasn’t about him specifically (technically true).
Jump forward a year later, and he’s asking me for relationship advice.
I doubt anyone will ever find this as funny as I do, and that’s okay. Also, holy crap, is this how it feels for big guys when they intimidate people? I can see how it gets addicting. Dang.
life update: my dads long distance girlfriend from china is finally moving in with us! she’s teaching me all about her culture (she’s from beijing) and it’s very exciting! i really need to learn mandarin because there’s definitely a language barrier between us, but she’s very nice. i need to brush up on my mandarin now… i forgot a lot!! annnnnd i’m going to china to meet her family and daughter soon, and they only speak mandarin!! ahhh it’s all so exciting
Um, hi? This may take a bit of explaining. Alright, so there’s this website called Shindan Maker where you can put put your name and it’ll come up with a fake diagnosis. I found one which told what food you are and the rest is stupidity history.
This took waaaaay too long, it’s not even that good. Asgore just looks weird. Do you know how hard it is to draw a beard on a bowl? No, because you’re probaby sensible and decided against doing that. Also, I kind of cheated a bit and made Sans into bacon. It tastes the same, right? I wouldn’t know, I never had bacon before. I mean, it probably does taste the same. Bacon is made out of pork. At least I got to practice drawing food, though.
Thanks @elsa12tmnt for helping me get Undyne into character.
— “Conflict. As the world tethered on the brink of anarchy a new hope arose. An elite international taskforce, charged with ending the war and restoring liberty to all nations. Overwatch. Soldiers. Scientists. Adventurers. Oddities. Guardians who secured global peace for a generation. Under its steadfast protection the world recovered. And today, though its watch has ended, its sowing ideals of freedom and equality will never be forgotten.”
!!! I realized I never posted this here ;;o;; These were taken back in March (when I was in Manila) :D I was like – who wants to hang out at the mall or something lol ♥ Then these super nice MM fans dropped by and gave me all these prints and gifts and food and kjahkjsa i was so surprised hhuhu so precious ;;o;; LOOK AT IT EVERYTHING IS SO GORGEOUS ((im so lame i only doodled a crack 707 in their notebook kjdshfs))
I brought all the prints and stuff with me here to NY and I’m gonna take proper photos when I’m done with my room (along with other MM stuff a few people have sent me as well! You know who you are heehe) :D Thank you so much hhh