Today was so decent had only two lessons and the rest of the day was spent lounging around in the sun on the school field making friends - now got to catch up on the work I should have done in my frees.
There are no mistakes in life, only lessons. There is no such thing as a negative experience, only opportunities to grow, learn and advance along the road of self-mastery. From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher.
Planning on finishing Genki I by the end of this month! My current class is only covering up until lesson 8, so I need to self study the rest so I can get into a 200 level intensive class for summer school!! It would be Monday through Friday for 5 hours each day, which sounds crazy but also super fun?
Getting over you was a horrific and traumatizing experience, that I would never wish upon anyone, even you. Countless nights spent crying over someone who didn’t give me a second thought or explanation for the pain they inflicted on me was incomprehensible to come to terms with. My ability to persevere through the flashbacks grew harder with each passing day as I craved you more; until one day I began to heal out of spite. Now I don’t need you, when you enter my mind I only think of the lessons you taught me and I wish you the best.
Excerpt from a book I will never write #1113 // you taught me to be numb and why i should never get too comfortable with anyone // excerptsofstories
Do NOT trust bitches who can’t do for themselves. Period.
If a bitch can’t boss up and do what she needs to do, she will try and swoop in on the work YOU did.
Don’t be a dummy.
Like legit I’m out freestyling with 2 girls (met on Tumblr) and they’re both too chicken shit to talk to any men. So I see the PERFECT MARK: early 50’s, white, alone, drinking and I go over and start chatting him up. NOW, about 20 minutes pass and one of these little heifers (who was actually under 21 and barred is from going anywhere good. So I found us this little rinky dink bar) comes overs with my phone, talking about,“your phone is going off.”
Ok…and? Let that shit go off.
She proceeds to try and muscle in on the groundwork I put in. And I’ll be honest, he did seem a bit more into her after a few minutes, but like you were too childish to talk to him so take your ass on.
I’m not even mad, I’m warning you Heauxs…no scary bitches and don’t let no heaux muscle in on your shit.
when the 12th house is not so good ; our tough karmic lessons
the only interpretation that led me to really understand the twelfth house was through alyssa sharpe. i love poetic description about the 12th house and i think that it’s fairly fitting for what it encompasses and symbolizes, but it never hits me in a way that causes me to really feel it. what i interpreted of her video on the twelfth house is that it is a house of self-sabotage, where we feel compelled to restrict ourselves, and where we feel viscerally wronged in our lives and personality (whether this belief is valid or not- and plenty often, it is not). this is a house that is draped in neptune flow, so whatever we find in this house is adorned with delusion and false expectation. we do not feel the reality of what is in the twelfth house and it is something we must teach ourselves throughout our whole life. we must undo the disillusionment we have given ourselves with planets in this house and & understand how to cut through its cunning escapism to look at things how they really are.
sun in the 12th house: self-sabotage in the ego. individuals with this placement often feel like their ‘true’ self was never allowed to shine in childhood or adolescence, and as a result these are very fragile & introspective people. others might feel like they are walking on eggshells around these people because oftentimes this placement indicates an easily wounded individual. every word that is not positive is felt as an attack to this person. the lesson with the sun in twelfth house is to assert their personality, and learn criticism is necessary for growth and not an attack on the individual.
moon in the 12th house: the thoughts and emotions of the individual feel invalid in this house, and through feelings of perhaps desperation or a demand to feel rational, in-control, or on the other extreme of the spectrum, just noticed, this placement can indicate either extreme coping/burying mechanisms of the emotions, or bursts of energy and rage and instability in an effort to be seen. balance is needed in this house, and a support system of people who will assure them of the validity of their feelings and help them express them in healthy ways. a danger of this house might be self-medicating, and this must be worked on as well.
mercury in the 12th house: it is not uncommon for those with mercury in twelfth not to trust their instincts, for they are not confident enough in their mental capabilities to steer them correctly. they may look to others for guidance and acceptance, validating what they have to say. similar to a retrograde mercury, this is a placement that causes the native to over-critically examine each word to come out of their mouth, so much so that they may not say hardly a thing. on the other hand, they may feel compelled to say too much in search of anyone to listen and pay attention to their words. the mind may be clouded by nothing but their own doubt, and through learning to value one’s thoughts does the mind begin to achieve clarity.
venus in the 12th house: the romantic endeavors in the life of this person feels invisible or vastly under-appreciated. this may also hold true for someone with taurus or libra on the twelfth house cusp. these people can often feel victimized in relationships or they attract people who feel they need to be ‘saved’. on the flip side, they might feel like they need to be saved. the potential to lose yourself in a partner is high here, and one might need to learn more about themselves, their tastes, and what they need from a partner through relationships. one must learn to assert themselves in their romance + creative life, and also to avoid relationships where there is an imbalance of power or support.
mars in the 12th house: cyclical events of repressing one’s anger and, after torturing oneself for too long, explodes in a mess of outward and inward verbal destruction. insecurity in themselves is common, as they feel they cannot assert themselves; they may allow people to walk all over them for fear of standing up for themselves. but again, when they have reached their breaking point, they can truly explode with every word they have wanted to say for months, cutting deep both within the native themself and to the person at which it is directed. since this is a particularly extreme planet placement for the twelfth house, the journey to understanding yourself and finding out how to stand on your own feet must be a gentle, forgiving process to achieve balance between buried and volcanic emotions.
jupiter in the 12th house: this is thought of by many (including myself) as a ‘guardian angel’ placement. some idealize this placement; to me, it is ironic that such is the case because blind optimism can be a trait of this placement. not in a traditional sense, but rather of one failing to set in place a set of checks and balances for jupiter’s unyielding desire to expand and declare philosophy. as such, those with this placement may feel rather attacked when suggested to view the world with a more critical eye. as stated above, wrapping neptune delusion around jupiter viewpoint can cause some harsh extremes when viewing others’ morals and decisions, so a lesson here would be to double-check yourself. open your mind and allow yourself to be more willing to hear other viewpoints, and be open to thinking you might even be wrong about some things.
saturn in the 12th house: can indicate an individual who simply cannot ask for help. in times of hardships or situations where one is burdened with responsibility, the native may evade from these troubles and instead isolate themselves. it may be difficult for this individual to really get in touch with themself in introspective or spiritual senses. in an attempt to have control over their emotions, they may get easily overwhelmed. in a broad, general sense, saturn in twelfth house can indicate persistent feelings of guilt without being able to articulate or solve it. opening up is a necessity with this house, to accept responsibility in order to deal with life healthily, to be honest and objective with the self, and to challenge the harsh standards one may have put on themself.
uranus in the 12th house: the genius and innovation of uranus, in this house, does not reveal itself except for in times of deep introspection and staggering personal overhaul. i saw the phrase ‘the closet rebel’ tacked to this placement, and it is valid. these individuals want to be extraordinary, but an internal (sometimes external) force makes them feel as though their gifts are sabotaged. the need to be great is shoved deep inside, often due to feeling that their individuality and ideas do not deserve to be brought to light. an embrace of their own unique strangeness is needed to learn from this house in order to realize the true potential of their ideas.
neptune in the 12th house: an atlas complex is found with neptune in the twelfth house. this individual feels so compelled to help everyone around them, they can be delusional of how much energy they can afford to bleed out. as a result, there are potentially persisting feelings of guilt or a loss of identity. spreading oneself too thin is a common potential for those with this placement, and as a result they may self-medicate through escapism or self-destructive acts to deal with the confusion, emptiness, or guilt they may feel. one most view the subconscious objectively, if only to understand their limits.
pluto in the 12th house: highly resistant to transformation. heavy changes in the life of this person are met with hesitance and fear as opposed to a healthy understanding. this individual may even exacerbate their problems or resist growth with unhealthy coping mechanisms; the reality of change means harsh introspection and uncovering harsh truths about the self, and they don’t want this! those with this placement need to learn to bite the bullet and discover the things in their life that are hindering their growth and deal with it healthily in order to move forward.
Rey, who grew up on a desert world with probably minimal human contact, but surrounded by aliens and robots and the only lesson they ever really learned was survival of the fittest. The desert doesn’t care what’s between your legs - it will try its damnedest to kill you regardless.
Rey, who has very faint memories of their family, but those have been worn smooth by the sand. Old enough to remember, young enough to miss out on societal expectations. When they were younger, they were called ‘boy’, ‘girl’, ‘kid’, ‘human’, and many other, less savory things.
Rey, who learned to respond to any and all pronouns as a survival skill. When a drunk scavenger comes looking for a friend to share the prosperity of their new find with, you don’t care what you’re called as long as you get some of those rations.
Rey, who is considered just another weird one by most of the small population and is generally just referred to as ‘Rey’ because who even knows or cares anymore.
Rey, who loves the droids they occasionally find that sometimes have a bit of power left, who teach Rey how to understand binary and tell magnificent stories of the world outside of the sand dunes. Droids have no concept of gender, not really, and a kinship is formed between any and all that they find.
Rey, who doesn’t mention any of this to Poe or Finn or anyone else because it’s not really relevant in their mind; if the others want to refer to them as ‘she’ then that’s fine. Until one day they respond to different pronouns without missing a beat and Leia (who has been around for a while and has seen more than enough of the galaxy and its inhabitants) notices, and decides to talk with them.
Rey, who is confused by the question “what do you want to be called?” because they’re just… Rey. And Leia specifies “do you want feminine, masculine, or neither pronouns?” and Rey is still kind of confused but not as much. Explains that “they/them” fits the most comfortably, and Leia nods and puts a note in Rey’s file that reads “Gender: Nonbinary, They/Them”
i just really want more nb characters in everything but especially star wars okay
Leave places more beautiful than you found them. Leave cities with fond memories. Leave the past where it belongs, and only take the lessons you learned with you. Leave the dead to rest; don’t carry the weight of their ghosts. Leave those who hurt you behind; anger is just a sign that you still care. Leave memories in photographs and journals and songs. Leave people stronger than you found them; leave them better off for having met you.